Lovers Walk

Chapter Twenty-Eight: Ashes To Ashes


Buffy ducked her head as flying pieces of burning debris began to fall. "Spike...we need to get out of here." she told him as he lay there, cheek pressed against the pavement. He had finally stopped yelling and now lay quietly, not moving.

Standing, Buffy reached down and pulled on his arm slightly, trying to get him to stand. He had a far off look on his face and she was beginning to worry. The ash from the building was falling all around and she feared for his physical well being as much as his emotional.

"Spike...please, we need to move." she almost begged.

Spike blinked his eyes and slowly lifted his head and looked at her. Raising up to his knees, he looked at the building that was now fully engulfed in flames. His tears fell silently knowing....that Ravyn was gone.

"Spike, there's nothing we can do...we need to go" Buffy told him. "I can hear the emergency vehicles coming. We can't be here. There will be to many questions...we have to go now."

Spike rose to his feet, never taking his eyes off the building. "She loved me" he said quietly. "And I never showed her half of that back." he said, finally looking over at Buffy. "Why did she go back in there? Why would she do that?"

Buffy looked at Spike and saw the pain in his eyes. She knew at that moment that he loved Ravyn even though she didn't understand how or why. "She went back because she 'did' love you Spike. She died protecting you from the same fate she had." she told him sadly. "She loved you enough to risk her own life for you."

Spike smiled weakly at Buffy. He gave her a long look before slowly turning and walking away. Buffy watched him go with a dull ache in her chest. As much as she had hated Ravyn and wanted her gone...she didn't realize how much Spike really cared for her. Running her hands through her hair, she gave one last look at the burning building and left, leaving behind a painful reminder of what Spike had and would never forget.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Willow jumped from the couch as she heard the front door open. She ran frantically and engulfed her friend in her embrace and held on tightly. "Oh thank goodness. I was so worried. I just saw what happened on the news. Are you okay? Did everyone make it out okay?" she babbled on quickly.

"Calm down Will...I'm fine." Buffy told her as Willow let her go.

"What happened?" Willow asked her as she led Buffy to the sofa.

Buffy sat down and sighed deeply before looking over at Willow. "Ravyn's dead." she told her, saddened as she remembered the look on Spike's face.

Willow gasped with a horrified look on her face. "Is Spike okay? Was he hurt?"

"No, he wasn't hurt. But I'm not sure if he's okay."

Willow looked at Buffy and could see so many emotionoss oss her face. "How did it happen?"

Buffy sat back and told Willow everything that had happened. The hardest part of her retelling was the fact that Spike felt strong emotions for Ravyn. She knew without a doubt that he had loved her. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. He had told her he still loved her, but the fact that he loved Ravyn confused her even more.

"Buffy....I'm not sure if I should tell you or not...but I talked to Spike a few days ago." Willow said looking at her friend.

Buffy turned confused eyes on her friend. "About what?"

"Ravyn"

"What about her?" Buffy asked, turning in her seat to look at her friend.

"Well, I asked him about his feeling for you and his feelings about Ravyn."

"And" Buffy asked, more than interested at what she had learned.

Willow sighed lightly and smiled at Buffy. "Well, he didn't say it in so many words, but I think I know why he loved Ravyn."

Buffy sat attentively, staring at her friend. "Come on Will...you're killing me here."

"Well, I think he loved Ravyn because she gave him something you wouldn't."

Buffy sat up straight at Willow's words. She smiled weakly and felt tears stinging her eyes. "He loved her because she loved him....something I wouldn't ever give him."

Willow gave Buffy a little smile. "I think so Buffy. Ravyn loved him as deeply as he loved you. I'm thinking when he left here, he was just lonely and hurting...and she made him feel alive and wanted. Why would he 'not' want her."

Buffy sat and thought about Willow's words. She smiled weakly at her and sighed lightly. Ravyn gave him the one thing he had been searching for...now it's gone. "How do I make this better?"

"Just let him know how you feel Buffy. Make him feel wanted and loved and I know he'll forget about her."

Buffy leaned her head to one side and looked at Willow. "I don't think he'll ever forget about her....just like I'll never forget Angel. He should remember her." Buffy said with a sad smile. "She'll always be a part of him...as she should be."

Willow smiled at her friend. She was amazed at how 'adult like' she was handling this. She knew if it were her, she wouldn't be able to accept the situation as it were. "Did Spike go home?" Willow asked, trying to change the subject away from Ravyn.

"Yeah, I wish he wouldn't have left though. I don't think he should be alone right now." Buffy said, looking at Willow.

Willow smiled at her friend. "He probably needs some space. It might be best to just let him be for now."

