Saying It With Flowers

Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing: Xander/William
Rating: G then R then NC17 ( but not till later…..he he he)
Author: Mightbeme
E-mail: Lee_Michelle_t@hotmail.com
Feedback: Yes please
Disclaimer: Not mine, don’t own em (pout…stamps foot….dammit) they belong to Joss etc.
Spoilers: Up to Grave and then we take a left and head off road.
Thanks: To my wonderful friend Meg for encouraging me and to my awesome beta's Michelle and Edi, thanks for everything. I'm really hoping to be able to post this story on a more regular basis. Apologies to all of you who have waited so patiently.

Notes: Thoughts in * * flashbacks in # #

Saying It With Flowers

Part Twelve

Xander

William flushed, a bright scarlet that inched its way across his porcelain features under Buffy and Willow’s combined scrutiny. Embarrassed, he tried to move out of my arms, but I took a firm hold and pulled him back against my chest. Startled by the possessiveness of my action, he twisted in my arms to gaze up into my face. Wide eyed, his glance swung down to our entwined fingers, and that small smile, the one that made my heart jump, twitched at the corners of his mouth.

“William, it’s okay, you know, that you like Xander, we understand…don’t we, Buffy?”

Willow’s gentle words eased the tension that had gathered in his smaller frame, and he sank back gratefully against me.

“Yeah , whatever.”

Willow shot Buffy a glare as the Slayer flicked her long blonde hair over her shoulder. Though the grudging agreement allowed William’s blush to subside from blazing red to a pinkish glow. I nudged him forward, and he moved, our steps locked in time with each other. Our hands stayed clasped together as we walked slowly back to the Bronze. Just holding William’s hand in the dark affected me in a way I hadn’t thought possible. I knew I still had a dopey grin plastered on my face, and there were parts of my body that were really happy to be next to William.

A glance at Buffy’s less than joyful as as she fell into step on the far side of Willow proved how dissatisfied she was with this development. Going by body language alone, you could see she wasn’t a happy camper. It wasn’t nice, but I couldn’t help the snicker that slipped past my lips. The hell with her; she missed her chance and now it’s my turn.

Willow and I laughed and joked as we walked. It was our not so subtle way of trying to break up the spots of oh so uncomfortable silence that shadowed our small group. William leaned into me as we walked, his shoulder rubbing against mine in a companionable way that made me hyper aware of him. That awareness centred on his hand in mine, the tips of his fingers lightly stroking my palm, sending little frizzes of want tingling through my body. Distracted by William, I was surprised when the Bronze finally came into view. Buffy halted abruptly, as if she was equipped with an anchor, while our momentum moved us forward a few metres unaware that she had paused. We turned in unison, half expecting to be confronted by some new threat, as she carelessly tossed her key keys in Willow’s direction before turning to leave. The three of us were left in varying degrees of surprise as the blonde slayer walked back into the waiting night.

“Hey, where you going?” She turned at my question but didn’t stop.

“I think I’m gonna go patrol some more, guys, could be more vamps around.” I felt lousy for about a split second, long enough to realise that it was the guilt talking as I offered my services.

“You want me to come with you, Buff?”

She shook her head and flicked wayward strands of blonde hair out of the way. Her voice carried on the night air.

“Nah, you guys go, have fun, I’ll see you later.”

Willow looked at me, green eyes full of unspoken worry, and I shrugged in reply. Better to let Buffy work out her mood on some of the creatures of the night, than to maybe take it out on us. My need to reassure Willow was deeply ingrained and automatic as I reached back to take her hand and drag her closer to my side. The smile I pasted on my face was only a little forced as I hauled both her and William back towards the lights and music.

We were nearly at the Bronze when I pulled up, Willow and William jolted by my sudden stop. I mentally kicked myself for not remembering what William has been through. All of Spikes’ memories were in his head now, and he probably just wanted to curl up and die. Willow and I made eye contact, and our years of experience at interpreting each other’s various facial expressions led us to arrive at the same conclusion.

