Fisi Mtima

Chapter Summary: Trust is debated and decisions met.

.Chapter Twelve.

Xander could feel something was happening. He couldn't explain it, but he knew it was there. Maybe it was the hyena, maybe it was simply the fact that Spike wouldn't look at him. All he knew was that something was about to happen.

They returned to Sunnydale just after midnight. The town was quiet, filled with sleeping humans. Xander knew Buffy was somewhere hunting down vampires. Willow was most likely asleep, cuddled close to Tara. Giles, well, that was an obvious one. Giles would be up reading and researching. Hoping to catch the next apocalypse before it started.

Xander pulled up to his home, the weed-filled yard making him frown. He could see tire marks in the driveway, the smell of tar a few hours old. He knew his father was off drinking in town. His mother appeared to be asleep. Sighing, Xander turned to Spike.

The vampire had not spoken since they had awakened on the couch earlier that night. He continued to stare out the window even now. Xander could practically hear the wheels in his mind grate as the vampire thought. He wasn't sure what Spike was thinking about. There were so many options. Their relationship. His soul. Trust.

Xander closed his eyes before opening the car door. Getting out, he slammed it shut behind him, ignoring the small part of his mind that told him he should not be angry. He couldn't help it. Ever since the hyena had resurfaced his entire world had practically centered around Spike. He devoted everything to the vampire, to attaining him and keeping him for all time. How is it Spike didn't trust him to not leave him?

Face it, Xander thought to himself, you're just not worth trusting.

What basis did Spike really have to trust him, anyway? He had threatened to kill him from the moment they first met. Their existence had always been kill or be killed, don't let the other win. Until Xander had started to think of Spike as an equal, Xander never had given trust between them much thought.

Xander looked back at the car, noticing that Spike was still sitting in the passenger seat, the same thoughtful frown on his face. Taking a deep breath, Xander walked around the car and opened the passenger door. Kneeling, he carefully unbuckled the seatbelt that Xander had forced Spike to wear. Spike turned and looked at him mutely. It was something that scared Xander to the core.

"Spike?" Xander whispered. He reached up and brushed a falling curl back. The vampire had to do without gel that evening. Angel had refused to let him borrow any. While it had agitated Spike, Xander found his liked Spike's hair that way. "Spike, you okay?"

Spike blinked at him, then climbed out the car, pushing Xander back as he went. Xander fought back the growl that wanted to rise. Spike ignored him and looked up at the house listlessly. Then, after a moment's pause, he turned and headed for the street.

"Where are you going?" Xander asked, grabbing Spike arm. It was the wrong move. Spike whipped around, game face showing, and hissed at him. Unable to control his own instincts, Xander's eyes glowed and he bared his teeth. A low growl emitted from his throat. Spike let out an angry roar, yanking his arm out of Xander's grip.

As Spike turned to walk off, Xander's anger took over. Growling, he grabbed Spike and pulled him hard against him, back to chest. Spike struggled, trying not to hurt Xander in the process so it wouldn't set off the chip. Xander's hands locked around Spike's wrists and his twisted the vampire around, looking into his face. Spike's game face melted away, revealing his fearful look. Xander's growl softened, but he didn't release his hold on Spike.

"Mine." Xander demanded.

"Let me go." Spike ordered, his eyes hardening.

"You're staying with me tonight." Xander informed him, ignoring Spike's demand.

"Like hell I am!" Spike exclaimed, once again struggling to get lose. Xander simply refused to notice the twists and jerks of Spike's body. He held on tighter to the vampire and dragged him around the house to the basement door. Spike knew that if he had a heart it would be beating out of his rib cage from fear. Xander was nearly as strong as he was, now that the hyena added to the human's power. And with Spike unable to truly hurt Xander... A shiver ran through Spike's body.

"I'm not going to hurt you." Xander told him as he unlocked the basement door. Spike didn't respond. Instead, he allowed himself to be gently tugged down the steps and into the dark room within.

