Nobody's Home

There are three buses in the station when I get there, all with their plaques on the front stating where they are headed, I see the one I want and buy a ticket using the money Angel gave me, I feel guilty using his money like this, sure I would be stuck in LA if I didn’t have it but still. I ascend the stairs of the bus and sit down in a window seat, I take in the morning lights of the city and sit back in my chair and close my eyes, it seems to make the journey go quicker when you’re asleep, because I awake suddenly to see I’m in the bus station of my destination. The bus driver laughs as he notices me wake up. I smile and climb down the steps and look around me, I grab my bag from the hold and start walking down the street, looking for what who knows, but it doesn’t take long before the magnetism pulls me towards the place I didn’t want to end up.
“1630 Revello Drive” I say to myself and look up at the white panelled house. The shrubs in the front garden need trimming and the tree swoops down low. I walk up the steps to the front door and wait before knocking. I push my hair out of my face and pull my jumper further down across my stomach.
I take a deep breath and knock on the glass door; I hear her small footsteps scurry towards the door. She opens it quickly and looks straight into my eyes.
“Faith, you’re here” she says as if she was expecting me.
“Yeah” I raise my eyebrows and look about waiting for Angel to jump out.
“Sorry come in” she opens the door wider and I walk in look around the house, I look at the grandfather clock and I can hear her screams in my head.
“Angel told me what happened.” She tells me taking my bag off me.
“Mm doesn’t take long for news to travel then” I say sarcastically, look at them, they’re both obviously against me, telling each other everything that happens with minutes of it happening no less.
“Are you ok?” she asks genuinely, I look at the stairs and remember climbing up them to night I was going to kill her.
“What?” I ask I clearly wasn’t listening.
“I said are you ok? Like are you in pain or anything?” she repeats gently. “Are you hungry?”
I keep looking around the house and thinking of the pain I caused.
“No, there’s no pain…” I whisper nonchalantly. “Food would be nice though” I wake from my stupor and look her in the eyes. She nods and smiles and leads me through to the kitchen. It’s even worse, I see the wall I pushed her against, and the tiles I slammed her off. I can’t take my thoughts anymore I cry out in mental anguish.
“Faith what’s the matter” she rushes over and places her hand on my arm.
“I’m fine” I recover myself; I rub my hands down my body uncomfortably. “I’m ok” I repeat.
“I have some pasta, do you want pasta?” she offers taking my mind off other things.
“Pasta would be great” I smile weakly and sit at the breakfast bar watching her prepare it.

After dinner we sit together in her front room, the TV plays quietly in the background. I look her up and down.
“How do you do it?” I ask her. She places her glass of juice on the coffee table and wraps her arms around her scrunched up legs.
“How do I do what?” she wonders.
“How can you sit there all calmly, I mean how can you be sure I won’t hurt you again” I speak softly. She goes to say something but stops; I think I’ve confused her.
“Are you saying you’re going to hurt me?” she questions quickly.
“No! No way would I” I jump in. “I just wonder how you have willpower like that”
“One thing really Faith.” She smiles “I trust you”. A grin moves onto my face and I sip the rest of my juice.
She walks me up to the guest room where she has already put my bag. The sheets are crisp and never slept in, there’s a vase with fake flowers in next to the bed but they look fresh and I can imagine the sweet scent. I sit on the edge of the bed as she turns the lamps on.
“If you need anything I’m just next door” she beams sweetly before pulling the door to.
I change into my pyjamas and climb into the cool sheets, in the spring heat of Sunnydale it’s a welcome refreshment. It doesn’t take long after putting my head on the pillow that I fall into a deep sleep.

