The Forget Me Not Series

Forget Me Not Chapter 11- Liar

by Strange Bint

http://strangebint.com

Summary: Faith is ready to give up her demon and her Slayer power so she will no
longer have to rely on Spike to heal her after the pure demon power comes out .
Everyone (accept Kennedy, Spike and Connor) thinks this is a good sacrifice for
Faith to make, since there is also a powerful demon clan that insists Faith's
demon is evil, and will stop at nothing to kill her unless Faith has the demon
removed. Spike starts to believe that there is more to Faith's motivations in
giving up her power.

Rating: R

Author Notes: Thanks to Dutch & Jill Again!

Story Notes: This is Chapter 11 in a long seires.

Disclaimer: Should I say something bitter about them canceling the show here?

Forget Me Not Chapter 11- Liar

Faith's heels bounced off the tops of the gravestones. She went from one to the
next to catch up to the vamps, it was like skipping. Like she had ever skipped a
day in her life, the only thing she skipped on as a kid was school. Maybe it was
more like flying, using the gravestones to fool gravity- "Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon." Which one was she?

"Peek-a-boo. I see you!" Kennedy teased as she found a rising vampire.

"And you'll need the I.C.U. when I'm done with you," the vamp said.. "On second
thought, maybe not."

Faith saw the vamp punch her friend in the face, and she fell. Faith frowned and
felt that familiar knot form right between her eyes. She aimed her stake and
threw. Right through the heart. The pink teddy bear was hers, or the live
friend. Take your pick.

"Hey!" Kennedy grumbled as she got off the ground. "I thought you weren't going
to use your powers tonight. The big dress rehearsal for the rest of our lives,
remember?"

"I didn't," Faith argued, "I shot it with a cross-bow."

It was clear what Kennedy was. She was the bait. You had to be a real hero to be
bait, not to mention pretty hot. Faith had one of those things down, but she
knew she would never want to be bait after she gave up her slaying powers. It
just wasn't as much fun being the prey when you had no predator left in you.

"Like 'some girl' could make it from there," Kennedy scoffed.

"How dare you call me 'some girl?' Tomorrow I may stop being the Slayer, but I'm
still a woman with good aim who knows several martial arts disciplines," Faith
said as she jumped down from the gravestone.

"Well, I know two more than you!" Kennedy reminded her.

"You can stop lording it over me time. I'm learning Ju-jitsu," Faith said.

"How are exactly are you going to learn it now, with Sp-- with the person that
was teaching you gone?" Kennedy asked.

Faith closed her eyes and let her face go limp for a fraction of a second. Then
she opened them and smiled. These where-do-we-go-from-here questions of hers
were getting on Faith's nerves, but they where better than certain other
people's I-want-out-from-here attitudes.

"I had a cracked-out idea maybe my good friend the ol' Potential trainer could
teach me," Faith said.

"Ho' no!" Kennedy bellowed, "There's a place that even women who saved the world
won't venture. I was never a trainer to the Potentials, I was their Drill
Sergeant."

"No, you were their friend andder-der-- like me," Faith said.

"No, I was their friend like you, but I admit full on I was their leader like
Buffy, and that affected our friendships. Only you had a way of teaching them
and leading them like they were still your friends. Not many people could do
that. I wouldn't even attempt it. Especially with you. You mean too much to me,"
Kennedy stated.

"That's--that's--thanks," Faith mumbled as she shifted her weight.

"Besides, Slayer or not, you're pretty damn scary. I'd be afraid to tell you
what to do as your Drill Sergeant. That doesn't mean I'll ever stop telling you
what to do, as a friend. Speaking of which, you really should have let me take
down that vamp. We need to get a sense of what it's going to be like with no
Slayer powers on our side," Kennedy said.

Harris came running up clumsily. He was out of breath and holding his own
crossbow dangerously pointed at himself. Faith found she wanted to wipe his
sweat off for him. Connor had brought out some kind of mother bird in her. She'd
had no clue that she had one in her, but everyone was telling her different.
Maybe that was her true calling -- Faith, the stay-at-home-mom. Robin and she
would move to some Spanish-style Beverly Hills ranch. She would squeeze out a
few, a boy and a girl, but definitely a boy. She would love them so much, like
her Mom had loved her. Just like Mom, she would take them every where she went,
but if she wouldn't go to pool halls, bars, and clubs, then where would she go?
What would she do? Just taking care of her own meant nothing. She might as well
still be in jail. Maybe it would feel like jail. She knew she would get bored
just learning to cook, and would Robin only want veggie food? You had to be some
kind of Iron Chef to make that taste good. She would get bored and fuck
something up. She would start to drink. The kids would steal her cigarettes at
nine. Robin would take off in his boat, and she would still not know how to
swim. And did did she always give this story a bad ending?

She knew Robin loved her. Maybe the problem was that she didn't get why. She
knew he was the one that had all the goods to offer, Robin was the catch of the
dimension. He was slick and classy -- smart and funny. So maybe he didn't like
punk music, but he certainly didn't love her because she was the Slayer. She
didn't know when she'd become one of those chicks that analyzed everything. It
was just when you didn't understand someone's motivations, you didn't understand
why they stuck around. In the old days it was so easy, boys stuck around because
she was hot and good at sex. Then, they left, or she did. Robin couldn't have
been in it for the sex, they weren't having it enough. She knew she was being
stupid. To really have fun you had to be willing to let things go. So what if
she didn't get what he saw in her, and one day he took off? At least it was good
while it lasted.

All this giving up the demon shit was making her head hurt.

"Something isn't right!" Harris said.

"Yeah, you crashing our girls' night here," Kennedy joked.

She was in pain a little. Faith could tell. Whenever she was in pain K stuffed
her hands in her pockets. She was wearing the dark denim jacket. Was that her
jacket or Faith's? It was hard to tell, and it didn't really matter anymore.
They shared clothes like opinions. Sometimes to look good, but most of the time
it was whatever was clean and easy to run with

"No, no, I think you still have assassins after you, Faith," Harris said.

"What? Why are you saying that?" Faith demanded. She jumped up on the gravestone
and looked around.

Wesley had put in the word that the demon was to be removed and that Faith
wasn't going to be anywhere near Spike again. There should be no reason for the
Rhoshobi clan to be after her.

"Oh, just that guy with the long scope rifle over there," Harris sighed.

"You're freakin' hysterical, Harris. I'm a total fan of inappropriate humor, if
it's funny, but I don't see a thing!" Faith grumbled.

She stood on the gravestone scanning the night.

She felt a firm arm wrap around her waist and pull her off her perch. The
gravestone broke into pieces with a bang. Someone had shot at it.

"Told you," Harris said.

"Get the fuck off me!" Faith yelled and hit the person in the face that had
gotten her off the shot-out gravestone so quickly.

Why couldn't he just leave her alone? She'd have jumped in time. These human
assassins with guns were very lame.

"Ow! Faith, I-- Ow!" a voice groaned.

"Angel...Oh god. Sorry. I'm really sorry. I thought you were Sp-- someone else,"
Faith gasped as she pulled his burly body off the ground. There was no way she
should be confusing Spike and Angel, even if they were the only two people that
could grab her like that. Angel's arms were so freakin' huge. She was off
tonight and she knew it. She was off in something other than strength that was
just as important. That didn't mean that she was gonna let shorty get his hands
on her.

"It's okay. I'm, ow, I'm okay," he said, "Are you okay? Some idiots are still
out there. They think they can still collect the money if they bring you in.
You're still the Slayer tonight."

"Apparently," Faith smiled, "How come Angelus never fell when I hit him with one
punch? Is he stronger or something?"

"No!" Angel said, "I-I wasn't expecting it. And you hit harder now. How-how are
you doing that? Is it the shadow demon?"

"No!" Now it was her turn to be offended. "I've been training very hard these
past few years. I may have had weights in prison, but no Watcher, and now I'm
finally grown up enough to admit they're good to have."

"The gunman ran off. I missed my shot at him. I can't believe I missed. My aim
is off tonight," Wes said,

So, Wes was off tonight too. He was standing further back and Faith hadn't
noticed him until he spoke. She should have. It was her instincts were down
tonight, not her strength. Her last night. She refused to believe it was because
she hadn't let Spike "finish the job" healing her, letting him that close to her
was only doing horrible th. Th. There had to be another way of handling the
demon, and there was. This way. Having it removed. Get the monster out of the
box.

"Well, even if my shot is...shot. At least I know I've done my part. I'm glad to
see that you learned so much from our last tutorial, Faith. I had no idea our
few days fighting Angelus had such an impact," Wes said.

"She didn't mean you, Don Johnson," Kennedy rolled her eyes.

"Sure I did!" Faith lied, "I learned a lot in that crash course. You were great,
Wes. You too Angel."

"If he's so great where has he been the past two years? C'mon Fi, you didn't
mean him you meant----" Kennedy pushed.

"Don't tell me what I meant, K. I'll kick your ass, and I'll do it tomorrow when
I'm no longer The Slayer. You can do all the Ju-jitsu you want. No Chinese monk
was ever in a Bean Town bar brawl," Faith said with no real heat. It shut
Kennedy up, though.

"Speaking of people that deserve a good ass-kicking, why do the Rhoshobis still
have assassins after me? I thought they agreed to leave us alone when I said I'd
have my demon removed." Faith asked Wes.

"Well--" Wes began.

He stepped closer to Faith. He had a cane, and he wasn't using it to look
somehow more English and distinguished. For the rest, he looked like walking
shit. He was all banged up, one half of his face looked like a bruise.

"And again on the subject of ass kicking, what the hell happened to you?" Faith
demanded.

"It looks a lot worse now that all the bruising has shown up. Now it looks about
as bad as it feels," Wes said with a dry smile.

"Damn!" Faith said gruffly as she smoothed her hand over the side of Wes's face.


It was scratchy, both from the stubble and the slash wounds. "At least they
didn't slash your face, now that it finally looks good with the makeover."

"You couldn't have thought it looked that bad before. You never slashed it," he
said quietly but strongly.

Faith felt like someone had popped a huge balloon inside of her that went from
her chest to her gut. She quickly drew her hand back from Wes. She didn't want
to think about what she thought of his face or of anything else during her
psycho era.

