Complement

X – Blue Sun

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Faith was lying on the couch in the office brooding. She was becoming quite good at it. She was returning to Sunnydale in two days. She knew she had to go back, she was supposed to help Buffy with the whole Glory thing. The demon had told her as much when she had sung. She felt like a lifetime had passed since she had gone back to Sunnydale. She had no idea how she was going to handle being back there. She was embarrassed to face the Scoobs again. Embarrassed and shamed by what everyone now probably knew about her. What did it matter? They probably hated her again anyway for what she had done.

Angel was watching her from his, actually Wesley's desk now. He knew she was thinking about Sunnydale. He knew she was dreading going back in two days. Without her telling him, he knew Faith thought she was going to get an even worse reception than she did the last time she went back. She was refusing to talk to him about it, thinking that she was sparing his feelings. Faith was back to hiding behind the protective wall that had enabled her to survive for so long.

Angel had told Faith repeatedly that Buffy had asked him to call her to let her know Faith was all right if she came there to him. The first time he told her, he had seen a spark of hope in her eyes. He was just about to tell her that Buffy had also asked him to tell her, she was sorry. That Buffy had realized she was wrong. That she was worried about Faith. He cut himself short when he saw the hope fade from Faith's eyes to be replaced by disbelief. With dismay, he realized he had screwed up. It should have been the first thing he told her when she woke up after sleeping that first day. Should have never given her the chance to retreat behind her protective wall. Now she just thought he was lying to make her feel better. Damn Buffy, he had believed her. Thought for sure she would show up in L.A. or at the very least try to call. There had not been one phone call and after five days, he had little hope that Buffy would show.

He had made absolutely no progress in persuading Faith that she was wrong. That she did deserve happiness, someone to love her. Angel realized that it wasn't him she needed to hear the 'I'm sorry' from, wasn't him that could convince her she was worthy. Faith accepted his love for her, because she thought of them as kindred souls, both seeking redemption, both having caused pain and suffering in other's lives.

Faith had told Angel that unlike him, she would always be unworthy. She thought that the only reason he had lost his soul after his one true moment of happiness was because he had not found redemption yet. She believed that once he did find redemption his soul would become permanent. But unlike him, there would never be any real redemption for her.

Why do you think that Faith? he had asked her.

Because Soul-Boy you didn't have a choice. The demon was controlling you, you didn't have a soul. I don't have the same excuse.

So Angel just sat and brooded with the Dark Slayer. There was nothing left he could say to help her. It was hard. He hoped that time and patience would help Faith to heal, to find her way and realize her own self-worth. He was considering going with her back to Sunnydale, he had the feeling though that this was something she should do alone.
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The Brooding Twins were at it again for the fourth day in a row. Cordelia had started calling Faith Junior for Angel Jr. She was going to kick Buffy's ass, Slayer or no Slayer, the next time she set eyes on her.

The Cordelia who had always been quick with the cutting remarks, that seldom missed their mark, no longer existed. Sure, she still threw out a zinger or two, she was only human, but she no longer went for the jugular, was no longer vindictive, malicious. Usually her cuts were more as a wake up call, not meant to hurt someone in any real sense or way.

She had become more sensitive to the pain of others. First, when she had been thrown into virtual poverty after her father had his run-in with the I.R.S. Then more as she worked with Angel, seeing him on a daily basis, and the work he did to help the innocent. But for her it had really hit home after Doyle had passed on his gift to her. Her visions had given her empathy for others. Cordelia felt, experienced of of the emotions of the innocents in her visions, their fear, pain, helplessness. She had begun to be able to recognize the pain in others, had learned that how everyone dealt with it was different. The world and people's reaction to what had happened to them in it were no longer black and white for her.

Angel had come to Cordelia for help with Faith after the second week of bringing her back after The Incident. He had realized that he could not take care of Faith alone and needed help. He could not be with her ty-fty-four-seven. He was having trouble getting Faith to eat. After so many years of not having to eat food, he had no idea of what kinds of foods to feed Faith to tempt her to eat. He was hoping that Cordelia would be able to help him, having known Faith the first time she was in Sunnydale.

Angel filled Cordelia in on everything that had happened with Faith since she had gone to jail, up to the events that led to him bringing her back to the hotel. She couldn't believe that Angel had managed to hide Faith right in the hotel without any of them knowing. Cordelia was extremely doubtful, suspicious of what Angel told her about the Dark Slayer. Her initial reaction was that Faith was pulling the wool over Angel's eyes. Sometimes his need to help others and find redemption got in the way of his good judgment.