Buffy gave Willow a weak smile before standing. "Yeah, well I think I'm gonna go get a shower and go to bed. I'll see you tomorrow." she said as Willow stood with her.

"Okay, I know everything will be fine Buffy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Spike entered his crypt after walking numbly through town. He couldn't get the images of Ravyn's face out of his head, or the way he had yelled at her when he last spoke to her.

Shrugging off his duster, he made his way downstairs and fell heavily onto the bed. He lay there looking up at the ceiling, willing all the painful images away. Looking over to his left, he looked at the space Ravyn should be. Rolling over he buried his face in her pillow and inhaled the scent of her that lingered there. The smell of Wildflowers flooded his senses as his tears slowly came again.

Spike wrapped his aro around Ravyn's pillow and cried. He cried for all the things he had shared with her and all the things he would never be able to tell her. She had made him feel loved for the first time in his existence, and knew that he had cheated her out of his love in return.

As he pulled his hands out from under the pillow, his finger's grazed something and he lifted his head and moved the pillow away. Seeing an envelope where n's n's pillow had been, he picked it up and sat up on the bed. It was addressed to him.

Spike slowly ran his finger's across his name, written in Ravyn's hand writing. Flipping it over, he broke the seal and pulled the letter out. Taking a deep breath, he unfolded it and began to read......

Hey Grandpa, (sorry..had to get that in one last time)

I guess if you're reading this things didn't go to well. I know you are probably pretty upset with me...but I just want you to know, that I'd do it all over again to see that you were safe. I love you Spike and I'd do 'anything' for you.

Spike wiped at his eyes and took a deep breath. He stared at the wall of the crypt, trying to keep his tears from clouding his vision before looking back down at Ravyn's letter. Taking another deep breath, he began to read again.

I just want you to know that all those things you said to me...I know you were just upset and didn't really mean them. Please don't go beating yourself up over that. I know how you are....just know that no matter what....I know you cared, and 'that' affected me more than any harsh word you could ever say.

For a long time I hated Victor for what he made me. He took everything that ever meant anything to me and gave me nothing in return, but I think I'm gonna look the ole Bastard up. He's probably lounging around some lava pit right now, braggin about himself and pissing off every creature who is unfortunate enough to be siting near him. I think I'm gonna thank him for turning me.....after I kick his ass for old times sake, that is.

Spike laughed lightly at her comment. Even in death, she still had a sense of humor.
Because without him...I would have never met you. My entire existence has been one big cosmic joke...until you. You were the best thing that ever happened to me Spike. I know wherever I am, I'm missing you...and still loving you. Be happy...for me, even if it is with that nasty Slayer. If 'she' is what makes you happy...then I can only hope she loves you the way you deserve to be loved...Live...Be happy...And know that even in death, I Love You.
Always and Forever,
Ravyn

p.s....the green sock has enough cash in it to keep you in blood and smokes for a 'very' long time. (And don't go squandering it away on booze and kitten poker!) I'll come back and haunt your ass if you do.....

Spike wiped away his tears and smiled as he lay back down on her pillow. He inhaled her scent deeply and clutched R's l's letter tightly to his chest. *I love you to Ravyn...Always and Forever*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked slowly to Spike's crypt. Willow had tried to tell her to give him time alone, but she was worried. She just needed to know he was okay.

Walking inside the crypt, she quietly made her way down the steps to the lower level. There, she saw him laying on the bed, still dressed.

Buffy made her way over to the bed and took his boots off. He was laying there with his eyes closed and she wasn't sure if he was asleep or not. He was hugging a pillow and she could see the dried tear tracks on his face.

Buffy laid down on the bed behind him and spooned her body against his. She wrapped her arm tightly around his waist and was surprised when he reached over and laced his finger's in hers.

"You okay?" she asked him softly.

Spike pulled Buffy's hand up and kissed her palm before tucking their entwined hands tightly under his chin.

"I will be" he answered her quietly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy woke the next morning, still hugging Spike closely to her. She had heard him crying softly throughout the night and wondered if he'd be able to move past this. She was sure he felt bad for yelling at Ravyn the night before she had went back to Trull's and knew it would be hard for him to forgive himself for that.

Sitting up on one elbow, she looked over at his face. He was asleep. Buffy kissed him softly on the cheek and saw Ravyn's letter laying beside him on the bed when she lifted her head back up. Looking over at him again, she gently reached out and picked up the letter and began to read Ravyn's last words.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Willow...did Buffy have something to do early this morning?" Dawn asked as she entered the kitchen. "She's not in her room, bed doesn't even look slept in."

Willow looked over at Dawn as she sat at the Island bar, a sad smile on her face.

"No Dawnie" Willow said quietly. "Something happened last night."

