Time After Time Series

Hours later, after darkness fell, Spike stood at the door to Xander’s place and hesitated. It hurt to see Xander, and it hurt not to see him. But that wasn't it... he was worried that things had changed too much, that Xander would ask him to leave now. Fine... just face that if it comes, he told himself, balancing the enormous bag of junk food as he unlocked the door and walked inside.

It was dark and quiet. No lights. No telly. Just a single, slow heartbeat coming from the living room. He followed it, then saw the listless expression on Xander's face. The boy, his boy was clutching a pillow and staring at the wall. "Xander?" he said thickly, dropping the bag on the floor and moving to the couch.

He sat down and started to ease his arms around Xander. "Not trying anything. Just want to..."

Xander was stiffened at first, startled by the sudden presence. But then Spike said his name and the relief was overwhelming, coming over him wave after wave until he felt Spike's arms around him and he was sure it was real. He held himself still, one hand coming up to grab hold of Spike's forearm as he concentrated on not to allowing the tremors to win. They'd been steadily gaining power since Willow had left, trying to take over him but he couldn't let them. He had to be strong and he was scared that if he started shivering he would just keep on doing it until there was nothing left of him.


"Shshsh...it's alright... it will be," Spike whispered, drawing him tighter into his embrace. All those times that Xander had overcame his own qualms and held him until Spike came back to his senses, all those times when Spike had wished Xander would continue to hold him, not out of a sense of responsibility, but simply because he wanted to... and now, now Xander wanted to be held, but this wasn't what Spike wanted... this wasn't how it was supposed to happen. He skimmed his mouth over Xander's forehead, fighting the urge to kiss him... fighting the need to show him how much he cared.

"Sorry, I’m sorry," Xander stammered but still he burrowed closer into Spike’s arms. He was so cold and oddly enough Spike felt warm to him and he needed that warmth. He stayed there for a while, trying to collect enough strength to stand alone. He was burdening Spike, being useless as usual and forcing Spike to save him. "I should...you should go," he said when he felt marginally stronger.

"Why? You let me hold on to you," he answered thickly, holding Xander just a fraction tighter. Did the boy really have no clue how much he needed him?

"You don’t need to pretend Spike." Xander tried to move out of Spike’s arms. "You don’t owe me anything.


"I don't owe you... this isn't about owing." Spike stared into Xander's face, and then he did it... not for Xander, but for himself, because he needed it. "Bugger it all, it's about this," he said, enveloping Xander's body and drawing him up hard against his own. Before the boy could say a word, or shout ... he slanted his mouth over his. It should have been a gentle kiss... but it wasn't. It was hard, and fierce, filled with rage at what happened to Xander, and fear for the future, and hope... there was that still, he hadn't lost the boy... not in this lifetime.

At first Xander was too shocked to do much of anything, he just sat there, letting Spike kiss him. Spike was pulling him even closer, overwhelming him and just as Xander was starting to respond he was gone. All he could do was blink at the blond, shocked and amazed.

"Oh."

"Oh, what? I've been telling you for months," he said, his voice thick with anguish. "I couldn't bear to lose you, you do know that? You can't be that bli--" Jolted by his own word choice, Spike cursed. "Xander... I..."

Xander’s momentary happiness was stomped out as he remembered everything that happened. He struggled free and stood up, stumbling over the table edge.

"But you can’t! How can you even...I’m useless! I can’t even see right!" he yelled, gesturing at the table. "I can’t fucking walk without bumping into things!"

"You're not useless. You're... you haven't had time, you'll adjust, I know you will. Your eye is gone." Saying the words out loud was one of the hardest things the vampire had ever done. "But you're not. You're still here... and if you weren't... I'd..." Running his hand through his hair, Spike got up. "You've seen me at my worst. That's nothing compared to how I'd be if I lost you."

Xander just stood there, looking at Spike, his breathing harsh and uneven, his hands trembling. When Spike stood up, he immediately stepped back, once again stumbling over something. He heard the words, saw the look on Spike’s face but how could he believe him? Spike had had Buffy, the very specimen of physical ability. Even when he was whole Xander would have found it hard to compete but now...he was flawed. Deeply and irreversibly crippled.

