Love Hurts

Chapter Eleven.


Buffy stepped out of the shower and walked across the room. Lindsay looked up from the pile of papers long enough to smile before he turned the page over and bit his lower lip. She sat on the bed and leaned over his shoulder to see what had him so deep in thought.

"How on earth did you get copies of these? "
"He's a very heavy sleeper and not so smart. Angel left files on his desk , when we would .... Anyway, he would fall asleep , I'd copy them, wasn't so hard. "
"These could put him in jail for a very long time, but nothing here incriminates him for the murder of your parents or Spike. "
"Just the tape which, as you say, I could have coerced him into admitting. "
"Exactly, but it is a start. " Lindsay kissed her cheek and returned his attention to the files. "Once the detectives see these files and investigate them, if any of the clients turn up dead then there is hope that your tape will be admitted as evidence against him as well. "
"A lot of if's and maybe's. " Buffy said
" That's always the way, " Lindsay turned to her and took her hands in his before he carried on. This was the part he was dreading. The part that could hurt her. " Buffy, we also have to take into consideration that you work for him. Defense could and probably will , put you on the stand and tear your character apart in a bid to have your evidence dismissed. They will try and make it seem like petty revenge and could ask for his sentence to be reduced. We need as much as we can get before we go to the police. "
"I'm his whore so I'm not trustworthy, I get it. " Buffy said sadly, "Even though I'm forced to do this, I'm still not credible. "

Lindsay kissed her knuckles , " Sorry , it's not fair I know, but it is how these things are done. " Lindsay picked up another paper and carried on reading the documents.

**************

Angel woke with a scowl on his face, got up and put on his robe. He had just left his rooms when he saw Lindsay come out of Buffy's room. Buffy followed Lindsay out and kissed him passionately when she spotted Angel there.

"Am I to assume that you're happy and that my best girl was satisfactory? "

Lindsay winked and grinned at Angel, " Most definitely. The things she can do with her mouth, and that finger thing she does? If I wasn't so exhausted , I'd be hard again just thinking about it. " He kissed Buffy again and said goodbye . He left Angel on the staircase, watching as he left the mansion. Buffy had to stifle the laugh that threatened to voice itself at the way the mild mannered Texan had spoken to Angel. Angels face had been almost comical too. Buffy went back into her room and crossed the gap between her and her bed. She reclined on it, her thoughts whirling in her mind . So far her plans were working out. With a satisfied smile on her face , exhausted from her night with Lindsay, she fell asleep.

Rather than going home and catching up on some sleep, Lindsay went straight to his office.He closed the door and swung his briefcase onto his desk, opening the case . No sooner had he started to take out the evidence and documents that Buffy had given him, than an irate and worn looking Spike ,walked in. The door slammed so hard that the frames on the walls rattled.

"William? "
"Don't William me! Why the fuck didn't you tell me? "

Lindsay frowned and then his eyes widened with knowledge. "Shit! The Buffy I saw last night , is your Buffy? "
With his brow raised, fury still burning his eyes , Spike said , "That's what I'm here to find out. "

With a nod , so as to be sure that it was the same Buffy, Lindsay took a photograph out of his briefcase and held it out to Spike. Spike took it and as soon as his gaze fell upon the picture, he sat down in the closest chair. "It's her, he choked out. He slumped further into the chair and his head dropped back. Tears stung his eyes and his breath came in shaky pants. "Where is she? " He finally asked after a long tense silence.
Lindsay sighed before he answered, "It's complicated. "
Spikes eyes opened which locked with his colleagues, "What do you men it's complicated? "
"He still has her, Spike. Buffy thinks you're dead and so does Angel. "
"So tell her I'm not bloody dead! "
"It's not that easy. This whole case rests on Buffy. She's the only one that can put him away for life. If I tell her that you're alive and well and that you work for her, she won't be able to focus on what she has to do. She'll want to see you, you know she will , and that isn't an option. "
"Why can't I see her? "

Lindsay struggled with the decision to tell Spike exactly what was going on. He rocked in his office chair and saw the anger, frustration and pain on his friends face. His choice made, he threw the case file in front of Spike.

Spike frowned and with shaky hands, he picked up the file and flipped it open. He read the transcript of what had happened the night that he and Buffy ran from the home and what happened to her afterwards. After a hour of reading, flicking back and forth between pages, Spike finally reacted.

