Tangled Hearts *Now COMPLETE*

Chapter 12


Spike stomped angrily into his room, finding Angel lying on his bed, feet crossed and his hands cradled behind his head. Usually, the sight would have had him hard and ready to shag, but now, it did nothing more than piss him off.

“Who gave you the bloody right?” he demanded, hovering over the foot of the bed, blatantly ignoring Angel’s nakedness. “What the fuck was all that about?”

“All what?” Angel asked, leisurely running his fingers over his stomach.

Spike was quiet for a minute, trying to get a grip on his anger, and then said, “You were just supposed to walk through the sodding door, not get into a pissing contest with him!”

“So you got a bonus,” Angel answered smugly.

Spike’s fists clenched at his sides. “You stupid ponce.”

Angel sat up slowly, realizing just how angry Spike was and frowned. “I’m not the one who fucked him.”

Spike began pacing back and forth, side to side across the room, anything to keep him from hitting Angel, which was exactly what he wanted to do. “You need to learn when to keep your stupid gob shut!”

“And you need to learn to keep your dick to yourself,” Angel bit back.

Spike stopped where he was standing and eyed Angel furiously with a raised eyebrow, giving a genuine look of astonishment. “That right?” He gestured to Angel’s naked body and shrugged. “That’s why you’re bare-arsed on my bed? Because you don’t want me to fuck you?”

“Damn it, Spike!” Angel yelled, sitting up against the headboard. He shook his head and slid to the edge of the bed, reaching for his clothes. “This doesn’t have anything to do with us!”

“Bollocks.”

Angel stood up, pulling his jeans on and turned back around to face Spike. “It doesn’t. Because I’m not insane enough to think you could ever be anything more than a good fuck. Xander’s not that smart.”

“And you had a lot of fun making sure to let him know exactly how bloody stupid he is.”

“Well, yeah. If he actually thinks you give a damn about him, he is stupid! Either that, or you must have done one hell of a head job on him.” Angel walked slowly over to where Spike was standing, trying to stay in a position of dominance, but deflated slightly once he got there. His arms reached out and his hands locked around the back of Spike’s neck, surprised when Spike flinched at his touch. “Is that what you did, Spike? Did you play with him? Fuck the sense right out of him?” He paused, and then added, “Did you tell him you love him?”

“Not in the mood for your fucking games, Angel,” Spike spat back, shoving Angel’s hands off his shoulders.

“I’m not playing games and you didn’t answer me.” He glared, watching for any sign of contempt, but when Spike didn’t answer, Angel stepped back, crossing his arms in front of him. “Unless…” He chewed his lip and then nodded. “Huh.”

He turned around and walked over to the chair in the corner, grabbing his shirt, sliding his arms through the sleeves. Once it was buttoned, he spun back around. “You’re an idiot, Spike.”

“What?”

“That’s why you’re so pissed off at me. I hurt poor little Xander’s feelings, assuming you’d just used him like you use everyone else. But that’s not what happened, is it?”

“If you have something to say…” Spike threatened.

“You showed up, telling me things went too far and how I needed to help you.”

Spike stiffened and urged, “Get to your fucking point, Angel. This is getting boring.”

Angel shook his head, walking over to the door. “You’re in deep and you don’t know what to do about it! If this is the way you treat someone you love, I’m pretty damn lucky all I ever was to you was an ass to fuck.”

Spike’s jaw dropped and he was about to argue, but found himself not really wanting to. For once, as much as he hated to admit it, Angel was right. He deserved that.

“See ya round, Spike.”

Angel disappeared through the door, leaving Spike with nothing but a huge sense of guilt. He’d been stupid to think he could actually let Xander believe it hadn’t meant anything to him. He at least owed him enough to explain his feelings, even if it didn’t change anything between them. Xander deserved to know why Spike was pushing him away.

He took a deep breath, gathering the courage to face Xander after the things he’d said and the way he’d treated him. Leaving his room, he slowly walked down the hall, stopping in front of Xander’s door. It was time to lay it all out in the open.

He knocked and waited. “Xander, I know you’re pissed but we need to talk.”

There was no answer, so he knocked again, a little louder. “C’mon, luv. I think things’ll be better when you hear me say what an arse I am.” Spike tried to smile. That would definitely get his attention.

Spike listened, worried when he didn’t hear any sound. He tried the knob and turned, pushing the door open to an empty room. His stomach twisted, knowing right away that he was alone in the apartment. “Great,” he muttered. Now, when he had the nerve to say the things that needed to be said, Xander wasn’t there to talk to. He was afraid, given enough time, he’d lose the courage to say it.

He sighed, knowing all that was left for him to do was wait for Xander to come home. Moving into the kitchen, he opened the refrigerator to grab a beer and saw the note, written in Xander’s handwriting once he closed the door. Not wanting to read it, but knowing he had to, he sat down at the small table, popped open the can and began.

Spike,

I never thought it would come to this.

Years ago, even when I realized the feelings I had for you were more than what they should have been, I convinced myself I could handle it. I sat back and watched you fucking with all those other guys, so damn jealous I couldn’t see straight. And you know what? You never even noticed, and that hurts more than what happened last night ever could.

So now, I’m sitting here while you’re in there probably fucking Angel, feeling sorry for myself, wondering what’s wrong with me. I can’t handle it, Spike. As much as I’ve tried… I can’t handle being around you every single day, wanting you and hating myself for it.

God, I was so stupid, actually thinking it could mean something to you. I guess I could have been anyone. Like you said, Spike… we were drunk, we were horny and we got off. You know, I’m really sorry you feel that way, but it kind of put things in perspective for me. I love you. I can say it now because after the fool I made of myself last night, I suppose it’s not a secret anymore. I feel like I’ve loved you forever and last night could have been the start of something wonderful. I’ve put up with so much fucking shit because I had this stupid idea that one day, you’d wake up and see me. Really see me, the way I see you. I really thought I was more than just a fuck. What happened today proved to me that I’ll never be good enough for you. I don’t know what it takes, or if you’re even capable of loving someone and I’m done trying to find out.

I want you gone, Spike. The rent’s paid up until the end of the month so that gives you a couple of weeks to find another place. I’ll be staying with Lorne until then. I don’t want to see you, know where you’re going… anything.

I guess you were right. Never fuck your best friend. It does change everything.

Spike read the letter twice through, before calmly folding it up and sliding it into his back pocket. He felt numb, his entire body slumping forward when he realized what he’d done. Xander was gone. He’d pushed him too far and now it was too late to fix anything. He sat alone, finishing his beer, before heading to his room to pack.

Sometimes, things just aren’t meant to be. If you fuck your way through life, eventually, you may end up alone.


The end.