Damned if I don't, damned if I do.

ii : Unnatural Nature

The detour, however unavoidable, was a bad idea. Toni realised that as soon as the scenery began to change. For hours after leaving the Hydra behind – the hiss and screech of its nine heads still audible in the distance – the terrain had remained rocky and lifeless. That had been familiar, it was what she had crossed on her way in and while it all looked the same she had been confident they could circle the monster and find their way back to the cliff face with veritable ease.

She had been mistaken. In the perpetual smoky darkness without the aid of moon or stars she had gone wrong somewhere, taken a left at the third geyser of scalding, yellow steam instead of the forth perhaps.

She had gazed around helplessly as the ground began to change from dry to damp, having no idea what to do for the best.

“You got us fuckin’ lost, didn’t you?” Faith sneered behind her.

“No,” she said coldly, and pressed onwards with false confidence.

That had been perhaps thirty minutes ago. Toni sighed as she looked down at the rock she was standing on. Rock was a kind name for it, she supposed, large, uneven pebble would have been more accurate. The water, lapping around just a few inches below her feet, gurgled.

“We’re in the middle of a swamp.” Faith pointed out conversationally from the stepping stone behind her.

“I’d noticed,” Toni muttered, judging the distance of the next stone.

“Are we supposed to be in the middle of a swamp?” Toni didn’t answer. “I thought you said you’d seen a map of this place?”

Toni steadied herself and then made the three foot jump, landing on the next big pebble with easy grace. “I said I have seen a faded copy of a very imprecise map.”

Faith waited a beat and then repeated slowly, “So you’ve seen a fuckin’ map. How the hell did you manage to fuck up and get us lost?”

Toni twirled on the stone to face her. “I am sorry that my attempt at rescuing you isn’t quite to your satisfaction. Would you like me to stop and ask directions of someone? Perhaps that tree can point us back on the right path. Or, seeing as you think you are obviously so much cleverer than me, why don’t you tell me which way to go.”

Faith shrugged lightly. “I wasn’t the one who saw the map. If I had, damn straight I’d be doing a better job at going in the right direction.”

“We were going in the right direction! You were the one who insisted on detouring to avoid the Hydra.”

“You were the one who wanted me to sleep in the Hydra’s bed!”

It was slightly off-topic but Toni had been waiting for it to come up. “I did not know it was down there!”

“Yeah, let’s see how much water that holds when I tell B how her girlfriend tried to feed me to a monster.”

Toni was about to make a retort when Faith finally made the leap to the stone she’d vacated. Its uneven face was coated with slimy green moss and Faith had to pinwheel her arms and then crouch to stay on it. Toni laughed and turned to pick the next stone out of the watery gloom.

“Yeah, just laugh why don’tcha,” Faith grumbled. “Only feels like I’m jumping around with a fuckin’ sandbag strapped to my gut. No big deal.”

“Sorry, would you like me to hold your hand until the scary part is over?”

“Want me to hold your throat?”

Toni jumped nimbly to the next stone. “You can try but I would prefer it if you did not make me hit a pregnant woman.”

That had the desired effect of shutting Faith up. The slayer followed: quiet, morose and clumsy. Despite her show of indifference Toni watched her make each jump in case she was needed to leap back and steady her balance. Faith managed alone but their progress was slow.

“How deep is this water anyway?”

Toni looked over her shoulder to see Faith peering curiously into the mire. It was as dark as before, as dark as it always was, but here in the humid swamp things glowed with a sickly green luminescence. Even the surface of the murky water seemed to have a shimmering lime skin. It flooded the area with an alien daylight, allowing them to pick out the stepping stones and make out solitary trees, thick with dripping vines, rising into the mist. So far there was no sign of dry land in the distance.

Toni focused on getting to a point where there was and jumped to the next stone. “I do not know.”

“Then how do you know we can’t just wade through it?” Faith asked. “Be quicker than this.”

Toni smiled grimly. “If you think that is a better idea why don’t you try it and see.”

“Okay.”

“No!” Toni spun to face her, for the first time nearly losing her balance. Faith was standing with one foot hanging in thin air, obviously about to dip it into the water. “That would be a very unwise thing to do.”

Faith didn’t retract her foot yet. “Why?”

“Faith, have you ever dipped your finger into sulphuric acid?”

“No. Licked a strip of LSD once though, does that count?”

“No.”

“You sure? ‘Cause the last couple of months have felt kinda like a bad trip.”

Toni smiled; she could only too well imagine that. “The water here will likely strip your flesh to the bone.”