Xander turned on the lights as he went, making their way over to his unmade bed. Slowly, he turned Spike toward the bed and worked at taking off the vampire's prized duster. With a careful hand, he made Spike sit down and knelt in front of him. After slipping off his shoes and socks, Xander reached forward to unbutton Spike's shirt.

"What are you doing?" Spike asked softly, causing Xander to jump slightly.

"Helping you get ready for bed." Xander replied, glancing up into Spike's face. The vampire's mouth was set into a frown, his eyes slightly confused. Something dawned in the back of Xander's head. "What did you think I was going to do, Spike?"

Xander could tell that if Spike could, he would blush. "Didn't think anything, Xander."

"Yeah, okay." Xander said softly, narrowing his eyes at the vampire. Spike let out a frustrated sound.

"You were acting a bit strange, is all. It's not like I can defend myself from you." Spike explained.

"Spike." Xander reached up and gently trailed a finger down his cheek before allowing the hand to fall away. "I don't know what to do to prove to you that I love you. You want an explanation as to why I feel this way? Or why I won't leave you? I'm sorry. I can't give you that. I would never intentionally leave you, Spike. I can't make the promise it won't happen. Or that I won't ever hurt you. I can't do that because I have no control over what happens around us. All I can say is that I will never do it with intention."

Spike stared at him, looking a mix between apprehensive and confused. Xander watched him for a moment, before once again reaching for Spike's shirt. Spike didn't interfere, he simply sat there and mutely allowed Xander unclothe him. Once the shirt was tossed on top of the duster, Xander paused. Xander took a moment to look at him, gathering some sort of nerve before carefully unbuttoning Spike's jeans.

"Uh, pet?" Spike whispered, afraid of breaking the silence that had descended upon the room.

"Yeah?" Xander asked, stopping at the first button.

"I wouldn't do that."

"Why?" Xander asked, his face openly curious.

"I'mnotwearingunderwear." Spike mumbled. Xander raised an eyebrow, silently asking what Spike meant. "Bloody hell. I'm not wearing underwear."

"Oh." Xander blinked, but didn't blush. He honestly didn't think he was capable of blushing, not as much anyway. Not since the hyena. Not since he had given Spike a blow job in an alley, in front of Deadboy of all people. Xander closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and finally sent Spike a smile. "You can sleep in your jeans then. Unless you want to borrow some sweats?"

"I'm all right, pet." Spike replied. Xander stepped back, letting Spike crawl underneath the covers. The vampire didn't look at him. Xander was shocked to find that he wasn't as upset about Spike's little words or motions that normally showed the sign of disrespect. Maybe the hyena was finally use to Spike's general attitude towards everyone and everything. Maybe Xander no longer cared about respect, as long as Spike was with him.

It was too much to think about. Xander tried to force it out of his mind as he changed into some more comfortable clothing. He didn't want to worry and pine over Spike and him for all eternity. If they couldn’t get over this bump -- admittedly, a large bump -- then the rest of their time together was going to be the most depressing thing since the development of country music.

Sighing, Xander slipped underneath the covers. He gave into temptation and curled up to Spike's quiet form. The vampire wasn't asleep. Instead he was staring up at the ceiling, a small frown playing at his lips. Xander wanted nothing more than to kiss that frown away, but he wasn't sure if it would be at all accepted.

Spike felt the warmth encase him and Xander's arms slipped around his waist. His frown deepened despite welcoming the touch. He could sense the unease that coated Xander's scent, leaving the boy almost depressed. Spike wanted to comfort him, but his own emotions clouded his mind. He couldn’t seem to get one thought straight. He knew he wanted Xander. He would be a fool not to. Yet, something inside him didn't want to trust the boy. Perhaps it was simply because of who they were. They use to be enemies. Hell, Spike had once tried to kill Xander.