“You want to go home, William?” Sympathy edged Willow’s tone as we both regarded his down turned head.

He had been pretty quiet since we left the park, lost in his own thoughts. But when he looked up, his blue eyes were painfully haunted. I wanted to sweep him into my arms and tell him it would be all right. I wanted to be the strong one, just like Jesse was for me when the world and my parents were too much for me to handle.

“No.” The single word is soft but determined and it was followed by a strained smile. His hand squeezed mine as he tried to explain.

“The memories seem to come and go, almost like waves. I would prefer not to dwell on them at this point, for to do so would be the same as surrendering without a struggle.”

I gave in. Maybe the distraction would help, so I’d allow us an hour of dancing before I’d take my William home. The thought of having William in my arms sent a shiver chasing around my body. I had to slap myself down ‘cause he looked way too fragile for any tactless move on my part. I’m pretty sure we only scratched the surface of Spike’s bloodthirsty past in all our time with him. Now William has to contend with it; but he wouldn’t be on his own, not if I could help it. I pushed the serious thoughts to the back of my mind with a determined shove. I think we all needed to blow off some steam.

“Come on, you heard what Buffy said. Let’s go have some fun.” Willow’s perceptive nod is all the go ahead I needed as I swept us back into the noisy throng.


William

Sleep faded, and the distant sounds of early morning intruded on my slowly awakening mind. I stretched in my small cot, wriggling my toes until they peeked out from under the covers and into the slight chill of the morning air. The previous night’s events re-emerged hazily in my consciousness and I felt an ache deep in my chest for the legions of people I had wronged. Unbidden, Alex’s words drifted around me, and I recognised the logic of his arguments. And yet, that didn’t help to rid myself of the guilt I felt.

I tried to push the memories away, concentrating instead on our night at the Bronze, and Alex. He’d been so accepting, of who and what I’d been, that I’d scarce been able to fathom why. He should have hated me. He had hated me, with a passion that rivalled any loathing the demon was capable of. It was nearly impossible to reconcile the man in my memory with the man who held me in his arms last night. The man who’d given me something to cling to, unwilling to let me drown in the sorrow caused by Spike’s memories.

I wasn’t worthy of his affection, I knew that, but I still craved his lips on mine. The sweet kisses we’d shared had sorely tested my resolve to not fall into his bed and, seeing this, he had withdrawn with a wistful smile. We had reluctantly parted company, he to his lonely bed and me to mine.

I was worn out from the evening’s unexpected turn, and was fortunate that my sleep had been undisturbed by dreams of Spike. I shuddered to think that he had used my body for so long, of the evil he had done wearing my face. My cheeks flamed at the thought of the relationships he had pursued since claiming my body. Clear memories broke over me, and I could only lay back in growing revulsion and relive them.


#Blood running in rivers down the girl’s throat to her bare breasts, tongue lapping at the scarlet fluid as it covers the rosy nipple. Looking into the eyes of my Sire, as she mirrors my actions on the girl’s other breast. A halo of dark hair cloaks Drusilla’s naked body, the tips of the long, silky strands stained with dark blood. I watch as her small hand busies itself between the wounded girl’s legs, stroking her to completion even as she lies dying. My Sire’s wicked smile graces her face as we listen to the tortured whimpers of our plaything as her life slips away, laughing at her futile struggles. #


The horrifying scene faded, swiftly replaced by a new and more appalling vision.


# A large, bloody hand roughly stroking my cock, giving equal amounts of pain and pleasure, as I’m impaled violently from behind. My cold flesh shivers under the hard, biting kisses that trail up my inner thighs. Deep, rattling groans echo as Dru pauses to lave my balls, her tongue fondling the swinging sacks as Angelus fucks me harder. The cacophony of grunts and groans meld with the harsh slaps of flesh against flesh as my Grandsire reaches his peak, flooding my body with his dead seed. The vile sound of my own voice as I plead for more, begging to be used, screaming as I come, seed pumping from my cock into Dru’s greedy mouth. #


Convulsions racked me as I forced myself to my feet, staggering almost drunkenly to the bathroom. I dropped to my knees and gripped the porcelain with white-knuckled fingers, hurling the contents of my stomach into the toilet. I passed the back of a clammy hand over my mouth, wiping away the spittle and vomit still clinging to my lips.