"Fucking Wanker! "He yelled. The file was thrown across the room, it's pages coming loose and floating around on the stirred up air before settling on the floor. He shook all over and paced the office. His eyes were bloodshot and his breathing was loud and ragged. "I don't care what you say, I want you to get me in to see her. I'll dye my hair, do anything, but I have to see her. I need to! "
"I can't. You'll compromise the case. "

Spike stopped pacing and gave Lindsay a cold , hard look. "You think I'm not professional enough to know that? I wouldn't do that to her! I just need to know that she is okay. "

The look on Spikes face melted Lindsay's resolve. "Okay, I'll see if she can get away from the mansion and come here. She managed it before so hopefully it won't be too hard to do again. But I'm warning you, Spike, you try being her knight in shining armour and jeopardize the case and I won't let you anywhere near her or the case. I need your help on this. You up for it? "
Spike narrowed his eyes. "What you playing at McDonald? Technically I can't touch the case. I'm written down in that file as a victim. It's not ethical! "
"You're not listed as a victim pur-se, Spike is but William isn't. "

They both smiled at each other and got up to collect the papers that were strewn around the office floor.

"So, when you going to call her? "
"I can't . I can phone for another appointment with her through Angel, but then you won't be able to see her. She has a mobile which she keeps for making calls to others, but she can't take calls in case Angel finds it. " Spike closed his eyes, willing her to ring Lindsay soon.

******************


Buffy walked into Angels office while he was on the phone and stood with her hands on her hips. "Last night was a nightmare! Davidson ripped half a dozen pairs of my underwear and then asked to wear my other sets. He even put on my make up! "

Angel waved at her while continuing his conversation. "I need to go and buy new sets in time for my client this evening. Is it okay to take the car and go into town? " He scowled at her and nodded, anything to get her out of the way so he could concentrate on his call. With a satisfied smile, Buffy left the mansion.

She drove around at speed , making sure that she wasn't followed and then went shopping for the items she needed. Buffy drove into the law firms car park and ran into the building. This time, Buffy bypassed the reception desk and walked straight into Lindsay's office.

" Oh god, sorry! I didn't know you were in a meeting." She kept her back to the door and fumbled for the door handle, never noticing how rigid Lindsay and the other person in the room had gone.The man in the clients chair froze. Lindsay's eyes flitted between Buffy and the chair. After an uncomfortable pause , he asked Buffy to stay and to lock the office door. Nervously she did as he asked and stepped further into the room.

"Buffy, this is going to be a shock and think you better sit down. " Lindsay pulled out another chair and stood beside it, one hand on the back. Not knowing what he meant, she shook her head. It was then that the clients chair swiveled , revealing it's occupant. All she could do was stare, open mouthed.

No!.. It can't be ... Oh god! " She gasped before her legs gave way and she passed out.
"Oh bloody hell! "

Spike shot out of his chair and gathered her in his arms. He picked her up like she was nothing and sat back in his chair. "I'd say that went well, don't you think? " He raised his brow questioningly at Lindsay.
"I didn't expect that to happen did I? "

Buffy stirred and groaned. Slowly her eyes opened and blinked away the haze and then froze in Spikes arms, "You're not real! "
Spike smiled sadly and held her to his body a little tighter, " I assure you I am , love. Do I feel real to you? "

Buffy looked at his chest and nodded , "Yeah.... yes, you do. " Her eyes met his blue eyes and tears began to flow down her cheeks, "How? " She asked.

Spike wiped a tear from her face with the pad of his thumb and tilted his head. "When they .... That night, after they took you away, a bloke found me and called the police. I was in hospital for a while, but got better and ... Well, we can chat about that some other time. God, it's been so long ,pet. I thought you were dead. " He held her tight, never wanting to let her go, and savored the feeling of having her there, with him again.

"How did you know I would be here? " Buffy asked
"I work here Buffy, I'm a lawyer. " He smiled at her surprised look.
"You work for me? "
" I wanted to work at the firm your dad started. Of course I didn't know if you were alive or .... I just wanted a connection to you. I help people and kids that went through the sort of hell that we did. "
"This is too much! I uh ... have to go ... I can't ... " She got up from Spikes lap and made it two steps towards the door before Spike caught her hand in his. "Please .... Buffy , " he pleaded, scared that he would lose her again.
"I'm sorry Spike, I've changed. You've changed and my life, it's complicated. "
"Lindsay's told me Buffy, I just want to help and to be there . "
"You told him? " Buffy screeched as she turned angered eyes on her lawyer.