Spike wanted to hold him again, kiss him... make him forget. But what the boy needed was less complication, not more. "You haven't eaten. I brought food... you need it to take your medicine," he said, wondering if the pain was back yet. "I've got Chinese and burgers and donuts... didn't know what you'd like, yeah? Please... please say you'll eat now."

Food. That was normal. "Okay," he said, still looking warily at Spike. His head was beginning to throb, pain slowly inching back. He could take his meds and maybe he would go to sleep, rest a little, get stronger for his girls. He licked his lips, trying to moisten them. "Food would be good."

"Right... food... sit..." crossing the room, the vampire picked up the packages he'd dropped and brought them to the coffee table. He put the odd mix of foods out, wincing when he noticed Xander having trouble with depth perception as he tried to pick up a piece of sweet and sour chicken. Trying not to make him feel self conscious, he looked away.

Xander bit back a sound of frustration. He couldn’t even eat, he was...he breathed in deeply and tried to calm himself.

"Want me to turn the telly on?"

Spike’s question caught him by surprise and he instinctively turned towards him. He looked worried and stressed. Xander silently cursed himself as he realised that he was the one to put that look on the blond’s face.

"No, I...it would be harder if I looked away." He saw Spike’s expression grow more depressed. "But you could finish the story for me?" he asked, nearly desperate to make things better.

"Yes! I mean.... you just want to hear about how you tortured me. I really shouldn't encourage you." Anything... he'd do anything... say anything ... to distract Xander from his reality.

"Poor little innocent me? Really?" Xander asked, smiling a little. "How did I do that, then?"

"Flirting with that bastard... Alexander the Great. Telling me that 'Great' referred to things that had nothing to do with his deeds. Letting him touch your hair..." Even now, it made Spike grit his teeth.

* * *

[Past]

Alexander smiled to himself as he exited the king’s tent. He didn’t get to see that much of the man, after all there was a war going on, but the king did call him whenever he had free time, no matter how short. He was honoured and excited to have the king’s attention, even if Spadakos was being an ass about it. To be able to bask in their commander’s gaze, to have him stoop so low as to pay attention to a simple soldier, well, it was the best thing that had ever happened to Alex.

Spike cast a dour look toward Alexandros but held his peace. For now. It didn't do much good to talk nowadays anyway, his head was too full of their leader for there to be room for anything else. Turning his back, he started collecting his coins and a skin of wine, then headed off to join the other soldiers who'd invited them to gamble the night away.

"Spike!" Alex called as he caught sight of his friend, "Where are you off to?" he asked, falling into step with him.
"Ho... Nothing you'd be interested in these days. I'm going to clean out the boys' pockets, it was pay day," he reminded Alex. "There won't be any fancy fruit or delicate wine," he sniffed.

"Don’t be an idiot." Alex was in way too good a mood for Spike to spoil it. "Can I come play too?" he asked, grinning at his friend. "I miss losing to you," he teased.

Spike snorted. "You have nothing to lose... fine, come along then. They're going to have women there. For a bit of coin, they'll tell you you're finer than that king you fancy so much these days." He slapped Alex's back, and steered him in the right direction.

"Why waste my coins on something I can get for free with my manly charm," he said, striking a pose.

"They're Barbarian whores... they don't care about your charm or what hangs between your legs, just what's in your pocket," he mussed up Alex's hair and laughed. "For once... your looks mean nothing." Both men and women looked at his friend with longing, more and more it seemed. It never used to bother him, but now that the King had him wrapped around himself like a fine fur blanket...

"I bet I could get one without paying over anything," Alex replied, nudging Spike with his shoulder. "My charm never failed me before," he grinned. It was a running joke between them, how Alex could always get women to do what he wanted simply by flashing his puppy eyes at them. Spike had taken as much of an advantage of it as Alex had done, egging his friend on whenever he himself wanted a home cooked meal or something like that.


"You do, and I will give you my seven-days pay," Spike agreed happily knowing all these Barbarians thought of was the coin... what they called geld. "Meanwhile, I'll be increasing my fortunes. Gia sas boys!" he greeted them.

They joined the group of men already busy rolling the dice up against a board and shouting as they won or lost. Money was quickly exchanging hands and Spike was more than ready to join in. "Seven-days pay... but leave your money with me, I won't have you cheating," Spike said, putting his hand out for Alex's money and then shaking his head. "That is all you have left..." Alexandros was a spendthrift... but he also received less pay. Due to his family status, Spike had come into the army with greater rank. "Go on then..." he gave Alex a shove toward the women pouring drinks for the soldiers and coaxing them into paying for a bit of time behind the trees.

