Damned if I don't, damned if I do.

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vi: The Painful Truth.

It was not dark on the other side of the Gate of Hades, which was not to say that it felt like daytime. The sky was a dull grey, on Earth it would have been depressing but to Toni after so long – had it been a week, it felt like longer – in eternal night it was as beautiful as a bright spring morning.

They sprinted for as long as they could, eager to put distance between themselves and what lay on the other side of the Gate, but Faith was already beginning to lag behind when the loud screeching came from above.

The shriek shot a line of ice through Toni. Had Tisiphone followed them? She slowed enough to tip back her head and look into the dull sky and initially her fear was confirmed - a winged woman was flying after them – but then she picked out the differences. Tisiphone had the body of a woman and the wings of a bat, this threat had the body of a bird and the face of a wizened hag, also, there were three of them.

Harpies!

These creatures Toni knew; she had encountered them on her last trip to the underworld. They had plagued her for miles, trying to snatch Helena’s soul from her protection. Had Tisiphone or Hades or, even worse, Zeus sent them to retrieve Faith? Or were they just here for their own cruel amusement?

Whatever their reason they were already zeroing in on Faith, who, having heard them, ducked her head and tried to run faster.

As one of the Harpies gained height and then dove towards the slayer like a misshapen hawk, Toni cried out a warning.

“Faith, get down!”

“I get down I don’t think I’m getting back up!” Faith yelled seriously.

That left Toni only one choice and she ran to reclaim the sword and defend her.

As she tried to take it, Faith refused to let go and hit out with her other hand. “What the fuck? No, fuck off! Tone, something’s here!” she called for help with her unseen sword-grabber.

Toni would have laughed, or at least rolled her eyes, if the situation wasn’t so dire. “It is I, Faith. I need the sword.”

“Oh. Uh, yeah, I knew that. Here.” Faith relinquished the sword. “I’m gonna keep going while I still can if ya don’t mind.”

“Please do.”

Toni moved into the space behind her to stab upwards. The Harpy, unable to see her -- or the sword while she was holding it -- skewered herself. She kicked it off of the long blade while it was still shrieking in pain and then ran to keep up with Faith. It only took her a few strides.

“Get it?” Faith’s breathing sounded even more laboured than just a moment ago.

“Si.” She looked up. The other two were circling, wary now, unsure of what had befallen their sister. “If we keep running I think the others will give up rather than risk the same fate.”

She had barely finished speaking when Faith gave a yell of anger and pain and stumbled. She managed to keep her feet but then with another anguished shout, fell to her hands and knees.

So much for that idea, Toni thought. Faith was clearly in no state to go any further just now. She heard the Harpies calling to each other, making plans to attack as a pair.

“Hide under there.”

There was only one place for her to hide under and Faith looked at the dense thorn bushes with trepidation. “Last time you suggested something like that it almost killed…”

“Get under there!” Toni ordered again and the natural authority in her tone combined with the slayer’s state of near collapse convinced Faith to obey for once. “Now stay there until they are dead… or I am.”

Faith dragged her feet under the shelter as the Harpies came down, hoping to carry her away. Toni’s plan worked in a way she hadn’t expected however. Unable to see Faith from the air now, and still unaware that Toni was even there, they landed close to the prickly undergrowth and in awful, wheedling voices called for the slayer to come out, making promises they wouldn’t have been able to keep even if they had meant them.

They were not permitted to speak for long – two sword strikes later, their human head’s were rolling away from their avian bodies. Feeling both proud and sick by her achievement, Toni went to the hollow under the bushes and squeezed in beside Faith.

“Are you okay?”

It took a moment for Faith to place the direction of her voice. “I dunno.”

Now Toni could see just how much damage the fight with Tisiphone had caused. Faith’s eyes were dangerously bloodshot, her face bruised and streaked with dried blood. The wedding dress was more torn than before and through the larger tears she could see the deep purple-red scratches in Faith’s skin. Beneath the bruises she was pale and sweating and despite taking in deep lungfuls of air she did not seem to find any relief in them.

The thing that scared Toni the most however was the way Faith was holding her swollen stomach. She wasn’t cradling it the way she had many other times on their journey but clutching it as if in great pain.

“Is it the baby?”

Faith tried shifting her position to something more comfortable without letting go of the death grip on her stomach. “I don’t think it liked me landing on it”

“Here, lie down.” Toni moved out of the way and put an arm around her back to help her to the ground.

“Feels weird you touching me when I can’t see ya. . . don’t go using that as an excuse to start groping me!” Faith tried to chuckle but didn’t have enough energy.