Things use to be so simple. So easy. See human, like human, kill human. That was the way it worked. If he found himself getting attached, he would use his nickname well. He couldn't allow himself to love anyone other than Dru. But she was gone and Xander was here.

Besides he was a Master Vampire. The only reason he flaunted the title as he did was because that gave him the excuse that he could essentially do what he wanted. That's what being a Master Vampire is all about. He didn't take orders from anyone. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. He took what he wanted, as well.

What did he want? Spike allowed his eyes to trail over to Xander. The part-hyena was staring at Spike's shoulder, his face looking tired. Spike closed his eyes a moment. What did he want?

He wanted Xander.

The real question then, was could he trust Xander enough to allow himself to get close. He didn't want a repeat of every other relationship in his life. Cecily never wanted him to begin with. Angelus had wanted him for a split moment in time, right after Darla had left him when Spike was still a fledge. Drusilla had kept him for a century, but it had never been easy. There were periods, sometimes even decades, when she would hardly talk to him. Their love was like her attention span, short lived but always there. Harmony, well, she was just a joyride that came to a crashing stop.

What would Xander be? Would he stick around until one day he realized Spike had meant eternity? Did Xander as a human even like him, or was it all the animal within him? There were too many questions and not enough answers. Yet, Xander was right. There were no answers. They'd never find any. Spike simply had to trust him.

In order to trust Xander he had to trust him? What kind of sense did that make?

"Spike." Xander said softly. "You think too much. Why don't you try to sleep? We can worry in the morning."

Those simple words held so much meaning. Spike almost wanted to cry when he realized what they proved. Xander really did care for him. It was in the tone he used. The words selected. The comfort in his arms. It was, essentially, an epiphany.

Opening his eyes, Spike looked over. Their eyes met and locked together. Xander's arms tightened around his waist. Spike felt comfortable. Happy. "How do you do it?"

"Do what?" Xander asked, his eyebrows coming together in question.

"Love so easily."

"I..." Xander looked away. "I don't know. I've always been like that. I'm the heart."

"The what?" Spike turned onto his side so he could see Xander better.

"The heart. I don't know what I mean." Xander laughed at himself. "I'm just talking."

"I don't mind." Spike said honestly. Xander stared at him.

"Something's changed." Xander whispered. "What is it, Spike? What are you thinking about?"

"I'm just realizing a few things, love." Spike told him. He couldn't help himself, he suddenly had to be closer to Xander's warmth. His own arms wrapped around Xander's body, curling closer. Their bodies now touched, inch by inch. This was bliss. Spike sighed and pressed his forehead against Xander's own. "Do you think that it's wrong to jump into something without thinking it over?"

"No." Xander replied. "Some things require thought and time. Some things you simply need a second to think over. A second to see what's in front of you."

"It's taken me longer than a second, pet." Spike said softly.

"You always were a little slow." Xander quipped.

"You wound me." Spike muttered, his eyes once again closed. Xander smiled at the completely unguarded expression on Spike's face.

"Spike." Xander waited until Spike had reopened his eyes before continuing. "Can... Can I kiss you?"

"It's not like you to be uncomfortable with open affection, Xander." Spike noted, before leaning that fraction of an inch closer that brought their lips together.

This kiss was different than the others. It was soft and gentle, this was true, but that wasn't what stood out in Xander's mind. The glide of Spike's lips against his. The bottled up passion that was so obvious. The small sensation of a shudder running down Xander's spine. It was like Spike was feeding him his soul. A fractured, part in hell soul, but his soul none the less.

Xander awoke with a evenly temperature body laying literally on top of him. The body, despite it's lack of breathing, was awake. A hand was sliding up and down the side of Xander's torso. A face was buried in the crook of his neck, a mouth pressed to his skin. A sound of happiness escaped Xander's throat and he finally opened his eyes. "Hey, you."

"Shut up, whelp." Spike muttered, before pressing their lips together. Xander gave a grunt of surprise, but immediately chose not to question Spike's sudden passion.

