Shadows across the heart

Chapter 13 - Dawn’s Resolution

7 years later

The front door of the Hyperion slammed noisily as a young, dark-haired boy stormed into the hotel. There was an aura of deep frustration twisting the boy’s face and evidenced by Shay’s stiff-legged gait.

Angel and Xander exchanged weary glances. There was a ‘here we go again’ look on their wary faces.

“Shay, what’s the problem?” Angel said with forced calm. Xander raised his newspaper and hid quickly behind the pages, delegating the matter of their son to Angel. The vampire gave his mate a dirty look.

Cordy got on the phone and quickly dialed Buffy’s number, swiftly putting the other girl on speakerphone. She shouted for the others then leaned her elbows on the counter, eager fascination in her eyes at what new drama Shay was going to bring into the hotel.

Gunn and Wes ran into the room, breathlessly towing a very pregnant Fred with them. They couldn’t wait to hear what the kid was going to say. They never had a dull moment since coming to work for Angel, especially not since the birth of Shay and their own blessed event four years ago, when their own little spawn of darkness was unleashed upon the unsuspecting world.

Keanu the Terrible.

Wesley’s mother was the only one that could exercise even the remotest of control over their little hellion.

Dawn and Spike came out of the kitchen, anxious as always to hear what wildly amusing piece of trouble the boy managed to inveigle himself.

“What’s the problem? What’s the problem? EVERYTHING!” l’enfante terrible exclaimed, looking profoundly upset. Shay took a deep breath and shook a piece of paper at his spellbound father. “Do you know what that school is doing?” he half-screeched, a look of deep rage in his huge brown eyes.

“Uhm, no…” Angel muttered, slowly becoming alarmed. He ruefully admitted later to Xander, that in hindsight, he really should have known better.

“They’re grading us! Grades, Daddy! There was no mention of this when you and Dad told me about going to school,” he scolded them severely. Angel could hear muffled choking sounds coming from behind the paper.

The little boy paced angrily, his hands waving dramatically in the air. “I tell ya, I could get a complex from this! What next? Will somebody be testing me on what toys I like to play with?” he asked bitterly with a slow shake of his head.

Being constantly around adults, his mode of speech was oddly adult. His behavior, however, was definitely that of an irrepressible seven year-old.

Buffy had laughingly started calling Shay ‘Calvin’, the name taken from a newspaper comic strip called ‘Calvin ‘n Hobbes’, an amusing strip about the adventures of a lively, ingenious little boy and his stuffed tiger, Hobbes. The comic drew its gentle humor from Calvin’s antics and vivid imagination, as well as the exasperated reactions of the boy’s parents to Calvin’s misdeeds.

If Shay was Calvin, then Keanu was his Hobbes, Calvin’s stuffed tiger and his all too eager partner in crime. Hobbes came to ‘life’ only in the boy’s presence. Unlike Hobbes, Keanu’s actions and behavior were definitely not figments of anyone’s imagination. No matter how hard they wished it so.

God knows they tried to imagine her as the sweet and lovable little girl that she appeared. Lovable she was, but sweet? Keanu, everyone agreed, was a budding Cordelia Chase, a worthy successor to the Seer’s crown. Unfortunately, Keanu didn’t have the discretion that Cordy had slowly developed. Naturally, they made sure not to say such a thing in either of the females’ hearing. They weren’t stupid.

Shay turned to his parents, a look of profound disappointment on his face. “Dads, I was absolutely shocked. Shocked and appalled, I tell ya! I told ‘em my daddies were going to be paying Mr. Gibson a visit tomorrow if this ‘grading’ system continued,” Shay told them solemnly. His face was suitably grave and sad, a resolute look in his eyes. He had the unmistakable appearance of a man doing a disagreeable but necessary task. However, sparkling deep within his velvety brown eyes lurked fiendish satisfaction, he had warned the school that someone was going to get in trouble about this. He warned them.

Gleefully, he rubbed his hands together, unaware that his face had shifted gently, revealing his demon heritage. He still looked like a human boy, yet there was a definite indication of ridges on his brows and within his eyes, flicks of gold swirled.

Cordy collapsed behind her counter, laughing so hard she could barely make a sound. Gunn and Wes gave Fred’s belly horrified looks. They were having a boy and they were terrified that he was going to be as bad or as worse as Keanu and Shay. Fred smiled at them placidly, patting her expanding stomach.

“You what?!” Angel exclaimed, his eyes wide in dismay. Behind his paper, Xander’s face was red as he struggled not to laugh aloud.

Their son, however, was unaware of Angel’s shock as he ruminated on the injustice of taking a test. He thought it was all supposed to be about fun. Going to school and hanging out with other kids. Where was the FUN in taking tests? He pounded his tiny fist in his hand, his face screwed up in anger.

Tests, in his opinion, were the complete opposite of fun. They were unfun! Somebody had to pay and he knew just the person. “Yeah, and I said that you were gonna kick Mr. Gibson’s ass, too!” he announced in a loud authoritative voice.

Spike nodded in silent agreement, giving the boy a pleased look. That’s exactly what he would have done, except he would be the one doing the arse-kicking. The kid was kinda puny right now, but give him time. Give him time.

Xander lowered his paper his eyes, dangerously alight. “Excuse me?” he said, enunciating the words with angry precision.

Shay looked wildly around, wracking his brain. His eyes found Spike and the vampire gave him an encouraging nod. The young boy relaxed.

“Kick his ass, please?” he said in confident, assured voice.

Spike leaned to Dawn who had managed to hold her composure. He whispered conspiratorially to her, “I taught him to say please,” he said boastfully. “Best t’teach the lil nippers when they’re young t’mind their manners.” He gave her a firm nod to emphasize his point. Watching her anxiously, he was surprised at the ripple of laughter that burst from her lips. From the speakerphone came howls of laughter.

Gunn and Wesley lost it. The lobby rang with the sounds of mirth. Angel and Xander struggled to hold on to their stern faces, but it was a lost cause. Their son was a holy terror, a demon in the making.

Both Spike and Shay glanced at each other, disgusted with their laughing family. “C’mon mate, obviously these soddin’ wankers don’t appreciate manners,” Spike said roughly to the boy.

“Too right,” Shay growled, glaring around at the increased laughter. He and Spike stomped upstairs muttering about insane people.

“Omigawd,” Xander gasped out, leaning helplessly against Angel for strength. “What are we gonna do with him? With Spike?”

Angel shook his head, wiping away red tears of laughter. “Ciallan, I have no idea.”

“Okay, I got an idea,” Cordy gasped out, her face red with suppressed mirth. “How about we let Spike visit Shay’s teacher?” She went into peals of laughter.

“Not funny, Cordy! Not funny at all!” Xander half-yelled half-laughed at her.


* * *
Later that day, the rest of the Sunnydale crew arrived at the hotel. The combined group had quickly progressed to the beach for the promised cookout, the last hurrah as the weather turned.

Buffy was carefully enthroned in a sturdy chair, surveying the activity with a queenly mien. Ethan and Giles hovered over the young woman, much to her intense annoyance and to the others’ vast amusement.

She was in her sixth month of pregnancy now. She had volunteered to be a surrogate for Ethan and Giles’ child, or children as the ultrasound seemed to indicate. Buffy was carrying triplets, a fact that was causing the two men all sorts of anxiety and dreadful attacks of panic. Despite her swollen girth, Buffy was actively dating the principal of the school where she worked as a counselor, Robin Wood.

With the help of the N & S lawyers, they had managed to get Faith an early parole for good behavior. She had only been out for just under a year and with Buffy’s pregnancy, the dark-haired girl slid easily into the role of the Slayer. She wasn’t The Slayer just yet, but everybody figured it was just a matter of time before Buffy finally gave her former nemesis Mr. Pointy, officially passing on the torch of Slayerhood as her priorities shifted and expanded.

When Buffy first began dating Robin, the family had been a bit leery of the young, politely spoken, black man. Their feelings had relaxed somewhat when they discovered that his mother had been a Slayer in the sixties; their uneasiness had returned when they had learned, it was Spike that had killed his mother.

It took some doing for the two men to resolve their differences. They had even gone behind closed doors to ‘discuss’ their issues. It had taken the group several days to repair the damage to the room after the rather spirited discussion that took place.

While Robin wasn’t a Slayer with paranormal strength and speed, he more than made up for that lack with formidable fighting skills, a fact that Spike found out the hard, painful way.

Nevertheless, things had settled, with the two men keeping a careful distance from each other, much to the two Summers girls’ amusement. The two men were like a pair of wary territorial dogs. Spike growled at Robin, as if warning the young man not to encroach upon his territory; however, Robin, to his credit, didn’t back down. He met the vampire’s threat, growl for growl, fighting with a steady determination to maintain his place in Buffy’s life. Everyone could see he was winning, since Spike wasn’t going to do anything to make Buffy mad. If she got mad, then Dawn would get mad…and that was something Spike was most anxious to avoid.

