Devil's In The Details

“I’ll just go get the car and we’ll be off.” Xander said to Buffy as she stood on the step above him. She smiled at him and turned to make her way down the other hall to get her bag. Then suddenly she was slung around and Xander kissed her.
“We need to keep in practice.” He said and smiled at her and then ran down the other way towards the garage.
Angel watched Buffy coming down the hall after kissing Xander and he tried to control himself. But as she came closer to him he found himself overwhelmed he grabbed her and pulled her into the closest room.
“Angel what the hell are you doing?”
“If were really over, forever over then there are a few things I need to tell you.”
“Ok?”
“First off, I never stopped loving you, not for a second, the farthest away from you I could go was L.A. and that damn near killed me. Second, I never blamed you for sending me to hell, I never blamed you for me losing my soul, I’d give anything to have that night just one more time even if it meant me going to hell. I’m not sorry I broke up with you, I feel stupid about the way I did it but I knew that you deserved a life. Third, I hate Xander. I always thought that one day I would be with you, I didn’t know what I would do once I got to you but I can’t help but think that I’m closer than I’ll ever be, and if you want me, I’ll do everything in my power to be with you. And one time I was human and we were together and I gave it up to keep you safe.”
Angel finally really looked at Buffy and she had tears in her eyes.
“Thank you Angel.” She ran her hand along his cheek and sighed. “I suppose if it’s confession time, I should have a go too. I know that you never blamed me but it doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel like it was my mistake. But the moment before I jumped, to save Dawn’s life, I was thinking of you, that I hoped that maybe we could be together some other time. After I came back, I knew about you and I being together in L.A.. Remembering the moment you kissed me in the sunlight kept me alive.” She looked at him and she saw his eyes asking to kiss her, he moved in close but then she pulled away. “But I’m not the girl that you left in Sunnydale. I can’t tell you to become human just so we can see if we belong together. If you want to be human, you have to do it for yourself. I don’t want to be your reason. And I can’t help but think if Cordelia was here that you wouldn’t be a little more hesitant about me.” She told him and he looked at her, she was right, she wasn’t the girl he had left in Sunnydale, but he wasn’t sure that meant he didn’t love her.
“I knew you stopped loving me first.” Angel told her and she looked like she wanted to slap him.
“What? I love you, I’ve always loved you, how could you say that!” Angel looked at her and played with a strand of her hair.
“You were fighting a god Buffy and you didn’t even call me.” Buffy went silent.
“I asked you to stay and you said no.”
“All you had to do was tell me, but you didn’t want me.” Buffy looked away from him.
“I didn’t know what was going to happen.”
“You weren’t going to let her go Buffy.”
“Neither would you.”
“She wasn’t even real.”
“That didn’t matter.”
“Is that why you.., because you thought I would let her die?”
“You said it yourself; to you she wasn’t even real.”
“I don’t mean that I wouldn’t protect her.”
“Angel, you and I talk a mean game about sacrificing for the cause but when it comes down to it Dawn is my ultimate selfish act. She was my line in the sand, I’ve given up so much but she was something I wouldn’t let go. I was willing to watch the world end just to keep her safe. But people like to say it was a selfless act because I died. And I just don’t see you doing that.”
“I gave up my son.”
“No Angel, he was taken from you and that must have been hard, but it just wasn’t the same.”
“I don’t know who we are anymore Buffy.” Angel said crestfallen, like he had given in to something, the fight that he had raged for the last seven years felt like it was over, and he had lost.
“I know,” She said as she caressed his face the way only she did.
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t find a way back to each other.” She told him and he smiled slowly at her.
“I don’t know if we fit anymore Buffy.” Angel said and she smiled warmly at him.
“We’ll find a way, we always do.”
“Even if you’re with somebody else?”
“We’ve done it before, we can do it again.” She moved her hand from his face and turned a walked down the hall, where Xander’s car had pulled around to take them on their first date together.