Losing It

Buffy’s POV

I can’t believe this.

I’m engaged. To Faith. I’m engaged to be *married* to Faith.

I get butterflies just thinking about it…and yet…it scares the shit out of me.

What if I’m not a good wife? What if I can’t do all the things a wife is supposed to do? What if I can’t be the wife she needs me to be? What if I’m not what she wants in a wife? What if she marries me and then changes her mind? God, what if she doesn’t want children? Cause I really do. Or what if I can’t…keep her…satisfied? It scares the hell outta me to think that I can’t. And what if…

“Buffy!”

I guess I musta zoned out into my own little world. Willow must have been calling my name for like the last ten minutes cause when I look over at her she’s breathing kinda hard and her face is red like she’s been yelling.

“What? Huh?”

She just smiles at me and sighs out.

“Already worrying and you haven’t even said ‘I do’.”

She lays her head back against the roof and stares up at the stars with a chuckle.

After Faith asked me to marry her and we sat there holding each other for like an hour, she told me she was gonna go back out on patrol. I just smiled and nodded. She kissed me and then quietly slipped away. I laid back on the bed and stared up at my ring. That’s when Willow came in to ask me how it went and that’s when she saw my ring.

So, I told her what happened and then she cried. So, naturally, I cried too. Then we sat there holding each other and crying.

Many tears later, we came up here to the roof to watch the stars. Willow is the only other person I share this spot with. She the only other person I trust to share this spot with. It may sound stupid or whatever, but this is kinda…sacred to me.

Anyway, that’s when I zoned out and that brings us to the now.

How does she always know what I’m thinking? The only other person that can see that deep inside me is Faith. That thought makes me smile, because despite all my fears, I know this is the right thing for us.

I bring my left hand up to my eyes and let the moonlight sparkle off my diamond. It shines in my eyes and I feel my heart overflow with happiness. I t knt know what I ever did to deserve Faith or to be so happy.

As I’m lying here staring up at my ring and smiling, I hear Willow let out a sigh. It’s her patent little ‘I’m so sad…ho hum’ sigh. I turn to look at her and place my left hand on her shoulder. My diamond sparkles and it makes me feel all giddy inside. God, I love my baby!

But, I push that out of my brain to bring comfort to my friend. I figure, she’s done it so much for me lately, I kinda owe her one…or a thousand.

“Will?”

She turns her head to look at me and smiles a sad little smile.

I reach over and push a strand of hair from her eye.

“Will, what is it?”

She lets out another sigh and sits up, pulling her knees into her body. I sit up too and look over at her expectantly.

“It’s nothing. I mean, its something…but, I don’t want to ruin this for you. You deserve to be happy.”

She averts her eyes to the blanket and I can almost hear a whimper escape her throat. We’ve been through so much together, I can’t believe she thinks she can’t tell me. I reach over and lift her chin to make her look me in the eyes. I give her my best resolve face.

“Will…”

She lets out a deep breath.

“I’m jealous.”

I pull my head back and look at her with awe. She’s jealous? Of me?

“You’re jealous? Of me?”

She nods. I think about it for a minute.

“What the hell for?”

She reaches over and picks up my left hand. She pulls it to eye level and smiles.

“This.”

I can feel myself blush.

“Oh. Right.”

She drops my hand and falls back against the blanket with a loud thud. She covers her eyes with her arm and whimpers.

“Ugh. I am such a bad best friend. I should be happy for you, not jealous of you. I suck at this.”

I can’t help but laugh a little as I reach over and push her arm from her eyes. She opens them and looks at me. Her eyes are so deep and saddened.

“Will, its okay. Really, I’m not mad, but you really have no reason to be jealous of me. Kennedy loves you with everything she is.”

Willow nods lightly and licks her lips.

“Yeah, I know she does, but…it’s still not the same. I know I probably sound really selfish right now…but…”

She looks at me with a nervous grin.

“I want one too.”

I let out a chuckle and fall back onto the blanket. I lay my head on her shoulder and reach down for her hand. I entwine our fingers and let out a pleasant sigh.

“I know Will. I can’t believe how happy I am right now, and I really want you to know how that feels. You deserve it more than anyone. It’s kinda hard for me to believe this is actually happening to me. I mean, Faith doesn’t really come off as the ‘settling down’ type.”

We both share a little laugh then I hear her sigh again. So I squeeze her hand and snuggle into her shoulder.

“Don’t give up Will. Besides, Kennedy is out patrolling with Faith right now. You never know…that fiancé of mine can be *very* persuasive.”

I hear a chuckle rumble low in her chest and then she lets out a deep breath.

“Yeah. I know it’s not fair to Kenn. I mean, I can’t just expect her to propose just cause Faith did. I don’t want her to do it cause she feels pressured, I want her to do it cause she wants to. Its just…I’m ready to make that commitment. I want to spend the rest of my life with her, making her happy. Although, they do say that the sex goes down hill after marriage. Hmm.”

I feel myself blush again.

“What do you think Buffy?”

