Complement

XI – Believe

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As each of the Chosen Two drifted off to sleep that night, it was with thoughts of the other.

One dreamt of all she thought they could never have, while the other dreamt of all she thought they could have.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Atropos found the Slayer in the weaving room staring down at the Tapestry of Life. It had been some time since she had visited them and Atropos was glad that she had decided to come on her own. The Slayer did not realize it yet, but once the Fates had allowed her access to their domain or dimension, she had the ability to come here anytime she wished when she slept. Eventually as her Slayer powers grew, she could even learn to come here while she meditated during her waking hours. There wveryvery few gods, immortals and mortals that the Fates had ever granted this kind of access into their domain.

"Welcome again Child." The Slayer turned at the sound of the old woman's voice. Atropos could see the sadness in the Slayer's eyes. She knew the last few weeks had been a roller coaster ride for both the Slayers or rather the Chosen Two as they liked to call themselves. Such a difficult life the Chosen Two had. They had both more than earned some peaceful time in their lives. She secretly admired both of them for managing to find any happiness, joy, and the grandest prize of all, love, amidst the chaos, the evils they had both seen and lived through.

"Hey," the Slayer opened her h buh but closed it hesitating. She doubted the old woman would answer her question anyway.

"Was there something you wished to ask Child?" The Slayer just nodded her assent to the old woman. "Well than ask, either I can answer it or not. There is no harm in asking."

"This. All of this, is it all planned out? Our destinies I mean. Does it even matter at all what we do?" The Slayer pointed towards the Tapestry of Life as she spoke, her gaze returning once again to the intricate design.

The Slayer turned her attention back to the old woman. The smile Atropos gave her contained a little bit of pride for the Slayer. She had a funny feeling that whatever the old woman told her was what she was suppose to learn on this visit with the Fates.

"Well the answer for that isn't black or white or a simple yes or no." Atropos laughed at the I-should-of-known-better look the Slayer threw her way. The laugh was surprisingly young sounding for the ancient woman. The Slayer could only smile, you would think by now she would know better than to expect a straight answer for anything that had to do with Slaying, Slayer dreams, or prophesies. One could still hope though, couldn't one?

"There are two types of Life Threads. There are the ones that are smooth, and the ones that are frayed. Each Life Thread is given abilities, possibilities, gifts, this applies whether they are of the light or the dark. For the smooth ones their par plr place within the design of the Tapestry is predictable. In other words, they are not out of the ordinary, they are not the risk takers, so in a sense you could say that their destinies are preordained, and the effect they have on the Tapestry and those they meet along the course they take through it is destined. But if for some reason they break away from the ordinary, the mundane; then well, that Life Thread will start to fray a little and the courses they can take, and their effect upon the Tapestry becomes infinite." Atropos paused and looked at the Slayer trying to gauge if she understood what she was trying to explain to her. The Slayer just nodded at the old woman for her to continue.

"Now the frayed Life Threads they are a completely different story. They are the wild children of the Tapestry. They are unpredictable; they are the risk takers, the ones who make the hard choices. The ones, who take ces, es, change the course of history. They can cause unimaginable chaos. They do not know the meaning of can not. They are capable of great evil and great good. With every choice they make, the course of their destiny changes, and the destiny of those whose Life Thread's they touch. For them, there can be an educated guess at their destinies, but in no real sense is it predetermined. The number of possible courses these Life Threads can take through the Tapestry boggles even my mind."

Atropos paused again and patted the space on the couch next to her. The Slayer saw they were now in the sitting room, she hated when that happened in these dreams. It was disorienting. She walked over and sat next to the old woman taking comfort in her presence, her nearness.

"That is not to say that we don't try to influence the choices. You know that from your own experiences, that gods, demons, the Council, all try to influence those choices. As you have probably already figured out both you and your sister Slayer have frayed, unruly, down right tattered Life Threads as do most of the people that you both surround yourselves with. But you see in the end the choices you make ultimately are yours and yours alone, no one can make them for you. Even the choice of fulfilling your calling as the Slayer was yours alone. So your destiny is what you make of it in the long run. This is regardless of whether or not your Life Thread is frayed or smooth. In the end what this all comes down to is; for each Life Thread no matter whether it is god, immortal, or human, the only thing that is destined is that all have a beginning and all can have an end."

