Snowbound

Chapter Eleven

Giles looked at Wesley. “You went to bed and then you felt the need to seek me out? I fear I will be but poor company tonight.” He gave Wesley a swift, searching glance. “Or do you come bearing words of reproach on behalf of yourself and your friends? I find myself astonished that you can bear to spend as much as a night beneath this roof.”

Wesley leaned close and said earnestly, “I come to relieve you of one burden, Giles and it is I who musg yog your pardon for letting you carry it even a moment longer than you should have.”

Giles frowned. “I can think of nothing you could do or say to make me feel less guilty, less cast down, Wesley. Were you to assure me that I still had some measure of your friendship – I know I have forfeited all right to respect – I would count myself fortunate, but I fear even that is asking more than I have a right to expect.”

Wesley opened his mouth to assure Giles that he still regarded him with warmth and then paused. Giles needed to be jolted out of his self-pity, not coddled. “Giles, stop these maunderings and listen to me. Mary’s blood lies not on your hands – do do not seek to assure me that it does because I killed her at your command. My hands too are clean. Mary lives, Giles. I sent her to her home in the village, as I did all the servants but your butler, who refused to leave, even knowing what we faced.”

He waited for Giles to speak, or to smile, but Giles stared at him, an uncomprehending look on his face. “The blood, Wesley. You brought her blood to the demon. Your hand..
We
Wesley held up his hand. “The mark is gone now – I will tell you more of that momentarily – but they were my oeetheeth that bit deep, Giles. I knew that devil would expect to hear the poor girl scream. I have not told the others what he would have had me do to her, but you know. Like me, you know.”

Giles nodded, his face anguished. “It will haunt me.”

“It need not,” Wesley said, striving to rouse Giles from his despair. “The wench has a handful of shillings, an afternoon off and no real understanding of the fate she escaped.” He looked questioningly at Giles. “Kaltor – did they know of him? He surely did not possess sufficient power to control them all, and Lord Harris, what of him?”

“Alex has been away for much of the time; making arrangements for his wedding. He knows little of this. He gave permission for the tower to be rebuilt; he has a wish for the manor to be restored to its former state, but apart from that he knows little of my plans...and the servants’ minds were clouded, not controlled. Now the demon is gone, I doubt they will remember anything odd. It will fade quickly from their minds, thank God!”

“Indeed,” Wesley agreed, turning to stare into the flames for a moment and giving Giles chance to compose his features. “Might I have a glass of brandy, Giles?” he said, standing and moving to the decanters.

“Of course! Forgive me. I am a poor host.”

“Giles,” Wesley said dryly, pouring them both a drink, “I can agree or I can dispute that but it matters not. I am your friend no matter what toils you ensnare me in. It was a most exciting adventure after all, and I have emerged from it unscathed and with a better understanding of much that has puzzled me. I thank you. Now drink, and I will tell you of what transpired once we were sent into the demon’s trap. Or are you too weary for such a tale?”

Giles took the offered glass with a smile. “I can scarce think, I am so tired, but I feel sleep would elude me if I did not know what had befallen you. So you shook off the control? How? I had not thought it possible!”

The admiration in Giles’ voice made Wesley flush with pleasure, much as he had done when Giles praised an essay he had written, or approved a deduction he had made. “I do not know. When I was with you – it – there was nothing I could do but scream, silently –” Wesley shivered and drank some brandy, smiling gratefully at Giles who squeezed his shoulder to comfort him. “Then Kaltor sent me away to run some errands and I found some small measure of control return to me. I clung to it and found that the more I resisted, the easier it became.”

“I believe the three of you affected him,” Giles mused. “It may be that the power you held disrupted his own influence. I think in trying to take over your mind, he overstepped himself. You are protected in ways he cannot have imagined.”

“Indeed we are! That room...Giles he sent us to a copy of the room at the inn, but all was like a dream, a nightmare. I believe beyond the bed, nothing existed, that we were in a void, formed from that creature’s mind. He waited for us to deliver ourselves to him and he came so close to success, Giles! I cannot tell you how close...”

“But once again, you fought free,” Giles said quietly. They were sitting very close to each other now and he could see the play of emotions across Wesley’s face as he recalled those moments of peril.

“It felt...wrong. Kaltor made the mistake of trying to speak through Angel. It jarred me out of the trance in which we were caught and the others, seeing my distress, linked us all. The bed – I know not how it was possessed of the same magic as the one your ancestor made, but it freed us, healed me and I was able to deciphhe rhe runes I had previously not been able to read. They told us of our history, much as Kaltor had. And they told us how he could be defeated.”

