So Damn Domestic

Two Weeks Later. BPOV


I still haven’t told Faith about me leaving. I’ve been putting it off for way too long. I leave in two weeks and there’s no getting around it. I know she’ll understand why I have to go. She had to leave too when I was pregnant with Matthew, but I know this is entirely different. I was only pregnant. I could handle things on my own, but I’m leaving her alone with a newborn and a five-year-old. Kennedy is going to pretty much be living here. I feel horrible because Willow and Kennedy know that I’m leaving before Faith does. That wasn’t really my choice though, Giles asked Willow to go with us and then she told Kennedy about it and I guess Kennedy asked about me and Willow can’t tell a lie to save her life. Well, that’s not exactly true, she can lie, but not to the people that are close to her. Ok, that is so not the point. I’m getting off the subject again. What the hell? I hear my bedroom door being slammed and now Matthew is walking out into the living room, pouting, his arms are folded across his chest.


“What’s the matter, sweetie?” He doesn’t answer me, doesn’t even acknowledge that I’m in the room. Maybe didn’t hear me. He climbs up onto the couch and throws himself against the back of it and pouts some more. God, this kid sure does take after me. I walk over to the couch and sit down next to him. He still isn’t looking at me. He’s been doing this a lot since we brought Addison home. He gets mad at Faith for whatever reason and then he pouts and ignores me. “Matthew, what’s the matter?” He huffs and puffs a little bit, but he doesn’t say anything. I put my thumb and index finger on his chin to gently turn his head so that he’s looking at me. His eyebrows are furrowed but he doesn’t fight against me in any way. “Why are you so mad, baby?” He takes in a deep breath and lets it out pretty quickly. I gently wraps his hands around mine but doesn’t pull it away from his face.


“Mama won’t read ta me ‘cause she’s feedin the baby. She doesn’t do anything with me anymore ‘cause she always has to feed the baby.” There’s anger in his voice but mostly hurt from being rejected. I know Faith probably told him that she’d read to him in a couple of minutes but he’s used to her reading to him whenever he wants her to, so him waiting like that just isn’t something he’s used to. I pray that he learns patience by the time I have to leave or else I’ll feel even more guilty about leaving Faith with them. I know that the leaving is the right thing to do because if those junior slayers don’t get their acts together then our future is screwed and we’ll be forced to live on that hellmouth, and I don’t want my kids growing up on a hellmouth.


“Matthew, I told you before you’re just going to have to be patient. When Addison is hungry then Mama has to feed her, there’s nothing we can do about it. It doesn’t take her very long to feed the baby and then she’ll read to you, but you’re going to have to wait, ok?” He huffs and puffs and a little more but he nods his head yes. I don’t want to ask him this but I feel like I need to. “Matthew, if I were to leave on a trip for a long time would you be extra good for Mama?” He looks up at me with a very questioning look. God, he looks just like Faith right now, well, except for the fact that he’s a boy, but she gets that same expression on her face. “I’m not saying that I’m going on one, but if I did would you promise to be extra good?” He thinks about it for a couple of seconds and then he nods his head yes. He doesn’t question me for asking him that which is really weird. I lean down and give him a kiss on top his head. “I need to go talk to Mama, will you go play outside with Tucker?” He nods his head yes and then jumps off the couch. Getting Tucker used to the baby isn’t as hard as we thought it was going to be. He seems to know that she’s fragile and he avoids her at all costs. He doesn’t go near the nursery when she’s in it and he doesn’t touch any of her stuff. I get up and walk into my bedroom. Faith is sitting up on the bed with her back against the headboard. She’s looking down at Addison and smiling and whispering to our girl as our baby eats.


“And when you’re five you get to go to this place called school where there’s lots of other kids for you to play with you. And when you get older like thirteen or fourteen you’re gonna be interested in boys, but you’re not dating until you’re eighteen. Sorry toots, that’s just the way it’s gonna be,” she whispers to her and smiles wider when Addison grunts a little bit. I can’t help but smile at the sight of this and then I feel horrible again because I’m going to miss out on so much. “And when you do start dating you’re going to date a nice guy, I don’t want any of that teenage rebellion and dating the dangerous lookin guys. You want one that’s gonna treat you right. And the same goes if you’re more into girls. No matter who you date they need to be nice.” I roll my eyes a little bit and walk into the room. Faith looks up and smiles at me and then looks down at Addison again. “And you’re not going to drink or smoke or do any kinds of drugs or you’ll be grounded to your room until you’re thirty.” I roll my eyes again and sit down on the bed. I scoot over so that I’m sitting really close to Faith. I rest my back against the headboard and gently rub Addison on the top of the head.


“It’s good that you’re setting ground rules but don’t you think you should wait until she actually knows what you’re saying?” I tease a little. I lean in and give her a gentle kiss on the lips and then pull back to look down at our little baby. Her eyes aren’t as gray as they used to be. In just two weeks they’ve darkened up a little bit but her doctor said tha it could take years for them to turn brown. They’re a really dark gray right now so everybody thinks they’re brown anyway. I give Faith a kiss on her cheek, right where her dimple would be if she were smiling right now. Ok, I’m guilty I’m trying to butter her up a little bit because it’s time to have ‘the talk’. As much as I hate it and I’d rather have Giles here to back me up I know this is something that I need to do alone. She’ll understand, she had to leave when I was pregnant to do a mission. But like I said before I was only pregnant, she’ll be taking care of a newborn and Matthew almost all by herself. “Faith, I know this is going to win the worst timing of the year award but I need to tell you something, but first I need you to promise me that you won’t say anything until I’m done, ok?” I can tell that she’s already worried but she promises not to say anything. I wonder how long it’s going to last. Faith isn’t one to be quiet for very long she has to have her opinion heard, it’s one of the things I love about her most. Addison stops eating and starts to fuss a little bit. Faith uses a soft rag to wipe off the extra milk on Addison’s mouth and then she gently places her in the basinet next to the bed. She turns back to me and gives me this ‘well are you gonna talk or what?’ type look. I guess it’s now or never.


“Over the last couple months I’ve been talking to Giles, a lot more then I’ve let on. We’ve been talking at least twice a day and I lied about it because I didn’t want you to worry. You can probably tell by my tone that this isn’t good news. I’ll try to get right to the point.” I pause for a couple of seconds and toy with some imaginary lint on the comforter. “The slayers over in Ohio, the freshmen ones...well they’re not listening to any of the watchers. They’re just kind of doing their own thing and they’re using their slayer powers for their own personal gain. They’re not showing up for classes and they’re not training anymore. Giles says that they’re getting worst and he said that if something doesn’t change soon then we’ll have to move to Cleveland to protect the hellmouth.” I can tell she wants to say something but she’s respecting my ‘no talking until I’m done’ request which I’m glad for. I have tears in my eyes now just thinking about this next part. “He thinks that it would be good for them if I went there for a little while. He told me that they look at us as if we’re celebrities or something. He thinks that if I go there and show them what a slayer really is then they’ll straighten out.” I take a deep breath and open my mouth to speak but she beats me to it.


“Sorry to interrupt but the way you’re wordin this it sounds like you’re going by yourself. You know that if you go then I’m going with you right?” I don’t say anything and she crosses her arms over her chest. She’s getting defensive, that’s never good. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slow. “How long does he want you to be there?” This is the part that I know she’s going to hate. If I don’t handle this right then there could be screaming and yelling and I really don’t want to fight about this. I don’t want to go as much as she wants me to stay but I have to go. Our futures depend on it. I take in a deep ragged breath and wipe the tears off of my cheeks as they slide down my face.


“Two months, at least. We still haven’t talked about everything yet. He says that if everything goes ok then I’ll be able to come home for Christmas but he isn’t sure about New Years, or our birthdays. I know this sucks, but baby think about it. If I don’t go there now and get the ones in training back on track then we’ll have to move there. And we have roots here, Matthew’s in school, he has friends, we have a life here now, this is our home. I don’t want to have to give this up just because some hormonal teenagers think they’re better then they really are.” That was a little harsh, but I don’t care. “And we, we being Giles and me, both think it would be best if you stayed here. You just had a baby, so the stress of that and then flying to Ohio and then having to get used to everything would be too much. I’m not the only one going. Willow and Xander are going with me. Giles thinks that if the whole Scooby gang goes then it’ll motivate them to do better. And Giles already talked to Willow about it so Kennedy already knows and she said that she’ll stay here with you as long as you need to help you out with Matthew and Addison, and Katie said that she’d come over a couple times a week to help out too now that Miranda is older.” Xander’s baby girl, I can’t remember how old she is now, a few months. Katie gave birth in January, I guess I forgot to mention that. Faith is still being really quiet and I know that this isn’t a good thing. “Faith, say something, please.” I sound like I’m begging but I don’t care.


“I need to be alone.” What? I look into her eyes and she’s pissed off, really pissed off but I don’t want to leave. We need to talk about this. “I need to think about this for a while and I can’t do that with you sitting right there. Go away, please.” I want to give her a kiss but I know she won’t let me. She hates being touched when she’s angry. She needs her space and I have to give it to her. I smile a small very sad smile before I get up and leave the room. Matthew is standing in the hallway, I guess he heard the entire thing because he has a sad confused look on his face. I wipe the rest of my tears away and put on a brave face because if he sees how this is effecting me then it’ll make it so much worst for him. I hold out my hand and he wraps his fingers around my ring finger and I lead him outside. I don’t want him to be in the house right now because I can hear Faith crying. As much as I want to go in there I have to stay away because she wants to be alone right now. I sit down in one of the plastic lounge chairs and watch as he plays with is toy trucks in the patch of dirt that used to be my beautiful garden.