"So what you are saying is; our destinies are our own. Just like whether we choose to travel down the paf daf dark or light. Even things that happen to us that are out of our control, what we choose to do after that is up to us. How we react to or use that knowledge is our choice. To steal a phrase, Life is what we make of it. The difference between some of us is, that the consequences of some of our choices are further reaching than just our own lives, or those lives who we actually touch. In some cases those choices can affect the balance of the world."

"Yes Child, that is correct."

"This was what I was supposed to learn on this visit wasn't it?"

"Again you are correct. Now it is time for you to go, until next time Child."

Atropos rose from the couch and surprising both herself and the Slayer, she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss upon the Slayer's cheek. Treating her much like a grandmother treats a treasured grandchild. Atropos straightened, nodded, smiled at the Slayer and faded away into the darkness.

The Slayer was once again in bed dreaming.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy woke up a little over an hour before dawn. She rolled over and groaned not wanting to get out of bed yet. Try as hard as she could, she could not fall back to sleep. She lay in bed for a time listening to the even breathing of her sister as she slept.

Angel had been kind enough to let the four of them stay at the hotel. Buffy didn't think that Faith had been to happy about it though. Faith had barely mumbled a good night to them all before retreating to the solitude of her own room. Although Dawn had told Buffy that Faith had treated her as she always had. Faith had actually been chatting with Dawn when they all had come back from the club about an hour after Faith had left. Angel had decided they should wait a while and give the Dark Slayer a little space before returning.

Giving up on trying to sleep, Buffy quietly let herself out of the room, just because she couldn't sleep didn't mean she needed to wake her sister. She wandered through the hotel for about a half an hour before finding the door that led up to the roof. She remembered Angel telling her that he had put a garden up there and that you could practically see all of L.A. from there. She opened the door and started climbing the stairs. She had only climbed up two steps when her Slayer senses called out to her.

As she climbed the last step onto the roof's landing she stopped in the doorway already knowing what, rather who, she would see. She paused in the doorway, her breath catching in her chest as it had those few short weeks ago the first time she beheld the beauty that was Faith in the pale light of the pre-dawn. This time however, there was no welcoming smile as Faith turned towards her, no hand held out to her in a silent request. Faith's expression held neither an invitation nor a rejection. She stood in the doorway unsure of what to do. Angel took the decision out of her hands when he came from around from the other side of the roof and silently beckoned her to join them.

Buffy watched as both the Dark Slayer and the vampire moved over to the edge of the roof and turned their faces up towards the sky, waiting for the rising sun to bring the new day. As she watched them, she realized that this was a special time of day for them. Not sure why, or how, she knew that this was the time of the day that brought hope to them. She came to the understanding that unknowingly for her the dawning of a new day had always meant the same thing for her as well. Quietly she rose and joined them at the edge of the roof turning her face skyward, grateful that all three of them had lived to see another day.

Angel left silently as the sun started to peek over the horizon. Leaving Faith and Buffy alone as the sun finished its assent into the morning sky. Buffy stayed with her face turned rd brd basking in the warmth of the morning sun. She heard as Faith quietly turned and started walking away towards the door.

"Thank you." Buffy whispered to Faith stopping her before she left the rooftop.

"For what?" Faith whispered back just as softly.

"For letting me share this with you. Share this special time of the day with you again."

Faith let out the breath she had been unconsciously holding while she waited for Buffy's answer. Then it caught again in her throat as the memory of that morning, of holding Buffy in her arms out in the garden rose up strong in her mind. As she remembered being thankful that one of her secret wishes had been granted. Remembered not having any doubts that what had happened between them was right.

"You're welcome." Faith's voice was thick with emotion, and Buffy knew Faith was remembering that morning as well. Remembering like Buffy did, that for a brief time there was just them, the sun rising and everything was right with the world, right with them.