Ethan played the peacemaker, announcing that if Robin and Spike didn’t behave themselves like proper gentlemen, he was going to reduce them both to children. If they wanted to continue to behave like a pair of brats, then he would be more than happy to reduce them to an age that befitted their actions. While his voice was light and cheerful, there was something in his eyes that made had both Robin and Spike swallow the words that trembled on their tongues. They decided to shelve their hostility.

“Hey B, you want onions on your burger?” Faith yelled to her sister Slayer. Laughter danced in her eyes at the frantic ‘no’s’ that Ethan and Giles shouted out. Buffy craved onions something fierce, but unfortunately they had a nasty side effect of making her more irritable and that was something neither man wanted to deal with.

It was a hoot to watch both Giles and Ethan fluttering about Buffy like a pair of hens with one chick. Faith shook her head, suppressing her desire to laughter at the resigned look that was forming on B’s face. That girl had it bad. There wasn’t anything Ethan and Giles wouldn’t do for her. If they could, they would probably try to piss and shit for her.

Faith studied the look on Giles’ face with a slight smile. Smiling and being happy agreed with him. It was funny, but all that time she just assumed his problem was that he had a stick up his ass. Looks like he was hankering for another type of rod, she snickered lewdly. She turned her attention to the other man, narrowing her eyes on him. She still wasn’t too sure about Ethan. She had heard some really funky stuff about him.

Finally, she came to a decision about him, a decision she had been mulling over for months. If everybody was down with him, then what the fuck did she think she was supposed to do?

Not that she was saying anything, ‘cuz God knows she was living proof that if a kickass bad girl could change, anybody could.

‘Specially without Saint Buffy to compete with, she smirked.

“Hey sugarlips…how ‘bout a little sugar for me,” she purred to her favorite squeezeboy. Gently she bumped hips with her lover, her eyes becoming remarkably soft for this amazing man that treated her as if she was fragile. Delicate.

Respectable.

He didn’t see her bad-girl image. All he saw was a woman aching to be loved.

Andrew grinned, his chest puffing out with pride. “You got it, babe,” he said, lowering his voice to what he believed was a deep and sensual tone. Affecting a cool, yet sexy expression, his eyes at half-mast, Andrew puckered up and then yelped in pain when the ball Keanu threw accidentally smacked into the side of his head.

There was soft, merry laughter from one throat.

“KEANU!” came the roar from half a dozen other throats. Guiltily, the little girl covered her mouth, her eyes wide with alarm over her hands.

With an angry sigh, Gunn got up to chide his offspring. Frowning severely, he gestured at the whimpering Andrew then at the ball and finally her. Keanu simply gazed up at him, tears welling in her huge brown eyes as her lips trembled pathetically.

One look and Gunn knew he was lost. As hard as he tried, he wasn’t made of steel. She was just so cute! With a groan of disgust at his own weakness, Gunn threw up his hands in disgust and stalked away muttering something that sounded suspiciously like ‘just like your mama’.

Once his back was turned, the tears cleared. Instantly.

“Keanu,” Jessica said quietly, a note of rebuke in her voice. The little girl winced, slowly turning towards her grandmother.

“Yes, Gamma?” she answered charmingly, turning a winsomely sweet smile on her adored grandmother. It was usually her most effective weapon.

The older woman’s face remained loving, but the gaze she bent on the girl was stern. “That was a very unkind thing you just did. Two unkind things, in fact. One was hitting Mr. Wells with the ball, and the second was laughing about the matter. You owe him a very big apology young girl. Then I think perhaps a time-out may be in order for you.”

Keanu blinked rapidly, looking for help from her parents. Quickly they averted their eyes. She turned back to her grandmother, her eyes wide and tearbright. “Doan you love me no more?”

Jessica’s face softened. “Always,” she responded, a wealth of emotion in her voice. “You’re my first grandchild, and no matter what, I will always love you. But your actions were cruel and mean.” There was a quiet finality in Jessica’s words; a tone that the little girl recognized.

Keanu remorsefully dropped her eyes. Then she began mincing delicately over the sand to apologize and retrieve her ball.

The little girl was the epitome of grace, beauty and elegance. She was a wonderful combination of her parents’ genes with café-au-lait skin and wavy brown hair. A virtual princess walking daintily across the sand.

A tiny discrete tiara glittered amid her glossy curls, just in case anyone forgot how they should treat her.

A moue of displeasure on her heart-shaped face, she hated getting dirty. To her absolute disgust, when she looked down, there was sand stealthily working its way into her shoes. Not able to take the unimaginable horror, Keanu stopped and pointed imperiously at Graham.

Watching the girl with fascination, Cordy whispered to Buffy, “Dear Lord, I’ve created a monster!” The golden Slayer chuckled in agreement. Keanu was a chip off the ole block…a Cordy’s block, that is.

Graham groaned to himself but manfully obeyed the pint-size despot. Rolling his eyes at the muffled laughter at his expense, he strolled over and picked up Keanu. He glared playfully at Cordelia. He couldn’t help wondering why of all places, why did his curiosity drove him to first Sunnydale, then L.A. when he got his discharge papers two years ago.


He had grown increasingly disenchanted with army life. In the endless battles he and the others were fighting in the jungles of South America, he felt he was slowly losing a significant part of himself. Becoming battle-worn and jaded with the fighting and killing, he got careless. When seriously wounded, he was offered a full medical discharge. It was something he grabbed with both greedy hands.

Once back in the States he faced another hard fought battle, a battle against his body’s physical limitations. After 10 months of painful, grueling physical therapy, he was finally able to walk on his own.

Afterwards, Graham found himself at loose ends. While Uncle Sam’s generosity, plus family money, allowed him to live a comfortable jobless life, he had still needed something…a goal of some sort. He had realized that without the army, or even physical therapy, he had no purpose in his life. He tried volunteering, but that left him strangely unsatisfied.

However, an idle call from Riley sparked his curiosity. Boredom had him almost climbing the walls of his apartment at the time and he soon found himself driving halfway across country to California, just to see if Sunnydale was still standing after the Army had pulled out.

It was.

Moreover, so were THEY. The Scoobies, as they used to call themselves, were still standing strong.

The group had changed somewhat over the years. Dawn had grown up; and there were two extra girls and another man fighting alongside Mr. Giles. He was shocked to see Hostile 17 fighting as well. The creature was actually part of the group.

He had just enough time to think that Buffy was as beautiful and graceful as ever before a vampire gave him a wonderful gift. In fighting the vampire, his adrenaline kicked in, raising his spirits and infusing him with energy. His ennui was gone and he found his purpose – to live.

To his satisfaction, he managed to dust three of them before it was over. Recognizing him, Buffy invited him over. Amid coffee and a late night snack, Graham was introduced to the new members, Anya, Tara, and Ethan. Over the next several hours, he caught up on their lives.

He was saddened to learn of Willow’s death. The quiet, intelligent red head, in the brief time he had known her, had struck him as such an incredible sweet and shy young girl. Of her growing dependence on magic, he wasn’t particularly shocked, however. He only nodded soberly, relating how careful the shamans and witches that fought with them in the jungles were in their use of magic. It was potent and dangerous stuff for humans, very corruptive if misused or allowed to become a crutch.

He stayed for some time, helping out where he could. His passion to serve as a soldier and a protector re-awakened. Every now and then, he was sent to L.A with one of the others to retrieve a book.

There he found another reason to linger in sunny California while talking to the oh-so-charming and very much alive Miss Cordelia Chase. Therefore, he remained with Buffy’s group, another fighter and researcher/tactician, taking things slow and easy with Cordelia. Sorta testing the waters and simply getting to know one another. It was strange how his life had changed in three years.

Now, not only did he have imperious Queen Cordelia as a lover, but also he had the dubious honor to serve her protégé, Princess Keanu.

Was ever a man so blessed…or cursed, he thought amusedly coming back to the present as he carried the small child.

With wide, soulful eyes adding patois to her sweetly voiced apology, Keanu upped her goodwill points by placing a noisy, moist kiss on Andrew’s cheek, before ordering Graham to fetch her ball. Her precious toy in hand, Graham was allowed the high honor of carrying her back to the wooden deck on the beach.

There she critically examined her shiny back shoes for more dirt.

* * *

Spike snarled low in his throat as he watched a cheerfully smiling Dawn talking to Buffy. His eyes were gleaming slits of blue-gold behind half-closed eyes.

He advanced, she retreated…always the same dance. Her treating him like some kinda bloody brother! Never letting him get too close to her, didn’t the silly bint know? Didn’t she understand? Muttering under his breath about the inconsistencies of females, he stalked off.


Buffy lips turned down, the smile fading from her face. She peered up at her sister, a frown on her face. “He just left,” she remarked softly, her eyes concerned. “Why don’t you put him…put the both of you out of your misery? Tell him to leave you alone or tell him yes! He knows you’re attracted to him, so all you’re doing to him is just…teasing, and that’s just cruel. Dawnie, sweetheart, you’re not doing either of you a favor acting like this,” she remonstrated her sister gently.

