Crimson Regret

(((Sorry I haven't updated, work and all that was crazy. Plus I have my niece over. Um, okay, so, here's another chapter. Some people probably wont like this one either but whatever. This will be the only one until about Friday or Saturday since I'm going on vacation. Sorry for making you wait, I know I hate it when people do that to me. And also:

Becky: I do like Buffy, but she's always so… perfect. Well okay, not perfect but she's never gone threw this type of shit. I wanted her to experience something like this, to make her understand life, and Faith, better. She's had shitty experiences sure, but she's never gone threw anything like this mentally, and that’s what I wanted to bring in to her character. Plus, how I'm making her act in this chapter, is similar to something I went threw. I bring my own experiences into my stories, it's how I write. It would be expected to make this stuff happen to Faith but I don’t want to do what's expected, its boring that way. So yeah, that’s why I'm doing what I'm doing.)))

[ -- Chapter 11 -- ]

I hadn't said a word while Willow and Tara drove me to their dorm room, or while we got out of the car, or when we went to their room. I stood in the doorway, arms folded into myself, still shaking.

"F-Faith? Faith?" Tara asked while coming over to me. She put a hand on my shoulder and I jumped a little and backed up into the dresser. I felt empty, betrayed, scared, lost… I thought I was getting better, that things would change. I was wrong. If anything, things were worse than before. Never, in my entire life, would I think Buffy would do that to me. It destroyed me before, and it was close to destroying me now. If Willow and Tara didn’t stop her… fuck, I really don’t want to think about it. But I can't stop. What she did, when she touched me… it wasn’t just her, it was him too.

I love Buffy, but I never put her on a pedestal, I knew she wasn’t perfect. But I did put her up a little higher than this. I never thought she would do that, even to me. I know she hates me and I would expect her beatings, I'd even expect her trying to kill me again. But what she did will always be worse than death for me. It's my own personal hell.

"Faith?" Tara tried again.

Willow came up to me and took my hand but I yanked it away from her quickly, "Please no…" I say quietly and look away.

"Faith its okay, you're safe." Willow said. I shake my head no as tears start to fall again. She tried taking my hand again and this time I let her, "Come on…" she said quietly and led me over to their bed. "Rest."

I laid down on the bed and started to sob, hiding my face in my hands. There has only been a few times in which I cried in front of people after getting out my mother's house, and sadly this is one of them. Tara came and sat next to me and put her arm around me.

"Do y-you want to talk?" she asked gently.

I don’t know why, but I started to talk, "B… she did it… all I could think about was him and… and… I was broken… I fixed myself and I broke all over again…" I continued crying.

Willow sat down on the other side of me, "Who's 'him' Faith?"

I cried for a long time, each time trying to tell her it just wouldn’t come out. "My… my…" I took a deep breath, trying to calm down my crying. "My… stepfather…"

"Oh God Faith I'm so sorry…" Willow said with a horrified look on her face.

I shrug, "Its… its…" I tried saying it was no big deal but it wouldn’t come out. I bury my face further into Tara's shoulder, my sobs turning into hiccuped sighs as the tears stopped falling.

"I'm going to kill Buffy," I heard Willow say under her breath.

"Don’t…" I say, barely above a whisper. "Its not her fault… its… its mine…"

"Faith don’t you DARE blame yourself," Willow said, her eyes flashing black.

"Honey clam down," Tara said, putting her hand on Willows shoulder. Willows anger faded and her eyes went back to their original color.

"Sorry." She mumbled.

I close my eyes and lean heavily against Tara, feeling extremely tied. Tara moved herself and positioned me on the bed so I could rest. "We'll be here when you wake up," she promised.

***

"I'm going to kill her," Willow said again to Tara.

"That’s n-not going to help any," Tara replied.

"After what Faith went threw, and then she did the same thing? God! I don’t like Faith that much but she didn’t deserve that!" Willow was pacing and ranting.

"Shh," Tara said, indicating Faiths sleeping form.

"I'm going to find her," Willow said determinedly and headed to the door.

"No you're not," Tara said and blocked her way. "Wait until tomorrow."

Willow glared but eventually sat back down, "Fine. But first thing." Tara sat down next to her over and put an arm around her.

"Okay honey."

***

Xander, Giles, and Anya stood in the doorway of the training room, just staring at Buffy in shock. They came in to deal with her but what they saw stopped them in their tracks.

Buffy had backed herself in a corner, shaking and crying. Blood covered her left arm as she clawed at it, trying to get out whatever demon was in her that made her do that to Faith. She refused to believe it was just her, her anger that drove her to do it.

After the initial shock wore off, Xander and Giles rushed to her.

"Stop Buffy, this instant!" Giles yelled as he took away her right hand that was also covered in blood. Xander took her left as they pulled her to her feet.

"Get it out!" she screamed, frantic, "Get it out of me, please!"

"Buffy there is nothing in you," Xander said.

"Its in me, I feel it! GET IT OUT!" She started twisting, trying to get out of their grasp. But Buffy wasn’t all there and the slayer in her wasn’t responding for her to get away from them. Her strength was cut down massively.

"She's cracked," Anya said simply.

"An, please, shut up," Xander said, trying to get Buffy under control.

"We should get her home," Giles said.

"You think we're gonna get all the way there with this?" He indicated how much Buffy was struggling and screaming.

"And what do you propose we do? Leave her here?" Giles answered in mock response.

"We can tie her to that bench over there," Anya suggested.

"No, it's just a bench. She could get out of it, smash it or something. She's not as strong right now but she's still not a normal person either," Xander answered, tightening his grip on the slayers arm.

"Please! It's crawling inside me! I feel it! I FEEL IT!" Buffy screamed.

"Oh do shut up," Giles said. Buffy ignored him for awhile and continued screaming, but after a little while she started to get limp, like the fight was getting drained out of her.

"To the car," Giles said, "Quickly, before she gathers strength again."

TBC…