Toni smiled. “I’ll try not to. Where is the pain worse?”

Faith licked her dry lips. “My stomach. Feels like the brat’s playing the drum solo from ‘Air Tonight’ on my insides.” She swallowed hard and her voice went very quiet. “I’m not losing it am I?”

Toni didn’t know what to say. She had no medical knowledge and no curative gifts outside of her own enhanced healing. That made her think. The baby was a demi-god like herself; he would be almost immortal after birth. Did that count while he was still in the womb? How far would she have to fall for her body to be broken beyond repair? Much further than Faith had fallen obviously, but the baby was smaller and not fully developed. Would that make a difference?

“What kind of pain is it?”

Faith’s face screwed up, clearly thinking her question stupid. “The really bad kind! I’m a slayer! I can get the shit pounded out of me and still have a good day. Today is not a good day.” She winced as another spasm of pain went through her. “Really not good.”

Toni’s hand hesitated, hovering in mid-air over Faith’s stomach, eventually she was brave enough to bring it down and settle over the swell. “Can you direct me to the main point of pain?”

“Down a…”

The kick that thudded against Toni’s palm made her think the father was a Gigantes – the force of it had stung! – but she smiled.

“He feels alive and well.”

When Faith could stop panting almost to the point of hyperventilating, she asked, “He?”

Toni shrugged indifferently and then remembered she was invisible. “Or she. Kicks like a boy however.”

“Or a slayer. Considering who its Mom’s are, a slayer baby ain’t impossible, right?”

Toni felt that coldness again, this time squeezing her heart. How did she answer that? This shouldn’t be hers to deal with. She had promised to do her best to get Faith out of Tartarus safely, but she had never agreed to break this news to her.

She avoided the question. “I thought slayers were only called when they reached a certain age?”

“Yeah, but who says miracle babies follow the rules? Owww!”

Toni startled at the howl. If the baby was still healthy why was it giving Faith so much pain? She couldn’t have any broken bones because she had fought and run away after the fall. Another even more frightening thought occurred to her.

“Faith, are you having contractions?!”

“How the hell do I know?”

Toni had witnessed a few of the births her Grandmother had delivered but she had never participated beyond fetching hot water and towels. If the baby was coming now not only did she not know what to do, it would be very dangerous to make their way out of Hades with a newborn. She could not guarantee the protection of them both.

Drawing on what little she could remember, she moved both hands to Faith’s stomach and started to feel her way downwards, trying to gauge the position of the baby. Faith was in too much pain to make any wise comments about where her hands were wandering to. As far as she could tell, the baby was still high in Faith’s belly, which was reassuring for the moment but there was no way to tell if the baby was settled there or just preparing himself to turn and face the exit. She rubbed the bump soothingly and received another palm-numbing kick.

“So is the baby coming?” Faith panted.

“I do not think so. At least not right now.”

“I feel like I’m gonna throw up.”

“Okay.” She didn’t know what else to say, or do. They should be moving but it was clear Faith wouldn’t be able to for a while.

“I think maybe I need something to eat.”

Toni smiled. “I could drag one of the Harpies body’s in here. It probably tastes like…” Faith rolled to the side quickly and vomited. Toni wrinkled her nose as she looked down at the mess on her clothes. “…chicken. Could you not have tried to avoid me?”

“Huh?” Groggily wiping her mouth, Faith looked confused but then brightened a great deal. “Did I get ya?”

Still looking down in disgust, Toni nodded, “Si, considerably.”

Faith chuckled, “Sorry, dude, didn’t see you there.”

“Very funny. Do you feel better?”

“Not really. Well, maybe a little. I think if I just… owww!” Faith had tried to sit up but the action made her clutch her stomach even tighter. Her groan of pain petered out as her eyes rolled back in her head and then she slumped back, unconscious.

“Scopata!” Alarmed, Toni went up on her knees, mindless of the thorns dragging her hair and the mess soaking into her clothes. Fearing the worse, she checked the pulse in Faith’s neck. It was weak but constant. She was still breathing but Toni checked her airway anyway to make sure there was no residue from the sickness left in her throat.

“What is wrong with you?” she muttered.

There was no excess of blood on her face or dress to suggest that she had lost too much. With a slight grimace she lifted the wedding dress to make sure Faith wasn’t bleeding from there. She wasn’t. Another palm check proved the fetus was still active, albeit more languid now that Faith was inert.

There were no outward signs at all as to why Faith had passed out. If it wasn’t for the lack of snoring she’d think that the slayer had simply fallen asleep mid-sentence again. At least she appeared more at peace now than she had conscious. Perhaps Faith just needed the rest so badly that this was her body’s way of demanding it.