Any doubt, suspicion Cordelia had was dispelled instantly the moment she saw the Dark Slayer. One look and Cordelia knew that no one was that good of an actor.

Queen C immediately sprung into action. She didn't know the meaning of the word No. She bullied, cajoled, pushed, tugged, gently threatened, but she got Faith to start eating again. Then Angel had gone off the deep end for a while after Darla had been turned and Cordelia had taken over sole responsibility for Faith. Queen C came back into play and enlisted both Gunn and Wesley's help.

Wesley had taken a little work, after all Faith had introduced him to the five basic torture groups. In some ways, he even blamed himself for Faith's trip over to the dark side. Maybe if he had listened to Giles a little more instead of trying to be a by-the-book watcher, none of it would have happened. He had trusted in Angel's judgment before so he gave in to Cordelia and agreed to help. After a week of helping with the Dalayelayer, he realized that the torture Faith was inflicting on herself both mentally and physically had long surpassed anything she had done to him. Wesley realized the Faith that had tortured him no longer existed, the Dark Slayer had for all intent and purposes killed that Faith.

In the process of helping Faith, Cordelia had become extremely protective of her. The pain she had seen in Faith's eyes could have more than filled the entire hotel. Faith had made very little progress with Angel gone. She was reluctant to talk with any of the others, and spoke only to apologize. Every morning Faith would go and wait out on the balcony for Angel to come and bring the new day in with her. When he didn't, she would sink back into the dark place she lived in for hours, sometimes days. It would take the three of them to restrain her from clawing at her hands. Even though Cordelia was pissed at Angel, she was thankful when he finally had his epiphany and returned. If for nothing else that he was the only one who seemed able to truly reach Faith, who began to steadily get better after he came back.

Looking at them now, she realized that they were a lot alike and completely different at the same time. It was a little confusing but, at the same time, it wasn't. Despite all the bad they had done in their lives, all the pain they had inflicted and endured, there was an innocence about them both. The simple things brought them joy. Neither one of them took anything for granted, each grateful for another day. Each striving to make up for the past, to learn to accept, like, and maybe someday, even love themselves. It didn't surprise Cordelia in the least that Buffy got involved with both of them. There was an air of hope about them that was contagious. Although Faith had seemed to lose hers after what had happened and it worried Cordelia a little. Actually, it worried her a lot...

Sighing, she rose from her desk and walked over to Angel's or rather Wesley's office; it was time for Queen C to get involved. Both Angel and Faith saw Cordy coming, they knew that look and both started scrambling. Faith sat up and started to get off the couch. Angel stood up so fast he tipped the chair over. Cordy just stopped in the doorway, raised an eyebrow at them and smiled.

"Let me guess. All of a sudden you both have somewhere to be." Cordy found it vastly amusing that both the vampire and the Slayer went running when she had on her Queen C face. Her smile grew even broader.

"Ah yeah... Have to go see a...demon...about a... demon."

"Really?"

"Yup Que...um Cord – yd – delia. We should get going, don't ya think Angel?" Cordelia didn't believe them for a second.

"Sounds interesting, maybe I'll tag along. It's a little boring here today anyway." Angel and Faith looked at each other. No matter what they said, they were trapped.

"We could be gone for at least two maybe three hours. You'd just get bored." Angel didn't know why he was even bothering, they all knew the gig was up. Whatever Cordelia wanted, Cordelia would get.

"Really that's all?" Okay, here it comes thought both the vampire and the Slayer. "Good. That's really good. Cause then you will both have plenty of time to rest a little and get ready."

"Ready?" Both Angel and Faith practically squeaked out.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? We're going dancing tonight. I expect to be picked up by both of you at ten-thirty. In fact I think I will invite both Wesley and Gunn, make it a group night out."

"Dancing? Cordy I don't dance."

"You didn't sing either Angel. There is always a first time. Besides Faith's a good dancer she can give you lessons." Cordelia just shook her head at Faith before she could protest. As she was walking out of the room, she heard both Angel and Faith groan. She smiled and over her shoulder said.

