It's An Adventure

Kelly burst into the dingy bar, all smiles. He was followed by a cloak covered Bleathvore.

"Brad, my vampire friend! I am *so* gald you called me! I would have *hated* to let my Bleathvore demon buddies down! I *always* try and come up with a buyer for these dudes! They have the *best* stuff sometimes! Lots of junk, sure, but *man* sometimes you can get a diamond the size of a starlet's *tit* from these guys for a bottle of booze!" Kelly laughed, continuing towards the bar. "I heard a tale that you're looking for a pair of vampires. My man here just happens to have a line on a pair: one dark, one light. Expensive though. *Caged* vampires aren't easy to find, as you know, my friend. Your kind are caught more *dead* than alive!" The red headed little human laughed, once he reached the bar. Xander grabbed him, pulling him close to the bar and placing the gun at his temple. "Tell your *friend* that I want my vampire."

Kelly did.

Bleathvore 1 flapped several tentacles. "Payment is needed. I risk my mate and my most attractive daughter. I am not caring if your human brains are spilled across this business table."

"*What* the hell did he say?" Xander demanded of Kelly.

"He said let me go, or your vampires are dust."

Xander sent a bullet into the chamber, grabbed Kelly by the neck and pushed him face down on the bar. He shoved the gun into Kelly's ear.

"My Bleathvore is, by no means fluent, mind you, but I am positive that is *not* what he said." Wesley spoke.

"Is that true, Kelly? Did you just *lie* to me?" Xander asked, menace in his tone.

"No! No! If you don't let me go the vampires are dead! These Bleathvores are *crazy*, dude! Killers! Who the fuck *are* you, anyway?"

"Um, no, not really. They're mostly peaceable. They wouldn't kill if they could get a good price or trade." Wesley spoke again.

"Hey! I *know* Bleathvores and these-"

Xander pulled the gun away from Kelly's head and shot some of his toes off.

"Ow! Ow! Fuck! You *shot* me! You shot me, you crazy, fucking, bastard!"

"For hellsake! Stop *shooting*! You're gonna bring the cops here!" The bartender yelled, still holding his ear.

Xander ignored the bartender. "Well, Kelly, you've lost a few toes. Wanna loose something else?" Xander sent another bullet into the chamber of his gun.

"Hey!"

Xander's head moved to the back of the bar. "What?" He aimed the gun at Kelly's other foot, his hand still holding Kelly's head to the bar.

A female vampire from one of the back booths stepped out. She stretched her tall frame and picked up a pack of cigarettes, shucking one out and lightening it with a zippo retrieved from her generous bosom. "I speak Bleathvore." She winked at Wesley and replaced her lighter. "Fluently."

"But are you willing to translate?" Xander asked. "'Cause if you're just teasing me, honey, I have to tell you: I'm pissed enough to shoot you, too."

She laughed, white teeth flashing against the bright red of her painted lips, as she tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder. She sauntered to the bar, tall and lithe, encased in black leather pants, red silk camisole, black leather vest and red leather boots that went to her thighs. The heels were at least five inches.

Cordelia thought she looked like a Hollywood version of a Hollywood hooker. She aimed her supersoaker at her as she walked towards the bar.

"Don't shoot, Killer." She held her hands up for Xander and blew him a kiss. "Buy me a drink and I'll translate."

"You heard the lady. Pour." Xander told the still bleeding Brad.

Bleathvore 1: "What is this? Buy vampire or not?"

"Gimmie a scotch, Brad. Give me the bottle."

Wesley aimed his crossbow at the bartender. "From the back wall, Brad. Keep your hands where I can see them."

The bartender shot dirty looks at Wesley and the female vampire as he reached behind him and snagged a bottle of scotch. He slammed it down in front of the grinning she-vamp.

"Here ya go, Danielle. Enjoy your *last* drink here."

Danielle gave a fake pout and laughed. "Ah, Brad. Don't be such a hard ass. Can't you see, they just want their vampires? I think it's sweet." She took a long pull from the bottle. "Who'd come looking for *you*?"