I can’t see it, but I know she’s grinning. I swat her on the arm.

“Not funny.”

She laughs a hearty laugh and then sighs out, but its not a sad one this time, so I guess that’s good.

It’s stuck in my head now. You know, the whole sex thing, and my earlier fears come flooding back. What if I can’t satisfy her? You know, sexually.

“Will?”

She shifts her legs and squeezes my hand.

“Hmm?”

I don’t know how to ask this. I mean, what am I supposed to say?

‘Hey Willow, I wanna know the best way to make Faith cum. How do you do it when you have sex with Kennedy?’ Yeah, I don’t think so.

“Buffy?”

Oh right.

“Umm…there’s something I need to ask you…but I don’t know how.”

“Just ask me. There’s nothing you could ask me that I wouldn’t answer.”

Okay, she asked for it.

“How do I make Faith cum?”

Willow starts to choke on her own spit. She starts coughing and wheezing and I lift myself off her shoulder so she can sit up. She sits up sputtering and shaking and I pat her on the back.

“You okay Will?”

She nods her head and fans her face with her hand.

“Y…yeah…I’m…I’m good.”

I can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. I knew she was gonna do that.

I give her back a final slap and she regains her breathing. She looks at me over her shoulder with wide eyes.

“Buffy!”

I look at her innocently and shrug.

“What? You said anything.”

She turns to face me and sits directly across from me with our knees touching lightly.

“Buffy, I thought those tapes woulda helped. Did ya not pay *any* attention?”

She gives me a knowing smile and I can’t help but blush.

“It’s not that I didn’t pay attention, I did. Its just…well, I only watched one…and it wasn’t very…informative.”

She’s laughing at me now. This is so *not* funny. I reach over and shove her on the shoulder. She falls back a little, but she’s still laughing.

“This is so *not* funny.”

She starts nodding as she tries to catch her breath.

“Yeah…yeah it is.”

I cross my arms and give her my best scowl, but it doesn’t last long. My smile sneaks it’s way through and I shake my head.

“Look at you. What kinda friend are you? Laughing at my pain.”

I sigh out and continue to shake my head. She finally catches her breath and places a gentle hand on my knee.

“I’m sorry Buffy. I’ll stop laughing, but that is just…”

And she laughs again.

I give her my best pout again and she wipes the tear from her eye as she settles down.

Okay. It wasn’t *that* funny.

I let out a sigh.

“So, are you gonna help me or what?”

She starts nodding her head as she takes in a deep breath and looks me dead in the eyes. She takes her hand off my knee and folds them in her lap. She leans in really close. I can see the blush already starting to form on her cheeks as she tries to find the best way to say it without babbling.

“Well, I can’t really tell you how to make *Faith* cum…but…I do know a thing or two that Kennedy happens to…*respond* to…very well.”

She starts to turn so red, I’m afraid she may spontaneously combust. She averts her eyes and starts to smile innocently. I try to fight it back, but a huge grin spreads across my face and I dip my head so she can see it. She shoves me back and lets out a giggle.

“Don’t do that.”

I shake my head and laugh.

“You are so easy to get, and what’s with the blushing? I wouldn’t think you would, seeing as how you just had sex with your lesbian lover in some 40 year old man’s bed, *while* your best friend and her girlfriend were right down the hall. No sense of morals, that’s what it is.”

She starts sputtering and sighing trying to find some kind of come back, but there just ain’t one for that. I nod and smile as her face contorts through expressions before she finally settles on defeated.

“Fine. You get that one. But, I do so have morals.”

She thinks about it for a minute and then a smirk spreads across her face.

“Its just, when it comes to my very sexy, very *horny* lesbian lover, they tend to take an impromptu vacation. I mean, you try to say no when Kennedy has her tongue rammed down your throat and her hand so far down your pants, you…”

She realizes what she is saying and she looks up at me with wide eyes and shakes her head.

“Don’t even notice it.”

I give her a smirk and nod.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

She blushes again and then we both sigh out.

“Ugh…this isn’t helping Will. You’re supposed to be helping.”

She looks at me for a moment longer and then a soft smile spreads across her face. She lets out a deep breath and then nods.

“You better be glad I love you so much. I don’t share my secrets with just anyone.”

I return the soft smile and reach over to take her hand.

“I am, and I love you too. Now, spill it.”

She gets this sneaky look on her face and she raises her eyebrow.

“Okay. You wanna know how to make Faith cum so hard, she forgets her own name? Well then, sit up and pay attention, cause this is one lesson you don’t wanna forget.”

She gives me a smirk and I can almost swear I see her eyes sparkle with mischief. I swallow hard and my ears start to burn a little. I guess they are preparing themselves for the much smut that is about to commence.

I tuck my hair behind my ears and for the first time in my life, I am actually looking forward to learning. I watch as Willow licks her lips and smiles.

Oh…damn.

Something tells me Faith is gonna be one *very* happily married woman.

~~
That one is for you lele angel 03. I hope you liked it...