Dawn looked down at her blonde sister and smiled bitterly, a glitter of unshed tears sparkling in her eyes. “Suppose I tell him ‘Yes, I love you and want to be your mate’. We mate, be happy and everything that comes with being a mate to a vampire. What do you think will happen in forty-three years? I’ll be old and wrinkly, and Xander will be looking exactly the same as he is tonight. Young, handsome and free to take any one he wants as a lover. Can you make one guess whom he’ll be making a beeline for?” She smiled tremulously at Buffy’s horrified expression, tears swimming in her eyes. The tall-dark haired girl blinked rapidly, forcing back tears with hard fought composure. That her lips trembled only briefly, before she regained control, was to her credit.

“Tonight, I am gonna tell everybody that I’ve accepted an exchange position in Italy. Don’t worry, it’s the truth,” she added hastily to Buffy’s opened mouth expression. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for the past couple of months,” she continued huskily, looking down at her feet. “I can’t…I can’t take seeing them together; can’t take seeing him and not being able to tell him how I feel. He loves Xander, just as Xander will always love Spike. And in forty-three years, they’ll finally have a chance to be together.”

“Oh, Dawnie,” Buffy replied softly, her heart hurting at her sister’s pain.

The young woman sank to her knees. Hiding her face in Buffy’s lap, Dawn’s shoulders shook. “I love him so much it hurts! And I can’t make it stop.”

The blonde girl stroked her sister’s head gently. Her hand tightened then relaxed, resuming the even movements of her hand. However, her darkened gaze was no longer focused on Dawn. With the superior eyesight of a Slayer, Buffy stared steadily into a shadow stripped face, having no doubt that he had heard their entire conversation.

Xander stood half-hidden in the dappled dimness of the trees, a deep frown on his face. Between one blink and the next, he was gone.


Leaving the sheltering trees and the laughter, he walked down the beach kicking idly at the sand, bending every now and then to pick up a sand dollar and fling it into the ocean. He finally paused, sliding his hands in his pockets as he stared out over the water.

Endless minutes passed as he watched the waves washing up on the beach in a frothy spray before flowing back out into the vast ocean. He sighed, his expression dark and remote as painful thoughts clamored for attention.

After all this time, all the clues that Spike was falling for Dawn paraded in full technicolor in his mind. He sank to his knees in the sand, a look of misery pulling at his face.

“‘There are none so blind, as those who would not see,’” he murmured to himself. For months he refused to see or even acknowledge what he knew was happening between Dawn and Spike. The little exchanges of glances, the tiny smiles of co-conspirators, and the way they seemed to speak a different language all their own...it was all there, right in front of him, but he wouldn’t see it; he had refused to see them as anything more than two close friends.

He wondered if Angel knew. In a flash of insight, he had the answer. Angel knew.

A brief, mirthless smile pulled at the corner of his lips before he rose and began to retrace his steps.

Angel, eternally his protector and defender, even of his heart.

“Damn you, Spike,” he whispered softly, his mouth turning down in a frown of unhappiness. He knew the blonde vampire still cared, still had a great deal of affection for him. He also knew, with twitch of his finger, he could have his ex-lover back at his side.

All he had to do was ground Dawn’s heart further into the sand.

One perfect, fucking little love triangle. Xander smiled bitterly, viciously snapping another sand dollar out to sea.

Christ! What a mess!

There was no way he would be the one to bring pain to her heart. In his mind, he had some ways to go towards balancing matters with the Summers’ girls. Especially Dawn. Not only did he shoulder his guilty conscience regarding the younger girl, but he had also assumed Willow’s debt to Dawn.

Setting up trusts funds and clearing any of their debts was only small price to pay. No fool he, the young Guardian wasn’t interested in making the two women financially dependent on him. He just wanted their lives to be a little more of the stressless variety. While the house, the car, and college were all pretty much paid in full, anything extra they needed, they worked for. Food, utilities, cable TV, entertainment, designer threads…both Buffy and Dawn held down part-time jobs.

It was silently understood that Xander and Angel would be keeping an eye out for all the descendents of their extended family, especially those of Buffy and Dawn, for the rest of their long lives.

A soft, fragrant breeze caressed his cheek and the dark-haired young man smiled wistfully, closing his eyes. It felt like Willow was giving him one of her warm, comforting hugs, the kind she always saved for special occasions like when he was feeling at his saddest or most depressed.

For such a tiny thing, she certainly had been an enormous body wrapper, Xander thought forlornly of his lost friend. With Willow’s arms around him, squeezing him, wrapping him in her love, there was no way he could feel down or lonely.

The breeze danced playfully around his body, a soft tinkling laughter seemed to whisper in his ear. Then he smelled a scent that he had long associated with only Willow.

Xander’s eyes popped opened a look of startled amazement in his eyes. What the fu…?!

The wind blew around him, slightly stronger now, lifting sand and stinging his eyes. Instinctively he closed them, to protect the delicate tissues. Immediately, images assailed his mind.

A pint-sized Dawn wistfully eyeing them as they headed off to the Bronze and her face lighting up with happiness when they turned back around to spend time with her.

Dawn chasing him with a Super Soaker then the two of them turning around and ganging up on Willow; their red headed friend shrieking in pretend anger before chasing them.

The four of them, Buffy, Dawn, Willow and him huddled in a darkened living room, watching scary movies.

So many memories of Dawn, manufactured and real, ran through his mind, images that warred with his memories of Spike, of being happy with the blonde vampire. Loving him, being loved in return.

He wanted to be happy…he wanted Spike and Dawn to be happy as well. So how could he make these desires reality?

~By giving them each other~ the wind seemed to sigh.


Xander started, looking wildly around. “Who said that?” he exclaimed in sudden fright. Only the soft soughing sound of the wind rustling through the trees and underbrush answered him.

Deciding it was his imagination he resumed his brooding thoughts.

When did he get his happy? When? Seven years ago, he had practically lost everything that mattered to him! So when did he get the chance to be fucking HAPPY! He silently screamed at the injustice.

WHEN?!

He yelped as a storm of memories flooded his mind, screaming, demanding his attention.

Watching as passion turned Angel’s eyes to liquid gold each time they made love. Nothing was forbidden or taboo in their bedroom. His vampire mate was just as eager to touched and caressed, to be the one penetrated or the one doing the penetrating.

Running up to their bedroom with Angel and finally releasing the laughter they had been suppressing. Buffy had drunk too much eggnog at Christmas and wound up doing her impression of Giles at his stiffest. The ex-Watcher was not amused.

Angel taking his weary turn for a midnight feeding when Shay woke in the middle of the night.

Coming back to the hotel after a mission of aid went horribly wrong. Strong arms holding him, enfolding him and sheltering him. Offering wordless comfort long into the night as he cried for the lives that were lost.

Sitting anxiously in the doctor’s office, wincing each time Shay screamed with pain caused by an ear infection. Holding and bolstering each other when their son’s fever ran dangerously high. His feelings of dread and fear always seemed lessened by the soothing comfort Angel’s solid presence gave him.

The sheer relief he felt when Angel and the others returned home safe from a mission. Bruised, yet triumphant, an exhausted smile would make its way across the pale face when Angel saw him waiting. Every time, he felt a lump in his throat at the sight of that smile.

The moment when a wobblingly Shay took his first step towards Angel. That proud, happy smile on Angel’s face nearly lit up the room.

~Open your eyes…open your heart and see. Happiness is right in front of you~

This time he didn’t wonder where that ghostly voice came from. A trembling smile curved his lips.

“You were always smarter than me, Wills,” he murmured softly, getting to his feet. It wasn’t love that he felt for Angel. Not like what he felt for Spike. However, with time, maybe with enough attention on his part, he could change that. Make it grow into something, something like…love.

Angel came from a time when loveless marriages were normal. Women had kids, young girls had babies, for crying out loud, with men they didn’t love. Wedded and bedded, practically within days of each other. Yet those types of marriages survived a helluva lot longer than marriages today. Back then, when men and women got married, they damn well stayed married! They may not have had much in common, but after years of looking after each other, they must have found something that made them stay together.

He realized suddenly that was what Angel had been silently doing for almost seven years. Finding something, something other than sex, to make this…union of theirs work.

Xander sighed heavily. All the clues were there if he had just bothered to look. As they say, denial ain’t just a river in Egypt. Though, who exactly said that he didn’t know. Nevertheless, whoever it was, was very clever.

Xander returned to his previous thoughts. If he wanted Dawn to be happy and Spike to be happy, he had to take himself out of the equation because being with Spike made her happy and apparently Spike felt the same way. Happy.

His decision made, Xander rose to his feet. Dusting off his knees, he began the trek back to the gathering to find Angel. While it was only 6 o’clock, they still hadn’t made love all day. It would be kinda embarrassing, not to mention awkward, to start ripping off each other’s clothes and fucking in the middle of a sing-along.

Partway back, he saw Angel walking alongside Wesley. They were laughing, talking animatedly. He studied them, the easy camaraderie that now existed between the two. It was obvious that there was love, care and concern in the exchange of words and inflection of speech between Angel and Wesley.

