Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

*****

Xander felt a little bit guilty as he asked for a pass to the library. Another bonus to taking creative writing: he could get a pass to the library to look for a book and go talk to Giles. He was supposed to meet Buffy and Willow this morning as they looked for Chris and Eric but he was still…bothered by Buffy and needed to talk to Giles.

The Librarian was still flustered after talking to Ms. Calendar earlier. It had been fun watching Giles get all anxious about asking her out, and made him feel better. If Giles got nervous, it was okay for him to get nervous around Spike. Still, it was odd to see Giles get flustered; the man acted like he’d never been on a date before in his life.

“Hey, Giles. Can I drag you down off cloud nine with Ms. Calendar for a second and talk to you?”

“What? Oh…of course. Yes, aren’t you supposed to be in math class right now?”

“Nope, dropped that and switched to Creative Writing. Much more my speed and, hey, I get to sneak and visit my favorite Librarian for a talk. That is, if you don’t mind, and did I mention I was sorry for teasing you about your asking the chair out on a date?”

He bounced on the balls of his feet and shoved his hands in his pockets. It had been fun picking on Giles but now that he needed to talk to him Xander felt guilty.

Giles smiled and shut the book he was looking through. “No, you hadn’t mentioned it. Don’t worry, I’ve learned that you only…bother the people you like. You only really annoy the people you dislike.”

Xander grinned. That was true, he had a tendency to push everyone he knew. He just pushed at people he couldn’t stand, like Angel and the dearly departed Larry, a little bit more.

The smile very quickly left his face. “What I was wondering is, how…well, I saw you practicing your pick up line and, despite my bothering, well, they weren’t that bad. I was wondering if you had any advice on let down lines.”

“Let down lines, Xander? I’m not sure I know what you’re talking about.”

He took a deep breath and leaned on the counter across from where Giles was standing. “You know, let down lines. You’re a really sweet person but I don’t think we’d make a good couple type of thing.”

“Oh, those. Thank god! I thought you were being particularly hard of hearing to miss all those sighs from Willow when she's around you. I would put it just like that, actually. Better to tell the truth than hedge around.” Giles took off his glasses and checked them for smudges before putting them back on. “I take it you’ve answered your…plumbing question, then?”

Xander blushed. “Umm, yeah. Thanks to Buffy, in a way. I mean, I was already checking out…stuff. I even bought a book of my own free will! And then Buffy did that…dancing with me. The one even Willow’s been teasing her about?”

Giles nodded and Xander fought off the urge to hide under one of the tables. “Let’s just say…my—my plumbing wasn’t interested in her plumbing in the least bit. Not even a rise. Add in the fact that I know I kinda like other boys' plumbing, and their…pipes…”

“For the love of all that you hold dear, stop! I’m afraid I get the rather graphic picture you just painted and will be forced to move if ever my drains clog rather than call a plumber.”

Xander shuddered. “That was really bad, wasn’t it? I don’t even want to think about plumber’s crack now.”

Giles held up a hand. “Stop! No more…vernacular. Unless it’s something not quite as…”

“Disgusting? Is Friend of Dorothy okay, then? I know the English version is poof.” Xander sighed and gave into the urge to hit his head on the hard surface. “I am gay. There, I said it. It’s so not going to be pretty when the girls find out. I don’t know about Buffy so much but Willow? Yeah, she’s not going to like it just because she doesn’t like things to change. I’m not even thinking about what will happen if my parents ever find out.”

“I’m sure they will eventually come around, Xander. After all, they are your parents.” Giles sounded so positive and supportive, he couldn't admit to his friend that there was no way in hell his Father would ever come around. He’d be lucky if he just got the crap beat out of him.

“We’ll see. Right now, if you don’t mind, can you kinda keep it under your tweed? I mean, I still haven’t got my brain used to thinking of myself as gay and I am so not ready to admit it to anyone else.”

Giles smiled. “Closeted, eh? It will be difficult to stay that way, especially if you wish to pursue a relationship with the object of your crush. He is still around, isn’t he?”

In his mind Xander was panicking, and lights were flashing behind his eyes like on Star Trek when the Enterprise was being attacked. “Yeah, he’s around. I see him now and again…I don’t know if he likes me or not. He’s…older and sort of been around more.”

“Dear lord, it’s not Angel, is it? That isn’t the reason you’ve been bothering him?”

Xander popped up from where he had still been hiding his head on the desk. “Ewwww! No, not Angel. A whole big galaxy of no!” He couldn’t help the shudder that came over him. “Okay he is rather handsome and he’s got nice arms. But his personality just…well, his personality just ruins the package it’s wrapped up in.”

Giles nodded. “Yes, I could see where your personalities might clash. What’s his name, then?”

Somewhere in Xander’s brain a miniature version of Scotty was running around screaming about a red alert and how his brain couldn’t take the pressure anymore. Thank god the Spock part of his brain took over, because he found himself answering.