"You know, there are a lot worse things that could be slashed on a guy than his
80s stubble," Kennedy snapped, "Just answer the damn question! Why are there
still assassins after Faith after you kissed their asses?"

"I just spoke to them, and they said that as long as Faith has the demon in her
she is still a threat. They couldn't risk her joining with Spike tonight.
Tomorrow it will be over. They send their gratitude for your cooperation. They
know you are sacrificing a lot by giving up being the Slayer," Wes said.

"They're really polite for killers. Like the mafia. Did they send any cannoli?"
Harris asked.

"This is total bullshit!" Kennedy grumbled, "Why should we trust them? Why
should we trust you? These jerk-wads have been trying to kill Faith and now
you're just appeasing them. If I had a multibillion dollar mystical company I'd
gut them dry. Not give them what they want on a silver platter by making Faith
powerless! I was raised that it is your Watcher's responsibility to do
everything in their power to keep you safe as the Slayer... And stubble-boy
seems to have a lot of power along with Yuppie-Vamp. How do we even know Yuppie
has got his soul? He's the one that loses it all the time," Kennedy said.

"I don't--" Angel began.

"K!" Faith yelled feeling that familiar knot between her eyes that showed up on
the surface as a frown line. "Look, I'll forgive you since I know that a certain
asshole liar bitched about Angel more than I could ever just talk about him, but
Angel is my boy. There is no way Angelus could do a fake out on me without me
knowing it. He would have so many tells."

"Like skinning alive all the nearest animals and molesting and feeding on the
nearest people, or the reverse. Either of them would be tell-tale signs," Harris
assured K.

"I understand your friend doesn't know us very well, and has probably heard
things about me that weren't true, but we have to stick to what's important.
This demon clan is still after you tonight, but they should stop by tomorrow.
And I never molested animals, that's just disgusting! I may have -- Anyway, Wes,
tell Faith what's going on with these demons," Angel said.

"We have done everything we can do. The Rhoshobi are an inter-dimensional clan.
They are usually peaceful. That's why they hire assassins, they don't believe in
killing themselves," Wes sighed.

"Wait...with that logic I could be the perfect guy, as long as I just hired
someone to do all my dirty work," Harris said.

"It seems to work for Mr. Wolfram and Mr. Hart here. They are going to use black
magic to get rid of the demon," Kennedy said.

"K-" Faith began angrily again.

"No, Heidi Klum, it wasn't me who stole the underwear from your house, I hired
someone to do it..." Harris said to himself.

"Look, Miss...Kennedy! You don't think I've sat up nights fantasizing about
draining the blood from their tiny heads, each and every one of how many
thousands of them there are. I just said they are inter-dimensional. We can't
centralize them. And being that they are usually so peaceful and cooperative -
something I'm sure you know nothing about - they have influence everywhere. They
have money and ancient ties. It's like suddenly having every Catholic in the
world wanting Faith and Spike dead because they believe they are the
Antichrist--" Wes was saying.

"Maybe they're on to something with Spike," Angel sighed.

"It wasn't me who convinced the now legal Olsen twins to come back to my house
and try on Heidi Klum's underwear, I hired someone to do it..." Harris
continued.

"Is that why you won't bring out the big guns and gone all French on us? You're
gonna let some bad blood you have with Spike keep you from fighting for Faith?"
Kennedy demanded.

"May I remind you that while you were briefly a Slayer, Miss Ordonez, you aren't
anymore," Wesley said firmly., "Maybe there is a bit of that sharing spell in
your head swelling it, but it still doesn't make you a Slayer, and even if it
did---"

"Even if it did you would get your Dockers up in a bunch the minute things got
tough with any Slayer ready to bail out. So, why don't you get out of my face
now!" Kennedy said.

"A'right! This pissing contest ends now," Faith said.

"Honey, it wasn't me who cheated on you, I hired someone...Wait, that one
doesn't work. Phooey." Harris said.

She stepped between Kennedy and Wes. It was Wes that had stepped up to Kennedy,
and he had a right to do it. She was being a total bitch, as only K could be
when she was afraid, but Faith really didn't like the fact that Wesley was
stepping in her friend's face, when he knew she had no power. She still
remembered Wesley stabbing that girl in the arm. **You have a problem with
torture now?** hell, yes! But, it was Faith who had turned Wesley into that
person, wasn't it?

"It's like I have this disease that makes everyone want to kill each other,"
Faith said in a softer voice, then she gasped,

"God, I really hope I don't have a disease like that. Of course there is a
disease like that, right Wes?"

"Actually--" Wes began.

"People are just tense, Faith. Their opinions on what to do are different, and
everyone cares about you...even if some of them are showing it in sick and
demented ways," Angel said.

"After all I heard about you, Mr. Slippery Soul, good and bad, I never would
have bought that you thought that taking out a demon clan that was trying to
kill Faith would be sick and demented. How does going corporate make someone
soft?" Kennedy said.

"I haven't gone soft! Wes just said that fighting this clan would be like
starting a holy war If I had too I'd do it, but since it's avoidable and since
the shadow demon is dangerous to Faith anyway we might as well... Do you think
I've gone soft?" Angel asked Faith.

"Of course not! No one is hearing me when I say I want this thing out of me
anyway. There would be no point in a holy war for the unholy. You should tell K
how bad the Crusades were, Angel. Didn't they like last forever and like a
million people died?" Faith asked.

"Um, they lasted really long and they were really bloody, but they ended about
400 and some years before. How old do you think I am?" Angel asked.

"I dunno, old. I may be clueless about history, but with all the other Slayers
gone we can't start some huge holy war...Not even with W & H behind us," Faith
said.

""Exactly," Wesley second, "Not to mention we'd have to remove the demon anyway.
It's proven dangerous to Faith. We have to focus on what's important now. Taking
the demon out is the best way to handle the situation, being that it could kill
Faith...and make her become violent."

"Faith wouldn't go violent, and she was living with that demon fine with Spike's
help," Kennedy said.

"No!" Faith said strongly, "No I wasn't. I killed two people...and there was
more death to come."

Faith saw Wesley's face get that usual constipated look. He was afraid she had
the killing rage inside of her, and he had every reason to fear that with what
he had seen of her. She looked away from him, and all the gravestones
surrounding them and looked down at the greenss mss mixing with the brown. In
the cemetery light it was hard to tell which was which.

"People-- those weren't people you killed! One of them was going to rape you and
the other was going to kill Amanda," Kennedy reminded her.

"Yeah, one of them was going to kill Amanda because I put this demon in me in
the first place and as far as the mad molesting soldiers -- neither of them
should be dead. They were human and young they could have changed into good
people," Faith said.

K responded with folded arms and said something like "Sha!"

"I wonder how many girls would have to have been traumatized for life until they
decided the fun was over. Could they hire people to rape girls once they decided
it was time to be upstanding?" Harris said.

"That's what the government did -- hired them," Angel said.

"Angel, you aren't helping! The demon has to be taken out of me. It makes me
lose control and suck up lives," Faith said.

"I was never worried about you losing control, Faith, and I really can't get
upset about the killerswho got killed themselves. You were only protecting
yourself. I think you should have the demon taken out because of all the other
circumstances that have nothing to do with you," Angel said.

"Like Spike. You don't trust him, and just because of that Faith has to give up
her calling," Kennedy said.

"Would you quit bringing him up? Why should we fucking trust him? Why? This is
someone who has lied to my face everyday for two years. Telling me his whole
fucking life story! Spilling salt over that Lindbergh Baby and every little punk
street kid he did in, but he never bothered to mention icing my boyfriend's
mother! You think I should trust him with my life just so I can be Wonder Woman?
I'll trade in the powers and keep my life lie-free," Faith said.

"Actually, if you really were Wonder Woman you'd have that truth-telling lasso
and lying wouldn't be a problem," Harris said.

"Wood lied just as much as Spike, and you have no problem trusting him with his
grandfather and the demon removing spell," Kennedy said.

"Unlike Spike, Robin's reasons for lying weren't to protect himself. They were
to protect me," Faith said.

"That's super! Who knows when he'll do that next?" Kennedy said.

"K, you know Robin is a good guy," Faith sighed.

"So is Spike and if you let him heal you, you can keep being the Slayer,"
Kennedy said.

"God Damn it, K!" Faith roared now, "Is that all you fucking care about? The
Slayer line. Well, maybe you'll be called next -- Good luck. Then you can
finally be the Drill Sergeant you always wanted to be, but I'm not going to be
here to follow you, and you can see how nice and lonely power feels when
everyone is insisting that they know what you should do with it."

"I do care about the line, and I'm not going to apologize for that, but it's not
because I want to be The Slayer. Willow and I, we looked into it and if you get
the Slayer demon removed it isn't as if you died, so there will be no other
Slayer called. The world will be Slayerless," Kennedy said.

"Well, that's unfortunate. Perhaps Willow can do another spell and--" Wesley
began.

"No," Kennedy shook her head, sounding actually civil towards Wes, "The spell
proved to be too dangerous. We never knew what Potential the power would hit and
yet demons seemed to know and moved in on her. It really seems that unless a
girl is chosen, she's screwed."

"Well, when I die there will be another. I know with this whole normal life
thing I plan to do you'll have to wait a while, but with my smoking and junky
diet who knows, it could be right around the--"

"You are such an idiot! I'm not upset about the lack of a Slayer or because I
want to be the Slayer. It's because I know you should be The Slayer. You are a
fighter, Faith and a hunter, and those are good things, and I think it's a shame
that you let some bad blood between some guy and your boyfriend keep you from
that," Kennedy said.

"Don't forget the little matter of the deadly prophecy and the murderous
inter-dimensional demon clan."

Wesley sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose.

He used to look at Faith like that before she became dangerous and was just
annoying. She missed his glasses, if he had them he'd be cleaning them. She also
missed being looked at as annoying. Now Wesley gave her looks she didn't
recognize. You never realize how well you knew someone until they changed on
you.

"I think that Faith could stop them with her shadow demon. I think she could
stop anyone. I think that's what this demon clan is so afraid of. I think that's
what you're afraid of, because you remember Faith as a person who she's not
anymore. And I don't think Faith is afraid of anythatthat. I think she's afraid
of trusting Spike, or anyone, who has made the same type of mistakes she has.
I'm not going to let her give in to her fears, or anyone else's without a fight.
I'm a fighter too," Kennedy said.