“Mommy,” he says and I jump a little at the sound of his voice. I must’ve zoned out. He’s standing in front of me, a serious expression is on his face and if I wasn’t afraid of what he’s going to say then I would think that it’s cute, which it is but I can’t think about that because I know he overheard the conversation I had with Faith. “Why are those girls bein bad? You said to Mama that Grandpa Giles needs you in Ohio ‘cause those girls are bein bad. But why are they bein bad?” I sigh heavily and think about the question. Why are they being bad? Well, I know a little bit of the story. It’s mostly because they need guidance and Giles and the other watches can only guide them so far but because they’re just humans they don’t really know what the girls are going through. And one girl named Lily Montgomery, seventeen-years-old came from a bad home, has a bad attitude, reminds Giles of Faith when she first showed up in Sunnydale, has decided to become the leader of these girls and they look up to her because she has the confidence that they need. Giles says that she has the potential of becoming a great leader and an equally great slayer but she gets into trouble, she encourages them to do bad things and skip classes and ignore the watches. She has a problem with authority figures in that she doesn’t listen to them. She lives by her own rules and the watchers are having a hard time dealing with her because they’re just humans and she’s a slayer. That why Giles wants me because I’m strong enough and experienced enough to fight off a slayer like her.


“Because they’re listening to this one girl when they shouldn’t, and she’s having them do bad things, and Grandpa Giles wants me to go Ohio to help make her good again.” It’s not like she’s evil or anything, she’s just a teenage misfit who not only has the potential of being a great slayer but also a real problem to society. “And I’m going to be gone for a long time, but I have to go, sweetie, and you have to stay here and help take care of Mama and Addison, ok? I know that it isn’t fair, but I need you to be a big boy and help your mama take care of your sister. Can you do that for me? It’s really important.” I really don’t want to put this kind of pressure on him but if I don’t then he’ll probably act up even more after I leave and I don’t want Faith to have to deal with that. He thinks about it for a few minutes and then he nods his head yes. I smile and pick him up and give him a big hug. He hugs me back and we sit there like that for a couple of minutes. Then we hear Addison start to cry. I don’t worry about it too much because Faith is in there and no matter how pissed off she is at me she won’t let Addison suffer because of it. Ok, or maybe I’m wrong because it’s been two whole minutes and Addison is still crying. I put Matthew down and he follows me in the house. I go into my bedroom and Faith isn’t in there. She’s probably in the bathroom or something. I pick Addison up and carry her into the nursery, that’s where the changing table is.


“You wanna help me, sweetie?” I ask Matthew. He nods his head yes and steps a little closer to me. “Ok, will you go get me a diaper?” We keep forgetting to bring the bag of diapers over to the changing table. He runs over to the closet and pulls one out as best he can but it’s stuffed in there pretty tight so three or four fall out. He picks those ones up too and brings them over to me. I smile at him and he hands me one. “Thank you, you’re a really big help.” I smile at him and he puffs out his chest a little with pride. This is only a wet diaper which is good because it’ll be easier to convince him to take it to the trash in the kitchen because it doesn’t smell. I carefully wipe her and put the fresh diaper on her. I leave the others lying on the table, we’ll need them later anyway, might as well have them in reach. I put the wipes inside the wet diaper and clasp the little tabby thingies so that it’s in a tight ball. “Will you go throw this away for me?” He gives me a weird look and I smile at him. “It’s only pee, just go throw it away.” He rolls his eyes but does as I ask. He may be a brat sometimes but he lives to please. “Alright baby girl, you’re ok. Shh, you’re fine.” She hates having her diaper changed. She doesn’t like the feel of the cold wipes. I pick her up and gently rock her in my arms and carefully pat her stomach. We have to be careful because the umbilical stump thingy still hasn’t fallen off yet.


“Mommy, I threw it away,” he says as he walks back into the room. I smile at him and praise him for doing a good job. He gets even more prideful, his ego is almost as big as Faith’s. Now that Addison has gone back to sleep I can put her back in the basinet. After she’s all tucked away and off in dream land I go looking for Faith, no pun intended. I find her on the front porch, smoking what looks like her third cigarette, and I’m judging that solely on the fact that there are two cigarette butts in the little clay flower pot she uses as an astray that I cleaned out a few days ago. As much as I’d rather she not smoke I don’t blame her for doing it. This is a stressful situation, she needs to calm down a little bit. She’s been handling all the other stress just fine, the stress of getting up every two hours and feeding Addison and the stress that Matthew is putting us through with his jealousy, but this is just too much for her to handle and I get it, I really do.


“When are you leaving?” she asks as I sit down next to her. I hate to admit it but I’ve missed the smell of her clove cigarettes. Don’t as me why, I just have. I sigh heavily and run a hand through my hair. She isn’t as mad now but I’m still afraid to touch her. I don’t want to push her over the edge and start a fight. I’m surprised we didn’t fight earlier. I’m just glad I left when she asked me to otherwise it would have been a very big fight. I sigh again and watch as the smoke she just exhaled swirls around in the cool air.


“Two weeks.” She stops breathing for a couple of seconds and then takes another drag. This situation is making me want to smoke and I’ve never had a cigarette before. “Giles wants me to leave as soon as possible but I told him that I want to spend more time with you, and Matthew and Addison. I already told Matthew that I have to leave, I just haven’t told him when or for how long. Giles has been bugging me about leaving earlier but I don’t want-”


“Then go.” What? I look over at her and I know my eyes are really wide. She inhales and then exhales another drag from her cigarette and then stomps it out on the porch and puts the butt in the flower pot. “I don’t mean ta sound harsh but the way you’re makin it sound you really need ta go there and get everyone back in line. And the sooner you get that done the soon you can get back. Our birthdays are never really a big deal and we can’t really go away to celebrate ‘cause Addy, but promise you’ll be back for Christmas.” Christmas has always been a big deal for us. I can feel the tears building up in my eyes. I don’t want to leave and I really don’t want to leave earlier then I planned. I know that Willow and Kennedy are spending every waking moment together, same with Xander and his family. They don’t have to leave with me, I can go before them but I was hoping we’d all go together for that good ol’ fashioned scooby support system we’ve had going on since high school.


“I promise I’ll be back. No matter what Giles says I’ll come back even if I have to walk all the way from Cleveland.” She knows I’m not joking, and I’m not. “I’ll go earlier if you think it’s best but I really don’t want to.” I lean over and wrap my arms around her. I know she’s still pissed but I can’t take it anymore, I need to feel her. She wraps her arms around me and holds me as I cry. I can feel her hot tears land on my neck and I start to cry even harder. What started as soft tears have now become loud body shaking sobs and I don’t think I can handle this. I’m not as strong as I used to be, I need her with me, I don’t think I can do this alone. “I love you so much. You know I’m only leaving because I have to, don’t you? You know that I don’t have a choice?” In all honesty I do have a choice. I could tell Giles no that I’m not leaving, but this way is better because it’ll help protect our futures and if I can get that one slayer under control and put her back in line then the others will do the same and then we won’t have to move.


“I know. I’m gonna miss you so much.” She’s crying harder now too. “I know you wanna wait, B, but it would be better if you leave as soon as ya can. You already told Mattie that you’re goin and if you stick around then he’ll just get really upset when you go. If we dwell on it then we’ll just be more depressed.” I can’t believe she’s saying these things, but I know she’s right. We sit out on the porch in each other’s arms for a few more minutes. Then Matthew opens the door and tells us that Addison is crying. Faith gives me a lingering kiss on the lips and then gets up to go check on our girl. I sit there for a couple of seconds feeling cold and lonely. Then Matthew walks up to me and wraps his arms around my neck. I almost break down again right there but I need to be strong for him. We pull apart and I go into the living room. He goes off into his bedroom, probably to cry. He does that a lot now, ever since he turned six and became a ‘big boy’ he doesn’t want to cry in front of us so he’ll go into his bedroom. We check on him of course and make sure that he’s ok but we give him some space if he wants us to leave. I pick up the phone and dial the cell phone number that I know by heart.


“Giles, it’s Buffy.” I don’t sound pleased at all. I listen to him shuffle around a little, he’s probably packing up his stuff early so he’ll be ready to go when we leave, which was supposed to be in two weeks. “I talked to Faith about it. She’s pissed and doesn’t want me to leave but she understands. She thinks it would be better for all of us if I leave earlier then I planned.” He asks how much earlier and I take a deep breath. I really don’t want to do this. “She said as soon as possible, but I don’t want to go until the day after tomorrow. I want one last day with them because I won’t be seeing them until Christmas. And I don’t give a shit is the world is ending I will be coming home for Christmas.” He knows not to go against me when I’m this angry, so he says that it’s fine and he’ll call the piolets of his private jet and let them know about the schedule change. He tells me the only time we’ll be able to leave and I cringe a little. I sigh again before I continue. “Will you do me a favor? Call Willow and Xander and tell them that I’ll be leaving soon. I don’t want them to leave early, they need to spend time with their families, but Faith thinks I should go, so I’m going to go.” We talk for a couple more minutes and then we say goodbye and hang up. Now that the phone call is out of the way I should start to pack. I don’t want to do it tomorrow, I want to spend as much time as I can with my family before I leave. He told me that the only time we’ll be able to leave the day after tomorrow is at five in the morning because the plane will leave at seven thirty and then land in Cleveland at five thirty that night. I don’t know what time it’ll be in Cleveland because the time zones are different.


I don’t want to do this, but I have to. I go into Matthew’s room to check on him. He’s cried himself to sleep. I walk in and give him a kiss on the forehead and then gently lift him up and put him under the covers. I leave the room and go into my bedroom. Faith is sitting on the bed, holding Addison as she sleeps. I walk over to her, tears in my eyes and I give her a kiss on the lips. I tell her when I’ll be leaving and she tenses up. She said as soon as possible but I guess she wasn’t thinking it would be so soon. She watches as I pack up my luggage. I’m only going to take the clothes that I think I’ll need. It snows there a lot so only heavy warm stuff. I leave my toothbrush because I’ll need it later and I can always buy a new one. Then I pack up some sentimental things, pictures of Faith and Matthew, a couple of photo albums, my jewelry box, and the new pictures that we just printed, the ones of Addison and Faith at the hospital and then the first two or three days we brought her home. They’re saved to the computer as well because we have a digital camera, so Faith can print out more, but I’m going to need these. I sit down on the bed and Faith hands me our daughter. I give her a little kiss on the forehead and one of my tears drips down and lands on her face. Where it landed and the way it’s now running down her soft skin it almost looks like it came from her. I lean over and give Faith a kiss on the lips that doesn’t deepen but it lingers for a full minute. I hate this so much, but it has to be done. Sometimes I hate being a slayer more then anything else in the world.