I wake the next morning to the smell of bacon and the sound of Joyce singing happily. I stand on the softness of the carpet and move over the window, I open the curtains and have the baking sun in my eyes. I creep downstairs and stand at the door of the kitchen.
“Hi Faith” Joyce croons to me. I raise my eyebrow sarcastically but smile at her. She places a plate full of food in front of me, with everything from bacon and sausage to fried egg and toast.
“Wow Joyce, you didn’t have to do this” I say through a mouthful of food. She strokes my cheek swiftly and continues putting some onto a plate for herself and Buffy. The blonde sidles into the kitchen and sits next me to pouring us both a glass of orange juice. Before they’ve even started theirs my plate is clean.
“Hungry, Faith?” Buffy laughs. I giggle and bite my lip nervously.
“Do you want more, sweetheart?” Joyce asks kindly. I wave my hand no and sip my juice.
“Oh Buffy you remember that I’m going away next week for a few weeks? The museum wants me to look at The Brooklyn Museum of Arts in New York and get ideas for our own.” Buffy nods in remembrance.
“Yeah I remembered, but its ok because Faith is here to keep me company” she elbows me playfully, I smile at her, I sip my juice some more and stare at her food. I don’t care about Joyce going away, I just want her food.

We’re halfway into the first week that Joyce has been away. Buffy has been looking after me really well, I can’t believe how great we are getting on. She makes supper for us both one evening, and I sit at the breakfast bar talking to her.
“Do you want cheese in it?” she asks hovering parmesan and a grater above the pan of Bolognese. I sit up and look over at the sauce.
“Umm yeah go on” I nod and she begins dragging the cheese across the metal grate. I slouch back down and look around the kitchen thinking of something to say.
She serves the Bolognese up and we walk into the dining room to sit at the table, I place the plate on the table and grab my tummy. Buffy stops suddenly and puts her plate down.
“Are you ok?” she asks worried placing a hand on my shoulder.
“Yeah just cramp I think” I bite my lip and sit down rubbing my stomach.
“Did they say you would get your regular periods back straight away?” she asks before taking a bite of her pasta. I think about the question and put a forkful of pasta into my mouth.
“I err…I’m not…I didn’t ask” I say finally “But maybes that’s why I have err cramp” I nod convincingly.
“Yeah that must be it” Buffy says without looking up. After dinner I walk through to the front room as she cleans up our plates. I turn the TV on and place a hand on my stomach. I hear Buffy whistling to herself as she puts the dirty pots and pans into the sink; she flicks the light switch off and joins me on the sofa. We watch the TV without saying anything and I feel her hand beside me and it feels like it’s trying to touch my leg, I shift uneasily and she pulls her hand on to her lap.
“Do you have any movies we could watch?” I ask her to break the silence. She looks around at the cupboard and turns back to me.
“Nothing that’s really good, erm why don’t you have a look though?” she offers. I stand up and look through the many old films she has, I giggle at one and give it her.
“Faith…” she asks me apprehensive.
“It’ll be fun” I say defiantly “Who knew your mom had porn” I laugh and Buffy turns a deep shade of red. We both sit back anxiously and wait for it to come on. It’s a fuck fest from the word go and we both sit squirming uneasily in our seats.

“I could use a cold shower” I say jokingly. I look at Buffy quickly and look back to the TV set.
“I could use something and sure isn’t a cold shower” Buffy whispers sexily. I look at her quickly with my eyes wide.
“What!!” I ask amazed. She smiles at me naughtily and blushes again. Well fuck me, look who’s on top now.
I look forwards to the TV, I’m completely speechless what do I do?! She doesn’t give me much choice; she moves closer to me and places a hand on my thigh.
“Buffy…” I stop her.
“I want you to take back what you did by making love to me” she whispers in my ear, her hand now cupping my face. Well frigging hell I don’t need telling twice. I grab her face and kiss her passionately on the lips, our tongues colliding together, it feels so wrong but right at the same time. I move round until I’m almost straddling her, my hand unbuttons her shirt as I continue to dart my tongue in her mouth. She stops surprised.