Alex laughed and went off to chat to the girls, somehow managing to end up sitting between two of them, one arm around a blonde's waist and the other around a brunette's shoulders. As the guys played games, he chatted and flirted and joked, using all his charm on the two girls next to him. They seemed to respond to his advances, giggling in all the right places and shifting closer and closer to him, until they were practically sitting on his lap. He shot Spike a triumphant look as he trailed kisses down a girl's neck, sure that he'd won the bet.

Shaking his head at his friend's lamb-like naiveté, Spike shook the dice in his hands and rolled them on the ground. Laughter and jeering followed every roll. Even though the game intensified, every once in a while, he glanced back at Alex. The girls were still touching him, but clearly neither of them was willing to go anywhere with him. If Spike knew anything, it was that only geld in their palms would do the trick.

"Roll, go on..."

Amid the shouts, Spike rolled, and drank, and rolled.... by the night's end, he was pocketing a lot of money. More than enough to buy a girl... and her whole family.

He staggered a bit, then straightened and found himself near the fire with Xander. Most of the girls had now found buyers and had gone off behind the trees. The sounds coming from the woods and from some of the tents was drawing attention from the men who either didn't have the money to buy a whore, or were waiting for their turns... there was no shame in sharing.

Spike pulled some of his money out and saw the women’s eyes glitter. He started to nod toward one of them, then changed his mind. "Which one do you want? I'm feeling generous. I'll share," he said, finding it difficult to choose for himself.

By the end of the night Alex had worked himself up but still, it had been obvious that unless he got some money he'd be depending on his own hand to find relief. Spike's offer, though unexpected, was definitely welcome and he happily smiled his consent at his friend. Minutes later they led the girl to a secluded place in the woods, laughing and teasing her about her eagerness.

"Would you like to go first?" Alex asked, "After all you're the one paying for this."

Spike shrugged as he pulled the girl close and started to kiss her. She was nicely rounded and soft, though he hadn't had a woman in so long that even if she'd been an old dried stick of a woman, he'd have been pleased enough. Barbarian or not, she knew how to ply her trade, moving against him in just the right way to get his blood boiling.

Then she pulled away, and before he could protest, she'd wrapped her arms around Alex and was kissing him. In his already aroused state, watching them doubled his lust. In a single step, he stood behind the woman and lodged his arousal in the cleft of her ass, putting his arms around her and kissing her neck. As she moved back and forth, pleasuring the both of them, the sounds coming from Alex captured Spike's attention. Fuck... Sliding his hand around her chest, he wormed it under her half undone shirt and squeezed her plump breast. "She's a pretty one," he muttered, rubbing himself harder against her backside, and groaning as Alex pushed her back against him.
"Oh yeah, that she is," Alex agreed. The girl's hands were roaming up and down his back, kneading and pressing in all the right places. Still, his breath caught as he felt the back of Spike's hand against his chest, a simple accidental gesture that should have had no effect. He instinctively pressed harder towards the girl's body, pretending even to himself that he wanted a better feel of her breasts. He sank his hands in her hair, tilting her head so he could deepen the kiss.
Spike moved his hands up and down her body. Interestingly, the resistance from being trapped between her body and Alex's added to his pleasure and increased his lust tenfold. "My turn," he nudged Alex's face away, with his own, so he could steal a kiss from her. He felt her squirming... pulling her skirt up... giving Alex access to her womanly parts. The thought of the other man spearing her drew a groan out of him.
Alex groaned as he felt the cloth move away, one hand immediately moving downwards. He cupped her naked ass for a moment, grazing Spike's thigh with his knuckles. Moaning once more he shifted his hand down to grab hold of the girl's thigh, pushing her leg up and to the side so he could press his erection firmly against her. All the while his eyes could not leave the sight of Spike's mouth moving against hers.
"Mmmm... good... so good..." Spike hummed and muttered, feeling very relaxed until she tensed and he felt her getting pushed back into him. Breaking the kiss, he raised his face, eyes locking with Alex's as Alexandros pushed inside her. The look of pure rapture on Alex's face almost unmanned Spike. "Go on... fuck her," he whispered, putting and arm around both of them, and helping Alex hold her leg up as all three of them moved together.