FPOV


I cannot believe this. She’s leaving me. I know it’s because she’s one of the original slayers and Giles asked her to do it as a favor to him, but I still can’t believe it. More then I can’t believe that it’s happening is the fact that she hid it from me. She could have told me sooner. Now that I’m thinking about it I’m glad she didn’t tell me. I probably would have gone into labor earlier then I did. I’m finally starting to get a little better. I’m not as sore, except for my breasts, but I’ll get used to that. I can’t wait to start training again and get back into shape. Now that Buffy’s leaving I guess I’ll have to spar with Kennedy. Since she’s a slayer I don’t have to hold back like I would with a regular person, but it’s just not the same. When I spar with Buffy it’s like we’re totally in tune with each other. I’m going to miss her so much. She’s leaving tomorrow, really early, but I’ll probably be up to see her leave. Addy wakes me up at four thirty to eat so I’ll just stay up to say goodbye.


She won’t be landing in Cleveland until five or six that night, and she won’t get to the facility until eight maybe nine. It takes an hour and a half to get there and that’s if the traffic is good. She promised to call as soon as she can and she’s going to call every night before Mattie has to go to bed so that she can talk to him. It’s going to be so hard hearing her voice but not seeing her face. She’s going to e-mail and stuff and Willow said that when she gets there she promises to take pictures of Buffy being strict with the little slayers. I really want to know what she’s going to say to them. She’s really pissed off at them right now, which I think she has every right to be. I know she isn’t going to go easy on them at all, I just hope she does a good job. I think they’d look up to me a little better because apparently this other slayer that they’re listening to is a lot like how I used to be. But I can’t leave. Buffy’s right, it would be too much stress on all of us.


“Buffy.” I whisper softly. We went to bed about half an hour ago. We spent the entire day together. Since I’m still too tired to leave the house we had a little picnic in the backyard, Addison got to go out too. We have this little chair thing for her that is slanted so she isn’t sitting up all the way but she was able to see us. Since it was warm outside we didn’t have to worry too much about her getting sick but we kept it short because we didn’t want to chance it. We played with Mattie, and I read to him, all of his favorite books, and Buffy watched. She’s been taking a lot of pictures and putting them on the computer. She put all of them in a certain folder and then e-mailed the folder to herself. When she gets to Cleveland she’s going to download the pictures to a computer there and print them out. She’s still going to miss so much though. Addison’s first bath, Matthew’s science fair thingy that’s in two weeks. Kyle helped him build a little volcano thing and when you pour some chemical inside it reacts weird and pours out of it and looks like an erupting volcano. And you have no idea how much fun I had teasing Kyle about that. I said so many jokes I should have had a microphone in my hand and been standing in front of a brick wall. “Buffy, you awake?” She mumbles something but she’s asleep. I’m feeling needy, and I really need her awake right now, my slayer healing has healed me faster then a normal woman would have healed after giving birth so it’s safe for us to do this. If she wants to, but I know she’ll want to. “Buffy, wake up.” I gently shake her shoulder a little and she wakes up, sort of.


“What? Faith, what is it?” I can tell that she’s still half asleep. Oh well, good enough for me. I start to kiss her and it takes her a few seconds to respond but she does. The more she wakes up the more aggressive I get. I can’t help it. She’s going to be gone for a long time, I just want this one more time before she leaves. I roll her over onto her back and lay down beside her. We continue to kiss and I tease the warm skin on her stomach with my finger tips. We have to do this quick though because Addison could wake up at any minute. I slip my hand passed the elastic of her panties and she moans into my mouth. I enter her with fingers and she moans out again. She’s going to have to be a little quieter then that. I continue to kiss her as I slowly thrust in and out of her. I’m going really slow, way slower then I normally would and she’s gently rocking her hips. We build up a steady rhythm and she’s doing her best to be quiet. I feel her hand travel down my body and she enters me slowly, cautiously. I rock my hips against her touch and she speeds up a little. I can feel her holding back as she gives me a chance to catch up. We haven’t had sex in what I would call a long time so it doesn’t take me long to get to that point.


Her fingers rub firmly over my g spot and that sends me over the edge, she follows a few seconds later. The only sounds in the room is our heavy breathing and the occasional snort from Addison. I kiss her neck and suckle on her earlobe for a few minutes. Then the alarm clock starts to go off, we set it low so hopefully Addison won’t wake up. No such fucking luck. She starts crying and we’re forced to separate sooner then we wanted to. “I love you.” I kiss her deeply and then we go our separate ways. She heads off to the bathroom to get a shower and I feed our baby. I try to keep the tears back at the thought of her leaving, but they fall anyway.


I look down at the little baby in my arms and I can’t believe how much she looks like Buffy. She has my lips and nose but everything else is Buffy, well, her eyes are different but the shape of her eyes are the same. I don’t think I’m going to be able to do this. I know that Kennedy and Katie are going to be coming over a lot to make sure that I’m ok, but they’re not Buffy, they don’t know me like she does. I don’t think I’m going to be able to stay here without her. Maybe for a couple of weeks but not for two months. At she said two months at least, if she can’t get those slayers back on track by the second month then she’ll be staying longer. I don’t think I’d be able to live with that. She walks back into the room and puts her toothbrush and hairbrush in her carry on bag. My tears aren’t as silent as they were before and she turns to look at me. She crawls up on the bed and takes me in her arms the best she can since I’m still feeding Addison.


“I love you so much. I promise I’ll call as soon as I get there. It’s going to seem like forever but hopefully it won’t be as bad as we think it is.” What is she talking about? It’s going to be worst then we think it is. Giles is waiting outside, do you wanna get out of bed or just say bye now?” I don’t know what I want to do. I carefully pull Addison away from me and set her down on the bed. She starts to cry but this will only take a minute, she can wait a little. I wrap my arms around Buffy and hug her tightly to my body. We’re both crying now and I feel like I can’t breathe. She pulls back enough to look at my face and she kisses me deeply. I kiss her back as best I can but I’m having a little difficulty doing anything but focusing on this tight pain in my chest. She pulls back and leaves a couple of little kisses on my lips. “I love you.” She kisses me again and we pull back after a couple of seconds.


“I love you so much.” I kiss her again and then she pulls away. She looks down at our crying baby and leans down and gently kisses her on the forehead. She says a soft ‘I love you’ and then she looks into my eyes again. She leans in and leaves another kiss on my lips and then she leaves the room, slowly and reluctantly but she leaves. I pick Addison up and hold her up to my breast. She latches on instantly and starts to suck away. I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this feeling. I listen very carefully and I can hear her in Mattie’s bedroom. She wakes him up and says goodbye to him. He sleeps like a fucking rock so he’ll go right back to sleep and probably won’t even remember her saying goodbye to him. Then she walks out the front door, closes it and then locks it back up. I hear the horn of the car honk three times and then it leaves. I can’t take this, I just can’t take it. I start crying, but I have to calm down and control it because the erratic heaves of my chest is making it hard for Addison to eat and she’s getting frustrated. I finally calm down enough and she calms down too. I use my right thumb to gently caress her little cheek.


“When your mommy gets home it’ll still be too cold to go to the park, but we’ll make sure to do something special for her. She might not need to stay a full two months, and she’s going to be back at Christmas. Oh you’re going to love Christmas, toots. Everyone is going to spoil you rotten. I know your aunt Willow is going to buy you all sorts of educational toys, but we love her anyway.” I smile as she looks up at me. God, I miss Buffy already. I want her to crawl back into bed with me and hold me while I feed our daughter. I want her to pamper me like she has been. Breakfast in bed every morning, after Mattie goes to sleep and Addison is sleeping we’ll take a bath together and she bathes me, in a hot sexy way, not a geriatric type of way. I know it sounds a little weird but I love the attention. “And we’ll make sure to take lots and lots of pictures for her and send them to her so she can see you grow. I’ll have aunt Kennedy take pictures of your first bath, yeah I will, even if I have to threaten to kill her.” I smile and continue to gently stroke her cheek with my thumb as she drifts off to sleep. I watch her sleep for a couple of minutes and then I gently pull her off of me. I grab one of her blanket and gently wipe away the extra milk that’s on her mouth. I toss it aside and then give her a little kiss on her forehead, right over the spot where Buffy kissed her earlier, and then I carefully put her in the basinet and lay down and try to go back to sleep.


I wake up to the sounds of crying. That happens every morning but this is different. I slowly open my eyes and take a look around. Why isn’t Buffy in the bed with me? Right, I forgot, she left...an hour and a half ago. I look over at the basinet but Addy is sound asleep. I focus on the noise and it takes me a minute but I finally remember where it’s coming from. I pick up the baby monitor and turn on the one that’ll stay in the room and then I flip the other one on too. As quietly as I can I creep out of the room and walk down the hall. I slowly open Mattie’s bedroom door and he’s lying in his bed, his face buried in his pillow, crying his eyes out. The sight is heartbreaking to see and it almost makes me break down too. But I have to be strong, my boy needs me. I slowly walk into the room and set the little walkie talkie lookin thing down on the dresser and then sit down on the edge of his bed. I gently rub his back and his crying calms down a little bit. He looks up at me, his eyes are red, and his nose is really runny. He coughs a couple of times before he rolls over onto his back. I gently rub his stomach for a couple of seconds before I reach up and wipe his tears away.


“What’s the matter, baby?” That’s a really retarded question but I have to ask. He starts crying hard again and I scoop him up in my arms and hold him close to me. He wraps his arms around my neck and continues to sob. God, this is breaking my heart. I knew he was going to react badly, I thought he’d be worst then this, but I didn’t think it’d hurt this much to see. “Shh, baby, everything’s gonna be ok. Calm down baby. Shh.” I continue to rub his back until he calms down. I have no idea how long it took for him to stop crying but he’s stopped. I lay him back down on his bed and he crawls under the covers. He looks so tired and worn out and I think my heart broke just a little more. I sigh heavily and run my fingers through his hair. “Mattie, what’s wrong?” He takes in a deep breath and sniffles loudly. I should go get him some toilet paper to wipe his nose but I’ll wait until he answers the question.


