Lost Memories

He had finally relented and was grudgingly letting her clean his wound. She didn’t have any water obviously but, so many years on a hell mouth had made her somewhat of a boy scout………or girl scout? Either way, she carried a small first aid kit in her bag. After dabbing it with a few antiseptic wipes she was now gently applying antibiotic cream.

For his part, he was simply sitting there basking in the delicious enigma that was Willow. He’d originally agreed to let her patch him up only because she planted herself between him and his smokes and absolutely refused to budge. She was a firecracker, this one. Course he knew that already, had known it since the time he’d kidnapped her, just hadn’t found it to be an very endearing quality - until recent events. What was so mystifying about her though, was how she could be so unbelievably jaded, yet seemingly so young and innocent at the same time.

She had kissed him eight times in the last six minutes, not on the lips, but on the skin just beneath the cut on his face, but Red kisses were good no matter where they landed. When she made her first tender swipe with the antiseptic wipe there’d been the tiniest sting and he winced ever so slightly. She’d stopped immediately and placed a sweet chaste kiss right below his eye and then continued her ministrations. He was a quick study, and learned than each grimace or gasp earned him another kiss. So he was trying very hard to balance his craving for her lips on his skin and his need to appear manly and strong, and very possibly ending up looking like a pouf.

“There, all better? Sorry if I hurt you.”

“Didn’t hurt.” he whispered with a small smile, very slowly leaning toward her determined to get his next kiss where it belonged.

“But, the hissing and painful expressions?”

“Didn’t hurt.” He mumbled again, this time against her lips.

Who says vampires can’t touch heaven? Apparently he was the first vamp to ever kiss Red, because that’s where he was. This was so much different that their rushed, frenzied encounter last night. He had time to worship her. Time to draw out and explore every single type of moan she had to offer. Time to learn exactly what she liked, just how she wanted to be touched. That sound, that sexy little whimper, how could he make her do that again.

If she died, right now she would perish having touched perfection. His mouth, his miraculous, talented mouth, now that’s the stuff dreams are made of. There was no hurry, no sense of urgency as he painstakingly explored every inch of her lips, tongue, and teeth, sucking, nibbling and licking her into an almost trance-like state. Then he was gone and across the small room even before a groan of protest escaped her.

“Sorry, Red. I wasn’t, or I shouldn’t have, I mean……bloody hell.” What was it about this slip of a woman that had him blabbering like a mindless fool? The words, they just didn’t want to form in any comprehensible order and try as he might he couldn’t form the ones he wanted to say.

“Ok Spike, just stop. I’m sorry I came here. I didn’t think I was misreading the situation, especially with the kissage and all earlier, but obviously I did, so, no harm no foul right? I’ll just leave and you can pretend this never happened.” By this time her bag was on her shoulder and she was turning toward the door valiantly fighting back the tears that threatened to spill. And just as fast as he’d ran away from her, he was back again, holding and soothingly caressing her forearms.

“Red, Willow, I’m….. I’m sorry-” the word tasted foreign, but not exactly bad. “Look, we’re both adults right? And obviously subtlety isn’t our specialty, so what’s say I just lay it out there for you, yeah?”

“Please? Because I’m drowning here, one minute you’re kissing me, and it seems like you’re enjoying it, and the next you’re halfway across the room like you can’t even stand to be near me. So yes, please just tell me what’s going on here.”

And mindless idiot that he is, he does just that. “Buffy. I shagged Buffy just about an hour ago, just about where you’re standing, and if memory serves, I’m feeling kind of guilty and put off by the idea of shagging you in the same place, especially when I can still smell her all over myself. It’s just not, well…..not right?” He didn’t mean it to come out a question, but honestly he wasn’t sure which way was up and which way was down right now. Add that to the fact that he’d spent the last century morally bankrupt and he just wasn’t sure if he could decipher right from wrong. And…….and she just smiled.

“Ok, that’s not so bad, we can work past that. So, now it’s my turn. I didn’t come here for sex. I came because Buffy came home earlier than usual and extremely angry. She was trying to hide it, but I’ve known her too long to be fooled. So, I figured things had gone……astray tonight. Thought you might like some company, then I saw you were hurt, and I’m bandage girl now, you know, gotta do something to pull my weight. Then, you kissed me, and yeah, that was nice, but hey, if you don’t want to kiss me tonight, no big.”

Tonight? Was she implying that he should be kissing her? Oh god he hoped so.

“So, you and Buffy had sex right there?” she asked pointing to where she’d just been standing.

“Yeah” He rubbed the back of his neck again, suddenly find a crack in the floor mesmerizing.

“Spike, look at me. I knew what was going on with Buffy before we kissed even the first time. Don’t for a second feel like you’re in this alone, or for some reason it’s all your fault. I don’t know if this is right, but I sure as hell know I don’t want to stop, and have no plans to do so. Now, if you guys were here and Buffy was home early…….” She looked as if she were tackling an extremely difficult mathematical equation. “So, did you guys do any real slaying?”

“Few vamps over on the west side of the cemetery.”

“OK, so I’m assuming you didn’t make it to the bed tonight?”

“Nope.”

“And you’ve changed the sheets since the last time?”

“Yeah, Clem’s got a washing machine he lets me use on occasion, and when given a nice incentive.” She looked a little puzzled, “Kittens.”

“Spike!”

“Evil, Red, thought you would’ve learned that by now.”

“Right, so, the sheets on the bed are clean, and I really shouldn’t be walking home by myself. So helpless you know, now that I can’t put the magical whammy on any potential attackers. Well, kinda makes my potential attackers become my actual attackers, and that’s not of the good. Help me out here Spike, throw me a bone, ok that wasn’t the best word, a line, throw me a line.”

“Right, so, wanna come downstairs luv?”

“Well, I guess I could” Big smile, real smile, Willow’s famous thousand watt smile - mission accomplished! But suddenly he had the urge to keep making her smile just like that. To spend eons watching that smile light up not only her entire face, but his whole world. “But no hanky-panky mister. Just some snuggling, kissing, and maybe, if we find time, some sleep.

She was sound asleep before he could get the first promised kiss. But as she snuggled closer to him, peaceful and positively glowing, her warmth chased away the dull ache that had, as of late, been ever present in his chest, and he just couldn’t seem to care.