Once It Begins

*
**
***

OIB 12
Belonging


Magic Box

"Giles! I can see! I can see! I see you! I see Drusilla, she's being held by Wesley and Gunn, and Cordy is down too, Willow and Tara are kneeling beside her. And there is the front door and the meeting table and the books, all those books, red, brown, black, golden..."
"Shut up, Buffy."
"But Giles, I can..."
"I told you to shut up! The return of your sight is really advantageous but you see, there are other people that need my attention right now." Forcefully, Giles turns to Wesley. "I need to talk to you, Wes. Alone."

Wesley looks undecidedly from Drusilla, whose head is in his lap, to Giles and back. "I really need to take care of ..." "We need to talk and now. Get your arse in my office." Giles has taken off his glasses and his voice holds several layers of steel. Wesley swallows, then nods. "Gunn, would you mind... "

"No, no, man. Go before the guy has a heart attack from all that stored up anger." Giles gives the bald man a pure ripper look but Gunn just grins back. "Ever seen that movie with Jack Nicholson about anger management?"

The office door slams shut loudly.

"Guess not." Gunn shrugs and lifts Drusilla's head onto his strong thigh. "Could I get a blanket or something?" He asks no-one in particular, even though Buffy is the only one who is doing nothing at the moment. Willow and Tara are occupied with the unconscious Cordelia.

Buffy goes to stand before the kneeling Gunn, hands on her hips, she looks down at him icily. "You shouldn't talk to Giles like that, he does what he can."
"So commanding and glaring is what he can?" Gunn answers, raising his eyebrows at the blond girl.
"You should watch your back." Buffy threatens.
"Why? Cause you wanna kiss my ass?"
"You mean *kick* your ass."
"Try it."

The staring contest is broken when a blanket is held in between them.
"Hey guys, really don't think this is the right time to..." Willow tries to intervene.
"Shut up, Willow." Buffy cuts her short.
"I just meant to..."
Gunn takes the blanket from Willow's hand and smiles friendly at her. "It's alright. Thanks for the blanket, Willow, right?"
"Yes, Willow Rosenberg."
"I remember you from when you came by to tell Angel about the..." Gunn frowns then looks back at Buffy. "Guess that was your death."

A look of abject horror crosses both Buffy's and Willow's face, Gunn just carries on. "Nice to meet you again, last time we weren't properly introduced. Charles Gunn."
"Erm... Willow Rosenberg, again." Willow giggles nervously.
"I... I think sh-she’s coming around a-again." Tara's shy voice breaks the uncomfortable moment and relieved, Willow goes back to help her girlfriend with Cordelia.

Gunn unfolds the blanket and wraps it around Drusilla's slender body.
"I don't think she's gonna get cold. She's kinda already cold. Dead, to be exact." Buffy comments.
"She's dead, undead, yeah, know that. Doesn't mean she's not gonna get cold."
"And you'd know that why exactly?" She throws her head back so her long blond hair drapes nicely over her shoulders. Gunn watches her closely when he answers.

"Just figured that's why Angel likes to sit in front of the fireplace with a book and a hot cup of Wes' authentic tea to put his hands around." Buffy's mouth closes with a snap and any remark she might have had stays unsaid. Her expression turns sour before the sadness fills her eyes and for a second Gunn even regrets playing this unfair. He watches the tiny blond stalk into the back of the shop, the door with the "authorized persons only" sign slams shut and the sound wakes Drusilla.

Huge, frightened black eyes fix on Gunn's and he smiles at the vampiress.
"Is it over? It's over, is it. For now. They hurt me, they hurt me so bad." Drusilla says with a hoarse voice and tears fill her eyes. "Who hurt you?" Gunn asks and wipes away a tear from the pale cheek with a corner of the blanket. Drusilla raises her hand, points to the ceiling with trembling fingers. "They. They from above. Those who live in the sun and send beams to the earth to scorch the tainted."

"I am sooo not tainted, vamp-girl!" Cordelia yells suddenly, interrupting the almost tender moment between Gunn and Drusilla. Willow and Tara help Cordy to her feet, after a little slip, the ex-cheerleader manages to stand relatively safely by herself. "Where is Wesley? He always gets me my pills and juice and steak after a vision!"