Then Faith was rushing down the stairs away from Buffy, away from the memory, away from what she thought she could never have again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Everybody wants to believe in something ~ Something that fill them up inside ~ Everybody wants the answers to questions ~ To all the questions that fill them up inside ~ I just want to believe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dawn woke around nine o'clock and saw that her sister was already up and gone from their room. When she entered the hallway, she followed the smell of brewed coffee and made her way to the kitchen. She was surprised to see only Faith sitting at the table. Faith looked up and smiled at her, Dawn thought she looked sad.

"Morning kiddo."

"Morning," Dawn went over and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"Coffee kiddo? It's gonna stunt your growth ya know."

They both let out a little giggle. It was sort of a private joke between them. The first time Faith had said it to Dawn was at one of the mandatory breakfasts Buffy had made her attend after she had first arrived in Sunnydale.

Buffy had been standing with her back to Dawn and when Faith made her comment, Dawn had pointed at her sister then held her hand over her own head then over Buffy's and shook her head no. Dawn was already the same height as her older sister and still growing. It was unlikely that she would be the smaller of the two Summers' sisters. Buffy saw the smirk that Faith directed at her, turned around and saw an answering smirk on her sister's face. The subtle joke about her height hadn't sat with her too well at the time, nor did the fact that her sister was sharing it with Faith at her expense.

The giggle died as Faith remembered the tirade Buffy went off on that morning about how she guessed manners were something Faith obviously hadn't learned in jail. But, Buffy had said, what could she expect from someone the likes of her? Faith couldn't count the number of times Buffy had used the expression, Someone the likes of you, letting the rest of what she meant hang in the air.

Dawn watched as Faith's smile faded and the giggle died, and her expression once again became sad. She liked the Dark Slayer, always had. Faith didn't treat her like a kid and she was fun to be around.

Dawn knew about everything that had happened when Faith had gone to work for the Mayor. Her Mom had explained all of it to her. Her Mom had told Dawn that she thought Faith was hurting, angry, and lost. Faith was scared and thought she was all alone, that no one cared about her. Cared whether she lived or died. Her Mom thought that Faith had probably been alone for most of her life. That Faith probably had a very bad childhood. That Faith didn't know how to ask for or receive help from others, that her actions were a cry for help.

That didn't mean though that her Mom hadn't been pissed over what had happened and probably would have been just as leery as Buffy that Faith had changed when she came back. Even so, Faith had never once tried to hurt her, and in the end, the only one she had really hurt was herself. She had not meant to kill Allen, even Buffy admitted that from the beginning. As Faith had said herself in the Magic Shop that first day, if she had really wanted to kill any of them they would be dead right now.

While Dawn realized that the memories she had of Faith and that Faith had of her weren't real in the literal sense of the word, one thing struck her. All of the memories she had of everyone and they had of her were consistent with who they were as a person and how they would interact and be with her. The monks had known that no matter what, no matter how far over to the dark side Faith went, would have gone, she never would hurt a child, and Dawn had been a child when Faith had been around the first time.

When her Mom had explained all of this to her Dawn didn't really understand. She had a loving family, friends, didn't know in any real way what it felt like to be alone in the world. What it could do to you, what it could make you do. Over the last few months, beginning when her Mom had gotten sick, then finding out about herself being The Key, and then after her Mom had died, she had begun to get a very good idea. She had felt like there was no one to turn to, Buffy had already begun to start pushing people away before her Mom had gotten sick and after that she had furthered the distance between them. She could understand a little bit of how Faith felt, and even as young as she was, she knew the way that Buffy had treated Faith was out and out wrong.

"Faith?"

Faith looked up at Dawn, saw the hesitant expression on her face and smiled encouragingly at her. She knew what it felt like to have no one listen to what you have to say just because they think you're a kid. She had made a vow to herself a long time ago that she would never treat a child that way. While their fears, concerns, and worries may seem trivial to an adult, they weren't to the child who was having them. To that child, they are major, sometimes even life changing.