"Oh and try and leave the whole pathetic brooding thing at home will you. It's just so not attractive."
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Both Faith and Angel were looking around the crowded dance floor. Both were wondering how it was that just a look from Queen C managed to instill the fear of God in them. They could face down vampires, master vampires, demons, aspiring gods, and all other assorted evil entities, but not a mere human. They both knew from experience how miserable Queen C could make their lives if she didn't get her way. Especially when she felt it was important and for some unknown reason, she felt it was important for them to come here tonight. Faith had a sneaky suspicion it was because of her.

This was not going the way Cordelia had planned. She was beginning to think that it was a bad idea. The two of them were still doihe phe pathetic brooding thing. Angel had an uncomfortable thing going on and Faith was scaring anyone away that tried to approach her with just a look.

Angel's cell phone rang and the look of relief that came over both his and Faith's faces made Cordelia laugh. Angel mumbled something about going outside to take the call and practically ran for the door. About five minutes after Angel left to take the call Cordelia felt a hand on her shoulder and turned around to see Gunn standing there.

"Hey"

"Hey" Faith and Cordelia said in tandem.

"Let's dance." Cordelia grabbed both Gunn and Faith by the hand not bothering to wait for an answer and dragged them towards the dance floor.

Cordelia knew Faith loved to dance, although tonight she was doing a good job making it seem like it was torture. You would have to have been blind not to know the smile on Faith's face was fake. Faith was dancing but her heart wasn't in it. There wasn't any of the usual joy, none of the wild child could be found out on the dance floor tonight. Her movements were stiff, and she danced as if by rote. There was no passion, no abandonment, no rush, none of the raw sexuality that normally seemed to come from her. From the look in Faith's eyes Cordelia knew that Faith was thinking about Buffy.

Faith had hoped that coming to the club and dancing would help to take her mind off Buffy. Instead, it just served to remind her. Every time a petite blonde walked by her, her breath would catch until she saw it wasn't Buffy.

'Delusional now, like Buffy would come looking for me. She hates me.'

She had to stop thinking about it. Faith triedblocblock out everything but the music. She closed her eyes and just let the music flow through her, filling her senses. In her mind's eye, Faith could see, she and Buffy dancing that night at the Bronze before the world came crashing down on them. There had been an abandonment, a wildness, about Buffy that night. There was freedom in that dance; for once, they weren't two Slayers, but just two girls out having fun. Faith could almost sense Buffy. But that was silly there was no way the blonde-haired Slayer would be here.
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Faith was just starting to relax into the music, when she heard the opening strains of an all too familiar song mixing in. She stopped moving. It was the song that had been playing the first time she met Buffy. The song she had sung for the Anagogic demon. Her Slayer senses started tingling.

Faith began turning around before she even felt the gentle touch of a hand on her arm. Afraid, Faith slowly opened her eyes.

And there she was standing right in front of her. Faith wondered if she was dreaming. Dimly she heard Cordelia protesting as Gunn dragged her from the dance floor.
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I remember the first time ~ How could I ever forget ~ It was only the beginning ~ Of everything I'd ever get...
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Buffy stared up into those dark brown eyes and the rest of the world ceased to exist for her as she drowned in their depths. She lifted her hand from Faith's arm and lightly rested it against Faith's cheek.

"I'm sorry, God I am so sorry. I'm so..." Buffy whispered to her, only to be stopped by Faith tenderly placing her finger on her mouth.
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...Here's to ancient times and distant memories ~ To the most lavish feast my mind has ever seen...
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Faith stopped Buffy; she wanted this moment, before the rest of the world intruded. Before her own doubts, her own fears forced their way in, before she retreated back to her safe place. Then Buffy was pulling her into those misleadingly strong arms. Faith leaned her forehead against Buffy's, closed her eyes and just gave herself over to the feel of those arms around her once again.
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...I tasted your wine, then I drank your soul ~ (I) saw through your kaleidoscope...
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Buffy sighed as she felt Faith's arms hesitantly slide around her waist. She pulled Faith tighter into her embrace and felt the Dark Slayer tremble slightly. They began to sway together to the music. Each lost in the feel of the other. Each wanting this moment to last forever, each wanting to pretend for a little while, neither wanting to let reality interfere, knowing that it would not be that simple. For neither Slayer life had never been simple. So, they just continued to sway together, clinging tightly to each other almost desperately.
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...Blue Sun ~ Blue Sun ~ I never should have come ~ Never should have left ~ Blue Sun...
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Faith was adrift, lost, confused, overwhelmed by all of the emotions she was feeling from being in Buffy's arms again. Her mind filled with a kaleidoscope of images, sensations, of Buffy, of her and Buffy together. She knew they only had this short time, she wasn't good enough for Buffy, never could be, never would be. It never once occurred to her to wonder how this three-year-old song was suddenly plg jug just when Buffy showed up. Or why Buffy was here in L.A., here in this club. No it never occurred to Faith that Buffy had come here for her, had come after her because she cared, not even once.