It was a deep friendship love of two men that had reasserted their bond of friendship. He knew it hadn’t been an easy transition for Angel to make. He had to watch Wesley slowly unfurl, to become the warm-hearted, open man that first Gunn, then Fred, brought back to life.

Seeing the trio happy, laughing and together during their first year of togetherness had always cast his vampire into a gloomy, even broodier mood. Angel would disappear for hours on end, only to return weary and tranquil. ‘Course, it might have had something to do with the bloody knuckles and scraps over most of his body. Yet behind the smiles, the laughter there was a faint look of pain in Angel’s eyes one that only someone intimately acquainted with his moods could see.

Angel thought he had everyone fooled, however Xander recognized the jealousy as well as numb acceptance in Angel’s eyes when Gunn, Fred and Wesley’s relationship deepened and solidified. When Fred shyly announced her pregnancy, only he saw the agony that flared in his mate’s eyes…

…and the final spark of hope extinguished.

Xander watched the two men, a look of sad understanding in his eyes. He had to hand it to Angel. His lover tried like hell not to make him feel second best. Angel always tried to put his mate’s needs and feelings first. It wasn’t love, but it was as close to love as he was going to get right now. Angel respected him and showed that respect every day that they were together.

Now it was time for him to learn to give something back.

Angel looked up, his face reflecting slight surprise at seeing Xander ahead of them. He broke off his conversation briefly with Wes to greet his mate. Continuing his conversation with Wesley, he extended his arm casually around the boy’s shoulders when Xander slipped up to them. Not even by a flicker of his eyes did he let on that he knew something was weighing heavily on his boy’s mind. The darkened look in the soft brown eyes clued him in that there was a trouble in paradise.

Sensing Xander’s need to talk, Angel easily ended his conversation with Wes with a smooth comment that he and Xander needed a bit of ‘private time’. It was code for he and Xander intended to satisfy the needs of their Bond. Over the past seven years, it had become a catch phrase. The others had become accustomed to, and in fact, began using it among themselves. Its purpose was served in that it provided a discrete way of saying they wanted to fuck like rabbits with their significant other or others, as in the case of Fred, Gunn and Wesley, all without the children receiving an early start on their sexual education.

Turning away from Wesley’s amused eyes, Angel directed Xander away from the flickering lights of the bonfire on the beach. He and the young man walked in quiet, contemplative silence for several minutes just listening to the waves gently surge back and forth.

Up ahead, Angel could see the little hut that he and Xander had built some years past. It was like their private oasis. It had been built because neither of them was particularly fond of making love on the ground. Sand had a habit of getting into the oddest places.

It wasn’t much, their little ‘love shack’, Angel grinned wryly. A single room only big enough for two chairs and a table, a couch and two end tables, plus a nice, wide bed; it wasn’t much, but hell, it was still better than rolling around on the ground.

Still silent, Xander opened the door and slipped in. He headed straight for the lantern on the table and carefully lit it. A warm glow softly suffused the room. Angel busied himself lighting the other lantern before he turned quietly to wait for his boy to begin telling him what was wrong.

Still mute, Xander began disrobing. His motions, however, were stopped by Angel’s hand on his arm. Blinking he looked at the vampire, then quickly away from the probing stare.

“Although it’s kinda flattering, I’m not in THAT big of a hurry,” Angel said dryly. He stepped closer. “Mind telling me what’s got your mind in a tizzy?” he asked softly, raising Xander’s face to meet his penetrating gaze.

The young man didn’t answer; only stepped forward and rested his forehead on Angel’s shoulder. Wrapping his arms around the vampire’s waist, Xander just sighed heavily.

“That bad, huh?” Angel guessed and received a nod in return. “Well, you know if you tell me what’s wrong, maybe we can fix it.”

There was silence for a few seconds. “Spike’s in love with Dawn,” came the mumbled response. Angel couldn’t help tensing for a brief seconds then relaxing.

“I know,” he sighed in return, pulling the boy closer into a mutual hug, trying to extend comfort and reassurance at the same time. “But he still loves you, you know.”

“But Dawn loves Spike too,” Xander said raising his head to meet Angel’s gaze. His eyes searched his mate’s shadowed expression. Raising a hand, he stroked his vampire’s face gently. He smiled softly at the startled look on Angel’s face. “And you know something; I think I’m okay with that. I got you, I have Shay…and someday we’ll have another child. I got so much; I can afford to be generous.”

Angel tried to smile, touched by Xander’s show of bravery. “Well, in about 43 years, you and Spike will…” His words were halted by a finger against his lips.

“Hopefully during those years, I’ll find myself in love with you,” the boy interrupted him with feigned lightness, before he leaned in, and kissed Angel tenderly.

The vampire drew back slowly from that loving touch. He gazed intently at the boy searching for the hidden meaning in Xander’s words, but finding nothing. “That’s not necessary, you know,” he replied. “I’ll be fine…who knows, maybe I’ll find someone else as well,” he tried to jest, but was surprised at the quick narrowing of the boy’s eyes. An expression close to anger flashed in the chocolately depths.

Xander pulled away. He turned towards the bed and began pulling off his shirt then unfastening his pants. Allowing his clothes to drop carelessly to the floor, he settled on the bed and reclined, using his elbows to prop himself up.

“I don’t think I like that idea,” he replied coolly. “You, with someone else…I so don’t think so. Not gonna happen. Not while I have breath in my body.” He stared challengingly at his lover, wondering about his quick change in attitude.

First, he was acting like he was going to do Angel a favor by deliberately falling in love with the vampire. Now, all of a sudden, he’s acting like a jealous husband at the thought of Angel taking a lover.

The vampire raised his brows at the sudden flare of jealousy in Xander’s eyes. His eyes trailed over the boy’s sprawled figure, his body predictably surging to a state of hard, aroused attention. Unbuttoning his shirt with nimble fingers and tossing it over his shoulder, he strode over to his man. Unfastening his pants, but leaving them on, he stood between Xander’s long, spread legs.

“You sound…jealous,” he said carefully, watching Xander’s expression.

The young man sighed and sat up. Biting his lip, his hands went to Angel’s hips and pushed the pants down. “I am,” he replied shortly, pressing a butterfly kiss to juncture of hip and thigh. “Until you said that, it never really occurred to me that YOU had the same right to look elsewhere as I, that you might enjoy doing this with some other person, a person so not me. And I don’t think I’ll like that.” He licked a long swipe up the thickening shaft, watching with satisfaction as it hardened even more.

Angel slid his hands into Xander’s hair, at first pulling the boy’s avid mouth closer to his rampant organ then away. Abruptly he shoved the boy away, forcing the strong young body flat. He crawled on the bed, straddling a startled Xander. “Believe me, nothing will ever compare to what we do,” he said fervently. Settling his weight against the lithe form, he lay down, keeping most of his weight on his elbows in order to gaze into Xander’s eyes. “What we share is…is…so different, so mindblowing that everything else pales in comparison.”

The boy had a pleased expression on his face at the vampire’s words. “So, uhm, does this mean you won’t be taking a lover in the near future?” Confidently he waited for his answer. It was not long in coming, though it wasn’t exactly the answer he wanted to hear.

Angel smiled coolly, his eyes dark and unfathomable. “As long as I’m the only one sharing your bed, you’ll be the only one sharing my bed,” he answered ambiguously, deliberately avoiding giving the clear answer his lover wanted.

Xander’s pleased smile faded. At the faint look of challenge in his lover’s eyes, his eyes narrowed. His lips tightened before he pulled Angel down in a harsh, desperate kiss of dueling tongues and hungry caresses. Only the lack of air made him pull back. Ragged sounds of breathing filled the air as they stared at one another.

“We’ll see who’ll share your bed,” Xander muttered darkly, a possessive look in his eyes. Angel smiled secretly. Challenging the boy was definitely the way to keep his interest turned in the right direction, he mused before claiming his lover’s sweet lips. I gotta remember to thank Giles, Angel thought as his hand smoothed across Xander’s silky, tousled head.

His eyes turned curiously intimate, almost as if he could peer into the boy’s very soul. Color washed over Xander’s face and the boy dropped his eyes. A cool touch softly caressed blazing red cheeks, simultaneously soothing the fire and stroking the flames.

Slowly Xander relaxed under Angel’s lazy petting, preening slightly under the hot amorous stare. Subtly stretching, he proudly showed off his body for his audience of one. With a hungry, hooded gaze, he eyed Angel, his blood pooling thickly in his groin as the stain of gold began to grow in his love’s gaze. The flickering flames of want and need arching higher as his Defender’s eyes glittered, alluring with desire, bright with passion and a deepening hunger.

Xander shivered, and Angel’s sharp gaze caught the telltale sign of a very aroused male. His own need caught fire as an overwhelming scent of lust filled the room, increasing his own appetite for this steamy, carnal union of two ravenous bodies. His hands came up and gripped Xander’s hands tightly, pinning the boy to the bed with an almost bruising force. A hiss escaped his throat when Xander sensually writhed against his hold, arching upwards, brushing against his erect flesh.