"What's up kiddo?"

Still Dawn hesitated.

"You know Gamin, you can tell, or ask me anything." Faith smiled encouragingly again at Dawn. Who gave a shy smile back. Dawn liked when Faith called her Gamin, it made her feel like part of the gang, especially since Faith had a nickname for everyone else. Her favorite so far had to be General B though. Even though she liked the nickname, she hoped it was a side of her sister she never saw again.

Faith didn't have the heart to tell Dawn that her nickname meant brat in French, nor did Faith have a clue as to where she had learned the word. As Faith looked at that innocent face, she couldn't help but wondered what it was like to be that innocent. Lord knows she never had been; never was allowed to be.

"Buffy told me, well us, me, Willow and Tara that is, everything that happened with you guys."

"Everything?" Faith asked a little confused, embarrassed, fearful and amazed all at once.

"Pretty much. I'm not a kid you know. I mean like, I know Willow and Tara aren't just friends.

'Oh shit! Calm down girl. Deep breaths you knew they knew. B practically said it at the shop. Okay not exactly said it, kinda sorta said it but not exactly.'

"What exactly did B, uh, Buffy say?" Faith choked out.

"That you and her were like Willow and Tara, only that... That it was her idea not yours and that she had been treating you like shit." Dawn smiled at the shocked expression on the Dark Slayer's face.

"Dawn! No cursing, you know Buffy will get pissed if she hears you."

'Me telling Dawn not to curse...funny kinda like the pot calling the kettle black.'

"I'm just sayin' what Buffy said."

"That doesn't make it right."

"Look who's talking. You curse more than anybody I ever knew. If everyone didn't yell at you all the time every other word out of your mouth would be the F word." Dawn was quick to point out.

Faith had to smile, although she did try her best not to. She was trying to pull what mothers for centuries had tried the old Do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do routine. It didn't work for them and it was even more unlikely to work for her.

"Okay, Okay, you're right. Still doesn't make it okay for you kiddo." Faith mumbled. Despite herself Faith just couldn't throw up the protective shell around the kid, the minute Dawn had walked into the kitchen it had come down all on its own. Dawn wouldn't understand Faith being cold or standoffish to her, and Faith wouldn't hurt the kid for anything in the world.

Faith knew Dawn wouldn't lie to her, and Buffy wouldn't lie to Dawn, she would just leave out what she didn't want the kid to know. Curiosity got the best of her and Faith was unable to resist asking.

"What else did Buffy say?"

"She had been afraid of what she was feeling for you, that she had been pushing everyone away, you the most. I mean, I know she was, 'cause she had been doing it to me too. Still was a little bit, but not anymore and that's 'cause of you. I know that. Being the Slayer was making her forget how to care anymore. That you had been trying to help her see that since you got back. That you didn't want her to become like you use to be. That you tried to talk about all that happened before the first time but she wouldn't let you. That she was still angry at you and she was afraid not to be because of everything else. She said she had shut down and forgot how not to be that way anymore. That it had gotten worse after Mom died. It was harder. She was afraid to feel anymore." Dawn paused wondering if she was making any sense.

"She said she had gotten lost and you were trying to help her find her way again. She said that you risked everything to help her. And she hurt you anyway even when she knew what you said was true. Buffy said something about a phone call, it had made her jealous. That she was sorry and wrong and didn't deserve you. That if it wasn't for you she might never have found her way again and that..."

"...We should all be thanking you." Willow said as she walked into the kitchen. "And we do, thank you that is. There is a lot of thanking going on from here."

Willow placed her hand lightly on Faith shoulder as she said it. She felt Faith tense immediately under her light touch and then slowly began to relax. Faith was feeling a little overwhelmed by everything Dawn had told her. Buffy had said much of the same last night, but hearing that she had told the others the same thing before she had come here, just somehow made it more real. Made her believe a little, made it harder to want to retreat into the safe numb place she had lived in for so long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...Can you hear me? ~ Can you see me? ~ What's inside of me? ~ I just want to believe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tara straggled into the kitchen a few minutes after Willow. "Morning," she mumbled to everyone in general. She placed a grateful kiss on Willow's cheek when she handed her a steaming cup of coffee. Faith was still sitting at the table a little dumbfounded.

