His Worth

The next few weeks found Buffy, Spike and Xander adjusting to each others living habits. Buffy was the breadwinner, Spike did all the cooking and Xander did all the cleaning and fixed anything that needed it. It turns out his father had been a carpenter type handy man and before Xander was removed from the home into the foster care system, he had picked up a thing or two.

They continued to keep up their charade for Hank’s benefit. Willow as well was left in the dark and Buffy felt bad about it but was afraid to tell her the truth seeing as how Willow had disclosed such an important detail about she and Tara based on their charade. Buffy kept telling herself everyday that that would be the day she would spill the beans to Willow but each day came and went without her being able to do it.

Xander confided in Spike about Anya and his attraction to each other but he begged Spike not to tell Buffy for fear she would be upset seeing as Anya was her father’s girlfriend. Xander also, while highly attracted to Anya, was intensely petrified. He had been prostituting himself for years however he had never once slept with a woman. He embarrassingly told Spike one day. Xander decided it was best to not pursue the attraction and threw Anya’s number away.

Spike and Buffy’s lovey dovey status didn’t last long. Keeping up the lies for Buffy’s father was wearing on Spike’s last nerve. Spike had a violent temper that always boiled just below the surface and having to bite his tongue the many times that he had lately, he was just about ready to explode. They started to pick at and criticize each other for petty things. Little spats were fast turning into huge full blown arguments. Xander would retreat to his room when they happened, almost like a child trying to shut out his parents bickering and fighting. He just wanted them to be a big happy family.

Spike also resented the fact that Buffy paid for everything. Rent, utilities, groceries, when they went out to dinner, etc. It made him feel less of a man. She told him over and over that it didn’t matter but he wouldn’t let it drop. He felt worthless. When they weren’t fighting about money or Hank, they were fighting about sex. The more time went on, the less interested Spike became in sex. His anger and resentment at Buffy for hiding her relationship with him, the dirty secret that it was, was hurting him more than he imagined it ever would. Buffy always wanted to have sex and sometimes she made him feel more like a whore than he ever had before when he actually WAS selling himself. He started putting her off which in turn angered her and the vicious cycle was born.
Buffy was troubled by Spike’s drinking. He drank way too much and especially when he was angry which made him act more like a jerk. Both knew that something had to change for them to make this work. Who would make the first move and what it would be was another matter entirely.

Hank Summers sat in a dingy hole in the wall bar. He pushed an envelope filled with a stack of cash across the table to his companion.
“So you see, Angel. You help me. I help you. It’s a win-win situation.”
Angel grinned at the older man accepting the cash and putting it in the inside pocket of his coat.
“Don’t you worry, Hank, my buddy. It’s going to be a pleasure finally wiping that smug smirk off of Spike’s face. He took my best boy from me and no one double-crosses me like that and gets away with it. I take care of Spike. I get Xander back. You get your daughter back and all is right in the world again” Angel leered.
“Spike boy won’t even know what hit him” Angel continued.
“Just make sure that nothing can be traced back to me” Hank ordered.
“No problems.” Angel stood to leave, “Pleasure doing business with you” and with that he was off and out the back entrance.
Hank waited a few more minutnd tnd then exited through the front with a sick smile on his face.

Spike had taken to visiting the UCS campus a couple times a week where Giles and him would have lunch and get reacquainted with each other. Both men were getting more and more comfortable with each other but it had been awkward at first after all the years that had passed.
Giles drove Spike to his home one afternoon and Spike passed over the threshold of the house he had walked out of 11 years before with just the shirt on his back.
Giles presented Spike with several framed photographs, one of his mother alone, one with all three of them, one with him and his mother and one with Giles and him together. It was all Spike could do not to break down and cry but he checked his emotions and held it in.