"What! Is she okay!" Dawn asked frantically.

"Oh..Yes Dawn..god I'm sorry." Willow said, walking over to her. "I didn't mean to scare you. Buffy's fine."

"Oh" Dawns said relieved. "What happened? It's not Spike is it?"

Willow sat down beside Dawn and gave her a small smile. "Physically...he's fine, but I'm not sure how he's doing...I think that's where Buffy is..with him."

Dawn looked at Willow confused by her answer.

"What happened." Dawn asked quietly.

"The warehouse fire we saw on the news last night.....Ravyn was in there."

Dawn's eyes went wide as did her mouth. "Oh no...did she...is she..."

Willow shook her head. "Yeah Dawn, Ravyn's dead."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy laid Ravyn's letter back down where she found it. She smiled sadly at Spike, knowing how hard it was going to be for him. If he felt half as bad as she did when Angel had died...then she knew it would be a hard road for them all.

She laid back down beside him and was determined to give him as much time as he needed. Heaven knows he had waited for her long enough. Time to show him the same consideration in return.

Spike stirred from his sleep as Buffy laid back down. He was still hugging Ravyn's pillow and felt the loss of her as soon as his brain realized what had happened the previous night. Sighing deeply, he closed his eyes tightly and was determined not to let Ravyn's memory die either.

"Buffy?" Spike said quietly when he realized she was still there.

Buffy raised back up on her elbow and looked at him. "Yeah"

Spike rolled over and looked up at her. "Thanks...for staying." he said quietly.

Buffy smiled down at him. "Wouldn't be anywhere else."

Spike reached up and pushed her hair back away from her face. "Does the nibblet know you're here?" he asked.

"Willow was going to tell her."

Spike shook his head slightly and looked around the crypt. Raven's thing's were everywhere and he knew the sooner he got them out, the easier it was going to be for him.

Buffy saw the look on his face and gave the room a once over and knew what he was thinking. "You want to clear some of this stuff out?" she asked him worriedly, not sure if she was overstepping her bounds or not.

Spike smiled a little as he sat up. "Yeah, don't much have use for all these clothes. Maybe Dawn would want them...Ravyn said she had picked most of them out." Spike said looking over at Buffy. "Most of them still have the price tags on them. Guess I could always take them back if Dawn doesn't want them."

Buffy chuckled slightly. "Dawn getting a free wardrobe..no way she'd pass that up. Anyway, I think she liked Ravyn....much to my dislike." Buffy said, cringing as she realized what she had just said.

Spike chuckled lightly at the look on her face. "Don't worry 'bout it luv...don't think there were any warm fuzzies towards you from her side either."

Buffy smiled lightly at him. "Yeah, guess not"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Buffy walked into the Magic Box and was greeted with smiles from all her friends. She made her way to the table and sat, before Willow smiled and spoke up.

"Hey...how's Spike?"

"Better...I think, or he's a really good actor. I can tell he's still upset, but he isn't just laying around like I did with Angel."

"Well, that's good." Willow said. "Is he coming by tonight?"

"No, I don't think so. We boxed Ravyn's things up before I left and I think he wanted some time alone. He found a shoebox full of her personal things..pictures, jewelry, things like that. Think he wanted time to go through them" Buffy said sadly, knowing what he had to be going through.

Willow smiled and reached out and patted Buffy's hand. "It's probably best. The sooner he deals, the sooner he'll be able to move on."

"Hey Buff" Xander said softly, "I know I haven't been a very supportive friend where Spike is concerned, but I just want you to know how sorry I am..for everything."

Buffy stood and gave Xander a big hug. "Thanks Xan...I knew I could count on you to make my day better. I just wish you could do the same for Spike."

Xander shook his head and looked at Buffy as she sat back down. "Yeah, I guess this thing is gonna happen whether I like it or not" he said, talking about the Buffy/Spike thing, "And beside....the guy's not half bad actually...just don't tell him I said so."


Buffy laughed lightly at him. "I won't."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

( 3 Month Later)

Buffy walked quickly to Spike's crypt. The gang had surprised her with a request that made her glad she had friends like them. She smiled to herself as she walked to the door and let herself in.

"Hey" she said softly as she walked inside.

"Hey yourself" Spike said, looking over at her from his spot on the sofa.

Buffy walked over to where he was and sat down. She looked over at him and smiled.

"I've got something to show you." she said quietly, a tiny smile on her face.

Spike raised an eyebrow at her. "Really?" he asked, smirking at her.

Buffy giggled and shook her head. "Yeah, but it's outside." she said standing. "Let's go"

Spike watched her walk to the door and slowly stood. Grabbing his duster, he slipped it on and followed her out the door.