Pushing myself t fee feet, I had to clutch at the basin to support my trembling limbs. I felt so dirty, so used, like a whore. How could Alex ever truly want such soiled goods? I fumbled for the taps and thrust my hands into the icy water, cupping them and splashing water on to my face. Chilly drops dripped off my nose and cheeks as I shook the water from my eyes, desperately trying to clear my head.

Lifting my gaze to the mirror, I was immediately repulsed by the reflection I saw. Malice stared back at me; pure and unadulterated evil was wearing my face. I knew with certainty that this was Spike, the vampire, the soulless, demon-infested version of myself. Choking back the bile that instantly rose in my throat, I tried willing him away, telling myself he was merely a figment of my imagination.

My efforts were in vain and I recoiled in surprise as a scarred eyebrow arched in disdain, the image in the silvery glass clearly mocking me. Familiar eyes, my eyes, yet they were steeped in cruelty and spite, locked with my own. The evil I saw simmering there was the same as I had seen before in Dru’s eyes the night she’d turned me, the night I, William, had died.

Panic ran unchecked through my body, the air around me suddenly evaporated, so that I almost hyperventilated in my fear. My refection’s lips twitched and my skin crawled at the common tone of his voice, making me feel as if I was infested with lice.


#So, William, you think you’re rid o’ me, do you? Not bloody likely, mate. I’m here to stay, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Not that you would even try; you wouldn’t have the balls to stand up for yourself. Scared of your own shadow, you are. Just a cry-baby screaming for his mother’s teat, I bet Mother would like that, wouldn’t she? The old bag, best thing I ever did was kill the old bitch.#

This couldn’t be, Spike was gone, his physical presence had been obliterated. Why, then, was he here, what did he want of me? I was barely aware of the blood running from my face as I shrank away from the mirror. My own voice was a wretched whisper of sound in the small room, husky with fear and desperation. My knees gave out and I slid to the floor, clapping my hands over my ears in an effort to dispel the mocking laugh that echoed in my head.

“No, you’re, you’re not real. I’m William, William. I’m not Spike.”

Silence fell and I cautiously looked back up, seeing naught but my own reflection staring fearfully back at me from the glass. For a moment I stayed as I was, huddled on the cold floor, my legs too weak to let me rise. Visions of blood and carnage whirled around in my brain, an assault to my already overwhelmed senses. The sudden urge to flee gripped me, wrapped me in its impulse until I was on my feet.

The compulsion nagged at me until I scurried back to my room and threw on the first clothes I found. Quietly letting myself out, I felt the urge lessen as I walked into the bright, early morning sunshine. The comforting sounds of the waking day served to keep the roar of Spike’s memories at bay. I could only tell myself that Spike was not real and that he could not harm me, repeating it over and over in my head like a mantra.

By the time I found myself outside The Art Of Flowers, I was half convinced. As I looked through the shop window I was surprised but pleased to spot Maggie inside. My knuckles rapped sharply on the glass to attract her attention. Her happiness to see me was evident from the cheerful surprise on her face as she headed towards the front door.

The moment I entered, it was like stepping into an oasis. The heady scent of flowers surrounded me, giving me peace, settling my spirit. Tears prickled at the backs of my eyes. I quickly bowed my head and squeezed my eyes tightly shut, willing myself not to cry. When I lifted my eyes to Maggie’s, the overly bright smile I pasted on my face didn’t seem to fool her, not even for a few seconds. Worry knit her brow, and her arm reached up to curve comfortingly around my shoulders.

“William, dearie, what are you doing out and about at this hour of the morning? Shouldn’t you be keeping your young man company?”

I knew she wouldn’t understand about Spike if I told her. And so I decided to bend the truth. “He’s, umm, still asleep, so I went for a walk and just found myself here.”