"Where's Buffy?" When no one answered her, Tara looked at Dawn. "Is she still sleeping?"

"No, she was gone when I got up. I don't know where she is." Hearing the worry in Dawn's voice pulled Faith out of her semi-stupor.

"She was on the roof with me this morning, we watched the sunrise together." Faith felt herself blushing at the look both Tara and Willow gave her.

'Shit B! Whatcha do, tell them everything?'

Faith felt herself turning an even brighter shade of red when the image of Buffy naked on her lap came unbidden into her mind. A very familiar heat began to streak through her.

'Get a grip, for Christ's sake. The kid's here.'

As if the mention of her name had conjured her, Buffy walked into the kitchen. She was still half-asleep, her eyes half open, her face a little sunburned from having fallen asleep out on the roof after Faith left. Her hair was in disarray and a sleepy sort of sensual warmth was coming from her.

The only thought that came to Faith's mind when she saw her was that Buffy looked absolutely delicious. Much to her chagrin Faith's face turned an even brighter shade of red.

Buffy hesitated but a second when she saw the smiles that the two witches were directing at both her and Faith. She noticed that Faith was blushing and the look in her eyes made Buffy blush in turn. She didn't have to be a genius to know what Faith was thinking.

"Mmmmm, is that coffee I smell?" Consciously she used the same words from the last time they had shared a sunrise together. She lightly brushed her fingertips across Faith's arm, murmuring Morning, as she walked past her towards the counter for a cup of coffee. A part of her hoping that Faith would offer hers; a part of Faith desperately wanted to make that offer. She felt as little goose bumps rose under the pads of her fingers on the Dark Slayer's arm a second after she touched her.

She sat down at the table with her coffee across from Faith. She looked directly into Faith's eyes, and captured them before Faith had a chance to hide behind her safe wall. Both Slayers were caught in a weird sort of déjà vu.

Willow and Tara continued to watch them with silly grins on their faces. They all had forgotten about Dawn.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So what are we going to do today?" Everyone jumped at the sound of Dawn's voice, which made her giggle.

All four adults had the same guilty look a child got when they were caught with their hand in the cookie jar.

"What do you want to do Gamin?" Faith's voice came out far too husky for her liking. Buffy didn't seemed to mind though as she smiled slowly at Faith.

'Why she gotta look at me like that? Chill girlie, you know she likes fucking you. Don't mean nothin'.'

Buffy's smile faded as she saw the veil start to fall over Faith's eyes.

"I don't know something fun. Is Disney World far from here? Or maybe... I don't know... fun. You know fun. Something we can all do... No demons or other thingies... just...." Dawn trailed off when Faith turned and looked at her. There was a sort of blankness, coldness in her gaze.

"Faith?" Dawn asked hesitantly afraid she had said, done something wrong.

Faith blinkapidapidly when she saw the effect her retreat was having on Dawn.

'Shit, shshitshit!'

She shook her head to clear it of the numbness she had let settle in so quickly.

"Sorry kiddo went on a little Star Trek in my head. But I'm back now, just glad it wasn't a five year voyage!" Faith gave Dawn her infamous, Five-by-Five, grin. Dawn was quick to smile back.

"Why don't you go run and ask Gunn what's to do, I'm sure he knows of something fu

"'K." Dawn jumped up to go do what Faith suggested. When she got to the doorway, she turned around.

"Faith, have Buffy tell you about what happened with Spike after she got back from her Quest with Giles. It was kind of funny and yucky at the same time." She flashed a smirk at her sister. They didn't know she knew about that. She heard Willow and Tara laugh as she ran from the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Quest? Spike?" Faith asked as she got up and put on a fresh pot of coffee.

Willow and Tara joined Faith as she sat back down at the kitchen table.

