Not Forgotten

Chapter 12

Buffy stood in the corner of the room and watched her sister cry. Dawn had taken it hard; not the vampire thing, although that was obviously the biggest shock she’d had in her young life. But what she had really taken hard was the announcement from Xander that they were leaving. And not just leaving town or even leaving the state, they were leaving the country.

France was a hell of a long way away.

Buffy felt her heart clench painfully and she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around her Xander shaped friend and pour her love and regret into one hard, emotion-filled embrace.

How could she have missed it? How could she not have realised? Okay, so what with the slayage, working and what felt like single-parenthood, she barely had time to think about what grocery shopping had to be done, never mind considering whether any of her living, walking-about friends had taken a trip to vamp-land.

Buffy threaded her hand through her hair and thought about the irony of the situation. She had spent so long threatening Spike, watching Spike and just generally giving her ex-fuck buddy the evil eye. All that time she’d worried that he would hurt her friend. Yeah, she knew that he still had the chip, but since when did a small thing like that stop Spike from getting what he wanted?

Putting the actual circumstances aside, it would seem logical that Spike would one day turn her friend. If he really did love Xander, then he would want him by his side for all eternity. Spike was possessive and selfish and there was no way in hell that he’d let Xander go if he loved him like he claimed.

And if Spike didn’t love Xander? If he’d been using him to hurt and torture her, then it would stand to reason that turning his ‘lover’ would be the clincher, the one thing that would well and truly destroy her forever.

So, she asked herself again, how could she have missed it?

Easy.

She hadn’t been able to see wood for the trees. Too close. Too focused on Spike to see that Xander was standing right beside him.

Simply?

She’d been a bad friend.

Buffy looked up to see an amused pale face staring at her from just a few inches away.

“Thinking about your crimes?” Spike asked.

Buffy nodded and stared back over at Xander as her once-human friend dealt with an overly huggy Dawn. Buffy knew that she should be worried, knew that she should tear Dawn away and protect her from the Childe of William the Bloody.

“He does struggle,” Spike clarified. “He’s got a soul but the demon is still in there. Somewhere. But he fights it. Fights it well. He won’t hurt Dawn.”

“But he still struggles?” Buffy asked, her eyes still trained on her sister.

“Sometimes. He’s young, yet. Strong, though. He’ll be a Master soon enough, but the soul makes it a bit trickier.”

“He…he still has the urge to…?”

“Kill?” Spike guessed. “Now and again. Not often. Not anymore. He wouldn’t do it, though. Too much of a sodding whitehat.”

Buffy saw through the half-hearted snark. “He wasn’t always like that, though, was he? He didn’t always have a soul.”

“It was a month before I could get him souled-up.”

“A month! Oh my god. And he didn’t kill anyone?”

Spike frowned and stared coldly. “You really have got a short memory. He killed his own fucking father!” he hissed.

Buffy covered her mouth as she realised her mistake. “Oh, god, I’m sorry. I…I have no explanation for that. Sorry. I…”

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“No,” Spike said, firmly. “What? You’ve got something to say. Spit it the fuck out.”

“I hated him. I saw the way he treated Xander and Xander’s mother. He was a worm. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer person.”

Spike wanted to laugh hysterically. Buffy noticed? “Didn’t you wonder where the cunt had disappeared too, then?”

Buffy shrugged. “I never saw that much of him anyway. It wasn’t something that would strike me as odd, none of us. I never thought about it.” Buffy turned a knowing look on Spike. “We all knew. That he hit him.”

“Well, that was bloody nice for the lot of you. Ever thought about helping him?”

Buffy shook her head. “He wouldn’t have wanted that. He would have been mortified if he’d known that we knew. We did watch out for him, though. We’d see the bruises and every time I’d think, one more, just one more bruise joins that pattern and I’m going to…stop it.”

“So what the fuck happened?”

“There was never one more bruise. They faded. And then there would be more and I would think the same thing. Then those bruises would fade, too. Then you came into his life. I kept looking. I looked for signs that you were hurting him too. But…I don’t think I ever saw another bruise.”

Spike nodded. “Damn right.”

“You love him?”

Spike rolled his eyes and sagged dramatically. “Bleedin’ hell…”

“Spike, please. I just need to hear it.”

“Yes. I love him. Satisfied?”

Buffy smirked. “More than your duster?”

“Don’t push it, Slayer.”

Buffy cocked an eyebrow and waited for the correct answer.

“For fuck's sake, alright, yes, I love him more than my duster. I’d burn the fucking thing before I’d see a scratch on his skin.”