“Will. William actually, but he doesn’t really like it. He’s looking for family in town and will be here for a while, but then he might leave again. So I don’t know if he’s up for a relationship or what, and his girlfriend died in an odd…accident. You know what I mean. He’s still kinda broken up about that.”

“Take your time, Xander, apocalypses aside you have time to figure things out. I detest sounding like a headline on one of those terrible teen magazines but if he really cares about you, he’ll wait for you to be ready. Don’t rush into…sex or anything you may not be prepared for. I am assuming those books you mention covered the…protection area of things or do I need to give you that lecture.”

“No! No…I got that figured out, for the most part. Well, for the whole part. I know about condoms and lube and…all that.” Xander didn’t want to admit that before he did anything groiny with Spike he wanted to check on the possibilities of demonic STD’s and pregnancy. Not that he was a girl but it was the Hellmouth and he knew he had the worst luck. He didn’t need to end up on some demon version of an After School Special about being a pregnant guy at seventeen.

Giles slumped in relief. “Oh, thank god!”

*****

Xander watched as Giles and Ms. Calendar walked off, happy on their date despite the detour to stop the shuffling undead. Buffy and Angel walked off hand in hand. "Well, I guess that makes it official. Nearly everyone is paired off.”

He was trying to open it up for Willow to let out a sigh so he could let her down, easy. That wasn’t what happened, though, because Cordy all but pushed Willow out of the way so she could talk to him.

“Xander? I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there was anything that I could ever do to...”

Xander sighed. He'd admitted to himself that he was gay and now he had two females ready to fawn all over him; it was too much. His life really was weird.

“Don’t mention it, please. We have our reputations to think about, remember? What would the other geeks think of me if I admitted to rescuing you?”

Cordelia tilted her head, but it wasn’t as sexy as when Spike did it. “Oh, right.”

Willow was frowning and looking like she was going to start counter flirting or whatever. He caught a glimpse of platinum blonde out of the corner of his eye and breathed a sigh of relief. “Listen, ladies, I’m afraid I’m going to have to say goodnight. I’ve actually got to meet someone, so have a good night. I’ll call you tomorrow, Willow!”

He broke away from his place between the clash of the females and ducked around a few cars that were still in the parking lot. Spike was leaning against the side of the DeSoto and when he saw Xander coming he climbed in the car. Xander shrugged and got in the passenger side, wondering what was going on.

“Hi, Spike. What’s up.”

Spike had an unlit cigarette in his mouth and had peeled out of the parking lot as soon as the door to the car had closed. “Gotta go out of town for a bit and didn’t want you to think I’d just run off on ya. Thought I’d give you a ride home from the whatever the hell that was. Sure as fuck isn’t football or rugby, and nothing I know of ends with a building on fire.”

“Oh.” Xander couldn’t keep the disappointment out of his voice and didn’t even try. “I guess when you come back it will be…different, won’t it?”

Spike looked at him long enough to make Xander fear for his life since the other man wasn’t looking at the road. Finally Spike faced forward, swerving around a car that was going too slow for his taste.

“Yeah, it will. Don’t worry, though, we’ll still be friendly like. It'll just be a bit more difficult, what with me trying to kill Angel actively and all that.”

Xander took a deep breath; it was now or never. “Hey, when you get back do you think we could, I dunno, do something? I mean, I like you, really like you and you act like you might like me. We could…go out of town and find a good Mexican restaurant.”

He was ready to hurl himself out of the car. That had sounded even more stupid than when Buffy had suggested it to Giles. He looked out the side window. He was young, he could live through being crushed.

Spike didn’t say anything but the car slowed down and finally stopped in an alley a half a block away from his house. Spike’s hand was on his arm, turning Xander to face him. He had a slight smile on his face, not one of his smirks, and Xander just hoped he wasn’t about to have his heart stomped on by size thirteen Doc Martens.

“Kinda like you too, Xander; haven’t killed you, have I? We’ll see what happens with my first clash with Angelus and the Slayer and then, well, maybe I’ll even take you on a date, okay?”

Xander grinned, pushing the part about Buffy and Angel out of his mind for the moment. “That sounds great! I can’t wait.” He reached for the door handle but Spike stopped him.

“I think it’s a requirement to give your boyfriend a kiss when he drops you off at home, Xander. Don’t want to break tradition, do we?”

Before Xander could say anything, Spike was there, kissing him on his mouth. Xander moaned and kissed him right back. He was sure he was doing it wrong, but Spike didn’t seem to mind so he wasn’t going to worry about it. It was just nice feeling his lips against Spike’s, and when Spike licked and nibbled at his bottom lip his brain went somewhere south of the border.

Finally they pulled apart and Xander grasped for something, anything to say. “Wow. Nice tradition.”

*****