"After you left the Magic Shop..." Buffy paused, the pain she had caused Faith rose up fresh in her mind. Hearing again Faith's anguished cry from outside of the shop. She closed her eyes and took a deep shaky breath and started again.

"After what I did, said to you at the shop and you left, well, my only concern was to find you. As I looked for you I kept wondering what I had become, how could I have done what I did? I kept looking for you, calling for you, when I couldn't find you, I went and got Dawn and we went back to the mansion to wait. I hoped that you would come there. While I was waiting, I began to think about it all. I realized that this had started long before now, that it had really begun the night that Allen died. We had both started down the same path that night; the only difference was you traveled it faster than me. I knew you were hurting but couldn't deal with it, because dealing with it meant that I would have to share in the blame too. It was easier to put all the blame on you. I went through the motions of trying to help you. I was in denial, I knew that it could have been me that had staked Allen by accident just as easily that night. I was afraid to look beneath the surface that was you, because then I would have to look beneath my own. The fear went deeper than that because I knew even back then that what I felt for you was more than simple friendship, more than just the whole Slayer connection. It was just too much for me. I left you alone for the vultures. I can never tell you how sorry I am. I think a part of both of us died with Allen that night."

Buffy paused again taking a sip of her coffee, her throat dry.

"Aah... We're gonna go now so you two can talk. We'll keep Daccupccupied for you."

Willow stood and Tara quickly followed. Both realized that this conversation was turning into more than about the Quest. The Slayers should have privacy. Unlike last night, this morning Faith seemed a little more receptive. Instinctively both witches knew that neither Slayer had come close to saying all they needed to say to each other.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...If my life can have a purpose ~ Help me to believe ~ I just want to believe ~ Can you hear me? ~ Can you see me? ~ What's inside of me? ~ I just want to believe...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy watched as a riot of emotions crossed Faith's face after the two witches left. She waited patiently to see if Faith was going to retreat. There was so much still left unsaid between them. So much that Buffy didn't get to say or at least not say the way she wanted to last night.

Buffy held her breath waiting to see if Faith was going to give her the chance that she had never given Faith.

Faith was in a panic, she wanted to run, to hide, to retreat back into that safe numb place she lived in for years upon years. She didn't want to feel, it hurt, there was pain in feeling, and Buffy made her feel. It came to her though that Buffy wasn't the only one who made her feel, Angel made her feel too. Cordelia, Wesley, Gunn... all cared about her, and she cared about them in return. Willow, Tara, Giles, Dawn, even Xander and Anya made her feel.

A dawning realization came to her that she had started to let herself feel long before now. She had begun to let herself feel again the day the girl whose life she had saved in the church had said thank you. Slowly but surely over time she had let herself begin to feel again. In a blinding moment of clarity, Faith realized that she didn't want to go back to that safe numb place anymore. If she stayed there, she would never be good enough for anyone. That most of her fear of not being good enough came from a place far deeper than what had happened the first time she was in Sunnydale.

She liked it in the warmth of the light; she was weary of always being cold and alone in the dark. While she may have needed that safe haven when she was a child she no longer needed it, no longer wanted it. She knew if she let herself go back into that safe place and stayed there, she would never find the redemption she wanted with all of her soul.

The question now was: Was she going to stop Buffy from talking about their past? Finally get it all out in the open so they could forgive each other, give themselves the chance to start over. Or was she going to stop her because of the same fear that made Buffy stop her for the last few weeks?

Faith had decided to stop running months ago and she didn't want to start again now.

She looked at Buffy and gave her a cautious smile, which grew a little bigger when she heard the whoosh of air Buffy let go of as she released the breath she had been obviously holding.

"B. You weren't the only one who was afraid back then you know..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They talked for hours about the past. Old hurts were brought out, rehashed and forgiven. Faith got up to pour them more coffee. As she walked back to the table with the cups, she felt Buffy's eyes upon her. When she looked, she saw that Buffy's gaze was drawn to her stomach, to where the scar from the knife wound was hidden beneath her shirt. She remembered that all the times they had lay together, Buffy's gaze, her hands, had always avoided the scar. Even in their discussion just now, they had sort of skirted around that whole issue and moved beyond it. It was the last thing from the past they had left to discuss.