Faith gave her feelings for Buffy free rein one last time, and it was Faith who tightened the embrace this time. She would let herself have this moment, have this one song. Then she would retreat, she couldn't risk it again, couldn't risk the hurt. So, she just rocked with the golden-haired Slayer thinking it was for the last time.
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...These emotions can't be mine ~ I don't want to feel again ~ Fill the void just one more time ~ This will all ber ser soon...
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Buffy relaxed into the tightening embrace of the still trembling Dark Slayer. The song was going to come to an end soon, and Buffy knew that the second it did, Faith would retreat back into her protective shell.

Angel had warned her outside of the club, he had not told her much, just enough. She had asked Angel if Faith even felt anything at all for her anymore after what had happened, and oddly enough, it did not feel strange asking him. Angel told Buffy that she needo dio discover that answer for herself. He had told her not to push too hard, until Faith believed in her own self-worth, she would never believe what Buffy felt for her. It was up to her to help Faith find that belief, but Faith needed to lead the way, not Buffy.

Buffy pulled her head back from Faith and looked up at her, into her closed eyes. Eyes that had been so open to her before and Buffy feared they never would be again. Feared she had destroyed any chance they might have had.

"Faith," Buffy waited for Faith to look at her, but she didn't.

Faith was afraid; she knew she couldn't hide what she was feeling. Didn't want to be that vulnerable, was afraid of what she might see in Buffy's eyes, afraid she'd see rejection, but more afraid of seeing something else. She was afraid that she might see what she knew was showing in her own eyes, in Buffy's eyes too. Afraid because deep down inside she already knew the truth, but didn't want to believe it, couldn't believe it. It would make her pulling away even harder, would make shutting down the hardest thing she ever would have to do, and do it she was convinced she needed to. Buffy deserved better than her, and Faith would make sure that she didn't stand in her way, make sure Buffy believed it too, no matter how much it cost Faith, no matter how much Faith knew it would hurt herself.

"Please Faith... Please open your eyes, please look at me..." And Faith opened her eyes unable to resist Buffy's whispered plea.

This was her moment, her time, and it would be over soon. Faith needed to know, she needed that little bit of hope, needed it to help her through all of it, needed it like the air in her lungs. Wanted it to be true, so she would at least have this second, this moment to cherish, to carry with her close to her heart.

The Chosen Two looked intently into each other's eyes. For once, there was absolutely nothing hidden between them. Buffy's heart leaped at all she saw in those eyes, and it gave her hope and firmed up her determion ton that she would make things right between them no matter what. She wasn't going to lose Faith again. Ever. Buffy wanted it all, wanted them both to have it all. No matter how long it took, no matter what she had to do, she would do it. She had found the other half of herself in the raven-haired Slayer and she was never going to let her go. Whatever time the two Slayers had left in their short lives Buffy wanted them to spend it together, in every sense of the word...

Leaning up Buffy kissed Faith tenderly, softly, with love, trying to convey with that kiss everything she felt for the raven-haired Slayer. Trying to kiss Faith in the same way, with all the same feelings, Faith had kissed her with that night at the Bronze after the first time they were together.

Faith abandoned herself in those eyes, in the emotions she saw there. Then Buffy was kissing her in a way that no one had ever kissed her before. Faith trembled even more from all that had had revealed to her. And then the song was ending...
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...I've begun to hear the siren song again ~ Dreaming in a pretty shade of nothingness ~ Transcendental melodies putting me to sleep ~ And I pray the Lord my soul to keep...
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Buffy almost started crying when Faith roughly pulled herself out of her embrace, abruptly ending their kiss. She practically had to run to keep up with Faith as she walked off the dance floor quickly and away from her.
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...Blue Sun ~ Blue Sun ~ I never should have come ~ Never should have left ~ Blue Sun...
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Angel watched the Slayers as they danced together. He needed to, needed to be sure for himself that he was really over Buffy. While it hurt a little to see her with someone else, he realized that while he loved Buffy he was no longer in love with her. Mostly what he felt when he watched the two Slayers was sad. Sad for them, sad that they were going through this. He was worried and concerned about Faith. As he watched them, he realized one thing; that it was Buffy, Faith needed to help her truly heal herself. The path to Faith's total redemption and self-healing lay in Sunnydale and Buffy. Angel moved to stop Faith from running out of bar,bar, running away from herself and away from Buffy. If she wouldn't start down that path on her own, he was going to drag her on it himself.