Lindsay didn't act in any way sorry. "He had a right to know and he's helping me with the case. Isn't it better that he knows now rather than afterwards? This case is bound to be high profile, he'd have found out eventually. "
"Does he know about the other night? " Lindsay's eyes shot from her to Spike , who's eyes looked back at him with suspicion. She knew he hadn't said too much, but now , she had.

"What about the other night? Spikes whole demeanor changed, his face filled with curiosity.
"Oh god! " Lindsay replied, " Look I didn't know that she was ... It wasn't planned. "
"You slept with her! " Spikes gaze swung to Buffy , "You slept with him? "
"Please Spike ... Don't... "
"Don't what? Don't get angry? Don't hurt? Sorry pet, it's too late for that!" He pointed at Lindsay. "He knew who you were, he knew I was in love with you and that was why I came to work here. "

Buffy looked across at Lindsay, feeling the sting of his betrayal. " You knew? How could you do that to Spike? "

Lindsay looked ashamed but he defended himself, "Who seduced who, Buffy? "
"I . Didn't . Know . He . Was . Alive! You knew everything! If you had been honest with me and told me that Spike was alive and working here, I wouldn't have! "

His fist came from nowhere and knocked Lindsay on his ass. Lindsay looked dazed and held his jaw with his right hand. He shook his head to clear it and looked up, Spike held Buffy in his arms and glared back at him. " I can't be around you right now, get working on the case and we'll talk to you when we're ready. You ever pull a stunt like this again and I'll kill you. "

Spike dropped a kiss to Buffy's hair in an oh too familiar way and lead her from the office. His stride was strong and powerful, making other members of staff move out of his path as he made his way to the elevator with Buffy trailing behind him. As he made his way passed the reception desk he shouted to the girl there, "Mr McDonald might need first aid to take a look at his jaw. " Once they were in the elevator, he let go of Buffy's hand. "You come by car? "
"Yes. "
"Is it here, in this car park. "
"Yes. "
"Then it's safe. We'll take mine so there's no danger of being followed. I take it this Angel bloke's still a paranoid git? "
" Where are you going to take me? "
"My place, " Spike said as the elevator doors opened. He grabbed her hand again and walked at speed to his car. "I think we need to talk where we won't have any distractions. I'll drop you back here when we're done. "
"I can't stay long. He'll be expecting me back soon, " she mumbled.
"Right now I don't give a shit ,Buffy. If I had my way , you'd never go back! "

Her brows rose at his outburst and felt a bittersweet swelling of her heart. His actions proved that he still cared for her. But he was angered, which she guessed was only fair due to Lindsay's indiscretion with her.

"You can let go of my hand, I'm not going to run off. " He let go, she rubbed at her wrist and flexed her fingers.

Spike didn't apologize even though he had seen her do it. He took a remote out of his trouser pocket and then a cars lights blinked up ahead. Once they got to the car , he opened the drivers side door and looked over the roof at her, "Get in. " The journey to his house was quiet and Buffy was grateful even though it was uncomfortable. She swore that she could cut the air inside the car with a knife. She watched as the scenery changed from city to suburbs and then they melted away as they hit the beach road. Spike slowed the car on a bend and used yet another remote. A gate opened and he accelerated down a driveway.

Buffy was impressed, he had obviously done well for himself. What did she have to show for the five years that they had been separated? A name as the best whore money could buy. Hardly something she could be proud of. Spike stopped the car and got out. Buffy followed him and jumped when the cars alarm beeped . Spike walked into the house, throwing his keys and wallet onto a table before closing the door. He kicked his shoes off and walked barefoot down the hall and into his kitchen. Buffy walked slowly into the kitchen and by the time she got there, he had his head stuck in the fridge. He came out with some beers and some dip. He kicked the fridge door closed and put his armful on the counter. He reached into the top cupboard behind him and retrieved some chips, which he poured into a bowl.
"Beer? " He asked . It took Buffy by surprise as it was the first thing he had said since they left the office. She nodded, "Thanks. " Her hand brushed lightly over his as he held the bottle out to her and his gaze fell to hers briefly before snatching his hand back.

"Would you like to go down to the beach? It's pretty quiet and private, so we won't be disturbed. "
"Okay, sounds nice. " Buffy waited for him to show her the way out and he smiled back at her, "It is. This way. "

Spike opened a connecting door and walked through what Buffy assumed to be his lounge. She looked around as they walked through. He opened two large glazed French doors that lead out onto a large deck and gorgeous garden. He lead her down through the garden and then through a large arch that had been cut through a bush. Once she walked through the arch she stepped onto sand. Spike stopped and took his shoes off, holding them both in one hand and waited while she did the same. The view was breathtaking. She took a deep breath and walked over to where Spike now sat. She sat next to him and watched the waves ebb and flow back, occasionally glancing his way. He saw her come up behind him and fisted his hands in the sand. The silence stretched on and saw her glancing at him , waiting for some sign , of what he wasn't sure. Why had he bought her back here? He sighed.

