Crimson Regret

(((Sorry I haven't updated. I was on vacation and then I came home and my Internet just wouldn’t work so that sucked majorly. But its working now so yay =) hehe

Also, I am the worst speller EVER. Should've put that before. )))

[ -- Chapter 12 -- ]

Giles and Xander rushed into the house carrying Buffy as Anya followed in a nonchalant manner.

"Get her upstairs," Giles said as he started up the steps. Buffy had stopped screaming and looked very empty. They made it to Buffy's bedroom and rested her on the bed. "Find something to tie her."

Xander searched the closet and found two belts and held them up, "Good?"

"Yes, tie her quickly, we don’t know when she'll get out of this state." Xander handed Giles one and they each worked on tying Buffy's hands to the bedposts.

"Someone should watch her," Xander suggested.

"What about Dawn? She lives here," Anya said.

"Dawn! Oh crap what do we tell Dawn?" Xander asked.

"Xander pick her up from school. Tell her… tell her that Buffy attacked Faith and now is some kind of state, no need to tell her the details."

Xander nodded, "You going to stay with her?"

"Yes, I'll stay. Anya, would you tend to the store?" He fixed his glasses.

Anya smiled brightly, "Don’t worry, your moneys safe with me!"

"I have no doubt."

Xander and Anya left, leaving Giles with Buffy who had stared to gather herself a little, tugging at her binds until she shut down completely again.

"Bloody hell this is a mess," Giles said as he pinched the rim of his nose and sighed.

*****

I woke up the next morning feeling sick. I got up and ran to the toilet, spilling all my guilt and shame into it. I choked a couple of times then laid my head on the side, softly crying.

"Faith?" Willow asked quietly from the bathroom door.

"I hate that this happened." I say softly, staring at the wall.

"We all do," she replied just as softly.

I sit up and she continued, "Do you want to stay here today?"

"I want to see her," I say as I pick myself up from off the floor.

"Faith I don’t think that’s a good idea…"

"I want to see her," I say, a little more firmly this time.

"Are you going to hurt her?"

I sigh, "I would never." I paused, realizing how stupid that sounds coming from me. "I mean, not anymore."

Willow nodded, "Okay, let me get Tara."

*****

Not in my life was I prepared for the sight that greeted me as I entered Buffy's room. She was screaming at Giles, saying that something was inside her. She was thrashing around, but couldn’t get anywhere because she was tied to the bed. Her arm had long gashes on it and just by looking at it I knew they were self-inflicted. Dawn was beside her, crying.

Buffy then spotted me and stopped thrashing and yelling. She burst into tears, "Faith… Faith… oh god, Faith…"

I put my hand over my mouth, still shocked at what was going on. I felt tears start to make their way down my face. "Buffy…"

"Fiaht I'm so sorry, I don’t…. know why. I… god Faith I'm so sorry I never meant to hurt you. Please Faith, get it out of me, -please-." She began tugging at her bindings again, begging for me to make it stop.

I felt myself moving towards her and I held one of her hands. I should hate her fir what she did, but I just couldn’t. I love Buffy, and she's hurting, and that’s all that mattered. "Shh… shh B its okay, there's nothing in you."

Buffy began choking on her sobs by how much she was crying, "Faith I'm a monster…"

"No, no you're not. Your anger pushed you and you did something stupid. Trust me, I know. I've had way too much experience in that area. It's okay B, really. I forgive you, I know you never meant to hurt me." I lean down and gently kiss her forehead, "So calm down, okay? I think we'd much rather not have to have you tied up."

Buffy slowed down her crying right after I kissed her and looked at me in question. I realized everyone else is staring at me too and I blush a little. I think Buffy thought I just wanted her for sex, a one off or something because she looked -very- surprised at what I just did.

"You okay, B?"

She nodded slowly.

"You want to get out of these things?" I ask, indicating the bindings and she nods again. I gently untie her and she automatically curled herself into a ball since it’s a safe place, I should know.

"Can I talk to Buffy alone?" I ask everyone in the room.

They all nod and scurry out, closing the door behind them.

"Hey, B…" I take one of her arms away and slowly uncurl her, "Face reality, don’t hide from it. It'll be something you regret."

"Why?" She asked quietly.

"Why what?" I say gently as I take a blanket and wrap it around her.

"Why did you forgive me?"

*Because I love you.* "Because I know you, I know you wouldn’t hurt me, me, at least not like that anyway. You're not heartless." I take a deep breath, "I'm pretty sure you know the gist about what went on in my past, right? I basically gave you the pieces of the puzzle and left you to put them together."

"And that’s why I feel like a monster!" She started but I put a finger over her lips.

"Its okay, alright? I forgive you, and past is past. Your anger just got out of control and you snapped, losing all sense of what's right and wrong. I've been there, okay? You're not alone." I look at her arm, "And this…" I hold it up and she looks away, ashamed, "This will never, EVER fix anything. I know that too."

Buffy started crying again and I gathered her in my arms, letting her cry on my shoulder. She cried for a long time, but I rocked her and kept telling her its okay and eventually she fell asleep. I laid her down on the bed and laid next to her, deciding I should watch over her. She turned and snuggled into me, putting her arms around me and I smile, eventually letting sleep take over me.

TBC...