Angel had her by the arm stopping her before she could reach the door.

'Shit! Gotta get out of here!'

"Leaving Faith?"

"Gotta Soul-boy." Her voice was a little desperate.

"Well it would be rude not to say hello to Willow and Tara after they came all this way."

"What?"

Angel just pointed over to the eof tof the dance floor where Willow and Tara were standing. They were smiling at Faith, and started coming towards her. Faith was in a panic now, she couldn't tell if they were friend or foe. She was on overload; she had to get out of here, needed to. Out of the corner of her eye, Faith saw Cordelia intercept Buffy.

'Oh no! Poor B! Queen C's got her!'

Despite herself, Faith smiled. She started to move towards Buffy to help her with Cordy, to only be stopped again by Angel.

"But... Cordy is..."

"No buts. Cordelia is going to say her piece no matter what, we both know it. Better to get it over now rather than later." Faith nodded OK, she knew Angel was right. The longer Cordelia stewed the worse it would be for Buffy. Silently wishing Buffy luck, she turned her attention back to the approaching witches.
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Both Tara and Willow could sense Faith's trepida as as they approached her. They both had a good idea of what was going on in her mind, they had been part of the conversation between Angel and Buffy. Willow's initial reaction to what had been g on on between Faith and Buffy was at first disbelief, then suspicion, and finally acceptance. Buffy had been the one to dispel the suspicion the morning she had shown up at the witches place to ask for help.

Buffy had told Tara, Willow, and Dawn everything that had happened including that it was her not Faith who had initiated the sex. As Willow contemplated all of it on the drive from Sunnydale to L.A. she came to the understanding of just how much Faith loved Buffy. The selflessness of Faith's act the night everything came to a head between the Slayers, was what finally convinced Willow once and for all that Faith had changed. That Faith loved Buffy so much that she was willing to give her up, let Buffy hate her, in an effort to help her. There were very few people in this world who could lay claim to that.

"Hey."

"Hey we were worried about you Faith." Willow said.

"No need. I'm five by five." Both witches knew she was lying. They could both see that Faith had shut down a part of herself. Then Willow surprised the shit out of both herself and Faith by pulling her into a hug.

"Liar." Willow said only for the Dark Slayer's ears.

Faith pulled out of Willow's hug a little embarrassedid eid everyone know what was going on? Was she becoming an open book? She wasn't sure she liked it. She had spent too many years alone, too many years relying on only herself. Before she had a chance to think about it too much, she was once again being hugged, only this time it was by Tara.

Once again, Faith untangled herself. She looked over across the floor and saw that Buffy wasn't faring quite as well. She could just imagine what Queen C was saying. Faith wasn't sure she deserved such loyalty from these people, couldn't the the life of her figure out why they thought she was worth it. Tara followed Faith's gaze and then looked at the Dark Slayer, sensing her confusion. As if reading her thoughts Tara said;

"You are worth it; you just need to believe it yourself."
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Buffy didn't notice as Cordelia moved to intercept her. She was too intent on keeping up with Faith and not losing her in the crowded bar. At first when her path was blocked she didn't even realize it was Cordelia, she moved to go around her, only to be blocked again. Buffy looked at the person blocking her, and stared up into the face of Queen C, which was the equivalent of Willow's Resolve Face.

'OH Shit!'

Buffy tried to move around Cordelia once again, this time her arm was grabbed none too gently by Cordelia.

"Oh no you don't, I have a few things to say to you!" There was absolutely nothing friendly about Cordelia's tone.

"Not now Cordy, I have to catch Faith before..."

"Not until I say what I have to say." Buffy looked over Cordelia's shoulder and saw as Angel stopped Faith from running out the door.

"OK, just say whatever it is you think you need to say. It can't be any worse than what I've been saying, thinking about myself. No worse than what Willow said to me."

Cordelia looked at Bufeariearing the sincerity in her voice, Buffy's words taking away some of her anger. That wasn't going to stop her though. She needed to be absolutely sure for Faith's sake that Buffy was not here to make things worse. Cordelia had already come halfway to that conclusion as she had watched the Chosen Two together out on the dance floor. She just needed to hear Buffy say it. Like Angel, she had felt sadness for the two Slayers. It would be nice if for once things were simple, good, and easy for them; their lives were hard enough without all of this to further complicate things.

