Amnesty Is Granted

This takes place at the end of the episode In the Dark, where Angel is about to destroy the Gem of Amara.

The Light of Day

Xander hung back near the door to the roof as Doyle went to talk to Angel. To tell the truth, he still sort of hurt where Spike had slammed him into the wall while looking for that damn ring. Add to that finding Angel with honest to god pokers sticking out of him and then watching his friend jump out of the van, into the daylight and off a pier, and he hadn’t had a good day.

Really, the bad day had started the day before, when Oz walked in with the ring and a message from Buffy, because Angel always got all weird and blocked himself off from everyone else when dealing with his ex.

The fact that he’d called the girls the week before, telling them of his decision to stay in L.A., and that they hadn’t really liked it hadn’t helped either. It was obvious that Oz had been given instructions to all but stick him under one of those bright lights and interrogate him while threatening him with a black jack. Thank god Oz was too laid back for that, even if he did get just as much out of Xander with judicious use of alcohol and uncomfortable silences.

And he had explained himself, but he wasn’t sure if any of them were buying it. But after Faith, he just…didn’t fit in. Oh, they all knew she went bad and even knew she'd attacked him but they didn’t get the feeling of helplessness he’d had to deal with. The feeling of being useless. Unwanted.

It was funny, though. Now that he had found a place, found a purpose, the Scoobies wanted him back. It was like now that he had some useful skills it didn’t matter that there was nothing left for him in Sunnydale. And they still didn’t get how he could hate Angel and then become such good friends with him. It wasn’t like Xander had done a complete turn around; the thing he’d hated most about Angel was that the man denied to himself and the others that he was a vampire. He didn’t do that anymore so they got along a lot better.

It was weird, but Angel had become one of Xander’s best friends. He certainly understood him better than Buffy or Willow did.

That friendship was exactly why he was up here. Doyle had followed Angel up to the roof to congratulate him on getting that damn ring, but Xander was hanging back, waiting. He knew Angel, better than anyone else, and Angel wasn’t going to let himself enjoy what he had. The damn idiot wouldn’t take the chance of his Evil Twin getting a hold of the thing.

Never mind that it would actually help him. Or that he might be able to drive to help someone else during the day without having to worry about getting crispy. He liked Angel, but the damn bastard just couldn’t pass up the chance to punish himself.

And Xander wasn’t going to let that happen.

He listened closely as Doyle went on about the glory of sunsets and how Angel would get to see more.

“Not for me.” And cue Angel and his brood and self-sacrifice. Xander had to grin, the man was so damned predictable. And he just knew Doyle wasn’t going to get it because, as much as he liked the Irishman, Doyle didn’t understand denying yourself something that you want very well.

“What are you saying? That the city will be hit by a meteor before tomorrow night or…”

“No.”

“No. It’s too horrible to say the other. I can’t even bring myself to say the other.”

“I’m not going to wear the ring.”

“That was the other. You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life. Anyone ever tell you that?”

Angel glanced over to where Xander was standing and gave a small smile. “Once or twice.”

Doyle crossed his arms and looked stubborn so Xander figured he’d let him try to convince Angel first. “Care to explain? I mean, this ring is your redemption. It’s what you’ve been waiting for.”

“No, it just looks like it.”

“Angel, man, think what you’re saying.”

“I have. I’ve thought about it from every angle, and what I figure is I did a lot of damage in my day, more than you can imagine."

Okay, so Doyle wasn’t making any headway against Angel’s guilt. Xander stepped closer because that argument, that Doyle didn’t know Angelus, well, that wouldn’t work with him.

“But not more than I can imagine, Angel. You of all people know that.”

Angel did that frown that was supposed to scare people at him, but that had stopped working on him a long time ago. “And you of all people should understand why I can’t keep the ring. It’s too much temptation.”

Xander snorted. “Listen, Angel, Buffy thought you could do a lot of good with that thing, and I happen to agree with her. But nine times out of ten you don’t need it. Most of the time, from what I’ve seen so far, we’re dealing with fledges and demons that you don’t need to be Supervamp for.”

As he was talking the sun had slipped down below the horizon and darkness started to fall. Xander looked up, hating that in L.A. the city and the smog conspired to keep the stars from being seen. “Give me the ring, Angel. I’ll hide it to where you’ll never find it, but I’ll be able to get to if you need it.”

Angel didn’t say anything but Doyle was all but bouncing on his toes. “Kid’s got a point, Angel. ‘Sides, what could really happen?”

“I could lose my soul and torture Xander for hours until he gives me the ring. I could turn him and break him and then he would give me anything I wanted; the ring, his best friends, anything.”

This was said to Doyle but Angel was looking straight at him with an intense look on his face. Xander knew that his friend was trying to scare him to protect him, but he didn’t really need to do that.

“You forget, Angel. Who was it that stood up to your Evil Twin the last time? Don’t worry, if you go bad I won’t let you have the ring. For fuck’s sake, I’ll probably be the one that shoves the stake in your heart and makes you go poof. We both know that Buffy can never do it. She wouldn’t have done it the last time if I hadn’t lied.”

That had always been a sore point between the two of them until they had started talking. Xander had always felt guilty about that, but he couldn’t let Buffy hesitate again. Angelus had become too powerful and was about to destroy the world.

Turns out Angel was feeling just as guilty about what he’d done, and was wishing he’d been stopped sooner. That was when Xander made a private vow to himself: if Angel ever slipped his soul again he’d make sure that Angel wouldn’t have much to guilt over, one way or another.

They were doing that weird staring thing, Xander trying to say “I’ll kill you if I have to” and Angel trying to say just what his Evil Half could do to him. Out of the corner of his eye Xander could see Doyle looking at both of them as if he was watching an invisible tennis match.

Xander snorted. “For god’s sake, Angel, just give me the damn ring! If I have to, I’ll destroy it. Angelus won’t get his hands on it, I promise. Besides, you never know when being unkillable will come in handy. And just think how pissed off it’ll make Spike! For that reason alone you should let me keep it for you, because it’ll annoy him to no end!”

At that last bit Angel smiled and shook his head. “There is that. You really think you can keep this safe?” He had slipped off the ring and held between his fingers and Xander grabbed it.

“Damn it, Deadboy! If I can keep my comics and collectors' stuff safe from the hands of my bastard of a Father, I think I can keep one ring away from a homicidal maniac! But for doubting my hiding abilities I say that you have to buy Doyle and me dinner. Because I don’t know about the walking Blarney Stone over there but today was kind of crappy for me, what with the worrying over your broody ass and the whole deal with Oz, not to mention Spike. And why does he always have to hit me over the head? You’d think that one time with the microscope was enough, wouldn’t you?”

Angel put his hands up in surrender. “All right, already! Anyone ever tell you that you’re a pest?”

Xander grinned and shoved the ring down into his pocket. He’d find a good place for it later, when Angel wasn’t around to even subconsciously listen to him. “Yep, and I do believe it was you.”

“Well, all right then!” Doyle was bouncing again but gave Xander an odd look that he couldn’t place. “If that’s all settled, let’s get to that dinner! I’m thinking something along the lines of a thick, juicy steak…”

Doyle led the way off the roof, going on about this place he knew that had a bourbon based steak sauce. Xander walked beside Angel, jostling him ever so slightly. He looked at his friend and smiled. He was glad that Angel had given him the ring, and not just because it was something that Buffy had wanted him to have.

No, Xander was glad because he knew that one day they’d probably go after a Big Bad, and now he knew that Angel would be safe. He’d make sure of that.