Lost Memories

“Willow? Time to wake up.”

Tara was calling to her from far away, hidden behind the fog of her sleep riddled brain. But she was not going to answer, refused to wake up, because as long as she didn’t wake up, she didn’t have to get up. If she didn’t get up then she could spend all day wrapped in Tara’s arms and pretend for a just a little while that the world outside their room, outside their bed didn’t exist.

“Willow?”

Wait, that didn’t sound like Tara at all. That was a decidedly masculine voice, a masculine British voice. Giles? Had she fallen asleep on Giles’ couch again?

“Come on luv, you have to get back home before the Slayer finds you gone.”

No, not Giles, that accent was a little more cockney than his. Seeing as how she has only ever known one other person with a British accent, it can only be…..

“Good morning, Spike.” A soft smile warming her lips as she tilted her head just far enough up and to the side to see him out of the corner of her eye. He was absolutely adorable with his sleepy half-lidded eyes and unruly bed head. Kind of like a small child and she knows exactly how he was able to blaze a trail of destruction for so many years.

You would never look at that beautiful face and say “Now there’s a murdering bastard if I ever saw one.” She’d bet there’d hardly be a woman alive who could resist his multitude of charms, and not too many men either. Just take her for example, one of the “white-hats“ as he would say. Here she was, cuddled right up to him, in the dark, cool basement of a crypt in the middle of a cemetery, even after being kidnapped by him and having been at least once mere inches from death at his hands. Can magic withdrawal cause brain damage? She was waking up next to Spike, and there wasn’t an ounce of regret or panic.

“Mornin’ Red, sleep good then?” She was utterly radiant this morning. The dark circles that had taken up residence under her eyes as of late were all but gone. The sickly pallor was replaced with a clear, almost rosy cheeked glow. Her stunning emerald eyes were clear and nearly sparkled. She wasn’t quite the Willow she once was, but truth be told, that could be a long time coming, if ever, but she was damned close. He was just delighted that it seemed one night with him had done for her what days with her friends had not. It appeared as if he had helped her find a little more of herself in the dark abyss that had overwhelmed her lately.

“Yeah. Wonderfully actually. Haven’t slept that good since………..well, since Tara left.” She closed her eyes in an attempt to stop the burning that signaled the beginning of the waterworks. Tara, oh goddess, how could she be doing this to Tara?

“I’ve….I need to…….I’m just going to leave now.” She said as she threw the covers back and practically leapt from the bed, but alas, she was once again too slow. He pulled her back to the bed and against his chest so fast her head did literally spin for a moment.

“What’s this about then? Why the sudden urge to get away from me? Did I do something? Say the wrong thing? I’m always doing that, buggering everything up. Can be a right wanker sometimes pet. Just tell me what it is and we’ll fix it, yeah?”

To be so full of himself she suddenly realized how little self esteem he really had. He thought he’d screwed up, thought she was mad at him? “You didn’t do anything Spike. Why would you even think that? How could asking me how I slept be cause for me being upset with you?”

Bloody imbecile he was, she didn’t get teary until she mentioned her bird. “Tara then?”

“Yeah, Tara. No, not Tara, me. I’m supposed to be concentrating on getting better, supposed to be thinking about all the ways I hurt the people around me and what I can do to make up for it. Not doing that though, am I? Nope, I’m running around behind my girlfriend’s back with my best friend’s boyfriend. What kind of person does that? Not to mention there are entirely too many ‘friend’ suffixes in that sentence, that’s enough to tell you something’s not right.”

“Ok Red, let’s slow down for a minute. First things first, I am not Buffy’s boyfriend. If she heard you say that, it just might make her mad enough to stake you. Secondly, and most important, Tara initiated the current hiatus on your relationship, seems to me she’d have no right to be upset with you for being here with me.” Hell she looked better than she had in days. He wondered if Tara knew Willow at all. He could’ve told her from the start that Red was going to need some serious moral support and a real physical connection with someone to truly beat this. That’s just how she was, she loved too deeply to be able to maintain her grasp on herself, deal with and beat an addiction while at the same time nursing a broken heart.

“Spike, she was right, that spell I did? I put us all in danger, we could have been killed, just because I didn’t want to face the music, own up to my mistakes and shortcomings.”

“Bollocks! Now you listen and you listen good. Yes, she was right about one thing, the magic was getting to you. Not because you can’t handle it, but because Giles has always been too busy keeping Buffy in line to take the time to help you channel your energy. So, this situation you’re in right now isn’t entirely your fault. And will you please tell me why the hell the spell you did is so very different from the one Tara did about a year ago? Remember? I sure has hell haven‘t forgotten, damned annoying being practically invisible.”

Her eyes go wide as the truth of his words hit her like a ton of bricks.

“Ah, now you see. Not saying it was wrong of her to try to get you to lay off the magic. Just saying that she was a little hypocritical, don’t ya think? Then for her to leave you to deal with this all by yourself? When you love someone, truly love someone, their problems are your problems and you don’t throw your hands up and walk away when the shit gets too deep. Nope, you pinch your nose, step a little higher and hold on a little tighter.”

“Thanks, Spike.” She was quite for a couple minutes, than another tiny small as she turned to look up at him again “See? You don’t always say the wrong things. You tell the truth and most people really don’t want the truth, but you don’t say the wrong things. And sometimes, like now, you say exactly the right thing.”

Now it was his turn to smile. “Maybe you're right luv. But, we’ll have to argue about it later. Right now, as bad as I hate it, you need to get home. Lots of questions you’ll have to answer if Buffy gets up this morning and finds you gone.”

“Oh crap, I've got to go.” she was up again in a flash, and this time he reluctantly let her go, and tried to ignore the tug at his heart when she started up the steps without so much as a kiss on the cheek. He didn’t have long to dwell on it though, because she stopped halfway up and was back softly but quickly kissing him goodbye before dashing back up in earnest. Yep, he might just sleep pretty good today too.