Solace

Title: Solace

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: S/W

Summary: We find comfort in the strangest of places.

Reviews: I need reviews like I need air. They help to inspire me! So please leave your comments, good, bad, or indifferent.

Random Quote: "When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman.” ~Joss Whedon

Disclaimer: I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer, its characters, or its settings and do not make any money from writing this story. I’m just playing with them a little bit.

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Spike lifted her prone body from the floor, “I’m taking her to bed Madeline.”

“You sleep too dear William and we will discuss things when you both awake.”

“Alright luv,” Spike leaned down and pressed and easy kiss to the top of Madeline’s head before he turned and took Willow’s shaking, crying form to their shared room. He laid her on the bed and pulled off her shoes. He looked at her jeans then tugged them off leaving her in smiley face underwear. Spike smirked and marveled that this innocent girl could become something so dark and tempting.
He walked over to his bag and pulled out a pair of black boxers. He stepped behind the chair, listening to Willow’s quiet sobs, he pulled off his jeans and pulled on his boxers. He wasn’t a modest creature but with everything that happened tonight he figured Willow wouldn’t handle him stripping down to his altogether. He pulled his t-shirt off and set it on the back of the chair before he rejoined Willow on the bed. He pulled her small body close to his before he pulled the blankets over the both of them.

He could feel her tears dance down his bare chest leaving fiery trails. He pulled her closer to him, holding her small body in his arms. He could feel her body shaking with her silent tears and his dead heart breaking. He was used to the demon within him, this was new to her. She was so innocent, so pure, and yet so dark. He did the only thing he could think of. He reached for the book that still lay on the bed and opened it. Taking an unneeded breath he started to speak.
“In heaven’s light you are bathed becoming the only thing I will ever crave, the times ahead are hard and long you’ll struggle with the siren’s song, touched by blackness, darkness, and death, you’ll fight the dark desires till your last breath. Nothing you ever do could make me leave, I owe you my unlife and will stay as long as you please. To stand in your glory is all that I ask because grounding you will be my only task.”

She looked up at him with red rimmed eyes, the tears no longer falling. She took the book from him and placed it on a small table next to the bed. A look of hurt and confusion washed over his features as she turned around.

“I know they aren’t good. Where do you think the bloody part of my name came from? William the Bloody Awful Poet.” His look of hurt quickly changed to indignant.

Her green eyes sparkled in the firelight. She reached up and ran her fingers in his platinum curls as she looked into his eyes. She brought her hand down and ran her thumb over his sharp cheekbone.

He sat still afraid if he moved she would run or worse yet he would realize this was a dream. Her porcelain face was a mixture of pain and curiosity. Her warm hand was burning his flesh in a way he could only describe as wonderful. The hand he had still around her waist drew small circles on her lower back.

“She said you ground me?”

“Yes after you save me.” He whispered, their faces only inches apart. His demon was screaming for him the go the rest of the way, claim her, make her his, but he refused to listen. If she wanted this she would have to take it. There could be no mistake she had to take control, he did not want to end up staked good and proper when they returned to Sunnydale.

“Have I? Have I saved you?” She asked panic evident in her eyes.

“In more ways than you will ever know pet.”

She crashed her lips to his. Her hand that was buried in his curls was joined by her other as she pulled his head closer. She slid her left leg over his waist as her tongue begged his mouth for entrance. His strong hands pressed on her back bringing their bodies together as he opened his mouth for her.

Their tongues battled for dominance as their hands reached for every piece of bare flesh. Willow rocked her hips against his as their kiss deepened, neither one caring when their teeth met but only worrying about touching the other. It was as if desperation took over and nothing else mattered.

Spike pulled back first, a moan escaping his lips as Willow ground herself into him. He was panting for breath, their lips barely touching. He looked at Willow again then looked away. “Red stop.”

“You don’t really want that now do you?” came the dark reply from the raven haired woman.

“I don’t want dark Willow. I want Willow.” He growled as he pushed her body from him. He started to pace the room. “I want the good the bad and indifferent of Willow, but I don’t want the first time I make love to her to be with you. All the other times I don’t care but the first time I want to see her sparkling green eyes and to touch her sunset hair.” He pulled on his jeans and t-shirt. “Get some sleep, I’m not tired. I’m going to sit with Madeline.”

He slammed the bedroom door behind him and lit a cigarette. He rested his head on the door for a moment trying to gain control of his body again. That little girl was going to be the death of him.

“What troubles you dear William?” Madeline asked from her chair before Spike was all the way into the room.

He sighed and took a seat on a couch near the fireplace. “Figured you would already know.”