“I had a bad dream.” Oh, well, and here I thought it was going to be because Buffy left. “I dreamed that Mommy left. She woke me up and said goodbye, and she told me she loves me and she’ll be back at Christmas.” Or I could be right. Sometimes I hate it when I’m right. Rare I know, but it’s still true. I sigh heavily again and give him this sad look. He seems to know what I’m trying to say without me actually saying. He furrows his eyebrows and gets this confused look on his face. “It wasn’t a dream?” Tears are welling up in his eyes again and I think there are some in mine too. It would explain why everything is so blurry all of a sudden. He starts shaking his head back and forth. He sniffles really loudly again and I can’t take it anymore. I know this is going to be gross, but I’m a mom, sometimes we have to do the gross stuff. I reach out with my hand and put the juncture between my thumb and index finger up to his nose and then add some pressure. Eww, eww, eww, eww, and disgusting. I wipe the snot on his blanket, I’ll wash it later, and he starts to cry again. “Mommy! I want Mommy!” He starts screaming at the top of his lungs. Ok, I need to calm him down befo- too late, Addy is crying now too.


“Shh, baby, shh.” Addy isn’t hungry or anything so she’ll probably cry herself back to sleep, and if not then I’ll be in there in a few minutes to calm her down. I lay down on the bed next to him, it’s big enough for me to fit on. I wrap an arm around him and lay my head next to his. He rolls over and wraps his arms around me very tightly. If I weren’t a slayer I wouldn’t be able to breathe. I make those shushing sounds again and gently rock him back and forth. It takes a little longer then I thought it would but he finally cries himself to sleep. I lay there with him for a few minutes after he’s out and I carefully untangle him from me and get out of the bed. I pick up the little monitor thing and slowly walk out of the room. I go back into my bedroom and pick Addy up and cradle her in my arms. I gently rock back and forth and make those soft shushing sounds again. “Addy girl, shh baby. It’s alright sweetie, shh.” I gently pat her on the stomach and it only take five minutes for her to fall to sleep. I put her back in the basinet and go out to the kitchen. I put on a pot of coffee and start to make breakfast. I’m not very hungry and I don’t think Mattie is going to be hungry but I need to as least try. As the bacon sizzles I go out the garage and get Tucker his food. He’s been sleepin in the training room since that night me and Buffy had that fight and she wanted me to get rid of him. Damn that was a long time ago.


Anyway, I put his bowl down on the ground and leave the door open and walk back into the kitchen. When the bacon is done I put it on a plate and then stick it in the microwave so it’ll stay warm. I do the same with the pancakes, and the toast and the English muffins, and the waffles, and the French toast, and the eggs. I think I made too much food. Oh well, we’ll just snack on it throughout the day, it’ll get eaten up one way or another, even if I have to give it to Tucker. He’d really love that. With the baby monitor clipped onto the waistband of my pajama pants I go out front for a cigarette. I know I told Buffy that I’d stop smoking but I need one. This is just too much for me to handle all at once. I’ll go for a couple of weeks and then I’ll stop. Or maybe I’ll stop after she gets back. I don’t know when but eventually I will stop.


I remember when I had to leave Buffy when she was pregnant with Mattie. It was just in the beginning of the pregnancy so I didn’t miss out on much. There was a group of demons, strong son’s of bitches who were goin after the weaker slayers. Ok, well maybe weak isn’t the right term. Less experienced, they were going after the less experienced slayers. I was gone for three months and it was hell. I wanted to run home to her every single day I was gone. I bought her a big teddy bear, one that’s about as big as I am. I sprayed my perfume all over it and blew my cigarette smoke on it so it would smell like me. She loved it so much but it was a cheap substitute. She would cuddle up to it and smell it when we’d have phone sex. I know it sounds a little immature but we missed each other so damn much. I don’t know how I’m going to get through this. I don’t just need her here for the sex, if that’s what you’re thinkin. That’s not it at all, ok, well it’s a very small part of it. I just need her here, to help me, to hold me. I need to see her smile and hear her voice and hold her at night in my arms because that’s when I feel safest. And yeah, I’ll miss her touch, and the sound of her moanin my name but not as much as her just being here.


I sigh heavily and take the last drag of my cigarette. I smash it out on the porch and then put the butt in the flower pot. I go back into the house and Mattie walks out of his bedroom. His hair is so messed up I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get all the tangles out of it. He walks down the hall, rubbing his eyes and yawning really wide. He looks up at me and then hold his arms up. I pick him up and he rests his head on my shoulder. I gently rub his back and he wraps his arms around my neck. I give his cheek a little kiss and he doesn’t move, normally he would wipe at the spot. Well, that’s something to be concerned about.


“Are you hungry? I made all of your favorites: pancakes, waffles, French toast, bacon, scrambled eggs...” I trail off because I don’t know what else I made, I forgot already. He shakes his head no and I’m not going to push the issue. I grab the cordless phone and set the ringer volume to low and then walk into the kitchen again. I set the phone down and open the microwave door. He might not be hungry but I need to get at least one piece of bacon. Now, if I can just find the bacon under this massive pile of food. Screw it, I’ll eat later. “You wanna lay down with me?” He nods his head yes and I smile a little. I pick the phone up and let Tucker outside and then I go into my bedroom. I crawl under the covers and lay down on the bed. I put the phone on the nightstand because Buffy said she would call at around nine if there’s a phone on the jet. There’s like a three hour time difference, I think, hopefully she knows that.


Mattie doesn’t loosen his death grip on me for one second as he drifts off to sleep. Hearing his even breathing and feeling him breathe against me is lulling me off to sleep. And I’m so fucking tired. I’m tired from getting up every two hours, I’m tired from crying so damn much, I didn’t get hardly any sleep last night because Buffy was leaving in the morning and I just couldn’t get to sleep. She slept but it was troubled and she didn’t get any rest. She probably passed out as soon as she got on the plane. I’ve been on the jet Giles bought it’s really fuckin nice and comfortable. I know she’ll call as soon as she gets to the facility and she’ll probably get some more sleep and maybe something to eat. She said she was going to rest up from the jet lag and whatever not and then tomorrow she’s going to start in on the slayers. I feel so bad for them, I can’t help it. They have no idea what’s about to hit them but at the same time it’s hard to have sympathy because if it weren’t for them and their...insolence, fuck I sound like Giles, then Buffy wouldn’t be gone. I can’t wait for her to come home so I can hold her in my arms again.


BPOV


After I left the house yesterday I cried the entire drive to the Sacramento airport, which took almost three hours. Apparently yesterday a lot people are driving down there to go on business trips or whatever else they need to do. We didn’t have to wait to board the plane since it’s a private jet. I have to admit that it’s nice. I’ve only been on it twice before and I thought it was nice then, but Giles remodeled in here a little so now it’s a lot nicer. I would have enjoyed it more but I was too sad. I cried myself to sleep on the plane ride to Cleveland so I didn’t get a chance to call Faith. We landed and made it to the facility after dark, I don’t remember what time. I called Faith as soon as I got to my room. I talked to her for a couple of minutes and then she handed the phone to Matthew. I couldn’t really understand what he was saying because he was crying so hard. I started to cry too and then me and Faith exchanged watery I love you’s and then we hung up. I cried myself to sleep that night and I woke up with a terrible headache. I ate some breakfast but I had to force it down because I wasn’t hungry. I ran into a couple of the junior slayers and I yelled at them to get to class, I think they listened but I’m not sure. Giles is going to call an assembly in the large gym at two, it’s only one thirty right now. But I still have to finish what I’m doing and by the time I get done it’ll be time to give my big speech. I don’t really have anything planned, I’m going to just speak from the heart, and for them that’s a very bad thing.


I look up at the clock when I pick up the last sheet of transparent paper, it’s for those projector things, you remember the time when Sunnydale lost all their voices and Giles had us meet in that college class room and he had those bloody pictures? Well, this is a lot like that only I printed these sheets differently so there are things already on them. I gather up the stack of ten pages and run for the gym. It takes me a couple of minutes to find it, this place is pretty huge, and then I compose myself before I walk into the room. It’s the freshman class that’s fucking up really badly, the rest of them are doing fine, so it’s these girls that have been called to the room. There are about fifty of them, maybe a little less. They’re all standing up, I told Giles not to pull out the bleachers for them to sit on, the gym is really cool the bleachers fold up into the wall, but I think it’s like that at most high schools anyway, oh well, I still think it’s kind of cool. Getting back on topic here. The girls are standing in five rows of about ten, for shortest to tallest. I take a look at the group and see that there are a little less then fifty. I keep my back perfectly straight and walk with a bit of a stomp and I’m pretty sure they all know that I’m pissed. They’re standing pretty close to where the projector is in the middle of the room so I won’t have to talk very loud for them to hear me.


I put the sheets of projector paper down on the table next to the large machine and put the top piece on the flat surface and then flip the switch. I look over at the large white screen that’s been pulled down and they all look at it too. I hear a couple of ‘awe’s and ‘isn’t he cute?’ What’s on the screen is a picture that was taken at Matthew’s sixth birthday party. He has cake frosting all over his mouth and Faith is leaning down next to him so she could get in the shot, she has frosting on her nose, but she didn’t know it at the time. I smile a little as I remember that day. I shake my head back and forth just a tiny bit. I need to stay pissed off or else this isn’t going to work the way I want it to. I turn back to the girls and scan them with my eyes again. I’m standing in my ‘superior slayer stance’. You probably remember, legs apart, shoulders squared, jaw firmly set, arms at my side. A couple of them chance a glace at me and they look a little scared.


“This is my fiancé Faith and my son Matthew at his sixth birthday party that was in July.” I take that one off and put on the next piece from the stack. It’s a shot of me, Faith and Matthew when we went on a school field trip with him to a petting zoo. He didn’t like it because a baby deer kept trying to eat his shirt. “This is us at a petting zoo on a school field trip in September.” The next one is when Matthew was just a newborn baby. There are more awes and some whispering but it quickly stops. “This is me and my son when he was just two days old.” I continue to go through them, there are pictures from my birthday party at a night club and then on Faith’s birthday when we took a trip to Six Flags in San Francisco, and pictures from a couple of camping trips. Then I get to the last one and I leave it up for three minutes before I start talking.