Xander managed to free a hand and touched Angel’s broad, sleek shoulders. His hand trailed over Angel’s chest then back up to his lover’s face. He ran his fingers with unwonted delicacy over lover, as Angel’s trueface morphed into being, revealing the demon beneath the human guise. He shivered, his eyes widening as a searing stab of fire speared through him. Xander caught his breath, his eyes half closing in sharp pleasure when Angel rocked deliberately against him. He moaned softly, his eyes dilating as a crescendo of passion thundered though him. He felt like he was drowning in an increasingly lustful hunger.

Pulling himself up, he slanted his lips aggressively against Angel’s for one long heated moment. Slowly his mouth parted and his moist, seeking tongue crept out and begged for entry to slake his thirst. Angel’s lips parted, and Xander swept in, voraciously searching his lover’s cool interior, whimpering and moaning with greed. Exploring the liquid coolness within, his tongue slid erotically against smooth, delicate inner skin, savoring the rich coppery taste of blood. He probed every inch of Angel’s mouth, dueling sensuously within, before taking command and dragging his lover’s tongue into his own mouth and sucking erotically on the succulent wetness with a ravenous fervor. His need endlessly surged back and forth, each time increasing its fevered pitch.

Angel however, not one to be a passive lover, allowed his hands free rein on his boy. They were splayed, impatiently trying to feel as much of Xander’s flesh as possible. His hands stroked up and down Xander’s back, all the way down to the sinfully dimple flesh above the young man’s tight little ass.

Pressing lightly at the slight indention at the base of Xander’s spine, he stroked that particular spot teasingly before eagerly grasping the rich, sensual curve of his boy’s flexing butt. He pulled Xander tightly into his body, rocking with increasing force against the hard throbbing organ that prodded insistently between them. The slick, wet press of their naked organs against each other had them writhing and gasping in unison, feeling the steamy eroticism of the moment.

Not for the first time, he marveled at how extraordinary it was to feel Xander like this, hot, naked and panting. His lover’s flesh was alluringly sleek, rough and sexily masculine, hard yet curiously pliant.

Caught in his thoughts, Angel’s fingers had grasped Xander’s flexing ass and, with a bruising force, held the boy pressed hard against his hips. Angel gasped, his mind spinning almost out of control. Xander was so touchable, so silky smooth and sultrily, his hot and sleek burnished skin begged for a lover’s touch. Angel’s hands roamed, anywhere he could reach; possessively fondling a wildly gyrating butt, stroking over the heaving stomach, down the long flank of Xander’s hip and thigh and back up to tug lightly upon hard rampant organ then back to grip a tensely corded arm, hardened by intense exercising and fighting.

All the while, enjoying the gasping moans he pulled from Xander’s mouth.

However, what he truly craved was to feel the joining of their bodies, that moment of smoldering closeness when he was deep inside the boy. To feel heated, velvety walls rippling around his cock. To hear those breathy whimpers and throaty cries spill from Xander’s mouth each time he slid, balls deep into the boy’s wanton, hungry core. Eagerness riding him, Angel slipped a hand under the pillow and removed a nearly full tube of lubricant. Mmm, chocolate flavored Xander.

Xander, feeling Angel’s hand burrowing beneath the pillow, ducked his head and licked a long hungry circle around one of Angel’s stiff nipples. Sucking the hard nub into his mouth, he smiled around the pointed nip when his lover gave a choked cry. He loved when he was able to make Angel moan and cry out in pleasure; and writhe tightly against him. Sometimes he enjoyed a long drawn-out foreplay; sometimes he liked it fast and hard. Right now, he wanted to relish the long pleasure-filled moments before they got to the main event.

Seven years of sex play between them, he knew exactly what drove Angel crazy. Lips and tongue pulling on the vampire’s sensitized nipples always got his vampire’s attention. It seemed to magnify Angel’s reactions, the erotic sensations of lips and wet stroked his lover’s smoldering need a hundredfold. Xander lightly bit at one before soothing the painful nip with appeasing licks of his tongue, his fingers relentlessly dancing over the other raised point.

So, he was a little cruel, but Angel loved the attention. Then it was Xander’s turn to writhe and squirm with a choked mewl, a slick finger had circled and probed gently at his quivering back entrance before sliding within. Galvanized by the carnal pleasure as Angel probed deep within his ass, Xander hungrily attacked Angel’s mouth again. This time, his tongue glided within, timing his tongue thrusts, mimicking the finger that was smoothly plowing back and forth, massaging his inner walls. He moaned into Angel’s mouth when a second digit gradually eased inside. His legs, wrapped around his lover’s waist, tightened and he buried his face into Angel neck, trying without success to muffle his gasping, needy moans.

Angel groaned harshly as searing heat clenched around his thrusting fingers, warm flesh that gripped solidly around his buried digits. Xander tilted his body slightly, pumping his hips back and forth, all so he could experience the full effect of Angel’s actions. They both moaned simultaneously when a third finger eased carefully into steamy warmth of the snug sheath.

Xander quivered, eagerly anticipating the initial moment when Angel was poised at his entrance, that moment when the wide, bulbous head was primed and ready, dripping with moisture, to burrow deep within his core. He felt a soft, spreading weakness wash over him at the erotic imagery that thought called to mind, and moaned his disappointment when Angel’s thick fingers slid from his humid channel. His breath came faster, now that the moment of readiness was at hand, and he squirmed, his heart pounding with anticipation, waiting only to feel the massive cock tunneling its way deep into his ass.

At Angel’s silent urging, Xander unfastened his legs from around Angel’s waist and turned over. On his hands and knees, he knew he presented a most enticing picture to his vampire and shivered fitfully. He was almost tempted to turn around, the suspense and his all too greedy eagerness to be fucked into the mattress and pounded raw, scraping deliciously at his nerves. He clawed at the sheets, his gut clenching with sharp pangs of hunger as his anticipation burned a waiting hole in his shredded patience. He mewled softly in his throat, his hips gyrating lewdly in the air despite his struggle for stillness.

Angel parted the boy’s asscheeks; he had prepared Xander so thoroughly that the glistening entrance unfurled sweetly, pouting and blowing tiny kisses at him. His mouth dried at the succulent sight. “Oh Christ, baby, you’re so fucking beautiful,” he murmured thickly.

Dipping his head, he planted a series of slow, opened-mouth kisses on the crinkled circlet of flesh, before tenderly making love to the quivering rosebud with his tongue. He mouthed the grasping entrance, laving and probing greedily at the chocolate tasting lubed walls. Distantly he could hear breathless cries and choked pleas coming from Xander, but focused as he was, he simply shrugged it off. He was too thoroughly enjoying the taste of his boy to be distracted.

Xander trembled, writhing on the impalement of Angel’s wide, chunky tongue. His trembling arms lost the battle and collapsed. All he could do was rest his forehead on his crossed arms and brace himself for a mind-numbing trip to Pleasure Island, it was a hard right turn from Fantasy Island.

He heard a gruff, pleased murmur of sound from Angel as his move placed him in a slightly new position, one that put his gyrating backside at a better angle for his lover’s consumption. Angel took full advantage of Xander’s new position and dined upon his boy’s succulent ass with gusto.

By the time Angel was finished munching on Xander’s incredible edible ass, the boy was sobbing into the sheets and his dick was an angry red from frustration. Each time Angel felt the boy was on the verge of coming, he would tug lightly on Xander’s balls, starving off the moment of release much to his boy’s sweet misery.

Angel, his cock steadily leaking, drew back from Xander’s ass, savoring the taste still on his lips and turned the boy over. He smiled tightly at the fuming, thwarted look in his dark-haired lover’s eyes. Then with one precise, forceful thrust, he was balls deep into Xander’s amply lubricated entrance. His lengthy, pulsating shaft was buried to its absolute limit in the snug sheath; only his dangling balls remained outside Xander’s invitingly warm interior. He froze, struggling to comprehend, to find a reference point to the incredible pleasure he found within Xander’s hot, caressing core and finally gave it up as a lost cause. Nothing could compare.

Xander screamed, high and loud at the intolerable pleasure-pain that overtook him when Angel rammed deep inside his ass. His body arched, a harsh sob escaping his wet, slack lips and his legs automatically wrapped around Angel’s waist.

“Ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd,” he babbled endlessly, his head arched back, and tossing on the pillow. He was fast losing his mind as with a minute movement on Angel’s part, the wide, flared head of the throbbing cock stroked across his prostrate. Xander panted for breath, his eyes holding a wide and dazed look as hot, searing bliss rode over his nerves.

Drawing back, Angel withdrew slowly until just the head remained in his boy. He slammed his cock back into Xander, once again spearing the boy on his aching shaft. Then he was rutting deep, grunting his pleasure each time velvety walls rippled around his cock, caressing him to an increased hardness.

Catching his breath, Xander moaned as he, with unconscious sensuality, made an adjusting squirm, nudging his bottom upwards and relaxing even more to take Angel’s massive hardness fully within his grasping channel. Taking the opportunity presented, Angel sank even deeper into the boy. Crying out with throaty pleasure, Xander’s eyes fluttered close as loose balls repeatedly slapped against his ass and the rough scrape of pubic hair caressed his flesh.