K was leaning on a big gravestone where some matrichal angel was blowing a
trumpet. She was tired and grumpy, but giving speeches even as she faded. K
should have written B's speeches. Yeah, that would have happened. K's hands were
in the pockets of the jacket. It was Faith's jacket. It was the one Wes bought
her to get out of the prison clothes. The one she had fought Angelus in.

"It's true. We fight. I may not know shit about The Crusades or history, but I
know why people fight. The good ones I mean. They do it to protect people. To
keep them alive. That's the whole purpose of it and once you're no longer doing
it for that it's wrong. I'm afr afraid of trusting Spike. I'm protecting Spike.
I'm protecting myself so, I don't end up killing someone valuable. I'm
protecting the world. The demon wasn't the way to go. It was just going to lead
to more killing and death. Spike's heart-light was just making the demon
stronger," Faith said.

"That isn't what you said before. You said Spike healing you felt like a good
thing. I think finding out that Spike killed Wood's mother has just made you
want to cut him out," Kennedy sighed.

"Oh Faith, when will you stop your crazy ways," Xander sighed. Faith frowned.
She knew he had been talking before, but sometimes she just tuned him out, like
he was her Captain Obvious voice, but Faith knew she wasn't obviously crazy this
time

"Spike killed Wood's mother!" Harris said firmly now.

Faith smiled sadly. It was funny, no matter how many times someone said that it
felt like an internal knife to the gut.

"Look, I like Spike as much as the next guy. Probably more than the next guy.
When the hell did that happen? Anyway, he may think it's his destiny to give
Faith healing, but she has every right to cut away with the boyfriend mother
killing thing," Harris said.

"He said that to you? He said it was his destiny?" Faith demanded.

"Spike a believer in destiny again? I thought he left that behind with his
poetry," Angel sighed.

"Poetry? Well, you know our little poet-boy. He never used any pretty phrases
like 'roses are red', but he talked about love and destruction and he cursed out
my ceiling," Harris said.

"Fucking love and destruction! Why didn't you say anything, Harris?" Faith
demanded. Love and destruction, funny how close those were when you were a
certain kind of person-- The kind of person Faith couldn't know any better or
escape. At least with no Demon or Slayer power she wouldn't be able to destroy
anything.

"Well, you know. It's Spike. One minute he's going on about his amazing super
ability to come back from the dead and heal you like it's the most important
thing ever, and the next minute he's going on about the new Peanut butter Oreo
cookie the same way. They are really good, him and Angel's kid ate all of mine
by the way," Harris said.

"I need to get this thing out of me as soon as we can!" Faith exclaimed.

She kicked the pieces of the shot-out gravestone.The cemetery lights weren't
bright enough for her to read the broken bits of name. She would have Spike read
the people's names when she was bored. The dates. So many younger than her. Most
of them who clawed their way out of their graves, only to find Faith at the top
to slay them, were too young to die. What would her grave say if she died now?
It couldn't say "She saved the world. A lot." It couldn't say what most of the
fresh vamp's grave said "A loving daughter/son." ***You aren't killing anyone's
loving lil' 'bit. You are saving them from the worst part of them that will kill
everyone that they love. You know that, Slayer.*** Of course she had known that
shit! The motherfucker was always shooting his mouth off when no one asked. What
was the point of lighting a fucking cemetery if it was done half-assed and a
normal person couldn't read what dead person they were standing on?

"Well, tomorrow we meet Crowley in the school basement," Wesley reminded her.

He looked frustrated, as he stood there with his cane. Was Faith annoying him,
or was he just in pain? He shouldn't have come out here if he was so beat up. He
knew the assassins were out here after her, and he'd come to warn her, to see
how it was. This was who Wesley was. He went everywhere the warriors went now,
even if he had to literally limp along. No doubt it was how he had gotten so
beat up.

"Tomorrow we meet who in the school what-ment?" Harris gulped.

"Crowley, Robin's adoptive grandfather. He's going to remove the demon and he
reque we we do it in the school basement," Wesley said.

"Right, the high school basement. Otherwise known as the gateway to hell!
There's where I'd want to have a mystical surgery," Harris said.

"The hellmouth is closed, Harris. More than closed...It's shut down. Inactive.
Totally kaput. It's like it's not even there anymore," Faith was bitchy now too.


She could tell Kennedy had given up and was now having a rich bitch pouting
session. It looked a lot like a white trash brood-fest, with the glaring rolling
eyes. Why did everyone have to understand everything? Maybe some things weren't
for everyone to understand. Faith knew that was a holier-than-thou thought, and
she was anything but holy, but this was her life. Her decision. It wasn't as if
not having her as the Slayer would end the world.

"Right," Wesley said.

"Yeah, because Spike kaputted it with his ET light thing, like he can shut down
your demon, so it doesn't kill you. Maybe Spike is really---" Harris began.

"That's it! I can't fucking take anymore! No more Spike, no more healing, no
more him telling me things inside my fucking head! No more Faith the Vampire
Slayer. Just pretend I'm the leader of this little club. Pretend I'm B. Better
yet, pretend I'm in charge of my own fucking life! Do you all get it! am I
speaking Chinese? Ahhh! Shi-Gah! Uh!" Faith kicked the ground in frustration and
stomped away.

"Thatt bit bit did kind of sounded like Chinese," she could hear Harris say.

She was already out of the cemetery. There was no way that K could catch her.
Harris knew better than to even try. Wesley was probably glad the little meeting
was over. Unless K was continuing to chew him out, but Wes could hold his own
with K, and vice versa. Best just to jet in her angry state, she would just do
or say something stupid. Damn, she would miss the you-can't-catch-me power most
of all.

"Faith," Angel was next to her now keeping up with her stride. There was always
one that gave you a run for your money.

"Don't you recognize a good storm off when you see one?" she said, but smiled.

"Actually, yes. That was a pretty good one, but I've done better," he said.

"You? I imagine you just sit there all big in your chair and then you just stop
talking and everyone knows they better shut up and leave," Faith said.

"Is that what you think? That everyone listens to me all the time?" he laughed,
then began again more seriously, "Well, I guess they kind of do, mostly."

"See, you have the leadership qualities. I don't. I never should have been a
Slayer anyway. B has the leadership qualities. I bet in that other dimension
where she's with you---"

"The people that matter never listen to me," he said.

"Wha?"

"The people that I care about, the ones who care about me, they rarely listen on
the first try. It takes some convincing, and sometimes we don't agree even in
the end. People who care are always going to question you. It's because they
care. You really think all the yes-men at Wolfram and Hart care? Half of them
were there when the company was evil."

"Huh. So, what happens when the people you care about totally disagree with what
you want to do?" she asked.

"Oh, well, I do what I want to do anyway. I am the boss," he said.

"Damn straight!" she said strongly.

She was the leader. The super-hero, until tomorrow anyway.

"Of course," she sighed, "I'm the fearless leader that has no idea what century
one of the most important wars was in."

"Hmm?" he looked at her, "Oh you mean the Crusades. Look, knowing that stuff
doesn't matter. It's how you act -- react. What you're willing to sacrifice, and
what you're not. You're full of all the right stuff."

"Thanks!" she beamed, "People are laying all kinds of sugar cookie compliments
on me lately."

"But the Crusades actually lasted more than one century," he said.

"...And then they give me backhanded insults," she laughed and rolled her eyes,
"But, it doesn't matter anymore. After this no Slayer. No power. I won't have to
worry about looking smart or leading people around."

"That sounds great, but it doesn't work like that. That Orpheus trip you took
for me, the decisions you've made for the mission. None of them had to do with
Slayer powers. You're a major player for the mission," he said.

"Your time is never up," she sighed happily.

"That's right...Boy, is it right. All the responsibility I have. When you're in
the know about all the trouble in the world and you have the manpower to stop
it, you really have to do something about it," he sighed not so happily.

"Well, I'm glad you could be here to help us out in the homeland, Superman, but
don't spread yourself too thin," she told him.

"It's my homeland where I'm powerless. I can move mountains , but I can't help
my own kid," he sighed.

"Not that I don't want to kill him right now, but the one good thing I believe
Spike is doing is helping Connor," Faith said.

"Oh, Faith," Angel sighed, "I was really hoping you wouldn't bring that
up...After tomorrow we have to have a serious talk about that. Spike will only
bring out the worst in Connor. He's not going to be the way he was with you. He
responds to women very differently."

"Yeah, Spike has a real way with the ladies, with the lying and the lurking...
Like a lot of the guys I used to date," Faith laughed.

"And this is the man that I let near my son, that I let near Buffy and you. What
was I thinking?"

"Whoa there, big Daddy. You didn't let anybody do anything. You may be able to
move mountains but you can't move us. Not even your kid. He's a legal adult,
remember?"

"When I say I move mountains I mean literally. You should have seen what we did
with this huge mountain in Burma," he said.

"Burma? That's where those really huge mountains are, right? I better not ask
I'll just sound stupid again...Let me keep to what I know. We all made our
choices to get Spiked. The little shit must have some kind of champ quality, I
mean, if even B..."

Faith shook her head. Was she an idiot? She couldn't talk about this with Angel.
She really couldn't talk about Spike with anyone objectively.

"The first thing on my mission list as Non-Slayer girl," Faith said, "is make
sure that your kid is all right. Believe it or not, he talks to me, and he cares
what I think. If you're worried about Spike steering him wrong, I'll keep him on
the right track. I hope you know I can do that," Faith assured.

"Know it? I'm fucking counting on it!" Angel sighed.

"Angel, you just said 'fucking,'" she laughed, "You're freaking me out, dude.
Maybe you have a bit of the evil one out tonight."

"No, I just-- It's Spike. See, I can have my mind and my mouth in the gutter
too. Is that what it would take to have my kid be in the same room with me?"
Angel demanded.

"Aw, Angel...Spike is nobody's Dad. That's you. The real job. Not that I would
know, but I doubt you're supposed to think you're Dad is cool at 20," Faith
smiled sadly.

"So, I can't be the cool guy,," Angel grumbled.

"No, dude, you're the dad, like Giles," Faith seconded.

"Oh, God. Why can't I be the cool guy?," Angel sighed. Faith laughed.