"In five years I never let go. I held out hope that you were still alive. After a year almost everyone said that you were dead and that he must have killed you too. I worked hard, graduated law school and got a job working at your dads firm. My friends all encouraged me to move on and I tried. I met this girl, Dru, tried to love her and thought I did. But she knew better, knew I didn't love her. Couldn't. Not while I thought you were still out there. I came home one night and found her stood in the hall, all packed up ready to go. She told me I wasn't hers, that you still owned my heart and she couldn't , wouldn't settle for less than all of me. I couldn't be with anyone after that. "

Buffy cried and when he looked up at her, Buffy saw his tears falling silently too. " I used to dream that you would come back to me, different ways , places , but nothing prepared me for today, love. "
"Me either. I hate my life. I hate that men use me , use my body. But it isn't as if I had a choice. I tried to run away and they always caught me. Angel would punish me afterwards and then lock me in my room. He would starve me and beat me until I learned that I couldn't escape him. I tried to end my life more than once but it only made things worse. He had a doctor on his payroll for us and once the doctor gave me the 'all clear' , he would punish me again. God, Spike, I wish he had killed me along with my parents that night. Or shot me when he had shot you. It would have saved me! " Buffy got up and walked to the waters edge, letting the small waves lap at her feet and ankles. Spike stayed where he was, watching her back and the sunset , his mind racing.

Was it too late for them? Had Buffy gone through so much that she was emotionally broken? He hated this and watching her now he knew she would be crying and he wanted to go to her and comfort her so badly. He wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and erase the past five years for her. He stood and brushed the sand from his trousers and walked down to her. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't hear him come to stand behind her. She felt his hands on her arms and closed her eyes . "I remember the first time I saw you. It was the day my social worker took me to the home. You were in the games room playing pool with Xander. You looked up and our eyes met. "
"I remember, " he whispered.
"It was like your eyes bored their way through to my soul and you imprinted yourself there. " Buffy leaned back against his chest, his arms wrapped around her.
" Can we go back? Go back to how it was? " He looked down at her as she looked up at him.
" I wish we could, that it would be so easy. But I have to try and put Angel away. I have to. "
"I'll be there for you, help you and support you, " he said.
"I don't want to go back there, but I have been away too long already. " She knew that by now he would have Penn out looking for her.
"So stay. Don't go back. We have enough evidence to put him behind bars for a long time. Once they start investigating , the detectives will find the rest. We'll get you round the clock protection, I won't let you out of my sight again. I won't let him hurt you again. "

Buffy turned in his arms, her arms snaked around his waist and her forehead rested on his chest. She listened to the fast beat of his heart and his rhythmic breathing. She wanted to stay, to never leave the safety of his embrace, but she knew that she couldn't.Not yet. "I can't. "

"Buffy, pet... " His eyes begged her to stay . Her sad eyes looked up and begged him to keep her there despite her words. "Don't Spike, please. It's hard enough, don't make it any harder. "

He leaned down and gently kissed her.Buffy closed her eyes and let him lead her as he slowly deepened the kiss. His arms wrapped around her tightly and drew her up against his body, letting her feel his need for her. Buffy moaned as he cupped her ass and lifted her up, her legs wrapping around his waist. Not once did they break from each others kisses. Spike staggered back up the beach, the sand making it hard to keep his balance. His hand shot out to grasp at the bush as he walked under it and then walked up to the decking and into the house. He managed to get them into the hallway and bounced off the walls , each time he pushed her against the wall and devoured her lips, neck and her shoulder. Buffy looked over his shoulder and saw that he was going to take her upstairs and suddenly , panic set in.

"Stop! "

Spike looked up at her from her neck and held her against the wall, confused.

"I want to ..... " she panted , " so much. But it's too soon. " Breathe , she told herself. " Try and understand. I want it to be special, if we do this now, it won't be. "

Spike kissed her softly and settled her back on her own feet. His thumb ran across her bottom lip, his eyes following it's path before he answered her. " You're right. Come on pet. I'm hungry, you must be too. Let's go and see what we can rustle up in the kitchen. Are you hungry, love? "

Buffy knew it must be getting late, it was dark and she knew that Angel would have his goons out looking for her by now. She was scared, but while she was with Spike, she didn't care. Here, with him, she felt safe. "Famished , " she answered. "Can you cook? "

He smirked, happy that she was staying with him, for a while at least. "Course, might not be gourmet but I haven't poisoned anyone yet. "
"So, whatcha got? " Buffy smiled as she 'bounced' over to his refrigerator and opened it.