He squirmed again, his dick responding with almost painful pulses at Angel’s immediate and forceful reaction to his wiggling nudity. God, he could even feel the veins that made up that huge fuckstick each time it hammered it way into his stretched ass. He succumbed to the seductive need to tantalize that mighty, elongated shaft with brazen, sensuous movement of his hips. That, combined with a smooth flexing of his inner muscles, as if he was trying to find a comfortable position for Angel’s cool hard cock, had his lover growling like an animal. Xander gritted his teeth, a tight hiss escaping his lips as Angel seemed to expand even more inside him. Every pounding thrust into his ass, scraped across his throbbing lovenut, sparking off endless shocks sizzling excitement and scorching pleasure.

Angel snarled at his boy’s shameless antics even as he tried to stuff his cock deeper into Xander’s remarkably tight ass. There was a tight smirk on his lips, his golden eyes glittering with lustful satisfaction when Xander cried out, his eyes rolling back in his head with each heavy lunge.

With every wanton, undulation of the boy’s hot body, Angel’s thirst and insatiable hunger for his Guardian roused even more. No longer did the Bond rage through them, at least, not anymore. They were not so foolish these days to wait until the Bond made its inescapable demands on them. This was just he and Xander; nothing more, nothing less. Just a raging, blind conflagration when they came together like this. This feeling, this need was so overwhelming, so consuming that neither could accurately describe it.

It just was. A savage, molten heat…incinerating everything in its path.

After an intense night of fucking their brains out, Angel was always surprised not to see burnt, scorch marks decorating their bedroom. Or kitchen. Or living room. Actually, he was surprised not to see the hotel a smoking ruin.

Just feeling Xander, pulsating and hot, hard and wet, prodding his stomach drove his excitement levels to a higher, feverish pitch. That wet, vacuum sucking sound his cock made each time he withdrew from Xander’s clutching grasp simply increased his lust exponentially. He literally could not stop rutting, stroking deeper into the boy’s hot ass and slamming against Xander’s precious nodule of flesh. He could not, would not stop until he had filled Xander to the brim with his seed.

The sounds…he loved the erotic sounds each thrust of his cock seemed to pull from Xander’s mouth and body, the fleshy slap of his balls against the boy, the creaking of the bed. It was almost lyrical; the way all the sounds complimented one another.

Angel brought his attention back to his lover, concentrating again on the boy’s shimmying body, angling his thrusts and coming at Xander from a different direction. Timing his scintillating lunges to what his senses were telling him. He could hear the his lover’s heart racing, the pulse beating frantically in the boy’s throbbing organ as Xander’s breathing accelerated.

Angel felt Xander frenetically erotic response each time he rammed into the pulsing hole, spearing the boy’s prostrate; he adored the feel of the boy’s sultry heat surrounding him, and the way the sweat soaked body writhed nakedly against him, endlessly seeking more of his ramrod length. Bowing his head, his back arching, Angel sought to give the boy what they both craved…the oblivion of pure, mind-blowing, unadulterated sexual gratification.

Xander lifted his arms and encircled Angel’s head, pulling his lover down and insistently rooting for Angel’s mouth, his tongue, as his spasming body demanded the increasingly ravaging, pounding thrusts. His hoarse cries of lust, his frenetic shouts of pleasure were muffled by Angel’s consuming mouth. Each sleek, hard driving lunge stroked his spangling lovenut sparked an equal and greater reaction. His hips gyrated madly, twisting frantically as he slid his hungry body on his lover’s rigid, iron pole.

It was a fast, yet excruciatingly protracted mating dance. Each time Xander thought the end imminent, Angel would do something to slow them down, delaying each of their eagerly anticipated release. His cock, so infrequently stroked, that he found it difficult to find his release in any case. It was only occasionally, on the down thrust, that their lower torsos came together, that his dick was heavenly pressed between their heaving bodies.

It was sublime, the incredible pleasure he felt, yet at the same time torturous. He wanted relief, his hand, Angel’s hand, he didn’t give a fuck…just as long as he got off. However, his hands were out of commission since Angel, using unfair vampire strength, had his hands anchored over his head, tightly pressed to the bed.

Xander sobbed, his face screwed up in ecstatic fury, red with frustration and anguished sexual need. He rocked back and forth, impatiently impaling himself on Angel’s ramrod length with loud hedonistic shouts of pleasure, his movements just shy of being violent. The pain from Angel’s pulsating lunges had long since bleed into an arena that consisted of nothing but pure fulfillment and gratification. In seven years, he had not once become accustomed to Angel’s girth. The initial breech of that sizable shaft always had the power to thrill him, fill him and make him crave every hard-driving inch. He counted it as an extremely good time when his ass was sore and gloriously achy.

Xander’s body glistened, sweaty with his frantic movements, the light from the lanterns casting a warm and golden glow over his wet, straining body. Every sinew, every muscle was sharply delineated in the extreme heat of his passion. The arch of his body, the conclave of his stomach gleamed erotically, pleasingly to his dark haired lover.

This was Xander at his best, needy and desperately hungry, succumbing to this ardent, carnal heat. Yielding his delectable body and surrendering his mind to the smoldering sexual chemistry that gripped them. Angel loved the fact that there was no act of pleasure forbidden, nothing he could NOT do to Xander resilient body that the boy did not want or did not beg with just a look or a glance from those smoldering, sexy eyes. Nothing forbidden or denied between them, no act considered taboo or disgusting

Role playing, anal beads, double-headed dildos, nipple clamps, hot wax, spanking, bondage games…they were all part of their sexual play; games that Xander could entice him into, with just a sloe-eyed look or a wanton twitch of his hips.

He would have Angel panting after him like a dog after a bitch in heat. .

Fucking in the office with their friends outside unknowing of what use they put the office furniture to or a mutual blowjob in broad daylight in a park while hiding in the bushes as they took their pleasure, the thrill of being caught adding a piquant spice to their inevitable fucking.

A glass elevator in a busy casino was a very fond memory. His beautiful boy bent over, pants down and around his ankles, taking all of him with greedy sucking motion of his ass. Angel remembered that time very well. The shocked, yet titillated looks from the various rooms’ inhabitants as the elevator made its slow descent. Seared in his memory would always be that moment.

Those greedy, husky sounds Xander made at the back of his throat when they fucked encouraged him, spurred his ferocious hunger higher and higher. With just a slow glance from beneath half-closed eyes, Angel went from calm and collected to a ready and roaring beast, pawing the air and interested in nothing but ripping off their clothes and burying himself in Xander’s temptingly too hot and ready ass. Once seated in the blessed heat, he lost all capacity for reason. He was profoundly uninterested in anything but fucking Xander senseless, dousing the boy in a sea of rich, creamy liquid, releasing a storm of semen deep into the milking hole, drowning them both in cum.

He felt violent about it, a precarious state of being with emotions that were oftentimes decidedly ruthless in their intensity. Not even with Buffy or Wesley had he ever felt like this. Quite frankly, in his saner moments, it scared the hell out of him that he didn’t care, and that every scruple he had was abandoned during those moments. All he focused on, all he cared about was the long driving thrust of his body into Xander, driving his boy literally insane with lust, the crazier Xander became, the hotter the flame burned between them.

Angel, however, was not immune to the fire that raged between them. Near as mindless as Xander, Angel was unaware that he was now breathing. His mouth gaped open as he sucked great gulps of air needlessly into his lungs. Each time he hammered deep into Xander’s silky sheath, air was puffed out in a grunt of effort, an unknown side effect each time he and Xander fucked.

He simply couldn’t get enough of Xander’s tight, alluring heat, the sexy sounds the boy made, nor the wanton pleasure that suffused Xander’s face. It was indescribable and so intensely sensual; all he wanted was to imprint his body in Xander’s mind, making the boy incapable of responding to anyone else. He wanted to thrust and thrust forever into Xander’s searing core.

That was all what he wanted, desired with a gripping certainty. That all-consuming moment, that blast of voluptuous pleasure of a scorching tide of release. And the desire to do it all over again and again. And again.

Only with Xander. Just an endless, mindless, perfect fuck.

His body vibrating like a finely drawn string, there was a coiled tension in Angel’s broad frame, his entire body, was at last, poised and ready for release.

In his wildest dreams, he could not have imagined a more responsive sex partner. Nor would he have, or could he have, predicted Xander as being that sex partner.

Xander’s body was endlessly resonant, giving and responsive with every lunge. His mouth was just as voracious as his body; Xander’s hunger for erotic sensation was just as rapacious his. The boy met every thrust of his tongue, every stroke of his body with a rapacious greed and a wild, inventive enjoyment.

He could feel Xander’s hot hands all over him, stroking, caressing his taut, quivering muscles. Rounded heels, pressed and riding the tense flex of his ass, held him deep as he rooted his length in the grasping channel. In Angel’s mind, an image of Xander naked, kneeling and mouth wrapped around his cock, the look of voracious hunger and enjoyment on the boy’s face. Xander’s mouth tightly stretched and stuffed full of dick, his cheeks hollowing as he suckled greedily and his eyes closed as he consumed the flesh pole with single-minded concentration.