"Oh c'mon with out Giles, B would have been...Well, shit, she could been like
me! So you can't be cool. Spike'll play that role," Faith said.

"No, I need you to do that Faith...Especially if Spike is going to be around
Connor, and I can't stop it. I need you to watch over Connor...I didn't want to
go into all ofs nos now with your thing tomorrow," Angel said.

"Ange, for the first time in my life I'm just going to lie there and let some
guy do all the work. Tomorrow is no thing," Faith assured.

"I wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry...about the Orpheus. I didn't really
know all the facts at the time. I should have realized that Wesley was the one
who thought of it. When Wes's back is to the wall he sometimes gets a little-- I
know Wes isn't like Giles, but I know that he really-- I mean we all really---"

"Okay, Angel," Faith laughed, "you're freaking me out again. The Orpheus trip?
We might as well start talking about the Crusades again -- ancient history...But
for the record, it wasn't his idea, it was mine. He wanted me to go all
psycho-slayer, beat you down, but I told him I wouldn't. I told him to think of
another way."

"You are so much more than a fighter, you know? Don't think I don't realize that
is what you've been doing," Angel said.

"What do you mean?"

Faith heaved a breath like someone caught her in a lie. She was freaked out for
real now. Spike had said that to her once. She was helping B's friend's and she
thought Spike was accusing her of trying to steal them. He wasn't, but Faith
still didn't like it. She didn't like the soul boys saying that they could see
her master plan. There was no Master plan. Faith was just here to be the Slayer,
until tomorrow now.

"You do the jobs no one else can do. You're here in Sunnydale, making sure the
Hellmouth is closed. Making sure Buffy didn't leave for nothing. Making sure her
friends and Dawn are all right. I could never stand to be in this town for more
than a week," he said.

"You don't ever really believe all the demons will ever die down in this place,
especially witgonegone," Faith said.

"And this place holds too many demons for me...memories," Angel said.

"Gotta love SunnyD. It's kicked around all of us around, but it's just a place
to me like any other. Maybe hunters can't really fight on their homeland...It's
all too close to us. That's why you need me to help you with Connor and why Wes
needed you to help me back in the day."

"You told your friend you would know if I wasn't me, if I was him -- Angelus. Is
that true?"

"Yup. When you faked me out the first time pretending to be him I barely knew
you. Once you do a mind walk with somebody you know them pretty well. All
sides."

"If he was pretending to be me---"

"It takes a lot to get you to smile. He's so overjoyed at knowing the grief he's
causing just by being out, that he can't wait to flash those pearly whites and
he has a wicked sense of humor."

"When you say 'wicked' you mean 'wicked' like mean or...I have a sense of
humor."

"You only make jokes when you're annoyed. He jokes all the way from happy to
ragging pissed, but he can't move mountains. So, is Burma where they have the
big-ass ones?" Faith asked.

"Yeah, but we didn't move those. That isn't where you're trouble usually is.
It's in the smaller ones that actually have demon gateways inside. And you know
where there's a demon gateway and a mountain, there are just a bunch of idiots
waiting to throw virgin sacrifice into it for cash and prizes. It really pissed
me off. But, it turns out Wolfram & Hart has a really cool ski house there."

***********************************************************************************************************************

"So, how does this one go, guys? You can please some of the people some of the
time, but your dyke best-friend and your boyfriend at the same time -- never,"
Faith sighed as she closed her lipstick.

"So it's true. Men like it when you say still," Kennedy smiled crookedly.

She stood in the hall not bothering to primp, all ready to go.

"No, the good ones just don't like it when you go out when there are people
trying to kill you," Robin sighed.

His arms were crossed. He was still in his button down from work. Faith wanted
to peel it off, make him show off those thick dark arms. She wanted him to put
on a wife beater T and come with them. In reality, she wasn't even going to
bother to ask. People were who they were. What she did do was grab him by that
button-down and pull him into the bathroom and shut the door.

"Who does this chick look like to you?" she asked as him as she faced the
bathroom mirror. The monkey soap dispenser she broke in rage weeks ago had been
replaced. The bathroom had been cleaned, not by her, probably not by K. Red must
have come over.

"Is this some existential angst? Faith, tomorrow is when your life is starting.
You really don't know who you are unless someone or something if after you,
huh?" he sighed again his hands firmly on her shoulders.

The sparkly cat sticker was winking at her in the mirror.

"No, I mean, no...I know who I am. You were supposed to ask 'who?' and I was
going to respond with a clever retort that I was all yours. It was going to be
cute, and get your tidy whities out of the knot they're in because I'm going
out," she said.

She smiled when she said 'clever retort.' She had learned a word or two studying
for that damn GED in prison, and she knew all about what "existential angst"
was. She purposely asked her prison shrink what it meant a few years back. One
of the girls gave it as the reason she went on a freeway shooting spree. The
shrink wasn't allowed to tell anyone what Faith didn't know. Of course, that was
before she had gotten in "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance." Faith
could hold her own in a conversation with a college graduate now. She could hold
her own college graduate all night if she liked. She did like. She just had some
stuff she had to do first.

"I'm wearing boxers and they're on perfect, thanks," he said.

"Really, prove it," she said and unbuttoned his pants.

"Faith," he said softly grabbing her writs, "don't screw this up, baby."

"Don't worry," she laughed, "I don't even have to take them off, that little
hole isn't just for easy bathroom access. Well, I guess this does count as easy
bathroom access."

She wanted to feel him all warm to the touch growing in her hands. Her hands
would feel masterful, powerful, even though they looked like they were growing
smaller because he was growing bigger. That, she had learned from Red, was a
paradox. Faith hadn't asked Red what a paradox was. She just heard her say it
when she was talking about a spell, and figured it out, at least she hoped she
had.

"I mean tonight. We just have to get through one more night and then were clear.
We're free," he said. His hands were still holding hers stopping her from doing
her thing. Faith knew not to push it. Robin didn't like to be pushed. That's how
they were different. Faith was stupid letting people push, push, push, until she
was off the edge.

"Right," she nodded, "we're clear and free of people trying to assassinate me
because of asshead and his healing soul-burning thing, and I won't need his
lying ass anymore."

"It's not just that, though that is my favorite name for him yet, I mean where
free of all of it. ,All the things that have it in for the Slayer won't have it
in for you anymore. And, you know how much I get the need to blow off steam, but
just be careful tonight. I . I know you. You can wreck a good thing, because you
feel you don't deserve it. But no one deserves to have a good life more than
you," he said.

"Gee, thanks for having faith. Not that you've had me in a while. If me getting
my Slayer powers mojoed is so great than why have you been on some other planet
since I green lighted the idea?"

She asked this softly, while she caressed his face. After all, she didn't want
to prove him right and sabotage the one good thing she had.

"I'm sorry. Bringing Alistair back into my life has been a little totally
stressful. He's the kind of person that always wants something from you. He's
really draining -- like Spike."

"Spike was always pushing me for more, to fight harder, to face all this crap I
didn't want to face. He was pretty draining," Faith realized.

"He wasn't helping you. He was sucking the fucking life out of you with his dark
soul that everyone insisted made him a good man!" Robin snapped.

"God, whenever I want either you or Angel to talk dirty to me, I can just bring
up Spike." Faith snorted.

"What?" Robin asked bemused.

"Never mind. Look, I know you would never hook me up with your grandpa if you
knew he was gonna do something wrong to my body...That really sounded so wrong.,
She laughed. She touched K's sticker of a voluptuous devil woman that was under
the cat sticker.

"It did," Robin laughed, "look, he isn't really my grandfather, and he isn't
going to do some weird ass violating thing. It isn't going to be how it was with
Spike. He's just going to go in and out and I'll be there watching...That
sounded bad too, didn't it?"

"Yeah, but I don't care about that. I mean you said it has been stressful for
you. Do you think he's using me to get to you, or something? They say he's like
some ultimate black magic Warlock, like Lord Voldemort or something. Sometimes
when someone in your family has a problem it's hard---"

"Believe me, I have no problem knowing who Alistair is. I told you, He isn't my
family. I really have no family. Spike took care of that, but Alistair is the
father of the man who raised me. He thinks I'm family. Tradition is very
important to the old coot. He always wanted me to carry on his ways, and it's
draining," Robin looked down at her with his round puppy-dog eyes.

He had his sad faces too, but t God God he never looked at her like someone was
killing his mama in front of her, or she would be helpless to him.

"Well, that sounds kind of sweet. People that took me in as a kid never saw me
as family. They never wanted me to carry on their apple-pie recipe...Unless his
apple-pie recipe has you becoming the next Lord Voldemort. It doesn't-- does
it?"

"I just find it so odd that you like 'Harry Potter' so much, but if it's going
to give you nightmares, your no longer allowed to read it, young lady," he
laughed.

"Shut-up! I don't even like the movies -- just the books." She blushed and
smacked his chest. "I'm serious though, everything is five by five with
Alistair? Not with me, with you, I mean."

"Same as it ever was...You don't really think I'd be into being the next Magic
Darth Vader, or Lord whoever? I want to leave all this ho-doo behind, magic,
demons, vampires, Slayers...You know, live like normal happy folk."

"Well, number one, I don't think normal folk are any happier than we are, and if
they are it's because the people like us who know the truth are out there,"
Faith said.

"Oh, great," he laughed, "we're going from Harry Potter to 'The X-files' now."

She realized she was looking at him blankly. Something she really hated doing.
She wasn't stupid.

"Ya know? 'The truth is out there.' Let's all scrabble around and try to find it
until we end up dead. Maybe I'm getting old, but I am starting to care less
about truth and more about a happy life," he said.

"I'm all for a happy life, but in real life most of the people who end up dead
weren't looking for the truth, they were clueless to it. That's why I still want
to help them-- Slayer or not."

Her chest felt heavy, but she was the one who brought this up.

"I know," he said rolling his eyes, "you know there are a lot of clueless people
in Beverly Hills. We could move there, save them."

"I don't know if people with that much silicon in them count as human," she
laughed, "I thought you hated it there."

"I did. I do. Maybe I just want to get back to my roots. Not that those are
really my roots by a long shot. My real roots are in Brooklyn. There's an idea.
Want to move to Brooklyn? You're an east coast girl-really. There are some
really nice areas there now," he said this all too seriously.