Faith went quiet again and Toni jumped to the next stone. She was gauging the distance to the next when she realised that Faith still hadn’t moved. She looked behind to see her balanced very carefully on her small rock, staring at the water.

“Are you coming?”

“Hell no!”

“You can not stay there.”

“At least here I ain’t dissolving!”

Toni watched her impatiently for a long moment but Faith really didn’t seem prepared to move. “I am not waiting indefinitely!”

“You’re gonna have to.”

“No I do not. Buffy made me promise that if I could not help you then I was to make sure that I, at least, resurfaced.” She leapt to the next stone and called back. “I will pass on your regrets that you were unable to join me. I am sure she will understand, better than I, why your fear of a little acidic water prevented you from seeing her again.”

“A little acidic water?” Faith muttered.

A second later Toni heard the Slayer’s breath hitch as she made the next leap between stones. She smiled because her ploy had worked but she would have been happier if Faith had stayed on her rock forever, leaving her to really go back to Buffy alone. It would hurt her deeply to see Buffy so distressed over Faith’s failure to return but on the other hand, she knew exactly who Buffy would turn to for comfort and a lifetime of second best was better than being pushed out of Buffy’s world entirely.

It would have left her with more of the invisibility potion for herself too.

“I can’t believe you were gonna let me put my foot in that!” Faith fumed as she jumped again, bringing her back to just one stone behind.

It would also have been extremely pleasant to leave all of her complaining behind in the swamp once and for all. “I stopped you from doing that.”

“You encouraged me first! What if I had been quicker? That’s twice you’ve tried to kill me and don’t think I ain’t keeping a tally for B.”

Ignoring her now, for her own sanity, Toni steadily made her way from stone to stone. Eventually the tall trees rising out of the bog grew closer together and the stones gave way to broader, tufty mounds of moss and weeds.

The last leap was a long one, eight feet at least. Luckily Toni was able to get a three step running start and landed squarely with both feet on the slimy slope of the bank. She slipped downwards but was able to catch her balance. The thick, stinking mud sucked at her boots as she staggered up to level ground.

She turned to see Faith still judging the jump she had to make. “You can do…”

“I know I can fuckin’ do it.” Faith’s anger was still over-riding her fear and she threw herself in the direction of the bank with only a one-step run up.

She cleared the water but her bare feet were able to find less traction than Toni’s boots and her heavy belly upset her usual centre of balance. She fell forwards onto thighs and forearms, slithering down the steep slope towards the dangerous water.

“Shiiiit!”

Toni moved so fast she surprised herself. Leaping back off of the bank she landed at the bottom of the slope, catching Faith’s ankles an inch before her toes got wet. She gave a sigh of relief, taking the second Faith needed to get to her hands and knees to let the sudden flash of fear soaked adrenaline seep away.

“Scopata!” she cried out in pain as the water lapped higher with the disturbance, leaking through the eyelets of her boots and sloshing over one ankle.

She cursed and scrambled her way back up the bank, tears filling her eyes as the stinging grew more intense.

“What the hell happened?” Faith was already at the top, breathing hard from her own fright.

Toni didn’t answer as she sat next to Faith and pulled off her boots and socks. There were small blisters on both feet but the ankle that had taken the drenching was the most horrible. It was red raw and just looking at it made the pain feel so much worse. Instead of screaming she forced herself to breathe through it.

Faith had a look. “Shit!” Toni nodded. “You gonna lose your foot?”

Toni shook her head but continued only to breathe for another minute before she answered. “My body will fight the acid faster than yours would have been able to. It will prevent the burn from becoming more severe. I will need a while to heal however.”

“Good, ‘cause I need a breather after that.” Faith flopped down onto her back, holding her swollen stomach with one hand.

“Your concern is overwhelming.” Faith just grunted in reply. “And now we are two-one and be sure I am keeping a tally for Buffy also.”

Her only answer was a loud snore. Toni turned to her companion to find Faith fast asleep, one hand still holding her stomach protectively. She rolled her eyes and then looked around. It was too open here for nap time but she could see nor feel no presence other than Faith’s. It would do no harm to let her sleep for a while and at least Toni could have a moment’s peace.

She looked down at her ankle again, biting back a whimper at the sight of it and wishing the pain was less so that perhaps she could take this opportunity to doze for a while too. Pulling her good foot in closer and bending her knee so that she might rest her arms there, she dropped her head to them. Closing her eyes she settled for picturing Buffy in a pink cowboy hat and green shirt, swaying drunkenly, with a smile meant only for her…

It was hard to tell unless you counted the seconds but they had probably been there a couple of hours when Faith suddenly snorted and sat upright in one brisk motion. Toni turned her head and Faith blinked at her stupidly.