“This is my daughter. Faith gave birth to her two weeks ago.” There are a couple more awes but they die down quickly, they seem to know that this is going to a bad place. “Her name is Addison Kristine. She only weighs five pounds, Faith was in labor for almost ten hours, and she died after she gave birth, but luckily she was brought back and our daughter is healthy too.” I go quiet and take the sheet of paper off the project but leave it on so the room has this eery glow to it. “And I’m going to miss out on so much because I had to come all the way out here to babysit a bunch of brats.” My tone is as hard as ice and they all felt the chill. I scan then with my eyes again and stand in front of the projector so that I’m in the middle of the group and a few feet away. I’m still in that superior stance and some of them look uneasy.


“I’m going to be honest with you, I don’t want to be here. I’d rather be at home helping my fiancé take care of our children. My son’s school has a science fair in two weeks, he made a volcano. He was really excited about it because it’s his first big school project and he has the chance to win a first place ribbon, and I’m going to miss out on that.” I pause again and pace a little. I make eye contact with as many girls as I can before I stop again. “You have been skipping class, refusing to do your school work, leaving early from training sessions and that’s when you bother to show up at all. You’re not listening to your watches and I’ll admit that there have been times in the past when I ignored mine, but I had a damn good reason to.” Not always but they don’t need to know that. “And now I have to leave my family to come here and clean up after your mess.”

“Then go home.” A girl from the front row says. This must be Lily. I’ve just been dying to meet her, that wasn’t supposed to be sarcastic. Ok, about half of it was but I really do want to meet her, find out what she’s about and why she’s such a troublemaker. “If you don’t want to be here then run back to your precious family. No one is forcing you to stay here, you’re a big girl, you can make decisions all on your own.” Giles was right this is a little Faith. I walk over to her, she’s just as tall as I am, she has light brown hair that’s shoulder length, brown eyes, her clothes are lose fitting but not baggy, and she has this superior look about her. The way she stands, the tone of her voice, and that rebellious look in her eyes. Giles is right, this girl is going to make a great slayer, she just needs the right type of training. I stand a foot away from her and she eyes me up and down, not checking me out in a sexual way, I don’t think, she’s just eyeing the competition.


“Did I say you could speak?” She opens her mouth to talk again. “No I didn’t, so you be quiet and stay quiet.” She opens her mouth again to say something but I cut her off again. I’ve had enough of her shit already. If I’m going to get any respect from her at all then she has to be submissive to me, she has to view me as the leader and one way to gain that is by overpowering her. I think I’ll try mental overpowering first, I want to be as hands off as possible until we actually train. “Sit down.” She doesn’t move and she opens her mouth yet again to protest. “I said sit down.” She doesn’t do as I say and it’s really irritating. Now I know how Giles felt when I wouldn’t listen. “Sit down before I put you down.” Again she doesn’t move and she mutters something about not listening to dog commands. Before she can even blink I’ve grabbed her by the arm, spun her around and now she’s lying flat on her stomach, her face is in the floor, and I’m holding her arms down at her sides, one of my knees is pushing into her back so she can’t get up, the other is one the floor at her left side. The girls closest to us have moved away a little to give me some room. “The next time I tell you do to something you better fucking do it.” I let go of her and stand up. She stands up but that’s ok because I’m getting ready to end this little introductory. I stand in front of all of them and scan the room again, a lot more of them look scared.


“From now on you will all listen to me. I’m in charge, and that means you will go to your classes, you will do your work and you will train. Right now all of you are a disgrace to what a slayer is. You have no respect for the power that we posses or the history that we come from. I suggest you read up on it and get a fucking clue because being a slayer is more then acting tough and not listening to your watchers. I’ll see you all in here tomorrow at three for your first training session. Anyone who is late or doesn’t bother to show up will be punished by me. If you think the consequences will be light or I’m not something to be feared you need to get your fucking head checked. Recreation has been cancelled tonight for all of you. You are to be in your rooms after dinner and it’s lights out at nine o’clock. If you have a problem with it or need extra time to finish your homework then you talk to me about it. Now get the hell out of my sight.” They all leave to go to their afternoon classes, some of them have a free period but that’s ok. I think it would be a good idea for them to spend as much time relaxing on their free periods because they are not going to bet getting a whole lot of free time until I’m done with them. Giles walks up to me and he’s smiling a little. I can tell that he looks relieved.


“Well, that was a very interesting introduction. A little more cursing then I would have liked but I think you made a...lasting impression on them.” I smile and give him a hug. He hugs me back for a few seconds and then we pull away. “The one that you pinned to the ground was Lily Montgomery. Like I told you over the phone she seems to be the leader of the freshman class. She arrived about five months ago. She’s a high school drop out so that’s why she’s in the freshmen class even though she’s seventeen. She’ll give you a lot of problems and it won’t be easy, but I’m sure you’ll be able to handle anything she throws your way. You are you after all.” I smile again and tell him that I need to get some lunch. I excuse myself but I don’t go to the lunchroom. I wonder around the campus, looking in awe at the huge hallways. I hate to admit it but I really do like it there. The huge campus is really nice and well decorated, the outside is great, lots of grass and trees and stuff when it’s not all covered in snow.


The facility is made of up three different buildings. The first building when you drive up is the main one. It has the office, the libraries three to be exact, the gym, the indoor pool, the class rooms, the different training areas, the lunchroom and kitchen, the recreation room that has a TV and some video game things and other stuff like that, and the faculty living area. To get to that you walk through a door that leads to a stairway, once you get to the top it’s a large common room and then different doors and a couple of other stairs cases that lead to more doors and behind the doors are little apartments for the teachers. They have a bedroom, bathroom, living room and kitchen. Not too big and not too small, comfortable is how I would describe it. This is the largest building on the property.


The second largest is the freshman, sophomore and junior living area. From the first building you walk out a back door that leads to a large garden area and you walk down the stone path that leads to the second building. There’s a large common area that has tables and lounge chairs and its where they usually do their homework or read or just hang out and relax. There’s no TV in this building, they’re only allowed to have radios. The common room is shaped kind of like a circle. There are three different staircases that lead to the second floor. Each staircase leads to a hallway and on each wall there are five doors. The rooms are very simple, two girls to each room, they each get their own side of the room to decorate with posters and stuff. They each get a closet and a dresser, kind of like my dorm back in college when I shared with Willow. There are one hundred and fifty kids living in this building, forty-eight freshmen, fifty sophomores, and fifty-two juniors.


The last building is the senior living area. We thought it would be nice for the seniors to have their own area to live in. It’s built a lot like the other living area, a common room and then staircases that lead to the hallways that hold the bedroom, but they get TVs and stuff. We wanted to reward them for being seniors and all of the hard work that they do. The electricity is control from the office and we have the TV set up on special outlets that can be controlled from the office so all of them are off by midnight. There are only 67 seniors for a total of 217 students. Not very many now but we used to have a lot more. Giles just finished remodeling the living areas to make them smaller because so many rooms were going unused. And that’s it really. Not much else to say about the buildings. They’re really big, and really expensive and very nice looking. To everyone on the outside we look like a small private school that has a very strict acceptance policy. But to those who know better we are the only school for slayers. They come here when they get their powers, which is when puberty hits, and they leave when they graduate the slayer program. When they graduate depends on when they master the skills of a slayer. We are a certified school so they do graduate high school here and get their diploma and they can leave after that because they’re eighteen and we can’t make them stay, but most of them stay in our internship program to either become teacher’s aides or go on to the slayer program and master their skills. Once they do that they can go out into the world and fight the baddies.


The internship program is really neat if you ask me. They help the teachers teach so each student gets individual attention if they need help on a math problem or whatever question they need help with. And they take the students out slaying. Only the most responsible fourteen and fifteen year olds get to go slaying. When they reach sixteen they go out in different groups lead by the interns. The seniors help lead the groups and only the most trained ones can break into little subgroups and go off slaying on their own but they have to be in groups of four and no less then that. So far only one student has died and it wasn’t even slayer related. They got into a car accident after a night of partying. That’s when the rules changed and only the eighteen year olds are allowed to leave the campus on weekends. We keep the minors entertained but I think they’re starting to rebel because they’re not allowed to leave. I know that I keep saying ‘we’ and you’re probably thinking: but you live in California, you’re not involved with this place. Well I may not visit but in the beginning right after the fall of Sunnydale we went to Cleveland to pick out a place, and gather up the girls. Willow used her magic to help decorate the place, and conjured up the beds and everything else they would need. She used a lot of magic but she kept it under control. Buffy and Faith stayed a couple of weeks and explained to the girls the importance of a slayer, what they do, why they do it, and how much fun it can be.


They also used Willow’s help in making up class schedules and the other school stuff. They have it all figured out. The day starts off at seven. Breakfast is served until seven forty-five and the very first class starts at eight in the morning. There are two morning classes, and then lunch and then two afternoon classes, and then depending on the day of the week and what grade you’re in, training from three until five. Each class is roughly an hour and a half long and there are extra activities that they do but it doesn’t go towards their grades. They try to make them as fun as possible but it is training no matter what way you try to wrap your mind around it. There’s swimming, cross country running, kick boxing, martial arts, gymnastics, football that was Kennedy’s idea, and the most popular out of all of them is weaponry. This one is actually required for them to take, but this school hasn’t seen a girl that has hated this class.


Anyway, after training, the girls hit the showers and then go back to their rooms to get dressed in some fresh clothes. Dinner is at six-thirty, and they usually talk with each other and socialize and all that other good stuff so it takes about an hours before they all clear out. From there they can do the recreation activities whether it’s hanging out in the T.V. room and playing video games or going to the pool for a nice swim, the pool is indoor and heated so it can be used all year no matter what the whether is. All of the students have to be back at their rooms by nine and it’s lights out at ten. We try to give them as much time as possible to get their work done and we have the classes set up so that the teachers have time to tutor if the students need extra help. Even a few of the interns will help with that and they seem to be able to help the girls a little more because they relate better. And a few of the graduated slayers are out there searching for more girls. All of the ones who have graduated stay in contact with the school in case they’re needed for whatever reason.


But these freshmen don’t seem to be looking up to them as role models. I guess it’s Giles and the other teachers are always talking about us, me and Faith. About how we were the original and we did all of these things by ourselves, well, mostly. We also stress the importance of families and making friends and having ties to this world because then it gives you something real to fight for and not just the ‘good of the people’. At the end of each month the parents and family members can come out and visit, we set them up with a local hotel to sleep at. We try to keep the parents as well informed as possible about everything, the magic, the slaying and some of them are very apprehensive about it because they don’t want their kids getting hurt, and I completely understand that but we show them how strong their daughters are and how special they are and once the parents realize that this is something that no one can control and they accept that they’re safe with us then they’re a little less worried. We try to make it a fun atmosphere so the girls enjoy what they’re doing and want to be better at it.