"Yeah, I am an east coast girl, and I am not into digging up any of my roots.
Robin, I told you I'm in the mission, and right now my mission is here in the
'Dale," she said firmly.

"What mission? After the assassins stop there are just a few measly vampires.
You want to stay here because your friends are here, which I understand. You
care about them. They are decent people, but with this whole Spike being an evil
threat thing-"

"Wouldn't that be cool if it were true? But, even if I did care, they're not my
friends. There B's."

"What are you talking about? That Paris Hilton version of Xena waiting out there
for you hated Buffy, and it's all too clear that Spike has a one track Slayer
mind and you're on it now," he said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. First of all don't ever refer to Kennedy as Paris Hilton in
front of her if you want to keep your teeth. She hates that girl. They had a
fight at a play-date when they were kids over some toy or something, when that
chick comes on TV look and you can see a little scar she got -- Anyway,
whatever, I'm not friends with Spike. I just offered to kill him for you a few
nights ago. I may have done a thing like that to a friend a few years back, but
I'd like to think I treat my friends a little better now. What can I do to prove
that to you?"

"Never see him again," Robin answered all too quickly.

"I'm sorry. I can't do that," she said lowly, but didn't hesitate either.

She bit her lip and looked down. The tile had been scrubbed so clean. Faith
could never get it that clean, even with Slayer powers. She lacked some cleaning
gene. She'd better learn.

"You realize if I said 'yes' to the whole killing him thing you wouldn't be out
drinking with him, right? Unless you just think he'd rise up singing again. You
do don't you? You probably right. He isn't a vampire; he's a virus," Robin
laughed bitterly.

"If you asked me to kill him I'd make sure he was dead. That's how far I'd go
for you, but I know you don't want me to go that far, and that's why you are the
best thing that ever happened to me," Faith frowned.

She turned and checked her make-up. She had started wearing more because she had
begun to look like coma girl lately. It was because she had pushed away Spike's
latest healing attempt, and she had no plans to go back and finish it. It hadn't
affected her strength. She didn't want to believe that was why certain Slayer
instincts were off though. She was never one to lie to herself. Not when the
truth was cold and hard, anyway. Soon none of this would matter. She'd be
getting the shit kicked out of her by some measly vamp and making jokes with
Harris about how useless they were.

"And I'm going to go out on a limb and say Spike is the worst thing that ever
happened to you. He wants to put something in you that's so dark that half of
the demon world thinks you're better off dead -- The good half, not the bad
half!"

"What makes you so sure those Rhoshobi guys are good demons? Anyway, maybe this
is sad, but Spike isn't even close to the worst thing that's happened to me. I
know he's your worst thing, and I'm sorry."

She had turned to him, and put her eyeliner away. She could feel the tension he
held in that muscular body as she held his arms tenderly. She didn't know what
else to say.

She had thought about what it would have been like to kill Spike. She thought
about tactical moves. He was strong, maybe as strong as Angel. Those lean cut
viney arms hit you like a Tommy gun. He was a fast little shit, but he paused
too long after you got a hit in, like he was so impressed you were able to catch
his little ass to hit it. She had told Spike this. She would have been training
him as much as he was training her if Spike bothered to listen, but he never
did. So, she knew that was the way she could take him down. She thought about
how it would feel. All that lean flesh stretched out over those bones that
weren't all that much bigger than her own turning to dust under her. He would
feel soft, then blow into nothing. Faith knew Spike wasn't afraid to die. He had
done it before. He would make some joke about it being old hat. He would tell
her what she had done wrong in the fight right before he died, even though she
had won. She never thought about how she would feel, or what she would say.

"But you're not sorry enough to stay away from him," Robin stated.

He had a way of just saying things that upset him very plainly, like they were a
grocery list of Faith's failures.

"Staying away from him was the plan, but it might not be that simple," she said.


"Because of the mission," he whispered icily.

"Part of it. An important part, really," she said.

He wasn't angry. He was disappointed. Faith actually wished he would yell, then
she could yell back, defend herself. But she didn't need to defend herself with
him, that was what you did with assholes , like Spike. Faith needed only to
explain.

"You may have noticed," Faith began, " We have a new major player. If I believed
in fate, I'd say maybe he showed up to take my place. He's nowhere near as good
as me, but with the right training, and a bit of tough non-maternal love--"

"What?" Robin shut his eyes in his quiet angry way, "Let me get this straight,
you want to become Spike's Watcher now. What the hell is this town? A morality
square dance. Now grab you're partner and dosey do', first were evil now were
good, now turn to the left and be the Watcher. Now turn to the right and be the
Slayer, where it stops nobody knows."

"It is like that. We're a bunch of sad switches, I guess," Faith laughed, "but
I'd never be Spike's Watcher. Besides wanting to kill the asshead, what could I
teach him? I meant Connor, Robin."

"Connor?" he asked with a confused brow.

He really was not into any of this.

"Angel's son. The skinny kid that scowls at you all the time because you treat
him like he's one of your students."

"That kid wants to be a Slayer?"

"Well, no. Only girls are Slayers, Woody, remember? He just wants to be in the
mission. I know that much, and he wants to hang with Spike."

"Well, maybe he should learn from your mistakes and take a look at where that
has gotten you," he said sharply.

"If you thought it was all such a mistake, why didn't you tell me Spike killed
your mother right away?" Faith demanded sharply too now, but her insides
quivered and told her she was really pleading to him. Her outsides weren't
matching her insides. Thank God, or everything would be a total train wreck.

"Because,I knew you'd still want to fight, and without him, it was just more
dangerous," Robin was the one that sounded like he was pleading.

"Right, well now Connor has Spike to fight with," Faith stated softly now.

"Great. Spike's new toy," Robin said in quiet bitterness.

"I'll be around to see that the only one toyed with is Spike. We'll use him for
good, and keep him in line. I'll make sure Connor doesn't get into any trouble.
That's the only reason I can't tell you that I won't see Spike," she said.

It was funny. Faith was being called to be a Child Protective Service worker.
She was going to make damned sure she would do a better job then they had done
on her.

"How are you going to keep Connor out of trouble with Spike? You couldn't even
do that for yourself," her boyfriend told her.

He was sweet, but he was wrong

"I used Spike to become three times the Slayer I was. I've got the mad skills of
one of the biggest baddest vamps in my brain now. That's all it was, Woody. I
just used him like you wanted me too, and now that he is causing me trouble, I'm
rid of him. So, I can help the kid do the same," she said.

She pulled him in to hug him because she was tiered of waiting for him to do it.
It was five by five. She liked to be the instigator anyway. The top. He
responded with a lot of interest, squeezing her maybe as tight as he could, of
course it didn't hurt her. Now the guy seemed to be more sure of himself. He put
his hands on her face and kissed her deeply. She was finally able to get what
she wanted. The soft skin that was stretched out over something so firm and
hard. She had made that happen, despite all that was on his mind.

"I did that with just my hands, and I was being gentle. Imagine what I could do
with the rest of you with all of me," she said this in that throaty way that she
knew was sexy.

She always did have powers.

"Since your friend is waiting for you, I'll settle for all of you later,," he
said, caressing her lips," I can settle for a rushed job, but I don't want you
to. Unless you really want to, or better yet you can stay with me all night, so
I can do it right," he said.

He held his hard on and stroked her hair.

"I think I've found a way for everyone to get what they want," she said as she
slid to her knees. The way they taught you in a crash course for amateur night
in stripping.

"Damn, I'm good," She said.

She pulled his pants down all the way and looked up at him seductively as she
twirled her tongue around his tip.

"Lack of being good is never the problem with you. It's staying safe," he said
breathily as he closed his eyes.

He was wrong again. She did have problems being good. Well, not with sex, of
course. But she had mad huge problems being good in life. That was why she could
never really be a champion and why she should give up her power and just help
those that could.

"I do so love you," he cooed as she licked him, "just stay safe."

Faith had found a guy that didn't realize what problems she had being good. He
just cared about her safety. No one ever cared about that before. She wasn't
ever good enough for that. Maybe she was now. She had wanted Robin inside her,
but since she couldn't have in her the way she wanted at the moment, she found
another way to get him in. Maybe it was all a balancing act. Spike said magic
had a price, but Red said it was more like a balance. Robin fit in her mouth
perfectly. Faith knew how to work it. He went down smooth, mumbling something
about the "L" word again. Maybe it would all go down smooth with the magic too.
She was sacrificing her power for a good cause, so why wouldn't it all be five
by five?

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

"What the hell are you talking about, Man? I can't believe you're just gonna
stick your head up your ass and hope that everything comes out fine!" Connor
yelled. He was walking backwards to face Spike. Those eyes blazing. They were
Darla's eyes. Angel's shape, but Darla's color, but they were Darla's eyes all
the same. They burned a blue heat when they didn't get their every little
desire.

"Well, what do you suggest I do, Boss-Man," Spike said. He took a cigarette out
of his jacket and lit it. He used to call Darla "Boss-Lady." Only his tone was
more bitter when he spoke to her, and she took more angry notice.

"Get Faith. Do the cleansing or the healing thing or whatever. You said you just
had to do it once more, right?" the boy demanded.

"Once more with feeling and without any interruptions. Faith could let that
happen. The outlook of that happening is partially cloudy with a chance of are
you bloody kidding me," Spike rolled his eyes.

"So, you're just gonna let her go off with Wes and that black magic Alex guy?"

"Alistair, Alistair Crowley. You never heard of him? He made a bit of name for
himself at one point."

"He's evil, like-like Angelus?"

"He's evil all right, but not like Da. He's only about the magics. He doesn't
give a toss about most people enough to want hurt them. He's less garish, more
bookish. He's English."

Spike shrugged. He missed Faith's Englishmen jokes. So, he setup the boy to make
one.

"So, him and Wesley are gonna kill her, with their magic, and we're just sitting
here!" the boy demanded.

He was taking this hard. His sense of humor was gone. Spike supposed this
happened to the young when they panicked. He had to think of something for the
boy to get his snot-nosed brat smile back on his face. The boy had a tendency to
get violent if he was frowning for too long, which Spike could appreciate. But,
Connor's humor was one of the things that separated him so from his father, and
it was because of these differences that Spike liked the boy.