Spike tried to eat her to it but got the door in his chest for trying. Her head disappeared into it and he couldn't help but stare at her ass as her body moved and caused it to sway. He hardened in his pants and closed his eyes, trying to will himself to calm down. When he opened his eyes , Buffy was looking at him, her brow arched.
"Bollocks, " he'd been caught.

Buffy coughed and kicked the fridge door shut while she deposited numerous cartons on the counter top. " Well, once I had moved all of the cartons of Chinese take out, which by the way , have organisms living in them that probably haven't even been discovered by science yet, I realized that you don't have anything edible in there. "
"Oh. "

Two brows raised and she giggled at the look on his face.
"How about we go shopping and get something then? " Her giggles and smiles died and then he realized why. " We could order in? " He said.
"But not Chinese! After getting the aromavision of your fridge , I'm off it for life! "
"Pizza? "
"Perfect, " she replied and then hopped up on one of his bar stools while he rang the order through. Buffy watched him intently, noticing every little thing that had changed over the years.

He was more confidant, but in a good way.
He seemed to have lost his ' snarkiness'.
He was definitely more intense.
He was more muscular than before but not bulky.
He now had a scar above his left eye, not that it spoilt the beauty that was him. In fact it added to it in a rugged kind of way.

She could have gone on, but he was talking..... to her .... 'Damn! ' "Huh? "

He smirked, "I said , be about twenty minutes. Is that okay love? "
"Fine. " She smiled. "So ...... "

"How about I show you around the place? "
"Great! " Buffy said enthusiastically , "I'd love to see the rest. It's an amazing place you have here. "
"Thanks, come on. "

After showing Buffy around his home and impressing her with it, they made their way back to the kitchen where they waited for the pizza delivery. When it arrived, Spike paid for it and then 'plopped' both boxes on the counter and opened the lids. He pulled a stool up to the counter next to Buffy and started to devour his first slice. Buffy stared, trying to keep the smile from her face and Spike frowned, "What? " He asked with his mouth full, cheesy strings and tomato sauce on his chin.
She wrestled with the decision of whether to tell him or not ... "Nothing, " she said with a wide grin on her face.
"I have some on my chin, don't I? " He swirled his long tongue out and managed to get most of it before licking his lips.
"My god... I forgot how long that thing is! " She blurted out through her lustful gaze. Spike raised his scared brow and dropped his tongue back out, causing her to blush a deeper shade of red. To cover her embarrassment , Buffy grabbed another slice of pizza and ate it without looking at him. Spike sat with a shit eating grin on his face.

Buffy yawned and pushed her box away, full and defeated . Spike got up and put both boxes into his fridge and stood looking at her. She looked tired and relaxed. The thought of her going back to her nightmare life now pained him.

" I've got an idea, hear me out before you interrupt. " Buffy tried to say something but got his finger on her lips to stop her. " I have this friend that's a traffic cop. He owes me a favor. I can get him to pull a few strings, to say that he caught you speeding and took you to the station. You panicked, resisted because you knew Angel would go ballistic and they had to keep in for the night. You can stay here for the night, and if he asks if they are going to press charges, you say no as you have no previous and were a good girl. "
"I don't know. He's smart and I'm not a very good liar. "
" That's not all you're worried about is it? What's got you so scared , Buffy? "
"Us. " she answered. " We've only just found each other again. There's joy at that but then there is so much more. There's the needing again, the pain and then there is the future. We don't even know if it is a future together. A part of me is frightened that we can't go back to how we were. I'm scared that you won't be able to see passed what I have had to do to stay alive for the past five years. " Tears hung unshed on her lashes and when she looked at Spike he pulled her into his arms, holding her tight to his chest.

"You're right, we don't know each other now or who we have become and we have no idea what the future holds for us. But Buffy .. " He held her at arms length so he could look her in the eyes , " If we don't try, if we don't take the time to get to know each other, how will we find out and know? "

There was a long silence and a gaze that held them both captive. It seemed never ending.

"Are you going to call that cop friend of yours? " she said , smiling at him .
Spike kissed her hard and smiled as he picked up the phone and dialed.