Bleathvore 1: Agitated sounds. "Buy the vampires or not?" It stamped several legs, sending slime flying. "I must make a deal soon! I will not be beaten!"

Danielle turned to look at Xander. "He wants to sell the vampires. Now."

"Hello? I'm bleeding to death here!" Kelly whined.

Xander stomped his foot over Kelly's mangled one and left it there.

"Arhg!"

"Direct pressure. Shut up." He looked at Danielle. "Tell him we want to see the vampires first. Make sure they're okay."

"They are willing to buy your vampires, but they want to see them first. Examine the wares." Danielle told the Bleathvore.

Bleathvore 1: "This is acceptable to me. Tell the weapon wielding males not to send any projectile pieces of metal or wood into me and we can discuss a deal."

"Don't shoot him. How much are you willing to pay for them?"

"What does he want for them?"

Danielle asked the Bleathvore his price.

Bleathvore 1: Looking at Cordelia. "The weapon wielding female. She would be good."

Danielle cocked her head towards Cordelia. "You willing to part with her?"

"No." Xander and Wesley told her.

"Hey! No *way*! Are those pants squeezing your *brains*, too?" Was Cordeila's reply. She pumped the supersoaker.

Danielle grinned and took another swig. "No. The female is not up for trade."

Slime went flying as Bleathvore 1 rippled his disappointment. "The arrow shooting weapon would be good. And their skins. Very nice skins they are. I would trade the shinny headed vampire for all the skins."

"He'll give you the, ah, 'shinny-headed' one for a crossbow and your coats."

"*Both* vampires for the coats. No crossbow." Wesley told her.

"Wes-"

"We have to *bargain* Xander. Otherwise he won't deal."

"You know what you're about, don't you, sweety?" Danielle smiled at Wesley. He preened.

"The skins for all vampires. No arrow weapons."

Bleathvore 1: Thinking, several tentacles rub at its head, several more tap at the floor. "No."

Danielle took a swig. "Nope."

Xander, finger tightening on the trigger of his gun. He wanted to *shoot* something or someone. "I figured that's what he said. Tell him to give-"

"Tell him the coats *and* a case of liquor. His *choice* of liquor." Wesley cut in. He smiled at the bartender.

Danielle made the offer.

"A case of booze that you guys are going to *pay* for, right?" Brad spoke up.

Wesley pushed his glasses up with the end of the crossbow and then quickly aimed it at Brad again. "Oh! Why, ah, *no*."

Bleathvore 1: Grinning, all rows of teeth shinning with happiness. "This is a good and acceptable offer. I will have the liquor now and the skins once we trade. *You* will come with us to make the deal. You speak well and you speak the tongue of the vampire as well as that of the human. I like you. Do you have a owner?" Teeth flashing, tentacles oozing and rippling.

Danielle laughed. "I own myself. I will *not* be part of the deal." She flashed her demon face at the Bleathvore.

His tentacles fell, *all* of them. "Vampire. Fine. You will explode in the sun, yes?"

"Yes. I like the night."

Bleathvore 1: "Then we will wait. Tell them I want tequila."

"I like your taste, Bleathvore." She took a swig from her bottle. "He wants a case of Jose Cuervo and the coats. And he wants me to go with you." She told the others.

"We are *not* waiting here until sundown!" Cordelia snorted. "Oh, right! I'm gonna wait around for a bunch of vampires to come and get their drink on! I don't *think* so!"

Bleathvore 1: "You have not tasted me, vampire. How is it you find me pleasing?"

"Cordelia is right, Xander. We can't stay here waiting for a bar full of vampires."

"Tell him we need to go *now*."

Danielle did.

Bleathvore 1: "The bleeding human knows of our tunnels. We need not see the sun."

"He says Kelly knows the tunnels." Danielle stubbed out her cigarette and lit another.