“Blood...” Giles said soberly. He looked puzzled. “One thing; the blood you brought up; it was supposed to be a virgin’s blood.”
ley ley shrugged. “It was a very young chicken.”

Giles stared at him, mouth agape, and then began to laugh, hastily placing his glass to one side as the laughter threatened to turn to tears. Wesley joined him in the first and then, seeing that the release of emotion was proving too much for Giles to deal with, pulled Giles into his arms, soothing him, murmuring words of comfort and love until the man he held ceased to shudder helplessly and lay quiet.

“I’m so sorry,” Giles said eventually, lifting his head from Wesley’s shoulder and making use of a handkerchief to dry the tears that marked his cheeks. “It’s been...it’s been a hellish few months, but that doesn’t excuse -”

“It bloody well excuses anything,” Wesley said, surprising them both with his vehemence. “Giles, I don’t want to hear another word on the subject.”

Giles tossed the damp handkerchief aside with a grimace and looked at Wesley with a faint smile. “You’ve grown up, Wesley. Never did I think to hear you address me with such a lack of respect for my grey hairs.”

Wesley smiled back. “I don’t think you ever earned my respect for such a trivial reason as that, Giles, and my love for you would be the same, no matter what your age.”

“Love? Wesley –”

“You cannot be unaware of my feelings for you, Giles?” The look he received was answer enough. “Giles, had it not been for the bond that you know I share with Angel and Spike, I would have been in your arms, your bed and your heart whether you willed it or not.”

“Insufferable, conceited young cub,” Giles murmured. “Rest assured none share my bed but those I choose, not those who force themselves upon me.”

“So I have heard,” Wesley answered, his smile sly. “For all that you kept yourself aloof, there were...tales of your skill as a lover thaacheached even my innocent ears.”

Giles reached out and flicked Wesley’s right ear with a grin on his face. “You heard nothing but gossip. It has been many years since I took a lover.” He lost his smile. “And once I saw you, I wanted none. I would have spoken but – I saw you with Angel and Spike and knew it was not to be. I would be lying if I said that did not hurt, but truly, your friendship is enough. I am satisfied with that. Honoured, even.”

“I love them, Giles,” Wesley said. “I cannot explain it to you without sounding foolishly fond, but when I am apart from them, it is as if I am not whole.”

Understanding flickered across Giles’ face. “I know that,” he replied. “You wish to go to them now, do you not? Of course you do, after such an ordeal! My thanks for coming to tell me of Mary’s safety.”

He smiled and began to rise, but Wesley pushed him back in his chair. “They are part of me – nothing will and can change that. But it does not mean that I do not return your love and it has never meant that I was blind to your feelings. Giles, I came here because they sent me to you. To comfort you with the news of Mary, yes, but more than that.” Wesley took a slow breath and then released it. “Giles, I had thought it would cause you more pain, but if you wish it, I will share your bed this night.”

Giles looked his astonishment aesleesley hurried on, the words stumbling from his lips. “Spike said, that is he told me you could have – all of us – but he thought just I– oh Lord, I’m making such a mull of this! Giles, I dg yog your pardon.”

“Spike sent you to slwithwith me?” Giles said, a slow anger rising within him as his orderly mind worked out why. Not out of kindness – Giles had seen the anger in their eyes as Wesley kissed him in the tower room – nor out of concern for his well being. Wesley’s tale had relieved Giles’ burdened mind enough that he knew he could sleep tonight without his dreams being full of horror. No. There was only one reason for them to have sent Wesley to him, confident that he would return to them heart-whole. Revenge. A desire to leave Giles burning through the long empty years, remembering a touch hat his body would never feel again...

“Tell me, Wesley,” Giles said, his sudden amusement dampening his anger somewhat. “Are your friends fond of the theatre? The melodramas perhaps?”

“What? Why?”

Giles sighed, unwilling to shatter Wesley’s ideals. “I think their motives in sending you – and bloody hell, Wesley, could they not have done their own dirty work!” Anger sparked and flared on Wesley’s behalf, sudden and scalding. “To send you as an instrument of revenge like this – it passes all belief! If it were not for the fact that I have injured them, I would go to them now and by God, I care not that I am one to their two – no, three, as I dare say you would range yourself with them and –”

“Giles!” Wesley protested, seeking to stem the tide of angry words. They stood now and he placed his hands on Giles’ shoulders, trying to calm him. “Please – this is madness. Tell me what you believe their motives to have been. I assure you they meant well.”

“They seek to punish me, Wesley. To dangle you before me as the grapes hung before Tantalus. I will either refuse you and wonder ever after what I could have had, or take you, innocent that you are, to my bed and yearn for you evermore. They disgust me and they dishonour you.”