“Ah but asking is what is done in polite circles.”
He snorted in amusement. He took a long drag of his cigarette and looked into the fire not bothering to answer Madeline’s question. He rubbed his forehead with his fingers. If he hadn’t known better he would have been sure the starts of a headache were approaching.

“William it is not her fault. Do not blame her for what she can not control.”

“Don’t blame her, just got frustrated.”

“Why does this not surprise me? She needs you William now more than ever. You have always been someone she clung to even when you could not see it. Now with all of the doubts she has in herself you are the one to turn from her.”

“I’ve never felt something that dark before and I’m a demon.”

“Is that truly what is bothering you?”

“No and yes. This stupid chip!” He was up on his feet again pacing. Madeline continued to sit and wait for him to continue. “If something should happen I can’t…” His voice trailed off as he sat back down.

“Not all battles are won by fists and bloodshed William.” She reached out for his hand. He took it immediately. “William it is not time for you to have the chip removed. You as a being are not ready.”

“But how am I?” He trailed off again, not sure how to finish that sentence.

“Willow will have to make that decision. She will decide if you get to live or die. The problem will be taken care of one way or the other but William you need to tell her, talk to her, let her in.”

“Can’t I just get the chip out?”

“No William that is the slayer’s job.”

“Great looks like I’m stuck this way forever and what am I suppose to do when they all die off? How will I eat then?”

Madeline chuckled, “Always to impatient William. Keep on this path and the slayer will find a way to remove the chip. She will do it because she wants to because you will deserve to live without pain. William may I ask you a question?”

“Of course.”

“Why have you not told anyone who comes to visit you?”

“They can never know. It would kill them if they knew. I can’t do that to them and I really can’t do it to ‘er.”

Madeline patted his hand with her free one, “You have always been a fool William.”

“Shame on you Madeline. Why does a man do what he mustn’t? For ‘er, to be ‘ers.”

“And always the poet my dear dear William.”

“Hey just wonderin’ where did you send those Initiative blokes?”

“They are just taking a small vacation as the main attraction at a demon run zoo. In forty-eight hours they will be back at their base with no memory of how they got to that zoo or what they were looking for in this desert.”

Spike let out a rich laugh and gave her hand a light squeeze. “Messed up didn’t I?”

“Yes and no. Things are not so far broken that they can’t be mended.”

“That a hint?”

“Yes.” She chuckled and let go of his hand. “William you ignite the fire inside of her. You are the one who awoke it. Now you must deal with those consequences.”
He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head and walked slowly back to the bedroom. He stood motionless with his hand on the doorknob. He took several long deep unneeded breaths before opening the door.

Willow sat on the edge of the bed with her eyes down. When she realized he was there she lifted her green eyes to greet his blue ones. A glimmer of hope sparkled in them as she searched his expression for answers.

He stood silently as she watched him. He held his face still not ready to forgive her and not willing to forgive himself for his actions. He wanted this little red head, he needed her, but he could be what pushed her over the edge. He would not allow himself to tarnish her innocents. He took a deep unneeded breath and sat next to her on the bed. He pulled her into a tight hug. He buried his long fingers in her short red hair.

He could feel her sobs against his body. Her small hands fisted his shirt as she let him hold her. She seemed to try and burrow deeper into his embrace. He whispered words of comfort to her as his hand ran gentle trails up and down her back.

“I’m so sorry Spike. It’s like since that motel I don’t have control over it.”

“No pet, I’m sorry. I asked you to bring it forward and then got pissed when you couldn’t control it. I was wrong. Just don’t tell anyone I said that or I will be forced to make you suffer.”

He could feel her laughing, “You’re the Big Bad.”

“And don’t you ever forget it. Let’s get to bed luv we have a long day ahead of us.”

“Spike?”

“Yeah luv?”

“I need to ask you something.”

“Oi! Out with it Red.”

“Well I see the thing is well I was thinking about stuff and that stuff is you and I was thinking that if Buffy were the one that were hurting you then you probably wouldn’t be here with me you know like at the motel and you would probably not have said that stuff to me earlier about my eyes and hair and I was thinking about that while you were out with Madeline. So I was wondering if Buffy isn’t the one who you know then who is?”

“Breath Red.” Spike chuckled. “I never said it was Slutty. That was all you.”

“But you asked how I knew.”

“No all I said was ‘how did’ then I decided to drop it. You created that little scene all on your own.”

“Oh.” She looked down at her hands before lifting her head, “Spike maybe I can help! Maybe this is what I’m supposed to save you…”

“Red just go to bed. I don’t want to have this conversation right now.” Spike interrupted before resting his head on one of the many pillows.

“I have to pee.”

“Things I don’t miss about being alive.” Spike chuckled and nodded towards the door.