Her cocked eyebrow told me once again I lie less than convincingly. And for a bare moment, I didn’t understand what I had just implied. But then I blushed as the image of myself and Alex twined around each other in his bed flickered through my mind.

“Oh no, I mean that he wasn’t up when I woke up. In my bed, where I slept. Alone.”

This hurried ruf wof words evoked a widening of her eyes, and my cheeks flamed at the knowing look she gave me. Desperately I cast about for a diversion from the most obvious question I could see lurking on her lips and the indecent turn of my own thoughts. I stumbled into a query, hoping to distract her.

“Why are you working today?” I asked “ It’s Sunday.”

A dimple appeared in her cheek as she held back from smiling at my embarrassment. She deftly steered us towards the back of the shop instead of continuing her questioning, and I went with her, curious as to why she was there.

“Oh, I’ve got a special delivery that just arrived, so I came down to put them away.”

Boxes upon boxes were piled up haphazardly near the back door. Maggie bent down to open one up and show me the beautiful blooms within. I gently touched the delicate petals, knowing that this was what I needed. To be at peace for even a short while, among nature’s bounty.

“They’re lovely. May I help you?”

“If you don’t mind, that would be a godsend, my boy.”

We worked steadily, taking the flowers and placing them in their containers in the special refrigerated storeroom. The scent of flowers wafting in the air soothed what was left of my raw nerves and after an hour I was considerably more relaxed. The simple task had served to occupy my time and my thoughts.

All too soon we were finished, but the bright colours of the flowers were beckoning to me, so I asked Maggie for a favour.

“May I have one of the flowers, Maggie?”

“Sure, hon, which one do you want?”

I carefully plucked a variegated tulip out of a container, trying to ignore the wide grin that appeared on Maggie’s face. Instead, I smoothed the delicate red and white petals between my fingers.

“That’s a good choice,” Maggie said. “ It suits him.”

The blush that rose on my cheeks in response to her words didn’t stop the happy smile that crossed my lips. I bade Maggie a fond farewell and left the shop, going home with a far lighter heart than that which I had departed with. The gentle gifts of nature eased my soul, forcing out my earlier unwanted memories. Lifting the blossom to brush its glossy petals against my cheek, my smile grew even wider at the thought of seeing Alex again.

The walk home didn’t take long, and I let myself back into the silent apartment. Finding a suitable vase to house my bloom was not an easy task. I finally settled on a glass and filled it with water, carefully arranging my flower in it. The rumbling in my stomach was calmed by a hearty breakfast after which I decided to make Alex’s as well.

A short while later, I set a tray with the coffee he prefers to tea, toast, bacon and eggs, which I knew he would appreciate. Placing the glass vase containing my flower somewhat precariously on the side of the tray, I carefully carried it to Alex’s bedroom. I juggled it with one hand as I knocked softly on the door with the other. A sleepy grunt came from inside the darkened room, and I took that as permission to enter.

In the middle of the large bed I spied a large blanket-covered lump, which groaned as I flung open the curs ans and let in the morning light. Sleepy eyes blinked blearily at me from under a tousled mane of dark hair. I hid my amusement at the sound of Alex’s slightly petulant voice as he rubbed at his eyes like a child.

“William, what time is it?”

I pulled a pillow from the other side of the bed and helped him sit up, carefully placing the laden tray across his knees. That done, I stood and looked for a place to sit down.

“It’s 9:30 in the morning, Alex.”

Inhaling deeply, Alex appreciatively eyed his food. When he saw me casting about for a place to sit, he patted the bed beside him. I swallowed and reminded myself that it could do no harm for me to just sit next to him. Though a million butterflies seemed to have decided to take up residence in my stomach because of it.

“Wow, William, you did all this for me?” Alex grinned at me.

The butterflies settled contentedly, happy that I made him smile. I gestured towards the tray, urging him to eat.

“Of course it’s for you,” I said. “Now eat up before it goes cold.”

