Choices

Chapter Twelve

Buffy did the only thing she could think of. She ran. Her mouth tingling, her heart hammering inside her chest, her feet pounding the ground, Spike calling after, she ran.
God, how long does it take to get home? Finally she reached home and burst inside the door. Thank God Angel was out because she really did not want to have to explain to him her frazzled state. Locking herself in her bedroom, she sat on the bed, trying to regain control of her breathing.
Tentatively she touched her fingers to her mouth. She could still feel the firmness of his lips on her. Would Angel know? Would he be able to smell it on her? No, that was impossible. They all lived together, she had their scents on her all the time. He wouldn't know at all.

"Buffy!" Spike was home.

She kept silent.

He rapped on her door. "Buffy, let me in."

"No, I'm good!"

ffy,ffy, we have to talk. Let me in. I can hear your heart from here, pet. It's at quite a gallop. I know you felt something."

"I was running you know, so if you're going by my heart then you're all wrong!"

"Buffy...I've felt it before this...it's all right kitten."

"Spike, please," she was pleading with him now. "I can't do this right now. Please just leave me alone."

She heard him sigh heavily. "All right. I'll leave you alone for now. But we are going to have to talk about this."

"Or not," she muttered.

"I heard that."

"Would you just go now, please? Stop listening to me! It's rude."

She heard him chuckle softly. "G'night, kitten."

She heard him walk away and breathed a sigh of relief. Sprawling across her bed, she shut her eyes tightly and then opened them. All of her fantasies and desires up untils pos point of wanting Spike to kiss her couldn't have prepared her for it actually happening. Boy did it happen! Not with just lips, but with words...words of love. From Spike. He loved her. That was...something. Never mind the kiss, nothing could have prepared her for his declaration of love.

Knocking on her door made her jump. She shot up. "Spike, I told you--"

"It's Angel. Not Spike."

"Oh. Hold on." She got up and unlocked her door to a concerned Angel.

"You guys fight? What's going on?"

"I, um, was just upset about Xander and told Spike to leave me alone. He was a little persistent. You know how he is."

"Don't I ever. So, it didn't go well?"

She was finding it hard to meet Angel's gaze. "No, he did just what he said you would do."

"Huh?"

"I mean, he did exactly what YOU said HE would do."

"Upset a bit huh?"
She nodded. "How was your night? Where were you?" '

Why weren't you with us tonight?' She sat down on her bed.

"Had some things to take care of at the gallery. Are you able to stop by tomorrow and help out?" Angel sat down next to her.

"Yes," she said quickly and maybe a tad too excitedly. "What time? Early? Morning? I can be there by nine. Maybe earlier if you need me. If Richard needs me."

"Buffy, are you sure Xander isn't the only thing bothering you? You're...tense. Nervous. It's coming off of you in waves."

"Did you tell him about starting class next week, Buffy?"

She looked up to see Spike in the doorway.

"You? Th? That's great. So, see, that's something to focus on. Is that what you're so nervous about?"

She nodded. "Yeah, you know...school. Haven't done that in a while."

"You'll be fine."

Now she was going to have to make sure she found time to register the following day. She wasn't sure if she wanted to kick Spike or kiss him for the reprieve--kick him, Buffy, do NOT kiss him!

"Did you guys manage to get any vamps tonight?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, one," Buffy replied absently. Now she couldn't look at Spike. Mainly because she could feel his hot gaze on her, boring holes into her and it was making her uncomfortable.

"You can be at the gallery by at least ten, okay Buffy?" He stood then and Buffy followed suit.

"Okay."

Wrapping his arms around her, Angel gave her a gentle hug. "It'll be all right, Buffy. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to."

Buffy finally met Spike's gaze. "I hope so."

*********


Her alarm went off at nine. Just enough time to get ready and not have to talk to anyone. Well, anyone meaning Spike. Rushing through her shower and getting dressed, Buffy was ready to go by half past nine. She rushed out the door just as she heard the first stirrings of life inside their home.

Working was the perfect way to take her mind off the night before and what was going to happen from there. If anything happened. She couldn't deny that she had feelings for Spike, that she dreamt of him kissing, that it was her feelings for him that didn't allow Xander to get any further than her friendship, but now that it happened, the reality of it was much too intense. There were factors she hadn't considered.

For one, she never bet that Spike would be in love with her. Now that he had declared it, she supposed she could see it. When she thought he was just being downright mean about Xander and that guy at the bar, in actuality, he had been jealous.

She couldn't help but smile, despite her confusion. Spike loved her. And not just loved her...ovedoved her, loved her. Romantic love. Her smile faded just as quickly though. What would happen to the three of them now? For so long they had been like family. Would that all change if her and Spike were to get involved? Damn straight it would! The delicate little bubble Angel had said they were living in would be shattered. She could not, would not let that happen. Uncertainty was not something she welcomed with open arms. She needed the stability of Angel and Spike, both of them, there with her. Something told her that Angel would not feel comfortable with the idea of a relationship between her and Spike. And what would happen if it didn't work out? There was quite a dienceence between loving someone from afar and then jumping into a relationship with them. What if it blew up in their faces? Then Spike would leave. She couldn't bear it if she lost either of them.

Sighing heavily, Buffy knew Spike was right. She did have to talk to him about this. Avoiding him wouldn't make it go away. She just had to confront him and hope that he would listen and understand.

Richard let her go after they had gotten the bulk of the work done. He smiled at her warmly and patted her hands gently, telling her she reminded him of her mother. That made her smile, the compliment touching her heart. She met the sunshine outside and quickly registered for her classes that would be starting the following week. Now she hven ven more of an incentive to do that since Spike had given her no other choice.

She was in no rush to get home, although she knew Angel would be excited to hear how work had gone and what they had gotten done. She had to face her fears sooner or later. She was just hoping for much, much later.