“Did I fall asleep?”

“Unless you usually snore that loudly when you are awake.”

Faith rose awkwardly to her feet. “How’s your leg?”

Toni looked down at it. The redness had been replaced with the pinkness of new skin. “It is almost healed. I can walk now I think.”

She stood too to find out and although it hurt to put weight on that foot it was nothing she could not endure. By the end of the day, whenever that might be, it would be fine. She would have to go barefoot from here though. Her socks were still wet and she imagined the insides of her boots must be too.

“I need to pee.”

“Go ahead.”

Faith looked around. There were plenty of trees to go behind. She didn’t go too far though, just to the nearest one, which she used to lean against as she squatted with difficulty, the bump in front of her making everything she did inelegant.

Toni paced a few steps away to give her some privacy. When she turned back Faith was standing again, holding a thick dangling vine to keep herself steady, still looking exhausted despite her sleep.

“So you got any idea where we go from here?” she asked.

“No,” Toni answered truthfully. “But Tartarus is a pit. I assume if we keep going in any direction we will eventually find the cliff face again.”

“Fair enough. So straight on then?” Toni nodded. “Cliff face?”

“Si.”

“How high is this cliff face?”

“Nine days.”

Faith regarded her sceptically. When she realised it wasn’t an exaggeration, she asked, “Is there rest stops on this cliff face? A motor inn maybe?”

“No.”

Faith looked down at her stomach and then ran a weary hand over her face. “I don’t mean to sound like a pussy, it’s not like I’m scared of falling or anything, but how the fuck am I supposed to climb up a cliff like this for nine days straight?”

Toni only had one answer that might work. “Because you know Buffy will be waiting at the top.”

That brought out a smile. “Really?”

“Well, not right at the top but you cannot get to where she is waiting if you do not climb.”

Faith sighed but was still smiling. “How is she anyway?”

It was the first time Faith had mentioned Buffy except as ammunition. It had been almost as if she was scared to enquire after her, in case the news was unfavourable. Toni had been happy to let that continue, unwilling to divulge details that might make Faith more at ease. When asked outright she found she couldn’t lie.

But she could be vague. “She is very worried for your safety.”

“But she’s good?”

“She is healthy.” Toni noticed a slight movement in the tree Faith was leaning on. She scrutinized its vine strung branches but couldn’t detect where it came from. “Are you not going to ask after Troy?”

“Troy’s got that whole immortal thing goin’ so I already figured he’d still be kicking.” Her words, spoken lightly, sounded oddly evasive to Toni. Faith seemed to realise this. “But, uh, yeah, how’s he doing?”

“He is worried for your well-being also.” Something moved in the tree again. “Faith…”

“Gotta say I’m surprised he ain’t the one here busting me out. Guess it’s just as well though,” she added with another look at her stomach.

“The rules for entering Hades are very specific.” Toni had determined the source of the movement. “Faith, you must move.”

“Yeah, just give me another minute.”

“Now!”

Faith glared at her tone. “When I’m fuckin’ ready!”

Her obstinacy left Toni with no choice but to throw herself at the tree. She caught the giant serpent around its throat just as its huge jaws opened up to swallow Faith’s head.

Feeling the snake’s body move under her hand, Faith jumped away from the tree, cursing, but its attention had already left her and was now firmly on Toni. She held its head at bay but its long body slithered out of the branches, trying to wrap around her. She danced about to avoid it, slipped, and landed on the ground, wrestling with the hellish anaconda.

“Use your sword!” Faith shouted over the hissing.

“I cannot reach my sword!” she yelled back. In fact right now it was digging painfully into her hip and thigh, making fighting the big reptile off even harder.

Faith started kicking at the snake’s body; the way they were writhing around together meant that she kicked Toni as much as the snake but that didn’t slow her down. Even with bare feet and half dead Faith retained enough of her slayer strength to make a difference and soon the serpent was more intent on attacking her again instead of Toni.

Taking a calculated risk, Toni let go of its throat so that it could lunge in Faith’s direction. The second her hands were free she rolled to her feet and pulled the broad sword from its scabbard in one fluid motion. In the same instant that Faith punched its nose Toni brought the long blade around in a hard sweep and decapitated it.

As its head and body fell lifeless to the ground the Goddess and Slayer stared at each other in relief, both breathing hard.

When she had recovered enough, Toni picked her boots up from the ground and turned to go. “That is now two each.”