"We're not sitting. I'm walking about and you-you're bitching," Spike sighed.

"You're giving up. You're letting them take her. You know Wesley and this
Crowley will hurt her. If Crowley wants power, Faith has it. You know magic gets
you nowhere. Why are you chickening out? If this was that stupid cheerleader
Slayer that helped my Dad kill my mother, you'd do something," he said in a low
rumble.

Balls, that was it! Why did everyone Spike like also have to have such a mouth
on them? He wouldn't have minded if he had been the one with the sharpest tongue
around. But as of late all his girls -- and boys -- had to be so bloody cruel
too. Spike had the boy by the jacket. It was a nice beat-up leather sort. Spike
conveniently found the wall of a pub to push the boy against.

"I really really like you. You can tell because you're still conscious. I've
been alive longer than you, and dead much longer than that, but it did take me a
long time to learn a few things, so I'll go easy on you. The lady has made her
choice. I don't like it; I don't think it will end well, but there it is," Spike
said.

It had come out less threatening than he had wanted, but he didn't really care.
He hoped this didn't make the boy want to prove himself and trade blows. Connor
had already proven himself worthy as the man who was going to take over for
Spike.

"But she'll die," the boy pleaded.

The lad was an overachiever. He was proving himself again. Spike had just
challenged him, and Connor's only concern was for Faith. This child had come
from some place greater than Darla's womb.

"Maybe not. I think that Watcher of hers really does fancy her alive. He has
something to brag about if she's alive and as good as she is. I know that
keeping her alive is all that man of hers cares about, even if he has to kill
almost all of what's inside of her to do it. With the two of them pulling her
strings she has a chance at some sort of life," Spike said.

"And what kind of life is that? With people manipulating you? It's not right!"
Connor shrieked.

Some bar-hoppers looked over and laughed. Back in the dead they'd have been
dinner before their last laugh was out. Spike admired the boy's passion, even
though it made him feel old.

"Listen to Mr. Rugged Individual here. Who was not manipulated? You did all
right for yourself, didn't you? Would you really want to give up that family
that Peaches got for you?" Spike asked.

"They'd be better off without me, with what I really am," Connor said.

"That wasn't the question though, was it? You wouldn't want to give them up,"
Spike felt his teeth grit.

There was that bit of his father in him -- the drama queen. Angel went about it
all wrong, of course, but the boy did need that family.

"I--I liked being with them, but I feel like I don't know them anymore. It would
have been better if it never happened. Not that any of it really happened
anyway," Connor insisted.

"Oh bollocks! You just haven't seen them in a while. You should go visit them
now that things are quieting down. Here now smell the shirt," Spike demanded as
he took out a rumpled Harley Davidson tank top from inside his jacket. "If you
are going to go see Mom and Dad I want you to know the firecracker's scent when
you come back," Spike said.

"This feels kinda wrong. Does she know we're doing this?" he asked as he took
the shirt gingerly.

"This is kinda wrong?" Spike laughed a good honest laugh now, "How was beating
Percy to a pulp last week? Okay, bad example, but how would trying to heal Faith
against her will be?"

"She smells like something...Like when you first walk out of a bar you smell it,
but it's a good smell. What is that? How did you get this anyway? I thought she
wasn't talking to you. Did you break into her place?"

"No, I had it before all the trouble. She crashed at Harris's one night. Special
K and Red were having an augment at her place or something. She'd never admit
it, but I could tell she was worried. She asked Harris and me a million
questions about couples fighting. The thing that Red and K were having seemed
normal to me, even a bit boring, but Faith, she couldn't sleep. It was like she
had never seen a normal couple have a normal tiff in her life. She watched the
Little Rascals and went on about how it's better to be in a gang than in a
couple. Harris was waking up for work, and we were finally ready to sleep,"
Spike said.

He hadn't thought of that day in a while. It was a while ago. He hadn't thought
of it at all really. It had been a good day. Faith had been calmed and tuckered
at the end with all her talk about The Little Rascals and how the telly made
being an Orphan look fun. Spike had persuaded her to call in sick to work to
sleep and then train. Spike would have thought that he'd have learned not to
take good days for granted. He never had with Buffy, because she had acted like
each day she let him in was the last. It had been different with the
firecracker. She hadn't let him in. He hadn't tried to get in. But he had gotten
in all the same, and so had she. It was like they woke up in bed together after
a night of drinking and had no bloody idea how they had gotten there.

"Do you think she doesn't really want to be with that Principal guy? Why is she
then? Why doesn't she just hang out with you guys and have a gang?" Connor
asked.

"That would be bloody lovely. 'Okay nice man, who I've been shagging, who also
has a pot to piss in. I'm going to go off with the man who killed your mum, and
a spitfire rich girl who likes to play Slayer. It'll be fun until it falls apart
just like everything else has in my life. Who needs your stability since I never
had any?'" Spike said in singsong sarcasm.

"Why would it fall apart? Why couldn't you be stable?" Connor asked.

Oh bugger! He may as well have asked: Why do fools fall in love? He had
forgotten what being big brother was like. He remembered it had been this way
with Dawn, but Dawn hadn't really full on treated him like a big brother ever
since he had...done awful things, but that was over. Now he and Connor strutted
forward down the bar district street of Sunnydale. The one that Spike's bloody
soul had taken back up with him. He didn't want to bother wondering why.

"Just smell the bloody shirt. See if you can pick it up and track her. She comes
'round here with her girl 'round this time usually. She smells like clove fags-
clove cigarettes by the way," Spike said.

"I know what a fag is. I backpacked in Europe two years ago," the boy told him.

Sometimes that bit of snot nose Ivy Leaguer bollocks of his came back. Spike
didn't mind really. The boy could be a snot nose or an inquisitive child, hell
he could be a drag queen if he wanted. As long as Connor was the noble boy
willing to fight for the Slayer at any cost Spike didn't care what else he was.

Suddenly, Spike heard them. They was a faint shrill little voice in the night
but he heard them, and that was all that mattered.

"I know where Faith is. This will be a good practice run for you," Spike stated.


"I don't smell anything."

"Don't smell 'em. Hear 'em. You hear all the music?"

"I hear about five different things playing, that guy across the street who is
complaining about the lack of head he gets from his current girl friend, and how
this justifies cheating," Connor said flatly.

"Really? Didn't catch that one," Spike said.

"I could hear every stupid ass drunk conversation around us. I had to learn to
block it out or I'd lose it," the boy shuddered.

"Right, but, you gotta learn to look out for certain things now. You hear the
music with the angry girl yellin' and the out of tune guitars? It's blocks
away," Spike told him.

"Yeah, what is that? Open mike night?"

"No, it's 'Bikini Kill.' They are really quite decent if you like that sort of
thing, but if you hear 'Bikini Kill' playing in this one horse town you know who
is behind it," Spike said.

"Faith?" Connor smiled.

"And her girl Kennedy. You'll want to be watching her back too. Faith won't be
able to live without her. After they take her powers away that spitfire might be
the only link Faith has left to her true self," Spike said as he walked faster
with a destination.

"You mean her Slayer self? But that girl doesn't have any power, if Faith wants
to be around power she'll need you...or me," Connor said.

"Smart boy knows nothing about women and power. Do you really think that the
gift of brute force is what makes a Slayer powerful? If it was those idiot
Elders wouldn't have needed to have Chosen girls, they'd have just made the line
out of some stupid ape-men, like your Dad," Spike said

"Spike, what the hell?" the boy asked suddenly as he grabbed Spike's shoulder
and pointed him in a new direction.

The boy was good. He had seen the Slayer before Spike had. Spike had been too
busy yapping about women and power. Now Spike saw her and Kennedy. The boy had
been alarmed because the girls were punching at nothing, and they were getting
punched back.

"That girl is like have a seizure or something," a tall blonde said as she
cozied up to Spike.

"Balls!" Spike rolled his eyes, "Blade, you see a fire extinguisher any..."
Before Spike could finish Connor was throwing Spike a fire extinguisher.
"Thanks," he smiled

"What--" Connor began.

Spike sprayed the foam near Kennedy and Faith, and a stout muscular form started
to take shape in the foam. With his best power gone the little devil ran like a
bat out of hell. He had speed too.

"Get back here, Nowhere man!" Kennedy grumbled from the ground. The foam had
knocked her over too.

"Don't bother," Faith grabbed Connor's arm as he went to run after the invisible
guy, "his cover's blown for the night and tomorrow it'll be over. Besides, I've
been looking for you."

"I was going to think of that. The fire extinguisher deal. I really was. I was
just having fun trying to sense where he was and how I could maybe nail him in
the groin. So, that was nvisnvisible assassin?" Kennedy asked as Spike helped
her off the ground.

"Either that or a ghost that was having a hard time switching off the corporeal
button," Spike sighed.

"Lame," Kennedy sang.

Then she whipped out a cross a foot long and backed Spike up to the wall. "Hi
Spike, It's good to see you," she said.

"Special K, you remember Connor?" Spike smirked as he held his hands up, and
gestured his head towards the boy.

"Hey, Faith says you're the new heavy hitter once she turns in the bat
tomorrow," Kennedy said.

"I-I'm...What are you doing?" Connor stammered.

"Spike knows it's nothing personal. Faith doesn't want him touching her until
after the demon is out...and so, I get to guard the Slayer. Neat, huh?"

"I don't want him touching me ever!" Faith growled. She was back in the
conversation now. She had been talking to the bartender. Double-Talking no
doubt. She had given him back the fire extinguisher, and she must have made up a
good story as to why he shouldn't throw them out.

"Poor Spike. He really screwed the pooch. See what little white lies do to big
white boys? Let this be a lesson to you, rookie. Don't lie to us girls," Kennedy
warned Connor.

Everyone was going to teach the boy in their own way.

"Don't mix Connor into this, K. I'd trust him with everything. I even get why he
trusts Spike," Faith sighed. She looked tired, sick even.

It hadn't stopped her from having fun. Spike smelled the scent of Kennedy on her
and the stronger one of sex with Wood.

"Yeah, it's so sad. If only he told the truth he could be sitting with the table
with the cool kids. He could heal Faith and she could keep being the Slayer,"
Kennedy scowled at Spike with the cross at his chest.