Faith put the coffee cups down on the table, and went and stood in front of Buffy. Buffy tentatively reached out to touch Faith where she knew the scar lay, not sure if the Dark Slayer would let her or would move away.

Faith saw how Buffy's hand shook as she reached towards her. She understood, she knew intimately what it was like to hurt someone, almost kill them, only Faith actually knew what it was like to take a life too.

"It's okay B." Faith lifted her shirt up and taking Buffy's trembling hand placed it upon the scar. "I don't mind it, it helped, helps to remind me of all that I never want to be again."

Buffy ran her shaky fingers along the length of the jagged scar. The guilt she felt over stabbing Faith, almost killing her, still as fresh and as strong as the day it had happened. How could Faith ever forgive her for this? How could she ever forgive herself? Had she really been trying to kill Faith that night on the roof or had she been trying to kill off the part of herself that was just like Faith?

"I'm so sorry. I... I still can't believe... I never wanted to hurt you. I can never make this up to you. I don't know how you can even stand to be around me. I almost killed you... I took away eight months of your life... and even after that, you helped me to defeat the Mayor... How can you ever forgive me?" The guilt, the self-loathing was thick in Buffy voice. Her hand still trembled against the Dark Slayer's stomach.

"But you didn't, you could of, but you didn't. You could have stabbed me somewhere else, somewhere that would have killed me but you didn't. There was a part of me that wanted you to kill me. A part of me that wanted you to stop me, 'cause I couldn't stop myself. I pushed you into a corner; I tried to kill the love of your life. I won't lie and tell you I wasn't pissed, that I couldn't believe that you actually stabbed me. 'Cause I was. I was out of control, if it had been me that night with the knife... I don't know if you would be here now..."

"I don't believe that Faith. I don't believe that even back then you could have killed me. If you wanted me dead, any of us dead, you would have never told me how to defeat the Mayor. You didn't have to come to me in a Slayer dream. The part of you, the person that you are now was aware even in a coma. You made sure none of us would die, that the Mayor wouldn't win. So don't ever believe that, because I never will."

Faith was a little amazed that even after everything that had happened between them, everything she had done, that Buffy believed she would never really hurt her, not even back then. She put her hand over Buffy's still trembling one, stroking it softly.

"How can you ever forgive me? I can't forgive me." Buffy whispered so softly that even Faith had a hard time hearing her with her Slayer hearing. She didn't think that Buffy even knew she had spoken the words out loud.

"I forgave you for this a long time ago B. It's time for you to forgive yourself."

"I don't know if I can Faith."

"I... I need you to. Please B? I need you to for me, for us, or we will never be free of it. I want so badly for us to be free of it. Be free of the past."

"I'll try Faith."

"Promise."

"I promise."

The Chosen Two looked at each other for a minute. Faith's gaze was still cautious, but still open to Buffy. Both were reluctant to move onto the more recent past that had led them to be here in L.A. instead of Sunnydale. Those wounds, those hurts, that pain, was still fresh and this time Buffy knew all the blame lay with her. She took a few shaky breaths trying to compose herself and reluctantly pulled her hand away from the Dark Slayer's stomach.

"I never thanked you for keeping me safe that first night in Angel's apartment. I never thanked you for making me wake up to what I was doing to my family, my fri, to, to you. I know now that if I kept heading down that road that none of us would survive... I want to thank you now... Thank you because you did it even after all I had done to you, after the way I had treated you..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"WHAT?"

"...the FUCK..."

"...Goddamn BITCH..."

"...KILL..."

"...OVER MY DEAD BODY..."

"...FUCKING KILL..."

"FAITH! STOP!"