Angel blew. With a hoarse mighty shout, he rammed his dick deep inside the boy, his body stiffening and his hips jerking repeatedly against Xander as he spewed his load deep into Xander hungry ass.

Feeling the liquid pulses, the throbbing force of Angel’s release spurting into him, Xander cried out, his cock spitting out streamers of milky, pearly liquid. His inner muscles constricted so hard around Angel’s spewing cock that the vampire howled at the pleasure-pain, another organism chasing its way through his shaft and he shot another fountain of rich, frothy cream into the boy’s wanton hole. Xander moaned, coolness bathed his burning insides, simultaneously soothing the fiery ache, and allowing another smoldering heat to begin to take flame.

They weren’t done…

His eyes slowly opened when he felt his lover’s slow withdrawal, and meeting Angel’s intense gaze, Xander felt the heat continue to simmer and settle into a slow aching burn.

Dropping his legs from around his lover’s waist, without a word spoken, Xander rolled over onto his belly. Spreading his legs, he shifted one upwards, granting his vampire lover easy, unrestricted access to his voracious hole.

Angel gazed entranced at the wet twitching opening, white fluid oozing slowly from between Xander’s golden cheeks. He licked his lips, parting Xander’s ass. A guttural sound of pleasure escaped his mouth when the slightly swollen pucker seemed to purse, blowing him a kiss. Charmed, he placed a sweet kiss on Xander’s ass lips before drawing back and reseating his cock deep into the molten core.

Time for round two…and then maybe we’ll make it to round four or five, he mused whimsically before all thought was lost in the incandescent pleasure of Xander’s mesmerizing body.


A couple of hours later, they strolled hand in hand back to the gathering. However, Xander was walking with a definite hesitancy in his step. His walk was very different from his normal, bouncy gait.

Angel was careful to conceal his smirk; his sweet boy didn’t like to be teased about certain things.

His mind turned in another direction, a slight crease between his eyes. While he wasn’t in love with Xander, they were going to be together for a very, long time. The one thing he had no intention of doing was losing his place in the boy’s bed. He refused to allow anyone, demon or human, to be the one affecting Xander’s decisions. Unlike his lover, he had read and reread the old journals of the previous Guardians. Some made foolish mistakes because they followed the advice of their newest lovers, allowing someone else, a virtual stranger to take the place of their Defender.

That was something he did not intend to allow to happen between him and Xander. Ever.

If the boy wanted someone new in his bed, that was fine with him just as long as they both knew he planned to be with them in every way. Call him a cold, calculating bastard, but he would be damned if he would sit on his thumbs while Xander ignored him. It wasn’t quite love that he felt for Xander, but it was damn close. He couldn’t quite imagine not having the boy at his side for the rest of their lives. Somehow, Xander always seemed to…liven things up with his mere presence. He glanced at his boy fondly.

Xander darted a glance at Angel, blinking at the fleeting look of arrogant satisfaction in his lover’s eyes. His eyes narrowed, aware that he had been played.

“Yes,” Angel admitted calmly, without breaking stride. “But don’t think I’m not serious. You stray, I play; the only way you’ll take a lover is with me right beside you, in you. It might be fun, a little ménage-a-trios,” he murmured silkily, his eyes darkening with remembrance. He grinned at Xander’s horrified expression. “Trust me, baby, it’s to be experienced,” he said, sliding an arm around Xander’s waist and pulling the boy against his side as they drew closer to the partying people.

“No, I don’t think so,” Xander replied firmly, a decisive shake of his head. He felt a hot burning sensation in his mind, a churning in his stomach at that particular train of thought.

As he came into sight of their family and friends, his steps faltered and finally stopped. Angel looked quizzically at his mate, a frown darkening his face at Xander’s troubled expression. “Still don’t know what to do about Dawn?” The young man nodded somberly in response to Angel’s look. “How can I convince her to give Spike a chance? That I won’t be moving in on him when our Bond time is up?”

Xander looked back at the girl, for the first time seeing past the happy, smiling face she presented to everyone. He saw the misery and longing lurking in her eyes each time she glanced at Spike. “She really loves him,” Xander murmured softly. Feeling an annoying thickness in his throat, he cleared his throat. His voice was steady when he continued, “And he deserves to be happy.”

The vampire looked at his mate, then at the two would-be lovers. As much as he loved his grandchilde, Spike was too much of a threat to his relationship with Xander. While the situation with Dawn wasn’t of his making, he couldn’t have been happier. With Spike distracted and mooning after Dawn, Angel felt he had a clear field to solidify his relationship with Xander.

Spike was too much like him, too Alpha male for either of them to be comfortable sharing Xander’s affections. Eventually, they would tear the boy apart in their battle for dominance. If he lost, he did not intend to be on the outside, looking in on Xander and Spike.

Dru and Darla didn’t count as there had never been any competition for the affections of their two dark ladies. Besides, with both the women exerting Sire’s Right over their individual childer, it was difficult to muster a determined opinion on who was Alpha in the bedroom.

Darla dominated him, he dominated Spike, and his childe didn’t care who dominated her just as long as ‘the tingles’ continued. Crazy bitch, he thought with amused fondness for Dru.

Angel regarded Spike’s white-gold head with narrow-eyed intensity. Despite the mask of urbane good humor, he could see the tight look of pain in the lines around Spike’s eyes. He sighed as well. The boy was his responsibility and he wanted to see his grandchilde happy.

“Let me think about this. Maybe we need to do a little private research of our own; talk to the other Guardians and Defenders, see if something like this ever happened before.”

Xander looked at Angel, then at Spike. A warm wind caressed his face. He closed his eyes and felt a phantom kiss goodbye along with a fading tinkling laugh.

Finally, he let go of the past. He had a future…or he would have one if he just opened his eyes to see it.

Angel started, feeling a gentle kiss on his cheek and a whisper of ‘Goodbye’ in the air. Cupping his cheek, his eyes flickered with gold highlights as he turned in a circle, a confused look on his face. For half a second, he thought he smelled and heard Willow.

“Xander?” he murmured still looking around suspiciously.

“Hmmm?” the young man pulled his lover close and kissed a surprised Angel gently on the lips. “C’mon…family’s waiting.”

“But it was Wil…” Angel found a finger pressed against his lips, halting his words. He stared into warm, smiling brown eyes.

“Don’t question, just accept,” Xander murmured softly, kissing the protest forming on Angel’s lips away. Tugging gently, he pulled the vampire after him.


* * *

Lakti observed the way the blonde vampire was mooning over the dark-haired girl. He pursed his lips, taking a sip of juice as he watched the fascinating, angsty scene before him. Couple more weeks of this and he might just start crying in his coffee, he thought sardonically. He shook his head. Why the vampire didn’t just up and claim the girl, he had no idea. Then Buffy sailed into view.

Nevermind.

Lexi sauntered over to him, a hamburger in one hand and a Coke in another. Chewing, they watched as the girl’s eyes lingered on the vampire. “Pitiful,” she said mildly, taking a swig of her coke.

Xtchaly materialized behind her and took a bite of her burger, much to her annoyance. “Yeah…wonder why he’s being such a sap,” he commented after swallowing hastily.

Angel, coming up to them, noticed the direction of their eyes and heard their conversation. “Because he loves her…he wants her to be happy.”

Seecha stumbled into Angel, a little high due to the caffeine she wasn’t supposed to be drinking. “Whoopsies!” she exclaimed with drunken cheer. When she turned around, her eyes widened at the sight of the very people she did NOT want to see. Guiltily, she tried to hide the can of Jolt behind her back.

Eight pairs of eyes glared sternly at her until she sheepishly produced the forbidden beverage. “Party poopers,” she muttered angrily. Yawning she leaned against Angel. “What are we talking ‘bout?” she murmured lazily.

“Blondie over there and Dawn,” Lexi said, gesturing to the vampire.

Seecha smiled widely. “Ooooh, I like Dawnie,” she said excitedly, then drooped. “But she’s so sad…why is my Dawn so sad? Why Angel? Why?” the demoness wailed softly, gazing up at him with tears in her eyes. She clutched at his shirt with desperate fingers.

The others looked on in amusement over his predicament.

Angel rolled his eyes, trying to remove her hands. “Because she’s in love with Spike and thinks that Spike is in love with Xander,” he said. However, frustration was beginning to color his voice when he couldn’t get her to release the tight grip on his shirt.

“Ohhhh,” she nodded sagely, and then looked confused. “But Spike’s in love with her too, right?”

“Of course, he’s in love with her!” Angel hissed. “That’s the problem. She’s human he’s not! She’s gonna get old, so naturally she thinks his attention will stray back to Xander.”

Seecha blinked owlishly at him. She peered at Dawn, then back at Angel. “But she’s not human…she’s just a big ball of energy. She’s never gonna get old. Ooooh, pretty colors,” she sighed looking back at the girl.

Angel froze. “Well, I’ll be fucked,” he muttered, a dazed look on his face.

