Days Like These Keep Me Warm

Hello once again, thank you all for the reviews of the last chapter, here's another one. I've been thinking about how long this story is going to be and how it will end and really right now I'm not sure, I haven't really planned too far in advance like I usually do when I write fan fiction. So really anything can happen.

Feedback and all that is welcomed, the more you review the more I get inspired to write more. And finally I am posting this story at www.spuffyfantasy.com as well as www.blondiebear.com and www.sinisterattractions.com all great Spike fan fiction sites that you should check out!

Luv Louise

Chapter Ten: To Ease My Mind Of All These True Sensations.

The journey to the hospital had felt like a long one, even though in a town this size everything was within walking distance. The ambulance had whizzed through the streets and the paramedics had allowed William to hold her hand throughout the journey as they set about helping Buffy breath properly and dealing with her injuries.

He had countless thoughts running through he mind, many focussed on the condition of Buffy but also on whether the police would find that Darla bitch and why this day had given him such an array of emotions. Anger, love, disappointment, fear, anxiety, happiness and confusion. Always confusion. Yet the one thing that continually stuck in his mind was the memory of his own accident.

Being in the ambulance, not being able to see, feeling pain, for he was hurt himself, emotions raging like they were now, that was like the night Drusilla changed his life. His memories had been sparked for a number of reason, Darla for one had reminded him of his ex lover, no doubt she had that glint in her eyes that Drusilla had. Yet it was more than just the malice of Buffy's attacker than sent painful recollections William's way, it was ultimately the treachery he felt from Buffy that made him compare her to Drusilla. Perhaps he was over reacting.

//Buffy never left me for dead, she took care off me, she got herself hurt so I wouldn't be but then she lied, the university thing didn't bother me, still doesn't, even the fact that she is unemployed I can cope with but in prison. It's a little fucking too much //

This deep conflict of whether he should just forgive Buffy completely or should end their newfound relationship stayed in William's mind as he waited nervously in the sterile corridor, alone. They wouldn't let him visit her yet, and he was waiting to for his own wounds to be seen too. The two men who had helped him had found Strummer and William had asked them to take the animal back to Rupert's shop. William knew pretty soon his friends would turn up completely worried about what the hell had happened. For now, however he felt very distant from events at the castle. He could no longer hear Buffy screams of pains, no longer was his sole concern whether she would live or not. This detachment made him increasingly unsure at his decisions over the past few days.

//I haven't even known her a week and I slept with her, and bloody outside off all places and it's not like we're even had dates before, just did it, allowed her into my heart, playing with fire, gonna get hurt, I knew I can't trust women//

William wished he had listened to what his instincts had told him, and kept away from women. He rested his hands on his face and sighed heavily, this was some kind of nightmare he was convinced, was he doomed to be fucked over not by people like Buffy but from his own emotions?

//I don't hate Buffy I still love her, I do, I wouldn't have been so upset when she left on Sunday if I didn't, I wouldn't searched for her at the university and I certainly wouldn't have done what I did in the castle. Why I am feeling like this? Why can't I just accept who she is? So she was in prison doesn't mean she isn't the same girl I fell for. Darla said she was only there for three years, couldn't been murder and as long as it wasn't that or abuse to children or animals I can deal with it right? //

"Yeah right" William he muttered unknowingly gaining a look of bewilderment from a passing patient. He knew the whole prison thing was a big deal and even though Darla was a psycho bitch queen from hell, what if she was right? What if Buffy was responsible for the death of his Angel guy?

//And what if she escaped from prison and that's why she wasn't there long? What if she's really using me just to get a job, to spend my money? William stop it! Stop thinking of Buffy like that, she isn't some killer, she isn't a bad person, she fucking loves me, I know she does for everything she lied about, she was genuine when she was crying and telling me how much she hated Drusilla for hurting me//

William's mind spun round and round, one moment he resented Buffy for getting him involved in her messed up life and then a second later he felt incredibly guilty and wanted to do nothing more than to bring her in for a strong hug.

"Mr Johnstone?" A female voice interrupted him, placing their hand on his shoulder and sitting down next to him.

"Can I see her yet? Is she okay?" William questioned impatiently.

"She's stable and conscious but you need to have your own injuries dealt with and the police want to talk to you"

"Fine, lets get this over with pet" William relented, then he could see her, then they could have an important talk.

******

Buffy struggled to keep her eyes open, and failed to focus properly on her surroundings. From the over clean smell, the bleeping machines and the fact that she could feel tubing on her body she knew it was a hospital room she resided in. An instant panic hit her, hospitals reminded her of Angel.

Her eyes flew open and her breathing accelerated, she gained her focus and glanced around like a caged wild animal. No one else was there, she wanted someone to be around.

"William!" she called out in distress tugging at her drip "William, I need to see you. Angel? Angel are you there, look after William for me, tell me where he is!"