All he could do is nod at her. Yeah, he had bollixed it all up.

"For the last time, K," Faith grumbled "I'm not have my demon and therefore my
Slayer skills removed because Spike lied about killing Robin's Mom. I'm doing it
so people will stop trying to kill us, and because I know the so-called healing
wasn't going anywhere but to badness. I'm doing it because it's the right thing
to do!"

"Yes, yes, my chica. I hear you. Still, I can't help but wonder what would have
happened if we could have all kept fighting together. What would have happened
if this sad little man had the ovaries to 'fess up?" Kennedy sighed.

"He's not a man! He's a liar and a betrayer and a murderer...but he's still a
champion. The world needs him even though I don't," Faith said.

"It figures. One of the two men I can stomach, and he's not even a real man. I'm
so pissed at him, and sadly he remains on my very short list of men I like. Why
is that?" Kennedy asked Spike.

She hadn't taken her eyes off of him as Spike had been looking at Faith's angry
mask.

"My transcendent sex appeal," he chuckled "Or the fact that we both know that
I'm the only one who knows his ass from the ground with Faith's demon powers.
Plus, you know how I really feel about her."

"Yeah, yeah. You made it pretty clear to the world on how you feel about me, or
at least to Harris's apartment. I'm a weak sellout for having this demon
removed...stepping down from the plate as a Slayer. Maybe being a real hero is
knowing when and what to sacrifice. Did you ever think of that, ass-head?" Faith
demanded.

"Yes, I thought about it for hours," Spike said, and as he began thinking about
it again his voice rose in anger, "and I never came to the bloody stupid
decision you did and yet I'm responding to the name 'asshead!'"

His voice roared now. "And another thing," he continued indignantly in a bit of
a lower roar so they wouldn't end up getting thrown out of this dive after all,
"you should know by now that I can only really heal you when the demon comes out
of you, and even then you've found a way to get out from under me...So, sicc
yo
your girl on me with the cross bit is really quite the move of a drama Queen."

"It was my idea. If she doesn't want you near her I have to help," K stated.

"Well, your posturing was brilliant, love, but even if I could, do you really
think I'd give her something she doesn't want?" Spike demanded of Kennedy

"Not if I forget about the stories I've heard from before I knew you, no,"
Kennedy reminded her.

Spike looked at her indignantly until the girl cracked with a sigh and an eye
roll. Kennedy knew Spike wasn't capable of hurting Faith in anyway that she
herself wout bet be willing to do for Faith's sake.

"You know, Faith took out that Angel vamp with just one hit tonight," Kennedy
said excitedly to Spike as if she had been holding back telling him for some
time and something had just given her permission.

"Really?" Connor laughed.

"K!" Faith grumbled, "No, not really. I just knocked him off his feet. It was an
accident. I thought he was Spike."

How on Earth could she make that mistake?

"I need to talk to the Slayer. Take the boy to the bar, will you?" Spike asked
Kennedy "Hit on girls together. They love that."

"Hello, I'm with the Magic Goddess of the Western world. What do I want with
some bar-slut?" Kennedy retorted.

"I said hit-on, not knock down and drag home," Spike said.

She clucked her tongue at him and went off the bar.

Then he turned to Connor, "You neither. I need to settle up some last minute
things with you, and I don't want you distracted chasing tail all night."

"What do you mean last min--"

"You know in case you go away and see that family of yours, to show them that
you are okay. You are okay, aren't you? You can handle being the new Player in
town?" Spike questioned.

"Of course I--"

"Well, then, good to know. I'd hate to think that this was all screwing with you
so much that you'd want to shut those good people out totally... That little bit
Jo-Jo, how is she?"

"Um, okay--"

The boy needed to see his family. This would be a good time, s wha what would
happen during this whole Demon removal magic fest was anyone's guess. If
something were to go wrong it could set the boy off into a justified rage, that
would only make things worse, som something was going to go wrong.

"You'll tell that 'bit I said 'hi.' She remembers me as the waiter who gave her
free ice-cream. You can tell her we met up here. You're crashing at my p,
,
that were doing stuff blokes your age do. We work, go to bars, knock around on
the play station...I suppose we do do all that stuff, don't we?" Spike realized.


"Right. The work is just a little more dangerous," Connor said.

"Not really, that espresso machine can burn your finger prints right off! I'm
glad your going to see them. Just think you'll get to watch 'Cinderella' again,
and then when the clock strikes midnight you can come back here to us losers,"
Faith said.

She might be bloody stupid about her own life, but she saw what was good for the
boy.

"You're not a loser. I want to be here with you. You can keep being the Slayer
if you want. I know Spike made a huge mistake, but he won't hurt you," Connor
attempted.

Nice try, mate.

"Have you ever had the power of someone's soul burned into you? Not just any Joe
Average soul, but the soul of a champion whose biggest turn used to be killing
your kind?" she asked.

Well, that question was just all bloody wrong!

"'Ey! I didn't have a soul when I---" Spike was interrupted by a fist.

"I'm not talking to you! I'm talking to my boy here. You've had your time,"
Faith said.

Yes, he had his time indeed.

"No, I don't have a kind, but no," the boy answered.

"You do have a kind, you're a Champion. I--I was just a Slayer. A chosen scrap
for the heap. I didn't make any choices to get the gift, and it took me way too
long to learn how to do any good with it, but--"

"Wait a bloody second---" Spike snapped and his interruption was interrupted by
a fist to the head.

"Shut the fuck up! Now what was I...Oh yeah, but, I can teach you what I finally
did learn. I can teach you to dto deal with the darkness of the
Champions...People so good and powerful, there's bound to be a catch, a
flip-side, a place where they fuck-up," Faith told him.

"So, you know that I could go bad, like my father does? You can teach me to stop
it?" the boy asked wide-eyed.

"I could do that, yeah. I mean who better to help someone with a soul stay on
the right side, then the only idiot with a soul that chose the wrong side?"
Faith smiled sadly.

"You di--Ow, bloody hell!"

Again the fist to the head. He was hard to train.

"I was talking about teaching you how to play well with the other Champs. I know
that you have issues with your Dad, and I know you think Spike is the shit at
the moment, but you gotta remember the shit starts to stink. Unlike your Dad,
Spike is a motherfucker."

Faith just looked at the boy and ignored Spike, or tried to, but she swore a
little too passionately. When a person said motherfucker like that you knew the
motherfucker had to be standing right there.

"I am not! In fact, I passed up that opportunity," Spike was indignant.

"Oh, I'm sorry. He's a mother killer and a liar," Faith said with false pity.

"That was nothing you didn't know. Your man chose not to tell you. Nikki was his
Mum, take it up with him," Spike hissed, knowing this was a waste of breath.

"I know you think your Dad let you down, but it's nothing compared to the way
Spike will let you down," Faith said.

Oh, that was it! Spike wasn't going to take this.

"Wha? I chose to get my soul. You think deep down your Angel really wants the
thing? You say what you like. You know I'd never try to hurt you...or the boy,"
Spike said.

Connor just stood there listening. That was a wise idea.

"And there's the hook," Faith continued on to Connor ignoring Spike now. "He's
not trying to hurt you, but he will. You think Angel screwed wyou you with the
magic, but he was trying to make it so you would be okay without him. Spike will
make it so you can't--- you can't -- live without him and then he'll screw with
you. It's so much fucking worse, at least when your Dad is Angelus you know..."
Faith let her voice trail off.

Her voice had started breaking when she was saying the bit about "it" being so
much worse. Spike found that he had lost his own voice for the time being.

"Spike'll help you out. He'll save the freaking world, but you can't rely on
him. You and I have to learn to sit down with them, but stand alone--together,"
Faith said.

She had taken the boy's hand. Had she been turning this all around in her mind
for a while now?

"Kid, I bought you a beer," Kennedy called to Connor.

"Go 'head." Faith laughed, her whole tone changing, "Get it while you can. I
don't think K has ever bought a drink for a person with a dick before."

She smiled at Connor and kept smiling until he obeyed her and went over to the
bar. He and Kennedy had their eyes glued on Spike and Faith like they were the
midnight peep show. Faith nodded to them with her mouth turned up. Her big lips
did that smile where she looked like one of those special strippers that spanked
you for a big tip. Her dark eyes glimmered at the girl and the boy like she just
got a big joke they told her. Then she turned and went into the stock room of
the bar with Spike following. She mindlessly bust the lock on the door for their
privacy.

"You're really going to miss doing that," Spike gestured to the door, "they'll
be a lot more locked doors after tomorrow."

Her real face came back. The one where those two lines that stood up straight
between her eyes looked like they wanted to jump off her forehead and smack
someone around. The face where those wide eyes looked like they belonged to a
kicked puppy and not a sultry battle ax of a woman. This was her real face for
now, and Spike was hoping to change that.

She looked sheepishly at the door as if it was a live person. Then she glowered
angrily at Spike as if he were a disgusting thing. The smiles and nods she had
given the boy and K were a good performance. The firecracker was quite the
little actress when she needed to be. Buffy had been just plain awful at hiding
any sadness.

"You got me good there. I knew one day someone would give me some bloody credit
for being worse than Angelus," he scoffed.

"Be careful what you wish for," she said tiredly.

It wasn't what he was hoping for, even if she said some sarcastic joke it would
be like taking it back a bit.

"I knew you were experienced at being on top with the bullwhip. I didn't know
you liked to rub salt in the slashes too. Wood's a lucky man. He owns a real
pro," he said with mock chipperness.

"No one owns me, and I'm not rubbing nothin' on yskinskinny ass. I didn't say
any of that for you. I could give a shit that you're even here," she said in
that same weary tone.

"And yet, here you are talking to me. You miss our talks? What you want to yap
about? Shagging? Zen Buddhism? 'Passions' has been a hoot lately. Oh, I know,
how 'bout the fact that you knocked down the strongest vampire with one punch
and tomorrow you're throwing it all down the drain?" he demanded.

"I'm only letting go down the drain what shoue ine in the gutter. Our bullshit
talks, getting all sweaty and pumped, making me remember my first time-- that
was hot huh?" she smiled nastily at him like a snake.

He smiled back. Better. Much better.

"You're losing hold of the whip, Pet. In order for something to smart it has to
have a grain of truth. None of those things we did had sod off to do with
shagging. You're talking crazy. You often do that when you know the other person
is right."