"Dias, yes," Alex groaned as he felt Spike touch him. The girl was tight and wet around him and Spike was pushing her closer to him. Suddenly the girl whimpered and Alex's eyes snapped up to meet Spike's. "Did you just..."
He hadn't planned to, but watching them and feeling them move against him had been too much. Almost without thought, he'd undone her trousers and entered her from behind. She was closed so tight around him, so hot and tight, the urge to buck against her intensified. His breaths coming hot and harsh, he nodded. "She doesn't mind... do you? See, one hole is as good as another," he said patting her.
Spike started to thrust, deep inside her. With each pump of his own hips, he felt Alex pushing her back, fucking her into him, going faster and deeper, moving with increasing urgency. Watching his friend go mad with lust, Spike caught fire, burned with desire and need greater than he'd ever known. He kneaded Alex's back, urging him on, even as he fucked her from behind.

The first time Spike felt it... Zeus above, he thought he imagined it. But the next time his cock found a new hardness inside her, he gave Alex a questioning look. Did he feel Spike too? Because... Then there was no room for thought, Spike was fucking her, feeling Alex... going deeper trying to feel him some more, mindlessly pressing forward and chasing his release.
"That's you," Alex said, breathless from his exertions, "Oh gods, that's you," he repeated, bucking wildly.
Spike's mouth went dry as he chased Alex inside her, "that's it... that's it..." he kneaded Alex's shoulder and squeezed her thigh, his fingers digging deeper and deeper and deeper as he got closer. A hoarse cry ripped from his throat as he came inside her, still watching Alexandros... watching him fuck his mind out.
"Fuck yes." Alex watched as Spike found his release, unable to hold back. He moved faster, harder, eyes never leaving Spike as he finally came.
* * *
[Present]
Xander looked wide-eyed at Spike. "Well...that was..." he blinked, lost for words. "Wow," he said after a couple of minutes.
"It was that," Spike grinned. "If I'd known... really known what it was all really about, I'd have cut out the middle man... or woman, so to speak."
"Did we...they...we...okay this is entirely too confusing," Xander pouted for a moment. "Did they ever figure it out?"
"Are we... ever going to figure it out," he asked, putting an arm behind Xander and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck. "Are we?" Spike's voice was low, husky, full of emotion. Between almost losing Xander and the pain of seeing him like this, he'd been close to losing it. He knew... this wasn't the time to push, but the words tumbled out and couldn't be taken back.

"You still want that?" Xander asked, avoiding Spike’s eyes. It was easy to do, he thought bitterly as he turned his blind sight towards the blond. "Why?"

He stared at Xander's profile for a good long time, his heart aching for the boy. "Because you're more than the sum of your parts, yeah? Because you taught me that a long time ago in a place called Macedonia. And because, believe it or not, I... I love you." Taking Xander's hand, he whispered. "I think maybe you like me... just a little."

"You don’t love me." The denial was immediate and unequivocal. "You can’t love me! Look at me Spike, I’m a mess!" Xander tried to get up, get away, but he couldn’t even do that. He flopped back down and waited miserably for the dizzy spell to pass. "I’m a mess," he repeated, closing his eye so he didn’t have to look at the pity that must be in Spike’s eyes.

The lump that lodged itself in Spike's throat robbed him of speech. If it was possible, he felt the blood drain from his head. Gently... very gently, he lifted Xander and pulled him into his embrace, enveloping his arms around him despite the half-hearted resistance from the boy. "Never did meet a mess I didn't fall for." He kissed the top of Xander’s head, rubbing his mouth back and forth and mumbling. "Besides, you loved Spadakos and he was a mess. You stayed, in a time when most wouldn't... you stayed. You didn't let him drive you away. Not letting you do that to me either. Not ever."

Xander remained quiet, wanting so badly to believe that Spike´s words were true but still unable to get over the thought that Spike would leave in the end for someone better. He waited until his heartbeat slowed down and he regained some control of his reactions before he spoke.

"He got hurt?" he whispered.

"He got hurt." The way Spike said it, it was clear he was making an understatement.

(A/N: Your comments are much appreciated)