Toni rolled Faith onto her side, just to be cautious, and then because there really wasn’t enough room for them both, crawled out from under the bush. When she was free of the pricking thorns she stood to survey the landscape. It was much the same as she remembered – a desert almost, with patches of scrub and small thickets dotted here and there. Strange rock formations sprouted up in the grey environment, the only sign that they had left Tartarus at a different place to which Toni had entered.

The city was probably still a day or more away, meaning they were as good as alone in the wilderness. Despite still being deep in Hades, she felt safer than she had in a while.

What to do now? She could not leave to fetch food or water – if she could even find any – because it would leave Faith unprotected. Looking back at the bush it was obvious she wasn’t very protected anyway. She needed to find better shelter in case Faith was unconscious for a long time.

She found desirable accommodation quickly. Many of the large termite-mound-like rock structures had low caves in their bases. She found one large enough to walk into and stopped just inside the darkness, waiting for something malevolent to spring at her. When it didn’t happen she took another step in and encountered the back of the hollowed out area. It was very shallow but better than the bush.

She went back to Faith, tried once to shake her awake with no success, and then pushed an arm under her knees and another behind her back to lift her. Thank Juno she had her strength back, or else with Faith’s hugely swelled stomach she would never have been able to raise her from the ground.

Faith mumbled something incoherent as Toni carried her to the cave but showed no other signs of regaining consciousness. She placed her down on the coarse sand as gently as possible and then settled next to her, but sitting reminded Toni that the contents of Faith’s stomach were still clinging to her clothes. She smelled disgusting! She felt too exhausted to leave the shelter of the cave, though. Hidden in here there was a chance she could get a few hours of real sleep herself and she needed it badly, having done nothing but doze since finding Faith.

If only she could take the soiled clothes off . . .

It occurred to her that she was still invisible and the opportunity was just too good to resist. Unbuckling the sword scabbard, she laid it between them and pulled her top off. It was probably unwise to just throw it through the cave’s entrance – someone might see, or smell, it and come to investigate – and so she left the cave and stashed it back in the thorn bushes. She took off her pants too and pushed them as far beneath the prickly bush as she dared to go with so much bare skin. She could fetch them when they left the cave and wash them in one of the many rivers flowing through Hades as they travelled.

Back in the cave, she left the sword where it was – within easy reach of them both – and checked Faith’s pulse again. It felt stronger, she hoped. She lay down with her head pressed to the far wall, not wanting to be too close to Faith, but it made her feet stick out into the open. Sighing, she shifted over diagonally until her feet were tucked into the cave and she could feel the brush of Faith’s stomach against her back. Trying to ignore it, she closed her eyes and thought about Buffy, hoping it would help her drift off into a peaceful sleep.

She was just getting to a particularly nice and comforting part of her daydream, half-asleep already, when Faith shuffled closer.

“Move over, B; my bed too,” she mumbled before an arm wrapped loosely around her waist.

Toni clenched her eyes shut and mouthed a few Italian obscenities, but otherwise kept still. Despite the uncomfortable situation at least it meant Faith was only sleeping now and not about to die.

She was just drifting off again when the baby, pressed snugly against her, kicked her hard in the back. “Maledetto!”

*****

Toni awoke to darkness and for a fleeting moment she thought she was still in Tartarus. She jerked into a sitting position and then realised the absence of light was because she was facing the inside of the cave now. She turned her head and outside was still grey, although a darker grey, meaning that what passed for night here was coming.

Faith was sitting up against the back wall, still holding her stomach but not in the same intense way she had been earlier. “’Sup?”

“You’re alive?”

“Seems that way… just. You?”

“Just.” Toni twisted and pulled herself against the wall so that she was sitting next to Faith. “How long have you been awake?”

“Dunno. Not long.”

“Do you feel better?”

“Than I did? Sure.”

Toni took that to mean she still wasn’t feeling very good. “The baby?”

“Still kicking the shit outta me.”

“Good.”

“Not from where I am.” Faith paused for a beat. “So, wanna tell me why I woke up with you snuggling me in your underwear?”

“Scuzi?” Toni looked down at herself and then remembered taking her clothes off – and why. “You threw up on my clothes… and you were the one snuggling!”

“Yeah, I seriously doubt that, Tone. I don’t snuggle. Just ask B,” she added teasingly.

Toni had a dozen argumentative responses to that but before she could utter one something else became more important. “You can see me?”