But now that I’m here and these girls have pissed me off it’s not going to be fun. All of their extra activities are going to be cancelled and they’re going to be training with me. I already have some plans for them and I know that none of them are going to like it, but I don’t care. They want to slack off this is what they get. Everything that I have in store for them they’ve had coming for a long time. They want to break rank and follow in the shadow of this girl then they’ll have to suffer the consequences. Ok, I’m making it sound a lot more horrible then it is. What I’m going to be doing is showing them the right way to be a slayer. I’m going to take them out slaying and throw them in situations that they normally wouldn’t be put it. Kind of like when we locked the first four or five potentials in that crypt with the vampire back when we were fighting the first. It’s going to be a lot of discipline stuff too. Focusing and concentrating and being patient, and learning how to take orders, but also listen to other people’s ideas when you’re in a leader position. A slayer is a natural born leader, they may think that they know it all because they have the power and some training, but if they don’t learn to listen to the people around them then something bad could happen.


I know I probably sound really hypocritical because I used to do my own thing and ignore everyone else but those were times when I thought I was doing the right thing, and maybe I was, maybe if I hadn’t gone off on my own then things would have turned out really bad, but I don’t know that. I have to teach them that when making a decision like that they have to think about all of the consequences and what they’re putting on the line. And also that they’re not alone, they don’t have to do this by themselves like I did, it’s not always their call like it was with me. Maybe if Faith hadn’t gone crazy and we became closer as friends then I wouldn’t have been so headstrong about some of the decisions that I made.


I walk to the teacher living area part of the building. I’m staying in the one apartment that they had left. Apparently one of the teachers had to leave, I don’t know why but they couldn’t stay anymore so now I’m living in their old home. I’ve already unpacked a little. Mostly the photo albums and the things I’ll need everyday, hairbrush, toothbrush and all of my other toiletry things. I want to try and keep as many of my clothes packed as possible. I don’t want to get used to this place at all. I don’t want to view it as a second home. So maybe it would be a good idea from now on to visit every one in a while to make sure that the girls are staying in line, but it wouldn’t be for months at a time. Maybe a couple of weeks out of the year or something. I know that Matthew would love coming here, all of these girls for him to flirt with he’d be in heaven. Not only that but he loves training, and he’d love using the equipment that’s here because we don’t have room for it at home. I hear a knock on the front door so I leave the bedroom to answer it. I smile really wide and my mood just improved a little bit.


“Hey Sissy, how have you been?” I ask and we hug. Sissy Ronalds is one of the sweetest people of ever exist. I met her about three years ago, she was sophomore here and she was one of the girls to spar with Faith. She kept holding back and let Faith win the fights pretty easy. When Faith got pissed and questioned her on it she said that she didn’t want to hurt Faith, that it’s not right to ‘embarrass a legend’. She wasn’t being cocky or anything she was genuinely concerned. But then Faith being Faith just scuffed a little and told Sissy there’s no way a ‘baby slayer’ is going to be able to hurt her. It would have been nice if Faith knew at the time that at fifteen Sissy was triple black belt in the kickboxing program, and the only thing higher then a triple black belt is being the teacher of the class. So Sissy stopped holding back and she had Faith flat on the ground. I have to admit that it was funny to watch but once Faith was prepared and knew how good this girl is she was able to overpower her pretty easy. I’ve stayed in contact with her over the years through e-mail and phone calls. She’s an intern now and helps teach the kickboxing and martial arts class.


“I’ve been great. I heard you were coming and did a little snooping around.” She’s a very curious person and good at getting information that supposed to stay hidden. She’s like the Willow only a slayer and she doesn’t do magic or hack into computer systems. “I found out why you were coming so I took the liberty of getting you this.” She holds up a manila folder that looks pretty thick. I give her a questioning look and she continues. She’s usually pretty quiet but once you get to know her and she feels comfortable around you she talks a lot. “Lily Montgomery’s file, very confidential and very personal. Has all of the ‘behind the stage’ stuff that only the teachers are supposed to know about, but I figured that since she’s the reason you had to drag your ass all the way here you should get a look at it. If anyone asks you didn’t get it from me.” I take the folder from her and she gives me another hug before she leaves. The martial arts class starts in fifteen minutes and if she runs as fast as she can she’ll only be five minutes late.


I close the door and sit down on the comfy couch in the living room. I open up the folder and flip through the pages. It takes me a while to read all of it because there’s a lot there. She does come from a bad background. Her mom was a drug addict, her father was abusive, she’s the youngest of three children and she was picked on by her older siblings. From the looks of it the household was a survival of the fittest. She’s been causing problems at school since kindergarten, and has the ‘my way or the highway’ mentality. She’s always been a control freak, and if her friends don’t do what she says then she violently lashes out at them. She became a slayer at thirteen and that’s when things started to go from bad to worst. She started stealing, and breaking and entering and used her slayer speed to get away from the cops. Her rap sheet is about a mile long. She came here five and a half months ago when Laura Demsey, a graduated slayer, found out about her and told her about our facility and how she can get free room and board if she trains and does her school work. She did good in the beginning until she sort of took over the freshman class, which took all of two months, and they’ve all been slacking off ever since. They’re all defiant and she’s gotten it in their heads that they’re better then the training and the schoolwork because they’re slayers. If she’s not a mini Faith then I don’t know what is.


I sigh and put the folder down on the coffee table. This is going to be harder then I thought. She’s never had anyone to care about her, she thinks that she doesn’t need anyone and she only makes friends for the control factor. I’d like to think that with intense training and my strict leadership she’ll get her act together but I don’t know if I can help her. I think the only thing that will save her is if she hits rock bottom. Maybe if she switches bodies with someone and realizes that the way she’s living isn’t the right way? No, I don’t think that’s the best way. Besides I don’t even remember what Faith used to do that in the first place. And I would never ask Willow to do something like that. Maybe if I get the other girls to follow me instead, take away Lily’s power over them, then maybe she’ll realize that she isn’t the one in charge and she needs to get her act together. I don’t know, I don’t have the answer for this one and I hate feeling so helpless like this. Just once, just one time I want something to be easy.


FPOV


She’s been gone for a week now. I miss her every second of the day. Things have gotten a little easier though, as sad as that sounds. Mattie isn’t crying as much. He’s been sleeping in my bed with me. The first night she was gone he screamed and cried because she wasn’t here to tuck him in and give him a goodnight kiss. She calls every night but it isn’t good enough. Kennedy has been a big help, she’s been coming over everyday to help around the house and she picks Matthew up from school and then takes him out for a while so I can get some rest. I’m still not used to wakin up every two hours and breast-feeding is pretty demanding on me. Maybe I should invest in a breast pump. Nah, in a couple of weeks she’ll be switching to formula so it would be a waste of money. I hear someone knockin at the front door and I look over at the clock on the computer screen. Too early to be Kennedy and I’m not getting any of those slayer tingles, plus she has a key so she doesn’t need to knock. I finish the last sentence of the letter and sign it ‘forever yours, Faith’ and then hit the send button. I’m e-mailing Buffy the pictures of Addy’s first bath. She cried her lungs out. She didn’t like it at all. It was cute. Whoever is at the door better quit with the knocking or I’m gonna run my fist through their face.


“Hold your fuckin horses, I’m comin.” That stops the knocking which I’m thankful for. I unlock and open up the door and my mouth almost drops open when I see who it is. It could have been anyone else, even William the Bloody and I would be so much happier then I am right now. Why? Why is this happening now? The fates just like fucking with me, that’s why. That has to be it. They’re up there right now, laughing their asses off saying ‘oh God, look at her face, do you see how pale it is?’ “What the fuck are you doing here?” Ok, that came out a little harsh, but I’m too stunned to care. She gets a little pissy and rolls her eyes. She shifts her weight from foot to foot and set her bags down. Bags, she has bags, luggage type bags. That means she plans on staying for a while. And judging by the number of bags it’s more then just a couple of days. I’d say she has at least two weeks worth of stuff with her. Then again this is her. So maybe she only has two or three days worth of stuff. Why me? Why, oh why, oh why?


“I heard that Buffy is going away for a while so I thought I’d come up and help with the new baby. Willow is leaving next week and you’re going to need more then the cocky slayer to help you. So are you going to let me in or just leave me out here to freeze to death?” The second one seems more appealing. But I can’t just leave her there. Even if I don’t want her here she has good intentions and she drove a long way. Plus the sooner she comes in the sooner I can kick her out. I step aside and she picks up her bags and walks into the house. “Thank you. God, how can you guys live in this town? It’s as cold as the arctic.” I give her a very annoyed smile and shut the door.


“If you’ve ever been to the arctic then you wouldn’t think that this is cold.” She gives me this ‘whatever, shut up’ type of look and I feel like smacking her. She puts her five bags down next to the garage door and then turns around with a big smile on her face. I know what she’s going to ask, everybody gets that look in their eyes when they ask so I might as well cut her off now so I won’t have to listen to her annoying voice. I sigh first and I know I look bored. “Baby’s this way. But keep your mouth shut she’s sleeping. And I don’t want you getting all girly and talking baby talk to her. It’s irritating and demeaning, she’s a baby not some cuddly toy.” She gives me another ‘whatever’ look and I lead her to the bedroom. She follows me in which is ok with me and I sit down at the foot of the bed as she rushes over to the basinet. She leans over it to get a better look and she gets that girly ‘awe’ look on her face.