// Neither of them will reply, I need to get out of here, what if, oh fuck what happened? //

Her memories slowly seeped through her mind and she was hit by the image of Darla trying to undo William's jeans and how he let her do it.

// But he pushed her away, he shouted 'Whoever you are, keep the hell away from me!' William didn't want Darla no, and he had refused to listen to her when she was speaking her spiteful words. No he will still love me right, he has to but//

It dawned on her quickly and with much anguish, was he even alive? The last thing she remembered was telling Darla to leave William alone, to hurt her instead of him and then regretting her words because Darla had turned her attentions back to William and then, then Buffy had fallen unconscious and...

//He has gone, she could've killed him easily, she would do that, she would take him away from me because she knew how much he meant to me, I let her know and she saw us together, saw us happy, making love and she came and ruined it and...///

"He is gone" She screamed out in pain before she began to convulse in shock and heartache "My William is dead like Angel is, William!"

Hospitals, she knew know why she hated them, why that antiseptic smell didn't make her feel safe but feel sick. They had brought Angel to a hospital, he was almost dead, bleeding from his stomach where the shop keeper had shot him in apparent self-defensive and the police had taken too long to phone for an ambulance and as Buffy cried and wept for her boyfriend, the man she believed she would be destined to be with forever, all the fucking police Detectives had cared about was questioning her.

Then, when she had finally got to the hospital, finally in the same building at him, they wouldn't let her see Angel, nope she had to be checked over herself for the cuts she had and still the non stop questioning and he was dead the moment he was shot, never had a chance and she never got to say goodbye, dragged along to the police station, charged with several cases of shop lifting, threatening behaviour and a series of joyriding incidents.

Now it was the same, she never got a chance to see goodbye to her William, she wouldn't be able to see his body a final time because she was stuck in this bed, pumped full of drugs so she couldn't feel the physical pain she was in. Yet Buffy wanted that fucking pain, needed to punish herself because Darla had done this, Darla had killed the man she wanted to look after. But thoughts about Darla didn't focus on the need for revenge, instead Buffy was honestly terrified at what the woman would do next.

Darla hadn't killed Buffy when she could've, did that mean that she was planning on hurting those close to her? Would she go and attack people like Joyce and Dawn, what if she had done that already and Buffy didn't know because she couldn't be contacted by her family, she never read the papers for any news that could tell her if she had lost her mother and sister as well.

"I need to go, I need to see him," Buffy yelled pulling the sheets back and trying to get out of her bed. The commotion she had caused with her shouting had beckoned a male nurse to her room, who proceeded to call for assistance and rush over to Buffy's side.

"Miss Summers, calm down, what's wrong?" The nurse asked kindly, tucking the sheets back in and forcing Buffy's arms down when she tried to push away.

"William's dead isn't he, let me see his body, are my family okay, have they got Darla?" Buffy rambled weeping further, looking manically at the nurse and then the male Doctor who entered her room.

"Miss Summers I'm Doctor Chapman" He introduced himself and picked up her chart "No one has died, your friend Mr Johnstone is speaking to the police and your family, we don't have number for them, would you like to ring them yourself?"

"No, no" Buffy shook her head defiantly. She didn't want to worry her family with her problems she brought firmly on herself and all she cared about was the words of Doctor Chapman who told her William was still alive.

"This will calm you down" The doctor said as the nurse injected her with a sedative and then left the room "You suffered a lot, but we've dealt with all your injuries and you will make a full recovery. But I think you should speak to one of our advisors"

"Advisors?" Buffy said slowly, what kind of advice did she need, apart from getting rid of unwanted mental patients by the name of Darla.

"Social services, you're obviously malnourished, your clothes have seen better days," The Doctor observed writing a few things down in his notes.

"I'm, I'm homeless" She stuttered embarrassed, waiting for the usual looks of contempt people who had nice jobs and family gave her but instead Chapman simply nodded for her to carry on "but I'm okay I can look after myself, I don't need any help"

"Yes well, we speak about it later. Mr Johnstone will visit you soon. Get some rest" He suggested

Buffy didn't responded as the tranquillizer finally kicked in and she soon fell back into a sleep.

*******

"So you just so happen to met up with Miss Summers, a woman you first met last weekend, on Saturday the twelfth and what happened next?" The man who had introduced himself as Detective Sayle asked.

William had been sat talking to the Detective and his colleague Officer Turner for the last twenty minutes in the relative's waiting room. They didn't seem to want to leave him alone and with the stress of today, was making him understandingly annoyed. He also didn't like how close they were standing, he could feel a bout of claustrophobia followed by an panic attack on its way

"I told you we talked for a bit, she told me about herself and we..." He naturally hesitated; he hated repeating this bit, telling these strangers about his personal blissful moment with Buffy.

"You had intercourse Mr Johnstone, outside in the ruins of the castle" Officer Turner finished for him, taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yes" William responded bowing his head almost shamefully, he placed his hands between his knees.