“In the flesh. Lots of flesh.” Faith’s expression was somewhere between a leer and repulsion.

“Merde! That means the potion has worn off.”

“That a problem? Thought the dangerous part was behind us.”

She shook her head. “The worst bit is behind us but there is still plenty of danger ahead.”

“Well that bites.”

“Until we are out of Hades realm you could be recaptured at any moment… and I could be caught and punished for aiding your escape.”

“Like I said: bites.”

“Si. So do you think you can start walking again?”

Faith pulled a face and Toni noticed the slight but unmistakeable way she held her stomach tighter. “I guess so.”

It made the decision for her. “Night will fall soon and it will be cold. Perhaps we should wait here until first light. Rest some more.”

“If that’s what you want, sure. Not bothered either way.”

Despite her nonchalant nod Faith’s face gave her away. She liked the idea of staying put and surely that would not be the case if she felt fit enough to travel.

For once Toni went easy on her. “Then I think we should stay. We may lose the path if we wander in the dark anyway.”

“Okay.” Faith’s hands relaxed but didn’t leave her stomach. “So you got anything to eat or drink?”

“I am afraid not.” She was feeling the lack of the human necessities too. “But when we start walking again in the morning we will soon reach the asphodel fields.”

“What’s that?”

“It is a fruit.”

“Sounds great,” Faith deadpanned. “Rather have a Medley burger.”

“It is not unappetising and will offer nutrition to you and the baby.”

“Guess that’s what counts.” Faith rubbed her stomach again. “This feels weird as hell, yunno?”

“What does?”

“Having a kid… like inside me. My kid! I mean, who can get used to that?”

Toni just shrugged.

“Didn’t even want kids! They’re a nuisance, always screaming and sticky and shit!”

“But?” Toni asked, knowing there was one coming.

“But… the thought of this little thing not making it…” Faith paused for nearly a minute as she rubbed her swollen belly tenderly. “Can’t let it happen.”

“It won’t,” Toni promised. “You are both going to make it back to the upperworld.”

“Thought I’d lost it earlier.”

“So did I,” Toni admitted. “But you did not, and that shows how strong your baby is. If he can survive Tartarus he can survive Hades.”

“I guess. How do you think B’s gonna react?” Toni was silent for long enough that Faith thought better of her question. “Sorry. That’s probably the last thing you wanna talk about.”

Toni swallowed down her bitterness. “Buffy loves you,” she said with difficulty. “I think she will cope.”

Faith gave a short laugh. “She’d better cope! And she better be prepared to take her share of the shitty diapers and sleepless nights too seeing as this sprog is half hers.”

Toni buried her head in her knees.

“Look, I know this is rough on you,” Faith began. “But you gotta be prepared, right? If Buff chooses you over me when we get topside this little dude is gonna be in your life whether you like it or not. You’re gonna be like its step-mom or something. You better be okay with that!”

“Buffy will never choose me over you,” Toni groaned, although for once that wasn’t the source of her grief. “Faith…”

She hesitated, should she really be the one to tell Faith the truth? It should come from Buffy, or even better, from Troy. He was the one that had gotten them all into this mess after all. She couldn’t let Faith go on thinking the baby was Buffy’s though. That was just too cruel; and Buffy wouldn’t thank her for it later.

“Still can’t believe this is happening,” Faith said again. “When B first told me what Eos… whatever she’s called – the Easter Bunny – was trying to do I thought she was full of shit. Especially after she made me go for the scan and nothing showed up.”

Buffy had made Faith go for an ultrasound? Not for the first time Toni wondered what
side effects had occurred because of her deceitfulness. She hadn’t realised Eostre was in contact with Buffy until months after the fact, when Buffy had told her over the phone. At the time she had given it very little concern – Eostre was inconsequential compared to Troy, and herself – now though she realised that the prophecy keeper was more entwined in their lives than she had thought.

“Guess she got us the second time though after all. Thing is, I wanna be mad at her but…” Faith rubbed her belly again. “Hard to be mad when I got a little Buffy inside me, ya know?”

“Faith, don’t!” Toni snapped, rising so swiftly to her feet that she banged her head on the curved roof of the cave.

“What?” Faith asked, aggrieved.

The tone of her voice was a reminder that Faith was not in the wrong in here. It was a mystery to her how Faith had jumped to such wild conclusions but that did not mean she deserved anger in response. Faith was, ironically, the innocent party in this – manipulated by Troy, kept in the dark by Buffy and deliberately mislead by herself. It had been necessary, Toni still did not doubt that, but the time for deception was over.