“Name a time and place,” Xtchaly shot back instantly, a smirk crossing his face.

The others ignored the incubus and looked at the vampire in confusion. “Is that what was wrong? I thought the girl just couldn’t accept the vampire as a lover,” Lexi voiced the others’ thoughts.

“It’s true then? Dawn won’t get old?” he stammered out.

Lakti shrugged unconcernedly. “Well, she’ll get old on the inside; at least I think she will. But her physical body…the energy inside her will keep her as young looking as she wants. Despite what she thinks, she’s not human. But where it matters,” and he tapped his heart, “She’s 100% human.”

“It’s more than likely that the vampire will die before she does,” Xtchaly said casually, taking another sip from Lexi’s can. He sweetly demurred when Lexi sarcastically asked if he would like the rest of the drink.

Angel couldn’t wait to get to Xander with this important bit of news. With utmost casualness, he hurried to his mate and sat behind the boy, his legs on either side of Xander’s lithe body. Wrapping his arms around Xander, he snuggled close and nuzzled into the side of sweetly fragrant neck, mock growling into the delicate skin. The blood ran just a bit faster where his lips pressed against the soft flesh. He smiled as pheromones laced the air with the heady scent of Xander’s arousal.

The young man leaned back against the comforting bulk of his mate’s chest. Tilting his head that bit more to the side, he allowed Angel the familiar, comforting caress.

“Know what?” Angel murmured with feigned idleness, brushing aside soft curls of hair to place a lingering kiss on Xander’s nape.

The young man merely hummed inquiringly, his eyes half closed in pleasure. There was a faint half smile on his face. He turned and kissed Angel gently, a promise of things to come later tonight.

Angel blinked a few times, trying to recapture his thoughts. “Dawn’s not human,” he rasped out at last.

Xander pulled back, eyeing the vampire blankly. “Uhm, d’uh?” he said uncertainly.

“Energy made human,” the other clarified. However, at the still uncomprehending look on Xander’s face, he sighed. “She’s not gonna die like a human! Seecha sees her as a ball of energy. ‘Course she is drunk,” he said distractedly, a frown on his face. Rallying back to his point, he continued, “But Lakti seems to think that she’ll probably outlast Spike; maybe all of us.” He grinned at the suddenly hopeful look on Xander’s face. He began laughing heartily as he was tackled to the sand and hot kisses were plastered all over his face.

“I think this deserves one of my famous rewards,” Xander said huskily, smiling down into Angel’s eyes, his gaze growing hot and heavy.

“I can’t wait,” his lover groaned longingly. A hot tingle of excitement raced over them. A hungry, waiting silence pulsed between them as they held each other’s eyes. Xander’s eyes dropped to Angel’s lips. Slowly his mouth began descending…

“Get a room you two!” half a dozen voices laughingly yelled, and they were pelted with balls and other soft toys.

Angel’s head dropped to the sand, he groaned softly. Xander dropped his head to his lover’s chest, a choked sound of embarrassment escaping him. “Who was the brainiac that wanted to invite everyone over?”

“You,” Angel replied dryly, his eyes laughing up into his boy.

Xander blinked, looking a little startled. He recovered swiftly and elevated his nose in the air. “Oh, well I did say brainiac, didn’t I?” he responded swiftly. Scrambling up, he offered a hand to Angel who waved him off.

“Go talk to her,” the vampire said. Amusement died on his face, leaving it blank and emotionless. There was a detached, waiting stillness about Angel that made Xander pause.

“He doesn’t deserve to be lonely, none of us do. I have you and Shay,” he said quietly, staring down at the vampire. “I just want him, them, to be happy.”

“Then go.”

With a backward look, the young man turned away. Locating Dawn swiftly, he quietly asked to talk to her. Swallowing hard, the young girl silently acquiesced and followed him. Buffy watched them with concerned eyes, but, putting her faith in Xander, she looked away.

Tracing the same path as before, Xander lead the way. The silence between them was uneasy and strained.

Dawn shoved her hands in her pockets, stealing sidelong looks at Xander’s profile. Biting her lip, she drew on all her courage. “Xan, I just wanted you to know that I…”

Xander began speaking at the same time. “Dawn, I just wanted you to know that it’s…”

They broke off, eying each other before laughing. “Normally, I would say, ‘Ladies first’, but I kinda got a feeling I know what you’re going to say and I wanna say my piece first,” he said in a rush of words.

Immediately Dawn’s head dropped, hiding her expression. Sleek brown hair slid forward to shielding her face. In her pockets, her hands clenched and a barely perceptible quiver shook her frame.

“Dawn…I know you’re in love with Spike,” Xander said abruptly, “And I know he’s in love with you.” He paused before continuing in a quiet, sincere voice. “I just hope you love him enough to put him out of his misery and accept his love for what it is.”

Her head flew up at his words, a look of disbelief on her face. “But I thought you…”

Xander smiled at her, a teasing glint in his eyes. “Loved him?” Dumbly she nodded.

“I did…I do,” he admitted easily, holding her eyes. “But my place…my future is with Angel. What Spike and I had, what we shared was something way different than what I have with Angel. If we both had been smarter, less afraid, things would be different, but we weren’t and that time is gone, and it’s not coming back. I don’t think I even want it back,” he said softly, looking away from her understanding gaze.

“Do you still love him?” she asked gently, her eyes intent, searching for the truth even as she feared the answer.

He looked back at her, a faint smile curving his lips. “Yeah and probably always will. I just realized something tonight. In about 43 years, the Bond between Angel and me won’t be driving us. We’ll both be free to take other lovers if we want. And you know what? The thought of somebody sleeping with Angel really, REALLY pisses me off.” His words, spoken in a low tone, held a hint of a growl. Dawn raised her brows in surprise.

There was a tight, barely suppressed look of anger on his face as if he was looking at Angel and someone in bed together. A red mist came over his vision as he envisioned ways to slice and dice the pair.

“You’re jealous,” she said wonderingly. His attention shifted to her.

“Damn right!” he retorted, an ugly snarl on his face. Blinking, he looked astonished at his words and tone. “Whoa, I think I’m channeling Angelus,” he muttered, shaken as he ran his hand over his face. “What I meant to say was…was…”

“That you’ll put a beat down on anybody you catch Angel swapping spit with,” she said knowingly.

“Hell yeah! NO! That’s not what I meant to say! Stop putting words into my mouth!” he cried exasperatedly. He paced back and forth, muttering to himself. “Look, don’t use me to deny Spike. If you love him, go for it! He deserves to be happy and he NEEDS you. Not me.”

Drawn back to the main discussion, Dawn’s mouth turned down, a mournful cast to her lips. “But he loves you.”

“Dawnie, listen. Spike is one of those rare individuals that can love more than one person. Just because he loves me, doesn’t mean he loves you less or even Dru,” Xander responded gently.

“Well, it won’t matter anyway! I’ll be an old, wrinkled-up human woman in 43 years, why would he love me then?” Her face crumbled as finally tears leaked past her control.

“Oh, Dawn,” he sighed enfolding her in his arms. “Have you forgotten? You’re not human and chances are you’ll outlive all of us, me included.”

She stiffened in his embrace, abruptly pushing out of his arm. “WHAT?!”

He gazed at her steadily, a hint of a smirk on his face. “Did you forget monks made you, gave you flesh? Bald heads, brown ugly robes and about yea high,” he gestured to a height of his chest. “Ring any bells?”

Her eyes were progressively rounding to the size of dinner plates. “Oh, my freaking god!” she squeaked. With a whoop of joy, she jumped him, laughing hysterically. Xander had a half-smile on his face, but he didn’t seem to share her jubilant mood.

Catching on to the fact that he wasn’t as ecstatic as she, Dawn slid down, her laughter fading into uncertainty.

“You…you’re not happy for me,” she stammered out, a look of dread and doubt creeping over her face. There was a pained look of understanding in her eyes.

His head cocked to the side, Xander merely eyed her for a few seconds before speaking. “I am, but it seems to me that your view of Spike is kinda…shallow. You seem to think he could or would only love or stay faithful to someone young and beautiful.” There was a quiet reprimand in his voice, and Dawn’s head lowered, a flush of shame creeping into her cheeks.

“Spike stayed faithfully at Dru’s side for more years than I care to know. Weak, frail and with more holes in her head than Swiss cheese, she was much crazier then than she is now, yet he still stayed with her. Loved her no matter what. She was his Dark Princess, and he loved her. Good or bad, weak or strong, he loved her. She was the one that dumped him, not Spike.”

“I love him,” she murmured quietly, almost to herself. Looking up, her expression was fierce. “I love him and I’ll take whatever time I have with him. And if he decides to leave me, then I’ll chain him up until he gets over that idea.”

Xander smiled widely. “That’s my girl!”

They grinned impishly at each other. Slowly Dawn’s smile faded. “I’ll love him for both of us,” she softly said, her expression gentled.

He shook his head, a look of amused denial on his face. “Just love him for yourself. I have my own vampire to tame,” he retorted.

She smiled broadly, extending a hand. “Deal!”