"That true, Kelly? Can you take us too the tunnels." Xander ground his foot against Kelly's toeless, bleeding one.

"Yeah. Sure. If I could *walk* I could."

"Still looking to loose the other toes, Kelly?"

"Brad has an entrance to the tunnels in the back! He does!"

"*Fuck* you, Kelly!"

All weapons were trained on Brad once again. Danielle giggled and took another swig of scotch. "Come on, Brad. Play nice. Let's save some vampires. Tell you what: *You* come up missing? *I'll* look for you."

"You'd look for me in the bottom of a bottle, bitch."

Danielle smiled. "And maybe you'd *be* there." She took another drink. "Maybe not." She walked-well *sauntered*-to Wesley and stood next to him. "Shoot him again, Killer." She told Xander.

Xander raised his gun from Kelly's ear and aimed it at Brad's shoulder.

"No! Wait! The tunn-"

Too late. Xander shot him.

"Fuck! You *sick* little fuck! Stop *shooting* already!" Brad's hand left his still oozing ear and went to the new hole in his shoulder.

"So. You're going to take us to your tunnels now, right?" Xander asked.

"Yes! Don't *shoot*! Follow me!"

And they did. Cordelia and Wesley keeping a look out, walking carefully backwards into the back room and to the sewer entrance of Brad's bar. Danielle, still sipping from her bottle, and the Bleathvore, still oozing, followed.

"Let's not forget the Bleathvore's case of booze!" Danielle chimed in.

"Bitch." Brad muttered, going to and pulling out a case of good tequila.

Xander knew that he was having *way* too much fun blasting holes in vampires and murdering toes. Living on the Hellmouth was *bound* to make a guy just a *little* blood thirsty, wasn't it? And maybe Spike was rubbing off on him? Or maybe it was too much violence on TV? God, but he wanted to be vegging out in front of a TV right about now!

"Xander?" Cordelia whispered once they had reached the tunnel.

"Yeah?" He asked, heading down.

"You're scary."

Xander paused, cocked his head and thought about that. He continued down the stairs. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

*********************************

"Damn it, Spike! Bet your *own* shoes!"

"They don't *want* my boots, Peaches. They've taken quite a fancy to yer shoes, though. I keep winning 'em *back* don't I? And didn't I get you that bottle of hair gel?"

"Humph. *Suave* hair gel." Angel ran his hand over his newly stiffened, but still disgustingly dirty hair.

"I bet a perfectly good pair of old sneakers for that! What if I had *lost* them?"

"Spike?"

Spike grunted, studying his cards.

"It *is* garbage you're playing with, boy. You *do* know that, don't you?" Angel asked, a bit concerned. Maybe too much Bleathvore venom drove vampires insane.

Spike dealt more cards through the bars of the cage as he puffed at a cigar he had won from a previous match. It was a little old, sure, but still chock full of Cuban-tobacco goodness. "*Garbage*? I've won the slayer-saving-bowl-thing, *and* I've won back our *baby*! Garbage, you say? Beast! No *wonder* I haven't had children with you before now!" He grinned at Angel, blowing cigar smoke in his face. "Hand over the belt, Peaches. I can get a tire for it." This was *so* much better than pacing.

Bleathvore 3: "Your mate is causing you discomfort?"

"Oh, yeah. A real pain, he is."

Bleathvore 2: "It is unacceptable to us that he bother you so. You are most good and entertaining. We will happily cut off his head if you wish. You can find another mate, I am certain. You should not be bothered."

Bleathvore 5: "What of the child it carries?"

Bleathvore 3: "What of it? We have lost it and the shinny headed, good, one refuses to wager it again and it is only him that we like."

Bleathvore 5: "This is true. What say you vampire? Shall we cut off its head?"

Spike took a deep drag from his cigar, rolling the rich smoke in his mouth. "I like you boys! Let's just *wait* and see what happens. No hurry." He smiled and patted Angel on the head. "I might want to keep him." Spike blew smoke rings towards a scowling Angel.