Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me Kill Me

Spike was again watching from the shadows and he wondered if Xander really knew how much the older man had come to trust him. Realized exactly what it meant. The other night the lad had come to his house, the night after they’d pissed off Angelus, and he was moping. Evidently his parents didn’t give a piss about what he did but the Watcher and the little red headed girl did, and they held some influence over Xander.

For his crime of turning Peaches into as big a poof on the outside as he was inside, Xander had been sentenced to a book report. The human came to his house with heavy steps and a long face, bitching and moaning about having to read. Evidently he was supposed to read a classic, and you’d think the lad was dying the way he carried on.

And Spike had done something that he hadn’t done in over a hundred years. Shared his love of reading. He’d dragged the boy to his trunk full of books and dug out one of his old favorites, a copy of Beowulf. He figured if anything would appeal to Xander, reading about a bloke with a big sword that killed demons would be it.

Spike had left the lad there once the sun went down, reading in the living room. Between hunting, keeping an eye on Angelus and the Annoying One’s minions scurrying around town making right nuisances of themselves, Spike didn’t get back to his lair until it was almost dawn.

He had found Xander asleep on the couch, book clutched tight in his hand.

The part of Spike that allowed him to care about more than death and blood found it almost overwhelmingly endearing. Only his Dark Plum had affected him this way before, made him feel protective and all soft. But Dru had been a special circumstance; she had been his Sire, his Maker, and had been broken almost beyond belief at both her Sire and her Grandsire’s abandonment. Spike had been all she had left and she'd clung to him as much as he had cherished her.

Xander was human and young, a do-gooder at that. But somehow they had become friends in the past two months and Spike knew that given the chance he could feel more. And given the occasional burst of pheromones from the lad and a few of the looks, he might just get that chance. He just had to wait a bit, till the lad figured out what it was that he wanted.

It was bloody hard, waiting. He hated doing it, most of the time he just took what he wanted when he wanted it. But Spike knew that if he waited it would be well worth it. Then Xander would be his of his own free will.

And Spike would never let go.

He was watching the boy tonight, keeping an eye on him as he wandered around town with Red. They were eating ice cream and chattering on, the girl the only human he knew that could rival Xander’s talk rate. There was a minion lurking about, but nothing that Xander couldn’t handle. He’d taken to showing the lad a move or two and he was becoming quite a fighter.

Suddenly Spike felt a tingle on the back of his neck, a feeling as if someone had scraped nails down a blackboard. He shifted to his true face and growled. The Slayer was back in town and looking for her little friends.

Now things would get really interesting.

*****

“So, have you heard from Buffy? I mean, she has to come back, school starts tomorrow.” Xander licked at his vanilla cone and tried to ignore the way Willow was flirting with him. Or trying to get him to flirt with her.

“Nope, haven’t heard from her. I got a couple of cards right before we left on vacation but nothing since. You think she’s okay?”

Xander shrugged. “She’s probably catching up with what friends she has left in LA and spending time with her Dad. He doesn’t send for her every weekend he has visitation, you know, and she misses him a lot.” He couldn’t understand it himself. Given the chance, he’d be ecstatic never to see his father again.

Willow gave him a half-hearted smile. “Still crushing on her?”

Xander was able to give a real grin to that question, and knew that if he wasn’t in the dark Willow would have picked up the blush that was spreading across his face. “I can truthfully say that I have moved on from my Buffy-crush. I’ve moved into an entirely different state, even.”

Okay, so Spike had blonde hair too, but Xander knew there was a soft brown underneath; he’d seen the roots where it had been growing out last week before Spike had bleached again. But other than that, Spike was nothing like Buffy. Vampire/Slayer, male/female aside, Spike was just so much more real. He made Xander feel like a person, and not some stupid kid bumbling around.

“Oh.” Willow’s voice was small but she had an odd smile on her face and Xander knew he’d messed up. During his little trip to Spikeland Willow had added up two and two and come up with ten. She thought he liked her now.

And he was going to have to let her down, because he didn’t think he could survive another year of Willow-looks. It had been bad enough when Jesse was around but now with Buffy encouraging her it had been getting worse.

“Listen, Wills…”

Willow looked over her shoulder and screamed. He winced at how the sound made his ears ring, even while he was pulling her behind him and grabbing the stake in his back pocket. His ice cream fell to the ground, forgotten.

“Willow, run! Go!”

Of course, Willow didn’t listen to him. Xander was beginning to understand how Buffy felt, trying to fight and protect someone at the same time. He punched the vampire in the face twice and managed to trip him. He brought up his stake and was just about to ram it through the minion’s chest when it was pulled away from him.

Buffy was back.

She did her usual thing, punching and kicking before making him dust. If he had played around like that, Spike would have given him a good shot to the head. The other man always told him it was stupid to fool around unless you knew you had the upper hand. Being human, Xander would never get that so he was to stake first and make comments later.

“Hi, guys! Miss me?”

“Hey!” He jumped for his hug, happy to see his friend home. As Xander stood back to let Willow have her turn, he took a good look at Buffy. Different hair, different clothes. Buffy really did look good.

And oh, look, no signs of attraction whatsoever. Zip, zero, nada.

Huh. He looked down at the ground where his cone was melting and tried to remember just what it was that made him so desperate for her last spring.

“When did you get home?” Willow’s voice broke Xander out of his thoughts but he knew he’d have to go there sooner or later. Later would be much, much better.

“Dad just brought me home a little while ago; he’s back at the house talking to Mom so I thought I’d come out and see what you two were doing.” Buffy made a clucking sound with her tongue. “Does either of you have a cross? Sloppy guys.”

Actually, Xander did have a cross, but he’d wanted to kill the fledge, not scare him away. Willow, though, looked down ashamedly before bouncing back up again.

“Well, it’s been kind of slow! That’s the first vampire I’ve seen all summer. Right, Xander?”

Xander bit his lip and nodded, and hoped that his best friend was so excited over Buffy’s return that she wouldn’t catch the lie.

*****