Nobody's Home

I fall asleep on the bed and when I wake its night time, I walk into the front room and see Angel sitting gloomy on his sofa.
“I’m getting an abortion” I announce suddenly, he looks up sharply, his dark eyes piercing the dim room.
“Why?” he murmurs, I shrug my shoulders.
“I can barely take care of myself let alone another person” I dispute, I don’t look him in the eye, I don’t think I could stop myself from crying. “I’m going to leave too, there’s no point me staying here” I walk back into the bedroom and stifle a sob.
I feel his heavy footsteps approach the bedroom behind me. He places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes reassuringly.
“I’m here whatever you decide” He whispers gently, I fight back the tears and nod slowly, there’s so much shit I’ve done but this has to be the worst.

The next day I leave early just after Angel has gone down to sleep, I head over to the medical centre; I hope to see my OB first thing to talk about abortion.
“I err need to see Dr Wilson?” I splutter to the young receptionist.
“Do you have an appointment?” She asks routinely.
“No I err I don’t I just need to see her” I sigh impatiently before she tells me I will have to take a seat. I groan to myself and head to an empty seat in the waiting room.

I’m called to her office and sit down in front of her planning my speech in my head. She opens my file and sits down ready for me.
“I want an abortion” I spit out. Her eyebrows rise immediately and she sits back in her chair, her hands are clasped together like a teachers, I know she’s going to tell me off.
“Faith, I can’t let you do that, at this late stage not only is it killing your child but it’s life threatening to yourself.” I throw myself back in the chair angrily.
“Why?” I ask calmly. She looks at me confused.
“Why, what Faith?” She enquires. The fury builds up inside.
“Why wasn’t I given the choice earlier?” I start to raise my voice. She sighs and looks for the answer.
“It is not my place to offer abortions; I am here to help babies not kill them.” She says finally. I stand up and storm out of the room slamming the door behind me.

I walk around town for the rest of the day planning what I can do, I mean sure I could get a bottle of vodka and do it myself I suppose, but that might hurt and I could die…I mean I know I go on about wanting to die all the time but I don’t want to do it myself…that’s just weird and stuff. I don’t realise how long I’ve been out until I look around and the street lamps are coming on. I head back to Angel’s in a temper, and slam the door as I enter the apartment.
“Hi Faith” He jokingly acknowledges me. I glare at him and take some food out of the fridge to eat. I slam myself down on the sofa and turn the TV on. He sidles over to me and sits down gently looking at me. I turn around and stare at him.
“What?!” I ask impatiently.
“I wonder if you had thought more about this abortion idea…” He whispers tenderly.
“Yeah I did” I say sharply “Already had it done” his eyebrows augment and I look at him swiftly before looking back to the TV.
“Oh right” I can feel his eyes drop to my stomach which is still quite large.
“The doctor says it’ll return to normal in a few days, it just has to get used to it and stuff” I spit it all out believingly.
“Right” he says finally before getting up, my eyes follow him as he walks into the kitchen. He suddenly comes back in.
“Does that mean you’ll be going soon?” He states spitefully. I finish chewing the chip I have in my mouth and shrug my shoulders.
“I guess so.” I turn my head to show I’m finished talking to him and look into my bag of potato chips. Where the hell am I meant to go now?

I eventually sidle off to the bedroom and lie under the covers waiting for the sun to come up, I must have fell asleep because seconds ago it was dark and now it’s quite light. I climb out of bed and throw my jeans on, my still large stomach sitting over the waistband, I pull on a warm jumper and it manages to cover it. I pack everything else into a bag he has lying around, I open the bedroom door slowly and check he is in bed, he’s not there so I tiptoe across to the front door, I look around the room again and slowly open the door to find Angel standing there.
“Oh shit” I whisper.
“Faith” he says perplexed.
“I err guess I’m leaving” my eyes drop to the floor humiliated, he opens his mouth to speak but doesn’t, he stands aside and lets me pass him.
I look at him I want to say something memorable to him, but my mind is blank; I better do something quick because now I just look stoned. I kiss his cheek quickly and begin to walk away with the bag in tow.
“Faith” he says quickly, I stop but don’t turn around. “Take this” I look over my shoulder at the wad of cash he’s holding out to me.
“I don’t want your money Angel” I whisper.
“Just take it please” He begs, I turn around and walk towards him my hand caresses the seemingly thick bundle of money. I look at him confusedly. He nods at me and looks up the corridor, signalling for me to go. I drop my head sadly and turn around and walk out of the building. A small breeze greets me at the front door, and I walk up to the bus stop I ended up at when I first came here, it all seems so final. If this were a story this is where it would end.