“Oh my God. You have the cutest little nose, and the cutest little lips, and little ears. Awe, and look at your little fingers. Awe, you’re just so cute, I could eat you up. Yes I could.” What did I say about the girly talk? Did I not say that she couldn’t do that? Because I remember saying it. Am I the only one that listens when I talk? I hear Addy fuss a little bit and she moves around. “Awe, you’re just so cute. I wanna take you home and keep you forever.” I’d like to see her try. “Oh, it looks like somebody wants their mama. Yes you do.” God, this is horrible. But Cordelia is right. It’s just about time for Addison afternoon feeding. That sounds so horrible. ‘Her afternoon feeding’, I make it sound like a chore or something. Anyway, so Queenie reaches in and carefully picks Addy up and I get a little nervous, but she’s careful. She holds my girl as I unbutton my shirt and I give her warning look. She rolls her eyes and then hands me my girl when I’m ready and the little Pit Bull latches on. She snorts a lot as she eagerly suckles on me. Cordelia smiles, yeah she smiles and shakes her head a little. “Jeez kid, calm down, she’s not going anywhere.” She sits down at the vanity table and turns in the chair so she’s looking at me.


“So Queenie, what’s been up?” I cringe on the inside. That was a very stupid thing to ask. A very, very stupid thing to ask. But I sit and pretend to listen as she rambles on and on and on and on. She tells me how the Angel team is doing and how she’s been looking but she can’t find the right guy. Then she goes on and on about the demon activity in L.A. and how she keeps asking Giles to send a couple more slayers but he keeps telling her that six is enough. Six is more then enough. She just doesn’t want to do any work herself. Then she starts to tell me about this little fight she got into with Gunn because he ate the last blueberry muffin and he did it just to piss her off because he knows that blueberry is her absolute favorite kind of muffin ever. God, I think I’m going to die. And then she starts asking about life around here. I tell her that it’s been pretty quiet, except for giving birth and dying but it was ok because I was told it wasn’t permanent and that Buffy left last week. Then she asks when she’s supposed to be back. I sigh and then use a blanket to wipe the extra milk from Addy’s mouth when she finishes eating and hand her back to Cordelia since she gave me the puppy dog eyes. I hate the puppy dog eyes. “She said she’d be back for Christmas. I don’t know if she’s comin back Christmas Eve or Christmas morning but she promised she’d be here on Christmas and she would never lie to me.” Then the front door opens and Kennedy walks in and yells out ‘honey I’m home’. Then I hear Mattie running down the hallway and he runs into my bedroom.


“Mama are we goin somewhere? Whose bag are those in the living room?” Then he sees Cordelia and he stops dead in his tracks. I’m surprised he remembers her, it’s been a long time since she visited. I can’t remember how long, but a long time. She smiles at him and says hi but he doesn’t say anything back. He slowly walks over to me and crawls into my lap. He leans close to me so he can whisper into my ear. “Mama why is she here?” And then he gets a little...mad. Yeah, that would be the best way to describe it, I guess. “Are you doin grown up stuff with her? ‘Cause Mommy got mad at you because you wanted to do grown up stuff with her last time she was here. And you told me it’s bad to do grown up stuff with other grown ups unless they’re your sweetheart.” After he watched the cartoon movie Robin Hood he doesn’t say boyfriend or girlfriend, he says sweetheart. I think it’s kind of cute. “And she’s not your sweetheart, Mommy is.” What the hell? Why does he think I would do something like that?


“What? Mattie I would never do something like that, ever. I love your mommy, I’m not going to do grown up stuff with anyone else but her.” Cordelia looks at me weird and I give her a small shrug. Mattie thinks about what I said and then sighs and gets off the bed. He looks over at Cordelia one more time before leaving the room. I shake my head a little bit. Jeez that kid sure is weird. Why would he think that I’m going to do ‘grown up stuff’ with Cordelia? I mean, sure she’s hot I’ll admit that, but she’s Cordelia. I look over at the Queen C herself and she’s looking down at Addy with happiness and sadness and some longing. Well that’s interesting. “Been thinkin ‘bout having your own?” She looks up at me and smiles this ‘what are you crazy?’ type smile. But I know that look she had on her face, she wants one, she just hasn’t found the right person to have one with. I look over at the door when I heard Kennedy.


“Hey Faith, who’s bags are-” she sees Cordelia and stops dead her tracks. Why does everyone keep doing that? Kennedy gets really tense and uncomfortable, so does Cordelia. I don’t know why but these two have never really gotten along. I think something happened between them when Sunnydale went boom and we went to Angel’s hotel until we got fixed up and rested. “Hello Cordelia. I didn’t know you were coming here.” She glances over at me and looks a little mad. I give her this ‘I didn’t do anything’ look and shrug my shoulders. “So, how long you going to be staying here?” Cordelia rolls her eyes and gently rocks Addy back and forth. I’ve never seen her bein so...gentle. It’s weird, but I like the look on her. Maybe she’d make a good mom after all. Wait, what am I saying? This is Cordelia. The kid would be hungry and say ‘Mommy, I want some food,’ and she would probably say ‘Well Mommy wants some new shoes, and Mommy likes expensive shoes, so you can eat later.’ Ok, so maybe that wouldn’t happen, she has changed but just the thought of her raisin a kid is kind of strange.


“Until Buffy comes home for good. Christmas is like two weeks away, but then she’ll be gone for a month after that. She’s going to need all the help she can get.” Ok, she’s making me sound helpless I’m not liking her being here even more now then I did before. She must see the look on my face, I hate that it’s hard to hide my expressions now. She rolls her eyes and sighs heavily. She gets up out of the chair and hands Addy to me. “I’m going to put my bags in the training room. I’ll sleep on the sofa tonight but there are a few places I need to go, so I’ll be back in a couple hours.” She gets up and pulls something out of her pocket. It looks like a little piece of paper. “This is my cell number, call me if you need anything while I’m out. I can stop at the store on my way back.” She puts it down on the vanity table thing and then hands Addy to me. She gives her a little kiss on the head and glares at Kennedy as she walks out of the room. What the hell is that all about? I think something definitely happened but Buffy has forbidden me from saying anything. I’m pussy whipped so what? You wanna make something of it? I didn’t think so.


“Wake me up if Buffy calls, I need to get some more sleep.” I tell her and yawn widely. She chuckles a little and I make a weird face at her and she laughs and shuts the door behind her when she leaves the room. I look down at my sleeping baby and smile a little as she snorts and twitches around a little. I sigh heavily when I hear Kennedy and Cordelia arguing out in the living room. My breath sweeps over Addy’s face and her eyebrows furrow and her cheeks twitch a little bit. “Your mom better get home and soon or auntie Kendy and auntie Cordy are not going to be alive when she gets back.” But then again Buffy probably wouldn’t be too damaged by that. I smile a little bit as I remember that week or two we stayed at Angel’s hotel. Cordelia showed up everyday with food and for us and she and Kennedy would argue, and then Buffy would get in on it. A couple of times it got violent but Red was able to use her magic to hold her girl back and Buffy’s wound was still bad enough that I was able to hold her back with ease. Addy starts to fuss a little and it pulls me out of my reminiscing. I smile and gently rub the side of her little cheek with the back of my index finger.


“You’re going to be ornery, just like your mother.” I smile and then give her a little kiss on the forehead. She frowns a very deep frown. Her eyebrows knit together very closely and the corners of her mouth turn down very far. “Hey, you stop that frownin, I’ll kiss ya if I want.” I smile and then gently put her back in the basinet and lay down on my bed and close my eyes. I don’t fall asleep right away. Instead I stay asleep and think about how much I miss Buffy. I know it’s stupid, I shouldn’t be thinking like this because I have my kids to take care of, but I can’t help it. I miss her so much, I can’t wait until she comes home. I know it’s only like two or three weeks away, I can’t remember how many, but it’s going to be soon. But I want her home now. I want her to hold me at night and gently rub my back as I feed our daughter because it hurts and I need the reassurance that soon the pain will go away. But now she’s not here and for the first time in a very long time I feel truly alone.


“Mama.” No, I don’t wanna wake up yet. “Mama.” He says again and gently shakes my shoulder. I play opossum. Maybe if I just lye still he’ll go away. Maybe, but it’s doubted, he can be very stubborn. “Mama, aunt Kendy and Cordelia are fighting. Mama.” He sounds desperate. What? Fighting? Why are they fighting? And now that I’m listening for it I can hear them. They’re in the living room, and screaming at each other. I can’t really understand what they’re saying because I’m too tired to concentrate, but it’s loud and I want it to stop. “Mama, please.” Ok, now I have to let him know that I’m awake because now I feel bad. How long have they been going at it like that? I roll over so I’m facing him and I open my eyes. He looks pretty calm which is good. He’d probably be upset if they’ve been arguing for a long time. “Mama, aunt Kendy and Cordelia are fighting.” He says again. I sit up in my bed and reach over and pick him up and put him in the middle of the bed.


“Stay in here ok?” He nods his head yes and I get up and rub some of the sleep out of my eyes. Why didn’t I wake up? They’re yelling pretty loud. I’m surprised Addy is still sleep. Oh God, did I just jinx it? Lets pray people. I open the bedroom door and quietly close it behind me. As I walk down the hall towards the living room I form a little plan. It’ll either make me look like a complete ass or make them feel a little guilty about them fighting in my house in front of my kid. They should know better then this, especially Kennedy. She knows I don’t want Mattie exposed to this kind of stuff. Even if Buffy and I have fought in front of him before we don’t want it to happen, but sometimes you just can’t control it. But that’s no excuse for them, at least it shouldn’t be. I hear Cordelia scream something about it being all Kennedy’s fault because she lied to her, and now I’m curious but I want them to stop the shouting and the only way I’m going to do that is if I interrupt but if I interrupt then I won’t find out what they’re fighting about. Oh well, what they’re fighting about doesn’t matter now because I can just beat it out of Kennedy later. I abandon my plan since it’s kind of stupid, I was gonna run in there and yell something like ‘will you two stop the fighting, it’s almost Christmas!’ and then get all calm and apologize for yelling and then say something like ‘oh, sorry, but you fighting gave me a flashback from my childhood’. But I think I’ll just go with:


“Shut the fuck up! Both of you just shut up!” And they do. Wow, I didn’t think that was gonna work. “You two are not going to be fighting in my house. You will not expose Mattie to this. If you have a problem you hash it out somewhere else because I don’t want to hear it.” Actually that’s a lie, I’d love to be in the room when they fight, even if it’s just verbal. Cordelia may be a bitch but she comes up with some wicked comebacks and she’s quick too. You wouldn’t think it by the way she acts but that girl is really smart. But don’t tell her I said that, it’ll just make her head so much bigger. “If you two can’t get along then maybe one of you should leave. I’ll admit that I need help with the kids but not from both of you if it’s going to be like this the entire time. So work it out or one of you go home.” I don’t say anything about which one should leave. On the one hand I’ve known Kennedy for a long time, she’s my best friend and I do want her around. But Cordelia drove all the way up from L.A. and I don’t want to seem ungrateful by kicking her out. Nope, if one of them is leaving then they’re going to decide which one. I look over at Kennedy and she’s glaring at Cordelia. Seriously what happened eight years ago at the hotel?