***

Giles' office

"Sit down!" Giles commands and Wesley lets himself fall down on an uncomfortable chair. He takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. "What are you doing with her, Wesley? She is a vampire. Are you thralled? She is insane!" Giles slams his fist down on the desk.

Wesley grits his teeth. "There is nothing that holds her back from killing, no soul, no chip. You can't trust her! Why did you bring her here! The whole Aurelius Bloodline is in Sunnydale for God's sake!" The younger ex-watcher rubs his thumb over the bandaged wrist. He was bitten and it was neither a terrible, hurtful experience nor did he die, quite the opposite, he felt more alive, more himself than ever before.

"Wesley, listen!" Giles puts his hands on the arms of the chair Wesley sits in. "She is unpredictable and you follow her like a lap-dog and serve her every need!"
Very calmly Wesley lifts his head and meets Giles' eyes. "Jealous?"

Giles pulls back as if he was slapped. "What?" He splutters and stares incredulously at the younger man.

"I asked if you were jealous, Mr. Giles." Wesley repeats slowly, voice cold.
"How can you..." Giles is still too stunned by the unexpected way Wesley had stood up to him to find the right words.

"Listen to me, Rupert, for once. A few years back I may have been stupid and naïve but I am not anymore. I am working for Angel and I’ve had my fair share of fights and experiences. I've grown up and I don't need someone to scream at me. If you want to professionally discuss the mentioning of the New Order in Cordelia's and Drusilla's shared vision, I am willing to do so."

***

Angel's car - Xander's pov

Slowly memories come back; slowly I remember my old life. I know the memories are mine but they feel strange. Some emotions, some of the big events have suddenly lost their scare factor or their importance. New feelings flood me; a new role in the system of the world is waiting for me to slip into. I am floating somehow, between old and new life, both seem infinitely far away. I am like a puzzle piece waiting to be clicked into the right place. Spike, my sire, and Angel, the head of the family - my family? - fight again. It hurts, I don't understand why they have to fight. I feel the connection between them and I don't know why they need to pretend it doesn't exist. I don't know who the guy in the passenger seat is. Human. I can hear his heart-beat. It's a calming sound somehow. I concentrate on it and try not to think about the nagging hunger in every cell of my body.

They stopped, at last. Angel and the boy now exchange a few words, the boy isn't willingly here. Do I have to eat him? Did they get him for me? Is Angelus back? Why doesn't that frighten me? My head hurts. Thinking is hard when all I can think is hunger. I need to eat, well, need to drink blood. Can't say that disgusts me, but it doesn't excite me either. Weird.

My hand has healed. The marks have gone and I start peeling off the dried blood until my sire's slender pale fingers touch me like the soft wings of a butterfly. I look up and meet the worried blue eyes of my former enemy, lately almost-friend, now sire. He changes into his demon face. I wonder what I look like. Am I ugly? Spike isn't, not like this, not with the human mask.

I listen closely to the words he says, I am his childe. The words flood a part of me with joy. He is my sire and I feel proud to have him as my sire, William the Bloody after all.
We share a bond that can't be broken, that means acceptance and safety. I feel hope bloom inside me.

He pulls me towards him, my back to his chest and in his embrace I feel safe. He offers me his wrist and I can't resist, I bite deeply into his flesh.

Blood. Sire's blood. It fills me, my mouth, my throat, my veins. It rushes through my system and I feel my body and mind flare to life. What before was just a background pulsing, now drums through my being.

Love. Acceptance. Family. Safety. Love. Acceptance. Family. Safety. Love.

I bind with my sire. I bind as his childe. I commit myself to the bloodline and it welcomes me. I find my place in the hierarchy and accept it eagerly. This is where I am meant to be. This is what can't be taken from me, what I can't deny whatever the future may bring. I am Xander of the bloodline of Aurelius; childe of Spike aka William the Bloody; who is the childe of Angelus; who is the childe of Darla; who is childe of the Master of the Aurelius bloodline.


tbc

*****

Thanks to everybody who left reviews, you guys rock!

***
**
*