“Faith,” she began again, forcing the harsh edge from her voice. “There is something you should know.”

“Okay, I’m listening.” When Toni couldn’t find the words, only able to stand there and look down upon her in distress, Faith panicked, lurching forward into a more upright position. “What? What is it? Is Buffy…? You told me she was okay! Did something happen to her? What the…?”

“Buffy is fine.” The hard note was back in her voice; it hurt to hear such an honest declaration of Faith’s love for her girlfriend. “This is…something else.”

Faith relaxed back against the rocky wall, her hand briefly fluttering over her stomach as if to reassure herself the fetus was still there. “Okay, out with it.”

Toni pressed her lips into an unhappy line. She did not want to have this conversation. She turned away from Faith to try and assemble her thoughts into the shortest sentences possible and then found it difficult to turn back. She stared out at the grey-black landscape and took a deep breath; the truth should not be so difficult to tell. It was not as if she was suddenly scared of hurting Faith’s feelings.

Their journey across the hostile terrain had lulled the animosity between them; they had fallen into camaraderie, sharing snipes and barbs back and forth without the usual intent to hurt. Revealing the truth to Faith could destroy their truce completely, but why did she care? She did not want to be friends with this woman who could steal Buffy from her in a heartbeat – and would once they made it back home. She owed her nothing at all but the truth.

“The baby is not Buffy’s.”

“What?” Faith drew the word out in confused amusement.

Toni turned back to her. “Buffy has no connection to your baby.”

“Of course she does,” Faith scoffed, rubbing her stomach tenderly. “Who the hell else’s is it gonna be?”

Toni dropped to one knee beside her. “Who do you think? It is Troy’s!”

Faith shook her head. “You might wanna believe that but it’s not true. It’s B’s, mine and B’s. Only thing that makes sense.”

“Think, Faith, how does you and Buffy conceiving a child together make the most sense? How do you imagine it is even possible?”

“Hey, I know it ain’t normal. Not like I think B’s got some kinda chick-sperm and can go around impregnating any girl she wants. We had a prophecy.”

“You had a prophecy?”

“Yeah, from the Easter Bunny – I told you this earlier – we supplied the hot lovin’, she supplied the magical turkey baster…bam… miracle baby.”

Toni shook her head, “That was not your prophecy.”

“Like hell it wasn’t. Two Slayers, lots of sex, something to do with the Scythe – B never really gave me all the details but how could it not be about us?”

“The prophecy does not mention two slayers, only the bloodline of the Slayer.”

“Yeah, well, whatever, that doesn’t make any difference. Wait, how do you know exactly what it says? Did she tell you more about this than me?”

“No, I have read the original prophecy.”

“Huh.” Faith shrugged. “Then you know it’s pretty clear. The kid’s Buffy’s.”

“It is Troy’s.”

“How can it be his? We were always careful. He was more freakin’ worried about it than me.”

“Always? Think, Faith, was there not perhaps one time when passion overruled responsibility? When he did not think of protection? Did not give you time to think of it either? Maybe one occasion shortly before the wedding where your union was a little different to usual?”

Faith was lost in thought for several minutes and Toni could see exactly when the truth dawned on her. Her eyes went round with surprise and then narrowed.

“He never did tell me why there was a flock of fuckin’ penguins under the castle.” Her eyes hardening, she asked, “How do you know all this?”

Toni didn’t answer.

Faith pointed at her stomach. “If this was an accident you wouldn’t be in on all the details, so how do you know all this?”

Toni sighed. “It was very important that this prophecy came to pass, Faith; that you would bear Troy’s child. I have been helping him make it so.”

“You helped him get me pregnant?” Faith asked sceptically. “’Cause I don’t remember you being in the room.”

Toni gave a tight shake of her head. “My task was to keep Buffy from interfering.”

“What?”

“I was to seduce her and…”

“Wait, what?” Faith cut her off, shouting, “All this time you’ve been using her?”

“No, I…” Faith’s fist struck her nose, cutting her words off more effectively than the shouting had.

“How could you do that to her?” Faith hit her nose again and Toni felt the bone break this time. She didn’t think to retaliate, only tried to defend herself and explain as Faith threw another punch. “She fucking loves you. . .trusts you. . .and you. . .”

“If you would just listen…”

“No way, you bullshitting. . .!”

“Faith, please just. . . ?”

“Why won’t you…just…shut…the fuck…up…” Faith went up on her knees, anger overriding her clumsy body, to deliver a final, devastating blow. “…bitch!”

Thankfully, Toni was already unconscious before the back of her head bounced off of the hard ground.

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