“Faith” she interrupts my hands with hers. I sit back disappointedly; I knew it was too good to be true; I wait for her to talk.
“Why did you lie?” she asks me sadly.
“What do you mean? What did I lie about?” I ask her confused.
“The baby…you didn’t have an abortion” she says her eyes dropping like she feels let down.
“I did” I try to argue but she interrupts.
“Faith I just felt it move” she argues.
“No you didn’t” I’m losing the battle.
“I did unless you have really bad gas” she’s almost laughing at herself in disbelief “and your stomach is still firm.”
“I err I…I mean…” I stutter to say the right thing, but her face tells me she’s upset. I move away from her and go to stand up. She stands up too and pulls my body round to face her.
“I’m not angry, I just thought we could trust each other” she drops her eyes.
“We can” I utter softly and wait for her next move. Her eyes pierce mine with her pained stare. “I trust you” I whisper verifying to her. I wait for her to say it back to me but it never happens.
“B…?” I ask quietly. She sits down on the sofa and doesn’t speak; I sit back down beside her and look at her.
“How can I trust you if you won’t trust me” she murmurs. I part my lips ready to speak.
“If you trusted me you wouldn’t have lied about keeping the baby.” She argues.
“I never lied to you” I jump in angrily. “I’ve never once said to you ‘oh I had an abortion’ you just talk behind my back with Angel all the fucking time.” I hyperventilate through my words “I mean yeah so I didn’t tell you that I hadn’t either but you wouldn’t have known any different if he hadn’t told you”.
“Faith it’s not my fault he told me, don’t yell at me like it is” her face full of fury. I drop my head, it’s not right to take it out on her I know.
“Sorry” I mumble. She breathes heavily beside me and I look back at her.
“Is there anything else you haven’t told me? I mean we might as well get it all out in the open…” she looks at me and waits. Shit there’s so much crap I’ve done might as well start at the beginning. I tell her exactly what happened when I left Sunnydale she gasps at parts; particularly that of where I had to give blow jobs to earn money to get out. I tell her how I was doing coke and ended up in hospital which is when I found out I was pregnant. She looks sympathetic for me, her face pale as I tell her how I almost bled to death. I tell her that Angel never did me wrong and always helped me.
“He even got me new clothes to wear when I got fatter” I look down at my outfit that was bought by him.
“Well I had wondered…pastels are definitely not your thing” she laughs.
“Then there was the night we slept together” I say suddenly and drop my head humiliated. Her laughing stops immediately.
“You what?!” she starts yelling again. “You slept together!? Why when what?” she says going through all the different questioning words.
“It was just one night, it was just once, and it meant nothing because he didn’t turn…” I whisper. “He loved you Buffy, and I could never have that from him” I confirm for her. She bites her lip.
“Next you’re going to tell me it’s his” she says gesturing at my stomach.
“Well…” I start and see her eyes widen. “Just kidding” I laugh and she punches me playfully in the arm.
“I think that’s it…” I scrunch up my face trying to remember anything of great detail. “Oh well there’s the bit that I did go to the doctors but it was too late to get an abortion so here I am stuck with it.” I nod finally.
“That’s a lot to take in Faith, I can’t fully comprehend why you did what you did in February…” she begins.
“I would never hurt you again Buffy” I interrupt “I was in a weird place, psychotic even, but I would never do that again” I tell her hopeful.
“How I can I believe that?” she asks weakly.
“You have to trust me…” I offer “Like I trust you…”
“Do you really though?” she asks. I think I do, I mean I wouldn’t have come here in the first place would I? I drop my eyes but nod.
“I think so” I whisper unsure.
“Well I think that if you only think you do then perhaps you don’t” she looks away.
“No I do, I do trust you Buffy I’m just scared…” I mutter softly.
“Of what?” she asks irately. I can’t believe I’m saying this to her, I feel so foolish.
“I’m scared that you’ll turn around and hurt me back, and it’s not like I don’t deserve it but I’m scared.” I tell her breathlessly.
“Faith…yes you deserve it but I’m not out to give you your just desserts, I’m here to help you, I want to be there for you…like a big sister…” she looks into my eyes without a flicker, I know she means it, I smile weakly and place my hand on her knee.
“Trust me back Buffy, give me a chance” I ask almost pleadingly. Her face looks lost.
“I’ve given you so many…” she starts.
“One more please” I beg “I want to make it up to you, really I do.”
“Ok…one more…but really Faith, this is the last.” She looks at me and bites her lip.
“You’re making the right choice I promise you.” I tell her to settle her mind. She nods hesitantly but places her hand atop mine on her knee