"How could you Buffy? How could you do what you did, say those things to Faith? Are you really that blind? Do you think Angel would have let Faith go there if he thought even just a little that she was going to hurt you?" There was hurt in Cordelia's voice, not hurt for herself but for Faith, for what Buffy had done to Faith.

Buffy was still reeling, a little surprised by the devotion, the care, the loyalty the L.A. group had for Faith. If she hadn't been wholly convinced before that Faith had changed, she certainly would be now. First, she had to listen to a lecture from Wesley at the hotel for an hour. Then it took Buffy another hour to convince him that she was sincere, that she didn't want to hurt Faith. That she wasn't here playing any game, before he would tell her where she could find Faith. It amazed her that this was the same Wesley, who Faith had tortured within a hairsbreadth of his life.

Gunn had been a little more direct; Hurt her, you answer to me.

Wesley volunteered to watch Dawn while Gunn took, Willow, Tara and herself to the club. Then outside the club, she had to answer to Angel, because Gunn refused to let her go in the club until he spoke with Angel. Gunn wanted Angel's approval. Angel came out of the bar to talk with her. It hadn't taken nearly as long with Angel, he would know instantly if she was lying about her intentions. Now she had Queen C to deal with. Buffy took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, calm her rioting emotions. Not wanting to take too long, not wanting to give Faith too much time to retreat back into her protective shell.

"I don't know Cordelia. I was lost, I was afraid. Afraid of what I felt for Faith. Still angry at her, unwilling, almost unable, to forgive her. Blaming her for things that were both our fault, things that were just my fault. I won't hurt her ever again. I want to be with her, need to be with her. She is a part of me, and if it takes the rest of my life, I will make it up to her. Please believe me." Then Buffy did push her way past Cordelia, not giving her a chance to answer her, and Cordelia stopped her again, just long enough to tell her.

"I'll give you the benefit of the doubt Buffy. But know this. If you ever hurt Faith again on purpose, I will kick your ass into the next state, Slayer or no Slayer!!" And Buffy believed her and believed if anyone could do it, Cordelia Chase could. Cordelia let her arm go, and Buffy headed towards Faith and her future.
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Buffy noticed as she walked towards the group how they were hovering protectively around Faith. She really couldn't blame them, what she had done, had said to Faith was completely wrong. Instinctively Buffy had gone for Faith's jugular, without even knowing in any real way about her past. She had said what she knew would cut, hurt, Faith the deepest. She had sent the Dark Slayer running back behind her protective wall and now she had to figure out how to get Faith to come back out.

Buffy stopped in front of the group. For once, she was the outsider. She couldn't help but notice as Faith moved closer to her, as if to protect her from them. They all stood there in awkward silence. Buffy's skin was tingling just from being this close to the Dark Slayer. More than anything else in the world, she wanted to be in those arms right now, but she knew they needed to talk. Needed to say all the things they should have said before, needed to start over with a clean slate. They needed to forgive each other. Buffy also knew that whatever direction their relationship went in, it would be up to Faith this time. Buffy turned and faced Faith, reaching out she took her hand into hers.

"Is there somewhere we can go and talk?"

Buffy saw the panic flash across Faith's face and she groaned in her head. She had done so much damage over the course of the last few weeks. Would she ever be able to mend it?

Faith pulled her hand out of Buffy's as if she had been burned.

Buffy sobbed internally as she saw the veil come down over Faith's eyes.

"Why? What's to talk about?"

"Us Faith, what happened between us. What happened in the past. I was wrong to stop you every time you tried to talk to me about it. Wrong in so many ways I can't even begin to count them. If we had talked like you wanted then what happened at the shop would have never happened. This time I'm asking you, please we need to talk about it all."

"Fine we can talk right here, I'll even go first. Hmm... Where should I start? How about I'm a scumbag, murdering whore, we all know that. What I did to you was wrong, and whether you believe it or not, I am sorry. Sorry for what I did to you, what I did to all of you. I can never make up for it, I know that now. As for the rest of it, well you made yourself pretty clear in the Magic Shop. You don't need to worry about that anymore. I know my place, and I'll stay there. So now we talked. I didn't miss anything did I B?" There was a sort of deadness to Faith's tone. She started to turn around and stopped when she heard Buffy's words.