It was the night that he received the photos that everything blew up in his face with Buffy. He went from one extreme emotional high to the opposite.
Buffy had come home from work, tired and cranky. Mr. Travers had been an absolute bear that day and she was stressed out to the maximum.
Spike had stayed longer with Giles than usual. Giles had left his assistant in charge and taken the rest of the afternoon off to spend with his son. Henceforth, Spike had got home late and hadn’t started dinner yet.
Xander was in his room watching his own TV that Buffy had got him. Spike was standing in the kitchen drinking a beer when Buffy walked in.
She took note of nothing on the stove or in the oven and no places were set at the table.
“What? No dinner tonight?” she asked him.
That was just enough to push Spike over the edge. The last piece of straw that broke the camel’s back. All of the weeks of pent up anger and frustration came pouring out.
“What am I? Your fucking maid? Bloody ‘ell! What did you do before me? Starve? Since we both know your cooking is crap personified! No wonder you were so damn skinny. Fix your own goddamn dinner, bitch” Spike ranted.
“You son of a bitch” Buffy screamed back totally taken off guard by Spike’s outburst.
“Don’t you fucking talk about my mother that way” he screamed back.
“Oh grow up! What? First you take sex away and now you aren’t cooking either? What the hell else can you do?”
“Sod off!”
“Fuck you!” Buffy ran out of the kitchen and to their bedroom with Spike hot on her heels.
“What did you say to me?” he grabbed her by the arm in a bruising grasp.
“Ouch, let me go. That hurts!” Buffy cried.
“So I didn’t have dinner ready. One night! One fucking time! I was at my dad’s getting pictures of my dead mother you bloody bitch” he said with clenched teeth.
“Oh boo hoo hoo. I am so sick of you and your dead mother, Spike! You think you have a ration on pain and suffering. Like you’re the only one who has ever lost someone they loved!”
Spike’s eyes glittered with rage.
“At least with your mother it was quick. I had to watch mine suffer and wither away over 2 years as cancer ravaged her body, mind and soul so save your boohooing for someone else!” she was crying now.
Buffy rarely talked about her mom, Joyce but she had told Spike she died several years ago but not all the details.
Spike’s hold on her intensified and she struggled to break free from him.
“You really need to work on your anger management issues! You freaking alcoholic!” she sobbed.
“I need to work on my bloody issues??? How about you look in the mirror, Buffy? Poor little rich girl. You break my bleeding heart.” Spike seethed then continued.
“You’re nothing but a scared little girl who can’t stand up to Daddy”
“Yeah, well, it’s better than being a whore like you”, as soon as the words left her mouth, her eyes dilated wide and she brought her free hand up to her mouth, shocked at herself.
“Oh, Spike…I didn’t…” she started to apologize but Spike saw red.
He reached out and backhanded her and she fell onto the bed. He was on her in an instant.
“I’m a whore? I’m a whore? I’ll show you who the whore is!” he ripped her blouse sending buttons flying everywhere.
“No, please Spike...don’t” Buffy cried.
“Why not? You’ve been begging me to fuck you for days. Well here you go!” his hands moved to the zipper of her pants.
Before Spike knew what was happening, he was thrown across the room and landed in a heap by the wall. He looked up to see Xander standing over him.
“Whelp! Stay out of this!” Spike stood up.
“I can’t do that, Spike. Please man...you’re like my brother but you need to stop before you do something you’ll regret the rest of your life.”
Spike’s gaze settled on Buffy curled in a ball now on the bed now, crying with half shredded clothes. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Holy fuck, he thought. I almost...I almost...oh god….
“Buffy, baby…I’m so sorry...please…baby” he began as he walked over to her. He reached an arm out to caress her cheek and she flinched and scrambled away.
“Get out! Get out of my house right now” she said coldly.
Spike hung his head low knowing he had really fucked up this time. Yes, Buffy was responsible for some of their problems but so was he and either way, what he had almost done to her was not a punishment to fit the crime.
“I love you, Buffy” It was the first time Spike had ever told her that and with those words, he left the room and then the apartment.
Buffy was sobbing.
Xander was standing their about ready to crumble himself watching his “family” break up.
“Umm...I’ll just get some stuff…and leave too. I know you bought it all but just a few changes of clothes and stuff. I’ll pay you back someday…I’m sorry Buffy.” Xander mumbled.
“Xander? What are you talking about? You don’t have to leave. I didn’t ask you to leave. Please stay.” Buffy replied.
Xander was dumbfounded. He thought for sure he would be asked to leave if Spike wouldn’t be living there anymore.
“Please, for me. Stay, Xander.” Buffy repeated.
“Umm...O.K. but I better go find Spike and check on him just to make sure he is alright. I’ll be back later. And hey, Buff…he really does love you. I know that’s not what you want to hear right now but I know he does. He’s been through a lot of shit and it fucked him up pretty bad. Everyone deserves a chance though, right? Look where I’d be if no one had given me a chance. Just think about it.”
Buffy nodded and Xander left to go find his surrogate brother.
Buffy laid her head down on her pillow and sobbed uncontrollably. He loves me. How could he do that to me and then finally tell me he loves me? What am I going to do?
Willow popped into her mind. She needed to talk to someone. It was time to come clean with Willow.
She stumbled over to the phone and dialed her number. A different voice other than Willow’s answered the line. “Umm...Is Willow there? This is her friend, Buffy” she hiccupped out. “Oh, Hi Buffy. This is Tara. Willow has told me so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you...well at least talk to you. She is right here. Hold on” Tara whispered to Willow that it sounded like Buffy was crying.
“Buffy? It’s me. Are you O.K.?” Willow asked frightened.
“No, I’m not. Can you puh puh puhleasse come over? I need you. He hurt me and he loves me and he left and I told him too and everything is a mess and I love him so much…” she gulped in some air.
“Hang on...who? Buffy, who hurt you?” Willow questioned.
“Spiiiiiiike” Buffy was sobbing again now, crying his name.
“Spike? But I thought…oh Goddess…what on earth is going on Buffy?” she demanded.
“I’ll explain...just please come...you can bring Tara…just come NOW!”
“Alright. Well be there in 15 minutes sweetie. Just hang on. Don’t do anything or go anywhere. I love you Buffy” Willow hung up the phone and explained what little she knew to Tara and they grabbed their jackets and headed for the door.
Buffy slumped down onto the floor and waited for them to arrive.

Meanwhile, par for the course, Xander found Spike drowning himself in liquor at Willy’s. In his haste to get to Spike, Xander didn’t notice the figure standing in the shadows watching him go into the bar/restaurant.
Angel grinned as he watched Xander and an obviously inebriated Spike through the establishment’s windows.
“Soon, boys, soon” he smiled wickedly.


A/N: Coming Soon: Chapter 14- Old Habits Die Hard