Wesley’s hands fell back and he turned away, his eyes bright. “That – that cannot be. Why would they do such a thing?”

Giles sighed, a sickness filling him as he saw Wesley’s pain, already regretting his hasty words. “They love you and I caused you to be hurt, to be endangered. They will not permit that without dealing out their own retribution. It has ever been so, has it not? For all of you? Who touches one, touches all.”

Wesley nodded, without turning. “But I had not thought them capable of it – Giles, they like you! They know how much I care for you!”

Giles thought, but did not say, that Wesley had but enumerated another crime they would lay at his door. They wanted all of Wesley’s love and he could not blame them for that. Were he to have been part of their circle, he would have acted no differently and the honesty that let him know that brought with it a measure of forgiveness.

Walking over to Wesley, he slipped strong arms around the tall figure, giving comfort to one who had so recently bestowed it. Because he could not help himself, he brushed a kiss against Wesley’s bowed neck and bit his lip as even that small caress set his senses leaping. He loosened his grip and would have stepped back but Wesley turned within the circle of his arms and met his gaze steadily.

“I find myself somewhat at a loss, Professor,” he said with a calm deliberation. “Perhaps you could advise me?” He nestled closer, his arms going around Giles, his breath warm against Giles’ face. “It seems I am being tricked into doing what I have wished to do for the last four years.” He had only to incline his head a fraction to have Giles’ mouth against his and Giles found himself looking, not at Wesley’s eyes, cool, dark blue and watchful, but at his lips as they shaped words, wondering what they would feel like on his own.

“I – fail to see the problem. Perhaps you could explain further?” Giles’ mouth was dry but he managed to speak calmly.

Wesley’s tongue flickered across Giles’ lower lip and then darted inside for a moment, a teasing flick that had Giles hard before Wesley tilted his head back enough to speak again.

“The problem lies in my disinclination to be used as a pawn, sir. I tire of being protected. No,” he corrected himself, with a precision Giles recalled of old, “I tire of being coddled. If I have been injured by you, then it is for me to mete out punishment, is it not?”

Giles felt his breath quicken and he bit back a groan. If this was to be Wesley’s manner of reprimanding him, he felt it was crueler by far than Spike’s. “Wesley –”

“An unresponsive answer. Would you care to try again?”

Dizzy as Wesley’s teeth nipped sharply at his throat, wondering when Wesley had usurped his own role as teacher and how far he intended this charade to go, Giles managed to reply, his voice sounding hoarse to his ears, “It is for you, yes. I do not think any would argue that.”

“Not you, for certain. You want me, Giles and yet you said nothing. Is that a strength in you, or a weakness, I wonder?”

Wesley’s dragged his fingers down Giles’ back, digging in with a pressure that stopped this side of pain, making Giles cry out softly and arch in, seeking contact with Wesley, but unwilling to initiate anything. Wesley’s mood was uncertain and capricious in the wake of the discovery that his lovers had used him as a weapon.

“I would say it was a kindness,” Giles said. “Wesley, have done. This is not worthy of you.”

Wesley stepped back immediately, leaving Giles trembling with arousal and hurt.

“I am sorry, Giles. I truly do not feel anger toward you. Nor should I blame Angel and Spike; like you, they acted out of love.” He bit his lip. “It is just so – so frustrating. I have killed men, fought with the battle raging around me and not lost heart, endured heat and cold, hunger and thirst...what more must I do to show them that I need no more protection than a love of equals demands?”

Giles shrugged. “Perhaps you could direct these comments to them? Have you told them this? And now, if you will forgive me, I am, for all my guilt, a little weary with being used as a pawn myself in the games you three play so skilfully. I’m going to bed. Sleep well, Wesley.”

The coldness in his voice brought Wesley’s gaze to him but he ignored the pleading look and turned away. He had reached the door when Wesley spoke a final time.

“I spent years dreaming of you, Giles. They know that; I would not have been disloyal to them in thought or deed by keeping such a thing secret. They sent me to you expecting you to turn me away, I think. I do not know. I do not care. For me, it is enough that they sent me. I can come to you tonight with no guilt, no reserve – can you truly walk away from that? From me?”

Giles stared blankly at the paneled door, too spent to fight Wesley further or to even turn to face him. With a sense of inevitability he stretched back his hand and waited. Wesley’s hand slipped into his a moment later and, without words, Giles led him to his bedchamber, their path taking them past the door behind which Angel and Spike slept.

Giles paused and finally met Wesley’s eyes. “You belong with them,” he said softly.

Wesley nodded. “For all time, yes.” He smiled, his free hand rising to touch Giles’ face gently. “But tonight, I belong with you.”