"So, what's this thing you want to show me?" he asked as Buffy led him through the cemetery.

Buffy smiled up at him and reached over, taking his hand in hers. "Something that the gang did...for you"

"For me?" Spike asked surprised. "Like what?"

"You'll see" Buffy said smiling as she led Spike to the far end of the cemetery. This was were her mother was buried. It was always quiet and peaceful there. She knew this was the perfect place.

Leading him along a flowered path she stopped near a large tree and turned to face him. "This was actually Dawn's idea and we all chipped in. I hope you like it." she said as she pulled him forward.

Spike stopped as she moved to his side. What he saw made his heart clench tightly in his chest. He took a few steps forward and bent down on one knee.

He looked at the small pink gravestone and smiled. It had an ocean scene carved at the top of it and flowers grew all around it. He felt his eyes water up as he read the inscription.

Ravyn Nicole Sinclaire

1949 - 2002

Friend, Lover, Protector

She will be missed

Spike wiped at his eyes and swallowed the lump in his throat. He turned to face Buffy and smiled as he looked up at her. "Thank You....It's beautiful."

Buffy bent down beside him. "No need for Thanks Spike....we all know what she meant to you. Just because she's gone doesn't mean you have to forget she ever existed."

Spike reached out and pulled Buffy into a tight hug. He buried his head in her shoulder and inhaled her scent before pulling up to look at her. He put his hands on either side of her face and smiled. "I love you Buffy Summers. You are the most amazing woman I've ever known."

"I love you to Spike." Buffy said as she leaned up and kissed him softly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

(16 months later...)

"Come on Slayer...kill him already and stop playing." Spike said from his perch on a gravestone as he watched Buffy try and stake the vamp she had been toying with for the last fifteen minutes.

"But he's so fun." she said smiling. "I hardly ever get to see old classmates. Especially rich snotty ones who always looked down on me."

Spike rolled his eyes as he tossed his cigarette butt away and stood. "Well, I think I'll be at the house when you decide to come home." he said as he started walking away.

Buffy staked her old classmate and turned to Spike. "Where do you think you're going?" she asked him, crossing her arms over her chest.

Spike smiled and turned to face her. "Home. Told you Slayer...wasn't in the mood to play tonight."

Buffy walked slowly up to him. "Is that right?" she asked, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I thought you liked playing anywhere, anytime."

Spike wrapped his arms around her waist and bent his head down, nibbling on her neck. "Yeah, well...only if it's me you're playing with." he said softly.

Buffy giggled as he licked a trail up the side of her neck and bit lightly on her earlobe. "Well, if you wanted me to play with you...all you had to do was ask." Buffy said, running her hands through his hair.

Spike placed small kisses up her jaw line and found her lips. He kissed her deeply until Buffy pulled away, gasping for air. She grinned at him and looked around. "So, long walk home...or crypt."

"Been a while since we've torn that place up." Spike said smiling. "And as much as I liked taking you there...I think our big comfy bed is much better."

Buffy mumble in agreement as Spike continued to kiss and suck at her lips. "Umm..yeah, big house all to ourselves...I'm sure there's a few places we haven't christened yet."

"Well, what we waitin' for?" Spike asked as he pulled away from her. "Let's go"

Spike and Buffy walked slowly towards the cemetery entrance hand in hand, neither seeing the figure watching them from the shadows.

"What do I have to do to keep you from running away?" Trull asked angrily as he wrapped his arm around Ravyn's neck and pulled tightly.

Ravyn grabbed at his arm trying to free herself as tears ran down her face.

"Your vampire doesn't want you...I've told you that how many times...but you insist on running away. I guess I'll just have to be more convincing in your punishment this time." he said, tightening his grip around her neck and wrapping his free arm around her waist.

"Please..let me go" Ravyn choked out best she could.

Trull laughed lightly at her. "No, tiger...I've told you...your mine now. I'm gonna teach you a good lesson."

Ravyn tried to call out but Trull's arms around her throat was so tight, no sound was escaping. She watched as Spike and Buffy neared the cemetery gates and knew this would be the last time she would ever see him.

"Let's go" Trull said hatefully as he drug Ravyn back to the car. "If you ever try to escape again....I'll make you sorry you ever laid eyes on that vampire. I'll enjoy watching your face as I kill him slowly." he told her as he flung her in the back seat of the car. "Now, take a good look...it's the last you'll ever see of him."

Ravyn looked out the window at Spike. She felt the tears roll down her face as the car was started. *Take care of him Slayer* she said to herself as the car pulled away....leaving behind the only thing that ever meant anything to her.


The End?????


Look for Story 2 in "The Ravyn Series"........"Once and Again"