"With a woman you hardly know?" Sayle quizzed the same question he had asked for what felt like the twentieth time.

"So what lots of people have one-night stands, it's not like that with Buffy and me we're in love and you may not get that" William retorted "If your gonna charge me with I don't know some kind of indecent exposure, then do it but at least arrest Darla before you arrest me"

"Oh yes Darla, the girl with no surname who turned up from nowhere with a gang of men" Turner intercepted the questioning.

//I don't know which one is worse, Turner or Sayle, but it feels like a case of bad cop - bad cop//

"Yep and as I told you I don't know her surname because I never met her before, Buffy knows her" William grunted in frustration.

"And she proceeded to beat Buffy up out of some sort of revenge for the death of a man called Angel, sounds a bit ludicrous" Sayle commented.

"Well have you spoken to those guys, Owen and Huw they scared her away!" William snapped.

"They only saw the back of her, said they weren't really sure what had occurred, only that they were curious about the shouting" Turner declared

"Well I didn't see anything myself seeing as I'm bloody well blind but I heard the voices, I felt the kicking and being pushed to the floor and I listened as Buffy cried out in pain" William recalled.

// I wish they would stop hassling me, I wish people could stop crowding me, oh fuck you know that feeling I had about panic attacks its here, I know its here//

Sayle spoke briefly to his associate before his bogus allegations began "You know what I think William, I think you took a shine to Miss Summers because she paid you some attention, I think maybe you took advantage of her situation of the fact that she's homeless and that"

"She's homeless?" William repeated, another bombshell fact to try and comprehend, he was attempting to control his breathing as well, thinking whether he should ask to see a doctor so he could get some medication.

//Has she told me the fucking truth about anything? Or is everything a lie, are her compassionate words part of her plan to fuck me over! //

"Yes" He confirmed, "See this is the point I'm getting too, you don't seem to know anything about her. See I think you got too 'friendly' with her and afterwards didn't like it when she rejected you, that you had a fight and it ended like this.

"How fucking dare you!" William spat disbelievingly standing up from his seat looking around in all directions, unable to figure out where they were, head beginning to spin "How the hell could you accuse me of rape? Speak to her, go on, fucking speak to her she will tell you what happened if you don't believe me!"

"Calm down William" Officer Turner ordered pushing William back down in his chair.

"Don't get all matey with me, I should sue you for false accusations" He pointed his finger growling before resting his head in his hand and pulling at his blond locks. Just what he needed, just what he didn't want. Maybe it was some sign from whoever controls fate that he shouldn't get involved with Buffy even if he still wanted to on some level.

"No one is accusing you, just we have to follow every possible line of enquiry" Turner appeased as Sayle went outside to have a breather, he took a seat by 'suspect' and noticed William was shaking and hyperventilating "Mr Johnstone don't get yourself in a state"

"Need...medication...panic...attack" William stuttered his words as he began gasping for air, the full extent of his attack taking over.

"Oh Christ, I'll be back in second, don't go anywhere" Turner ordered.

William struggled to keep relaxed, like what often happened during one of his attacks he lost track of time and his mind concentrated not on the present but the past. For once he had to be relieved that he wasn't thinking of the woman who was responsible for all of this, nope the haunting voice of Drusilla was nowhere to be heard. He was focussing solely on the only calm, relaxing moment of this appalling day, appalling he didn't think was strong enough to describe the shit he had been put through but he was thinking of Buffy and their time together.

He didn't want to try and reason her past, her present or today, he couldn't say 'yep everything is fine' and just carry on with her in his life without asking serious questions about who she truly was but now, this moment as Officer Turner found a doctor, as his friends Alexander and Rupert finally turned up to the hospital and found William staring blankly at the floor. These minutes he knew he still loved her but he wasn't sure that was enough.

The doctor forced two pills down him, Rupert and Alexander kept asking him questions to which William simply nodded yes or no. They supported him against the police, saying they would seek legal advice if William was questioned falsely about rape. Alexander asked who the hell this Buffy Summers was anyway, William mumbled something about needed to see her.

A blur, a big merge of conversations, of feeling slightly better, of briefly remembering the vile voice of Darla. Then thinking Buffy, he needed to see her. Somehow without him even knowing it, the police said they had spoken to her and that William was in the clear and that he could see her if he liked.

Still not really coherent William found himself being ushered to a room by Rupert and then being sat down and the next real thing he fully remembered ing ing was her voice, the time was here to have that conversation

"William" she croaked, "I really thought you were dead, I'm sorry about everything"

He felt her hand touch his and he snapped back into reality "We need to talk"

TBC>>>

You guys will kill me now because I really have no idea when this story will be updated next. I'm going away for most of next week, so I have to say that there's a chance that my usual once a week on a Friday update won't happen. Still could happen and I will try my best to write a new chapter for next week but I can't promise anything. Don't worry though this story won't die, just having a possible break. Of course everything could work out fine and I update as I usually do and this message would be a waste of time