"You are not right! The world needs Champions -- people with good souls. I can
help the kid, pass down what Angel did for me since Connor won't take it from
him. The world needs him, and you, and Angel," she had gone back to weary now.

"The world needs a Slayer, Fi. It always did," Spike found himself saying softly
even though he was sure he was about to go around the bend.

"Well, it doesn't need me. What have I done but take in that demon that has
gotten hthe the demon world to want to off us? Not to mention that I, ya know,
murder people. The world needs a Slayer like B. Why did she have to leave? We
don't talk about her as much as we used to. Maybe it has something to do with
the demons after us, or the fact that I hate you now, but I still miss B," she
said.

It was almost as if she was really trying to drive him mad. Even if she was, he
wanted to put her in a nice cozy bed first because she was exhausting herself.
He couldn't lay her down in a bed though. A bed with toys maybe. She said she
never really had toys. She wouldn't like the kind Dru had. He wished that the
only reason he couldn't was because she hated him.

"I miss Buffy too. I always will. Wanna hear the latest lesson I've learned?
Wanting and needing -- not the same thing. We may always want her here, but we
don't need her. We need you here now," he said.

Spike wished Faith's Watcher was here. He could see what tough love really was.
It wasn't doping someone up to die, it was making them wake up and fight.

"I am not like B or even your lame ass. I've killed people with souls," she
said.

"I killed a man recently. It wasn't an accident and it wasn't even a kill or be
killed. I killed him because he was going to put his hands on you, remember?"

"You did that because of me. People do horrible things because of me. Robin
would have killed that guy if you hadn't stepped in, because of me. You should
have seen the bad influence I was on B. She could have killed that guy, instead
of me, but it still would have been my fault," her eyes had tears in them.

"That was a bloody accident, Faith, and frankly, I'm tiered of hearing about it.
None of it is going to bring the bloke--"

"It-it wasn't an accident. Don't you ever fucking say it was an accident. I take
responsibility. No one ever says it was an accident. I am a murderer...a murder
who had no excuse, but the power to do it. I injured a lot of people on purpose,
Wesley, Angel," she roared.

Her voice became shrill. She had her hands wrapped around his throat.

"And how many bloody times are you going to let Angelus sink his teeth into
you?" he demanded back as he pulled at her wrists with all his strength, "Or let
that Watcher Git look at you with that sanctimonious look on his face after you
just did all the work? Or let Buffy's little fling with you fester in your
mind---"

She had hit him with a sharp cry and he fell into the shelves behind him which
fell apart. He had wanted beer bottles around him tonight, but not like this.

"It's over now! It's over right fucking now! Tomorrow they are taking it out.
That demon made me a Slayer. But no, that wasn't enough for me. I had to go back
for more, and what do I get? Almost everyone dead. So, I'm ending it. I can be
something else. I'm more than just SlaySlayer. I have to be, because I was a bad
Slayer," she bellowed.

"Bloody hell! Of course you are more than jusSlaySlayer!"saidsaid jumping up
from where she knocked him. She backed up a little. "This has sod off to do with
being the Slayer. This isn't just cutting off your power supply... if you want
that you can go to Council and get some drugs... Actually, you can't. They're a
pile of dust. I'm sorry things have to be so bloody hard, I am. Don't you think the there was a way to make it easier I'd have bloody done it for you already?
You can't have someone magically take out your darkness. Because that's you
they're ripping apart. "

"You act like I have a choice. Can't you feel what's going to happen to us if we
keep going with this healing thing? Can't you feel how wrong it is? How dark?"

"You think you can run from darkness, do you? You want to see something dark,
look at what your man is doing to you. Whether he knows it or not he's taking
away everything you are! He says I'm obsessed with controlling Slayers. Well,
he'll have the finest put him before the mission... something his Mum could
never do. That's all he wants."

"My man has a Freudian thing going on? So, what about you, English? What didn't
Mummy give you? What's it all about, Alphie?" she laughed now. At least she was
laughing.

"My Mum loved me! She gave me everything...except when she wasn't herself. It's
really quite a complex tale, pet."

"Well, let me simple it up. Ya know, the kid and you have so much in common, but
at least the kid has other stuff to keep him going. He wants to find out who he
really is. But you-- you already know what you are-all you are is the
anti-Daddy. Daddy is so big and powerful and does what he has to. He's a
business man. So you're a punk. Good or evil Daddy always had the power. So, you
fight the power, but you know what, SON? Good or evilffy ffy or vamp Mama Dru,
they'll all want to fuck Daddy over you and do you know why?"

"Dru wasn't--Buffy--I," Spike stammered.

She'd gotten him for a second. "Wait I know this one!," he smirked as he
collected himself, "He always has a nicer car? No, wait, I have it, it's because
they can't have him, not truly, not ever. He's either too evil to start with or
he sodding ends up there and women always want the bad boy."

"Eeeng! Wrong, but thanks for playing. You'll receive such parting gifts as a
Champ little brother to look after, and an ex-Slayer who will be constantly
riding your ass to make sure you don't screw it up," she warned fiercely.

Then she stormed out of the room as if he had been the one to offend her. As if
he had been the one to break her down into nothing but a shadow of a wanker, and
say that no one wanted her. Everyone wanted her. Just because Wood wanted his
Mum back didn't mean the bloke didn't love her. It just was a selfish love, as
if there was any other kind.

"K, we're leaving! I'll see you later, Blade--Connor," Faith ordered as she
stomped to the bar.

"Wait," Spike called with a bitter laugh, "Don't I get to hear the answer, Dr.
Trophy Wife? Why does everyone prefer the great poofter over me?"

"It's because he goes all the way. He gets the job done. He did what he had to
for Connor and B, even if it meant giving them up. You may be a Champion, but
you're an idiot. Being a real hero isn't about winning a popularity contest;
It's about sacrifice."

Before he couay aay anything to that she was gone. Goddamn it! This was it he
was finally going to break. Not from his soul or his guilt or burning up or
coming back. He was going to bloody break over this girl. He had never known
anyone like her before. Buffy would kick you in the teeth one day and then throw
you a bone the next. But Faith, she would paint you in here nre next to Hitler
and the devil. Then she'd drag you up out of there, scarping your sodding ass
along the pavement on the way. She'd put you on some pedestal on top of a frozen
mountain top alone. The kicker waat aat all the while she was doing this she
acted like you were the one dragging her up and down through hell and heaven and
back.

"Well, I can't go all the way if the lady won't let me, can I? Angel went all
the way with Buffy and look what happened los lost his soul. Popularity contest?
When have I ever given a toss about who liked me? No one likes me, that's the
way I like it," Spike told the boy as he was now on his fifth beer, which was
nothing.

Connor just looked at him with those round baby blues. He could get some girls
with that look of the listener. Connor's snot nose self, and wise-ass self,
seemed to take off when he witnessed Faith and Spike doing the fighting dance.
The poor boy was like a deer caught in head lights. Was that a sympathy look?
Spike would prefer Harris's mocking really, but what else could he do but go on.


"Sacrifice," Spike scoffed, "What does Angel know about sacrifice? I gave my
life for the world and I was ready to give her all of my soul, but she won't
bloody let me because she thinks it's going nowhere good. How can she think
that? So, what if there's the prophecy and the assassind Ind I killed her man's
mother. Doesn't she feel it? It's what's meant to bloody be, and it's good."

"You were gonna give her your soul?" the boy asked.

"That seems to be what she needed to be able to live with that demon inside
her," Spike told him.

"But wouldn't that have made you William the Bloody again?" Connor asked.

"Huh?" Spike forehead wrinkle in confusion.

"You'd have given her your soul, so you would be evil again?"

"Oh, no. It doesn't work like that for me. I'm not your Dad. They had bigger
plans for me," Spike assured.

"So what would have happened?"

"'What would have happened?' he asks," Spike laughed, "She says I'm bloody
stupid. Well, I'm not. I was the one that figured out how it was all going to
end with those wonky bits of memory they gave me back. I'd only see them in
flashes while I was healing her, and I had to deal with her bloody thoughts and
her bloody pain in my head while I was healing her."

"You could hear her thoughts while you were healing her?" Connor asked.

"Not literally. It wasn't like a mind read. That really would have driven me
insane because God only knows all the wonky thoughts she has in there! It was
more like a sharing of blood and guts," Spike said.

"Blood and guts?"

"Again, not literally, boy. You should think about finishing up at University.
It was like a sharing of essence, feelings, heart. I knew hers. She knew mine,"
Spike sighed.

"So, you were like sharing souls to heal her?"

"No, no, no! We would come together, so to speak, so I could give her the juice
of mine," Spike grumbled.

"Look, I'm sorry. I'm not getting it, and I don't think it's because of my lack
of education. I'm sure there is a way to explain it through Quantum physics that
I would get, but you aren't exactly a professor, Chief," Connor sighed.

"There's that wise ass snot nose punk! I missed you, boy," Spike laughed,
"That's right. You have a good head on your shoulders. I'd like to see you try
to figure it out. I was able to suss it all out. I'm no bloody idiot."

"So, I'm aging here. What did you suss? How is this healing thing supposed to
work without you losing your soul?" Connor asked.

"Huh!" Spike laughed after he did his shot of whiskey. "She thinks that your Dad
is Mr. Sacrifice. Well, she would have seen a real sacra--Oh, Balls! I'm a
bloody idiot!" He gasped.

"What?" Connor asked.

"She knows!'You may be a Champion, but you're an idiot'--sacrifice-- she knows!"
Spike exclaimed sprang up, "That's why she's giving up the demon and being the
Slayer---she knows! But, it's not supposed to be this way, and whenever you mess
with magics to change somethin' this big it never works. You can't save people
with magic, you only end up hurting yourself."

"Knows what? So, this is how it's gonna be with you guys?" Connor grumbled as he
was now chasing after Spike, "You'll constantly be fighting, and then talking to
me about each other. Then you'll both dramatically run off and I won't know what
the hell is going on? I thought it would be different then living with two
sisters."

"What do you wanna know?" Spike asked

"For starters, where are we going, and what are we gonna do when we get there?"
Connor demanded.

"I dunno," Spike answered.

To be continued....