"You did miss a few things Faith." Buffy saw Faith's whole body tense, she knew Faith was expecting the worse. Well she was in for a surprise. Buffy moved so that she was once again facing the Dark Slayer.

"You forgot the part where I tell you how sorry I am. Sorry for not being there for you after Allen. For putting all the blame on your shoulders and not taking my own fair share. For not being a better friend, for not seeing you had changed. Not seeing all you had to offer. For the way I've been treating you. For the cruel things I said, and didn't mean. Said just to hurt you because I was afraid. Afraid of what I felt, what I feel for you. I was wrong, so wrong. I began thinking that being a Slayer meant you could no longer love, I was wrong, you showed me that." Buffy reached out once again to capture Faith's hand.

Faith backed away when Buffy reached out to touch her. She believed that Buffy was sorry for what had happened. It was the rest of what she was saying, things that she couldn't, wouldn't let herself believe. It was the Dark Slayers turn for denial. Not denial of what she felt for Buffy, but for what Buffy felt for her. What Faith thought she wasn't good enough to deserve.

Buffy let her hand drop down between them. It was bizarre them having this conversation in the middle of a club with everyone standing around listening. Buffy didn't care though, all that mattered to her was Faith.

"I'm sorry for the pain, the hurt I caused you Faith. Please believe me. Tell me what I need to do to make things right between us. Can you ever forgive me? Can you find it in your heart to give me another chance? Whatever you want, whatever you want us to be, it's up to you. I'll do whatever you say."

"It's not you that needs to be forgiven B. I got what I deserved for all that I did to you, to everyone. I deserve worse. Nothing you said wasn't true. Not a big deal B, I've heard worse so don't sweat it. I know you can never forgive me. I must have gone a little crazy there for a while thinking that I would ever be good enough for you. I know better now, I know what I am. So ya see B there ain't nothin' to forgive you for."

"Faith that's not true, what I did was wrong. Don't ever say that you deserved what I did to you. No one deserves to be treated that way, have those things said to them, least of all you. You proved yourself time and time again over the last few weeks. Everyone saw it except me. I wouldn't let myself, I was afraid to. Your actions, your words more than made up for what happened between us. God only knows what would have happened to me, my sister, the Scoobs if you didn't help me to see what was going on. How do I repay you, I repay you by hurting you. It's me that doesn't deserve you, not the other way around."

"No B you got it wrong. There is nothing you can say or do that will ever make me believe that. So just let it go. If it makes you feel better you're forgiven. Okay? Just let it go please."

Faith brushed past Buffy, she had to get out of there. She was on overload, she was afraid she would do something stupid like give in. Afraid of what she felt, afraid of what Buffy felt. Afraid to hope, afraid of getting hurt again, afraidtaketake a chance. Even more than thinking she didn't deserve Buffy, Faith was afraid to let herself feel again.

Buffy moved to go after Faith only to be stopped by Angel.

"Let her go. She needs time. Time to think. She needs to believe in herself before she can believe you. Believe in the two of you. Otherwise, she will always live with the fear of you leaviof oof one mistake making you walk. She knows what you're telling her is true, she needs to accept it for herself. You need to be patient."

Standing there letting Faith walk away was one of the hardest things Buffy ever had to do. But she knew Angel was right. Buffy wanted things to be equal between them. She didn't want Faith to live in fear, didn't want either of them to have to live walking on eggshells. She wanted Faith to be comfortable enough to tell her what she was feeling, comfortable enough to disagree with her, tell her she was wrong. Buffy was even more determined now to make things right between them; she wanted them to have it all.

There wasn't a doubt in Buffy's mind of Faith's feelings. Not a doubt that she and Faith belonged together. Not a doubt about her own feelings for Faith. The time for running away was over for both of them; it was time they started running to something. Running towards both of their futures, together.

If Faith wouldn't believe Buffy's words then Buffy would just have to find a way to show her. She remembered her Mom once telling her that Actions sometimes speak louder than words.

It was time for action and no one could ever say that Elizabeth Anne Summers wasn't an action kind of girl.
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...I remember the first time ~ How could I ever forget ~ It was only the beginning ~ Of everything I'd ever get ~ Here's to ancient times and distant memories ~ To the most lavish feast my mind has ever seen ~ I tasted your wine, then I drank your soul ~ (I) saw through your kaleidoscope – Darling Violetta
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Continued in Chapter XI – Believe