Careful not to upset the tray, he reached out and cupped my cheek, pulling me forward to kiss me soundly on the mouth. The fleeting taste of his mouth on mine set a slow fire burning in the pit of my stomach.

While I sat there dazed from the brief encounter with his mouth, he attacked his breakfast with gusto. I ran my tongue over my lips, savouring his flavour, while I watched him eat. Soon, Alex pushed his now empty tray aside with a satisfied sigh. He carefully he picked up the vase, turning it to study the single flower.

“This is beautiful, William,” he said. “What kind is it?”

Still somewhat dazed, I forced my concentration on to the safe topic of flora.

“It’s a variegated tulip. Do you like it? It’s one of my favourites.”

“It’s lovely. Thank you.”

The flower was placed with care on the bedside table before his strong arms wrapped around me. I felt I should protest, as it was not proper for us to be in such a compromising position. But snatches of my early morning vision flickered, making me burrow into the safety of his arms. It was blissfully warm lying there, cradled and safe, listening to the strong beat of his heart.

My glasses fell down to the end of my nose and were plucked carefully away by large, callused fingers. Alex carefully folded my glasses and set them on the bedside table before hugging me to him again. I felt every breath come a little more quickly as I lay within the circle of his arms, my body starting to react to his closeness. Alex noticed and his arms relaxed around me, giving me the choice of staying or going.

“Thanks for making me breakfast, William. It was very thoughtful of you.”

I looked up into his face and I was caught, drowning in those deep, dark chocolate and whiskey coloured eyes. Maggie was right - the flower suited him perfectly. The red and white variegated tulip literally meant, ‘you have beautiful eyes’, and Alex’s eyes were just that. I was still staring when his puzzled voice whispered in my ear.

“Will, are you still with me? What, have I grown an extra head or something?”

“Sorry, Alex, I was miles away.”

“Funny, I thought you were right here.”

He took my hand in his, and I couldn’t help rubbing my thumb over his callused fingers, marvelling at their roughened texture. My hand was raised and his full lips brushed tenderly across the sensitive skin, his eyes never leaving mine. Shivers started to race over me as his dark gaze intensified. My tongue flicked out to wet lips suddenly devoid of moisture, and my eyes widened in astonishment at the heat this simple act provoked in my companion. It fanned the inferno in Alex’s eyes, a fire that was a reflection of what I felt burning in my body.

He pulled me up to his lips, locking us in a fierce embrace, mouths mashed together in the sudden, spiralling passion. I felt myself falling into him, into the attraction which had begun to burn in me from the first moment I saw him. A heartfelt moan escaped my mouth, and he used that tiny slip to push his tongue past my teeth. His lips branded me while his hands roamed my back, finally resting upon my bottom and drawing me closer to his heat and hardness. I was drowning in such a pleasurable tide that, for my shame, I did nothing but return his drugging kiss, whimpering with bliss. Only the sheets and the clothes between our bodies kept me from submitting totally to him.


# Go on, Willie boy, give him what he wants. Then he can toss you aside.#


Spike’s hated face slipped across my mind’s eye, smirking at me. I squeezed my lids tightly shut and concentrated on the feel of Alex’s hot mouth on mine.


# You’re just pathetic. I don’t know why the whelp bothers.#


Tears gathered and I didn’t know what to do with that dammanble voice goading me.


#How’s it gonna feel, I wonder, when he rams his cock into you? Bet you can’t compare him to Angelus. Now there’s a man who knew how to fuck. You remember him, don’t you, Willie? Remember his long, hard dick stroking in and out of your arse. Remember how you begged him to fuck you like the whore you are?#

Shock, the mirror of my own, was all I saw in Alex’s eyes as I wrenched myself away from him. Tears ran freely in tracks down my cheeks as humiliation filled me. I nearly fell off the bed in my haste to get away, Spike’s vile laughter ringing in my ears. I ran, not stopping at Alex’s worried voice. I just kept running until I could hear Spike’s hated voice no more.


tbc