The vampire's hands were everywhere, and Xander honestly couldn't figure out how Spike had managed to grow three sets of hands. Letting out a small moan, Xander rolled them until he was resting on top of the blonde. Spike arched up to him, breaking the kiss long enough to allow Xander a small breath. Xander could feel his hips thrusting downward, Spike's muscular body rising to meet him, and the smooth taste that was pure Spike that was on his lips. He felt detached from reality, simply reveling in the sensations. His mind was clouded, a small voice in his head that he reconigsed as the hyena telling him to take, want, have, mark, mate.

Flesh pressed against flesh and soon there was nothing separating them. Xander briefly wondered if he would ever find his boxers again, considering how far Spike had threw them. The thought was gone in an instant, though, when he felt a hand wrap around his hardening cock. Xander drew in a sharp breath, pulling Spike closer.

Spike's hands were soft, something Xander doubted had changed since he was human. There where no rough spots that were noticeable, at least not through the pleasure that Xander was experiencing. A moan filled the air, Xander's face pressing against Spike's neck. Spike had to of been a writer.

The sudden urge to touch and feel overtook Xander, pushing him away from the sinful bliss that Spike was creating. Slowly, Xander trailed his hands down, before hooks them under the vampire's kneels. He pulled, bringing Spike flat onto his back and lifting his legs to wrap around his waist. Pressing himself flush against Spike's chest, he could feel Spike's cock lined up next to his own. A shudder ran through the vampire.

"Want you, Spike." Xander whispered, starting a slow thrust. Spike let out a low whine of pleasure. "Want to take you. Want to taste you. Want to make you scream."

"Do it." Spike practically ordered. "Make me scream, pet. Make me beg for it."

Xander thanked whatever lubricant fairies that were looking out for them as he pulled a jar of Vaseline out of his bedside dresser. Xander wasted no time in preparing Spike, stretching and teasing at the same time.

Then he was home. There was other ways to describe the moment. Union. Thrusting. Simply sex. But it was so much more. Xander felt as though he could do this forever, and not because of his abnormally high stamina. It just felt perfect, almost too perfect. The slide and arch of Spike's body. The tight channel that squeezed at his cock. The tiny wince on Spike's face that proved that he had been turned a virgin. The sight of his face reacting as a dull ache morphed into erupting pleasure.

Spike's legs tightened around his waist, his back practically twisting as he came. Spurts of come slicked Xander's stomach. Xander thrusted harder, still hitting that spot inside that made Spike shudder and whimper after his orgasm. A hard kiss, then Xander pulled away as his own orgasm attacked him. He gave in to pure instinct as his pleasure rode out it's peak. Xander's face buried itself into Spike's neck, not even pausing before biting down hard.

Spike let out a yowl, though it could hardly be considered one of pain. His body tightened like a drawstring as yet another orgasm racked his body. Xander could taste blood on his lips and, without even thinking about it, he lapped at the minor wound. Then, after falling onto his side, Xander pulled the panting vampire against him, his own breath hard and shallow.

"I've made... My choice." Spike gasped out. Xander remained quiet, allowing Spike the time to talk. Not to mention to give himself the time to allow his heartbeat to return to normal. After a moment's pause, Spike continued. "I'm not letting Red do the spell."

"Oh." Xander replied, momentarily shocked. "...Why?"

"I just..." Spike sighed, rolling over in Xander's arms in order to look at him. "I don't trust her to muck it up."

"Willow won't-"

"She means well, I know." Spike interrupted. "But I've done too much to her and her own. I can't trust her not to curse me, even without meaning to. I need someone indifferent to me. Someone who just possibly likes me."

"Who would that be?" Xander asked.

"Red's girl." Spike said, meeting Xander's eyes.

"You think Tara can?"

"The little witch is stronger than she lets others believe, pet." Spike said softly. "She'll do it right and proper."

"Alright." Xander nodded. "We'll go talk to her after sunset."