Willow, Tara, Dawn, Gunn, Cordelia, Wesley, and Angel came rushing in the kitchen after Buffy yelled for Faith to stop. Things had been pretty quiet up until five minutes ago. They all looked a little ashamed when they saw Buffy calmly sitting at the table and Faith who had been pacing stop to look at them like they all had three heads.

Buffy and Faith looked at each other and busted out laughing. They all looked silly standing there all bunched up together. Angel had stopped short when he realized that they were mistaken in their assumption of what was suddenly happening between the Slayers. When he stopped short, Wesley slammed into his back, which in turn caused Cordelia to slam into his, then Gunn into hers, Dawn into Gunn, Tara into Dawn, and finally Willow into Tara. They looked like something out of a Three Stooges movie only doubled.

"Can't breathe here," Cordelia gasped out and started laughing herself. They all started laughing even Angel. There was a chorus of Sorry following the laughter.

Dawn looked between the two SlayerIt wIt was good to see them laugh. It had seemed like forever since she had seen her sister laugh, and she couldn't recall the last time she had seen Faith laugh.

"Why were you yelling?" Leave it to the young to jump right in and ask what none of the grownups would.

"I ah, just got finished telling Faith about my Slayer Quest. About what Glory did to Spike and his little robot. That Spike was willing to give his own life to protect the key. I filled her in on all that we know about Glory. And I told her everything we know about the key. I also told her about Glory's threat to go after my family and friends one by one until I gave her the key. Faith got a little upset." Upset was an understatement.

Buffy told Faith about what happened after she had gotten back from her Quest. How Spike had a sex robot built for him that looked exactly like Buffy. That was the beginning of Faith's pacing back and forth. She continued the story, telling how Glory tortured Spike to within an inch of his undead life before Buffy and the Scoobs had come to the rescue, with the sexbot's help as well.

Then how later she pretended to be the sexbot to find out if Spike had told Glory that Dawn was the key. Without thinking, Buffy told Faith how she had kissed Spike in thanks for what he was willing to do in order to protect Dawn. He had been willing to die.

That's when the yelling started. Buffy sat back in the chair watching Faith as she paced, ranted, and threw her hands in the air. As she switched back and forth between anger and jealously over a simple thank-you kiss. Buffy thought Faith looked so cute, adorable in fact, she had to fight the urge to get up and just kiss her. Faith continued ranting, first about how she was going to beat the shit out Spike when she got back to Sunnydale, then Glory. Hell, Faith had finally said, I'll kill two birds with one stone, and just beat the shit out of them together.

Buffy heart had leapt with joy when Faith had yelled she was going back to Sunnydale. Up until that point, Buffy didn't know if Faith would return. There were still three things the Slayers had yet to talk about, whether Faith would come back home with Buffy. Their feelings for each other; which Buffy already felt sure they both knew how the other felt. The third was if Faith did return to Sunnydale where did they go from there. She knew where she wanted to go, and knew that fear was stopping Faith from wanting the same thing.

Buffy and Faith stopped laughing when they saw the fear that was written clearly across Dawn's face. The mention of Glory's name caused terror to streak instantly through the youngest Summers' girl every time.

"Don't worry Gamin, that fucking bitch won't get within a foot of you with me an B around."

"Faith!" Both Dawn and Buffy yelled in unison.

"What?"

"You said the F word!" Dawn giggled forgetting her fear, acting more like a ten-year-old instead of a fourteen-year-old.

Apparently, it was contagious because everyone started laughing again. Lord knew they could all use a little more laughter in all their lives.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Faith stepped onto the roof the next morning, she found both the vampire with a soul and the golden-haired Slayer waiting for her.

She stood between them both and watched the sun rise. Really hearing for the first time the promise of hope the new day brought.

Silently thanking whoever it was in charge for sending her Angel. The first person ever to make her feel safe and loved and she thanked them for giving her a second chance with Buffy the only person whose arms had ever felt like home.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
...Everybody wants to find the circle ~ The line of truth that has no end ~ Because so many nights I've slept with the feeling of empty ~ And I say, right now I'm ready to believe - Sprung Monkey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Continued in Chapter XII – Awesome