“Well don’t look at me. You live fifteen minutes from here, I live ten hours. I’m not going anywhere until Buffy’s back for good.” Buffy. God I miss her so much. Just hearing her name is doing some wicked fucked up shit to my body. I feel like I can’t breathe and my chest is heavy. Am I having a breakdown? Is this that postpartum shit that I’ve heard so much about? God I hope not, I don’t wanna break down in front of them. But it looks like that’s what’s going to happen whether I want it to or not. I feel my knees getting weak in a very bad way. I hobble over to the kitchen table and sit down on one of the chairs. I’m just trying to get my breathing under control. They’re both looking at me, I can feel their eyes on me but I don’t care. I need to breathe.


“Great Cordelia, look what you did now.” Oh my God! They better not start now or I’ll beat both of them to a bloody pulp.


“Me? I didn’t do that. It’s not my fault she’s all hormonal and super sensitive.” They continue to bicker and I get my breathing under control. I finally stop crying and wipe my eyes. I take in one last ragged breath and then stand up. Like I said before I’m not going to let them argue in my house. If they wanna fight then they can do it somewhere else. I guess they can feel how pissed off I am because they shut up and look over at me. Kennedy seems worried but Cordelia is covering up her fear, but not very well. She knows I’ll kick her ass if I get really pissed off. I’ll hold back of course because she’s in no way as strong as a slayer, but I’ll still do some damage. Cordelia sighs and runs her fingers through her hair. “Kids can sense conflict. I’ll leave for a little while, I want to check out that new club anyway. I’ll sleep on the couch tonight, if that’s ok with you Kennedy.” She says the last part really bitter, I can almost feel the scratch. Kennedy just rolls her eyes. “Alright, I’ll go get ready. I’ll need the bathroom for at least an hour. I hope that isn’t a problem.” That might be a problem but oh well. If she’s going to leave for a little while I’ll keep my mouth shut. Besides, she was looking at Kennedy when she said it and I still have the whole ‘but I just had a baby’ card that I can play up very well so she’ll let me in if I really need to go. She leaves the room and I sigh. I look over at the clock, it’s seven thirty. Why didn’t anyone wake me up? I need to fix dinner, Mattie’s probably starving.


“Don’t worry, I fed the kid and Buffy still hasn’t called yet.” I roll my eyes at Kennedy but tell her thank you. I’m glad she’s willing to take on the responsibility of playing wet-nurse but I like to cook for my family, it’s just something I’ve always enjoyed. Buffy says it’s my ‘inner housewife’ trying to force it’s way out. I don’t know about that but I do love cooking. I always have, I just never really had the chance to what with living in a house that had no electricity, and shitty motels that didn’t have a stove. But whatever I’m not gonna dwell on it. I have my nice house with great appliances, I’m happy, and I get to cook whenever I want. But I don’t really feel like cooking right now. Maybe I’ll just heat up some soup. I open up the pantry door and start to shuffle through the different cans of soup. Damn we have way too much soup. Well, that’s because Buffy’s the only one who eats the chicken and wild rice, and she hasn’t been here. Then the phone rings. I jump back and almost throw Kennedy across the room and race for the cordless that’s on the desk next to the computer.


“Hello?” I sound a little desperate. I’ve been waiting for this phone call almost all day. The first couple days she was gone I slept with the phone next to me but it would wake Addy up so I had to stop doing that. But all day I would carry the phone around with me and wait for it to ring. She only calls around this time but I kept it with me just in case. Now I just spazz out when I hear the phone ring. It’s her, and I’m so glad to hear her voice. I miss hearing her talk, even if she used to get a little annoying before I really do miss her voice now. She’s talking about all of the slayers and how they’re finally starting to get back on track. Once they saw her embarrass that Lily girl they aren’t listening to her as much. Which is good. But Buffy says that she can’t leave until Lily is doing better. She says that if she leaves before Lily gets back on track then the others might fall right back where they were and Buffy will have to go all the way back to Ohio to straighten them out again. “No you won’t do a damn thing. If those girls get back off track they’ll have to deal with me.” My voice is as hard as steel and she knows I’m serious. Buffy likes to be a little more ‘hands off’ with the girls. She doesn’t like to use physical force to get them to shut up or do what she wants them to do. I have no problem in kicking one of ‘em in the ass if they aren’t running as fast as they should be or whatever it is I want them to do.


“I talked to Giles about me coming home for Christmas.” She has my full attention now. She sighs and I can tell that it isn’t going to be very good news. We both know that she is coming home for Christmas, she promised me she would and Buffy would never break a promise. “He’s letting me borrow the jet and I’m coming back on Christmas Eve, sometime at night, I don’t know exactly when. But I can’t stay for a week like we wanted. He says it would be better if I go back on the twenty-seventh. I’m sorry baby, but it would be better. Not all of the girls are leaving for Christmas and he wants me to be there in case they try to leave and get into trouble or something.” At least she’s coming home. I would love her to stay forever but I know that she has to go back and she won’t be able to leave again until that little Lily bitch is in line. “Baby say something.” I can’t believe I zoned out, and now she sounds a little scared. Great, way to go Faith.


“It’s better then nothin. We wanted at least a week but you’ll be back the twenty-fourth so that’ll give us a couple of days together, and you’ll get to see Mattie open up his presents. Brat and her man aren’t comin like they did last year. He’s takin her up to the cabin again. Xander and Red are leaving on Friday mornin. They don’t want you there all by yourself like that. I already tried talkin ‘em out of it but you know them, once they get their minds stuck on something nothin can be done to change it.” I can almost hear her smile.


“Sounds like someone I know.” She sounds like she’s smiling. I just roll my eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes at me Faith.” She sounds so serious. How the hell did she know I was gonna roll my eyes? I guess she knows me a whole lot better then I thought. I hear her sigh and she shifts around a little bit. “Where are you right now, baby?” I smile to myself. The little fox. She using her naughty voice. I love her naughty voice. It never fails to get me worked up. But unfortunately I can’t do anything about it. Mattie’s in my room and probably won’t be out for a while since Cordelia and Kennedy were fighting. I can’t go into the bathroom because Cordelia’s in there and I can’t go out into the garage because I won’t be able to hear Addy if she starts to cry. I sigh heavily and Buffy seems to catch my drift. “That sucks. Are there a lot of people there or something? I know that everyone is going to want to take care of you.” She’s right about that. So far everyone of the scooby gang and Kyle and Katie and Kennedy, wow that’s a lot of K’s, have showed up to help me. Plus the little pest.


“Uh, yeah you can say that. The Queen C herself even made an appearance today.” I hear her take in a deep breath but it isn’t a good one. I can almost feel her muscles stiffen up. She doesn’t like it when Cordelia and I are in a room together even if there are a bunch of other people. For some reason she thinks that I want to fuck Cordelia but I don’t. “Baby, she drove all the way here from L.A. to help out with Addy and Mattie.” Ha, I rhymed. “You know you’re the only one I want. I don’t understand why you get so jealous of her.” Ok so I’m willing to admit that Cordelia is hot, everyone with eyesight knows that, but I don’t want to sleep with her. Don’t look at me like that, I really don’t want to. I hear her sigh and she sifts around a little more.


“I know. But I can’t help it. And I’m not going to be there for another three weeks and that’s a long time for both of us and I know how you get when you go too long without getting some.” Is she questioning my loyalty to her? I cannot believe her. We’re wearing the fucking rings, I’ve already told her that no matter what I’d never cheat on her because I’m hers and she thinks that I would fuck someone just because she isn’t going to be home for a few weeks? “I’m not saying that you ever would, but the temptation will still be there and I feel bad because you can’t give into it.” Oh, well, at least she knows I would never cheat. And I’ll admit, only to you, that I am a little worried about that Sissy girl. Oh, have I not mentioned Sissy? Sissy, and what a stupid name, seriously what drugs were her parents on? Anyway, she’s an intern there at the facility. We met when she was a sophomore and she was able to flatten me on my ass pretty quick. That is until I got used to her style of fightin, then I showed that little priss who’s boss. She has a wicked crush on Buffy and followed her around like a little lap dog. I don’t know if that girl would try anything but if she does I’ll break her arms, and maybe her jaw. I hear Addy start to cry and I sigh heavily.


“I’m sorry baby, but Addy’s awake and hungry. I’ll give the phone to Mattie.” I walk into my bedroom and Mattie’s sitting on the bed on his knees looking over into the basinet and watching Addy cry. That’s weird. Do all little kids do that? He’s probably just curious. I give him a kiss on top of his head and hold out the phone. “It’s your mommy.” He smiles really wide and takes the phone from me and runs from the room. I smile a little and then take off my shirt, I’m not wearing a bra, it just gets in the way. I pick her up and hold her close to me and she clamps down really hard. “Jeez you weren’t cryin that long, calm down little girl.” She snorts and grunts and I can’t help but laugh a little. She’s just too cute. I try to listen in on what Mattie’s saying but he’s outside in the backyard. He’s been going out there a lot lately even though it’s cold. He’s been spending a lot more time with Tucker, probably because he’s lonely. He spends a lot of time with Kennedy and Willow but he misses his mommy and he needs his friend right now.


Although Buffy is gonna be pissed when she sees the huge hole out in the backyard. I caught them the other day trying to ‘build an underground tunnel to Cleveland’. I couldn’t get mad because he said it with tears in his eyes and his little lip was stickin out and quivering and Buffy knows better then anyone that I’m a sucker for a quivering bottom lip. I look down at my girl and she’s lookin up at me with her dark grey eyes. “And I know you’re going to learn the lip trick too. It won’t belong before all three of you have me wrapped around your little fingers.” She grunts and moves around a little bit. I smile and gently stroke the top of her bald head. God, I really miss Buffy. Only three more weeks until she gets here. It feels like an eternity away.