“Good. Make sure it stays that way. If you hurt him, I’ll kill you, Spike. Don’t doubt that.”

“Wouldn’t be that stupid, would I? I do love him, Buffy. I’ll take good care.”

Buffy attempted a smile. It was small and strained. But it was real.

**

Spike noted the tense expression on Xander’s face and gently pulled Dawn away from him for a second time. Spike had no doubt that Xander wouldn’t hurt Dawn in a million years, but his lover wasn’t used to humans in such close proximity. The scent of Dawn’s blood would undoubtedly make Xander’s demon surge and Spike was well aware of how upset that could make his lover. Xander wouldn’t kill his friends. Ever. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t thinking about it.

“That’s enough, Nibblet. Time we was off.”

“No!” Dawn cried. “You can’t just leave! What if I never see you again?”

Spike ruffled Dawn’s hair and gave her the warmest smile he could muster. “Don’t be daft. We ain’t going nowhere for a few days yet.”

“I don’t think you should be going anywhere,” Willow cut in.

Silence descended and the room waited for an explanation.

Willow looked around her, desperately searching for a face that looked like it could agree. “How do we know this is real? How do know that Spike isn’t controlling Xander in some way? Maybe…maybe Xander is Spike’s minion and…”

“Willow…” Giles started.

“No, let me finish. What if this is all an act, to throw us off guard. Don’t you all see? Spike turned Xander and now he’s taking him away! How do we know that this happened a year ago?”

More silence met the final question and Spike and Xander watched cautiously as everybody put on thinking faces as they considered it.

“They’re telling the truth,” Buffy said, finally. “It fits. I couldn’t see it before. But I see it now.”

“How?!” Willow cried.

“Think about it. When was the last time that Xander got even the slightest bit hurt on patrol? I can’t remember the last time, Wills. And when was the last time that we saw Xander in the sunlight?”

Willow froze and tried to cast her mind back. She couldn’t remember. It felt like forever ago. “You…you keep vampire time now, Xander. For Spike. You stayed in the dark for him!”

Willow’s voice rose and fell as she struggled to control her tears. She felt hysteria bubbling up and she closed her eyes and breathed hard to push it back.

“No, Wills. I’m telling you the truth.” Xander stood and slowly walked towards his oldest friend, his hand held out in a gesture of trust and hope. “Please. I’ve lied enough. I’m not lying now. Please believe me.”

“You…you…”

“I’m still me, Willow. I’m still your best friend. I’m still your geeky best friend that watches too much Star Trek. Shields up, red alert. See? Still me. This isn’t a ruse. It isn’t a lie. It’s truth after a year of hiding.”

The tears fell freely from Willow’s face and Xander watched sadly as each drop fell from her jaw and chin. “You’re…dead.”

“Only a bit.”

Willow knew that was the point that she should at least have smiled. The voice was Xander’s. The mannerisms were Xander’s. The unique Xander way was clear for all to see.

But the real Xander was dead.

“You’re right. You should go.”

“Wills…”

Spike’s heart cracked at the grief stricken expression on his Childe’s face. Xander looked like the world had just come undone. Out of all his friends, Spike knew that he expected Willow to be the one batting in his corner. Spike was left a little out of sorts the moment he had realised that Willow was going to be the one to punch Xander right in his soul.

“C’mon, luv. We should go,” Spike said as he pulled Xander away from his friend and towards the door. Willow was staring at the ground now, refusing to even acknowledge their presence. “We’ll come back tomorrow, yeah?”

Buffy nodded and placed a comforting hand on Xander’s arm. “Spike’s right. Let's all give each other time to think. Come back tomorrow, Xan. You’re always welcome.”

Xander looked up at that and tried to smile. “Thanks, Buff. This is real, you know. We’re not lying or deceiving.”

“I know, sweetie, I know. Come here.” Buffy held open her arms and squeezed tight around Xander when he moved in. “I haven’t held you in over a year,” she whispered. “I didn’t realise how much I missed you.”

“Missed you too,” Xander whispered back. “So much.” He suddenly pulled away as the demon roared its disgust at being coddled by a Slayer. “I’ll go. See you tomorrow?”

“Definitely.”

Buffy watched sadly as her friend walked away. She looked back over her shoulder at Willow and made a decision. She would not let her Xander walk out of their lives minus even one of his friends.

They were a gang. They stuck together through thick and thin, pain and joy, happiness and sorrow. They always found the answer, no matter what faced them.

It was the Scooby way.

TBC in the last part.