Love's Bitches

Title: Love's Bitches 10/?
Author: Rowaine (rowained@yahoo.com)
Pairing: Spike/Xander, eventually
See first part for disclaimer, warnings, etc ad nauseum
This should be finished in another couple of parts... although I reserve the right to reopen old wounds for a sequel or some sidebar stories at a later date. Kinda like some of the possibilities, but don't know how tave ave them in to the current plot. And yes, smartass types, there really is a plot here -- it's minimal, true, but it's there!


:: Please forgive this man ::

And he falls asleep.

Now how ironic is this? Granted, I'm not used to being in a relationship with another guy, but come on. There's gotta be some universal code of conduct, right? Important talk right after earth-shaking sex.

Although... it felt like he was making love to me. All of me, not just my body. Sure, he played that part like a concert pianist, but there's the other things. The way he looked at me, like I was the most important person in the world to him. The way he anticipated what I needed, to feel utterly safe and protected, without being immasculated. And yeah, maybe only another man could understand that last bit, but it's new and different to me. I'm usually the one to comfort and console.

Guess I've been looking for this feeling a long, long time. Never had the same sort of reaction to anyone else though. Not even to Spike, before. Alright, that was a crazy time -- in his case, literally -- and it was hard enough for us to learn how to be friends. And maybe I'm over-analyzing this.

Facts, man, look at the facts. (Shut up, I'll channel McCoy if I want.)

Fine, fact numero uno. When I finally let myself mourn Anya, I kept imagining a certain other blond snarking me back into shape. Second, I *liked* him before, but I like him more now. Drawn to him, see things in him that I'd in in a partner. And yeah, those warm fuzzies have taken up residence in my gut. So maybe I more than like him. Enough to give myself over for a mating claim? Huh. Says my subconscious, the one who yanked his head to my neck during sex. Right, go away hard-on, can't think with you distracting me. Probably more 'facts' to throw in there, but that's probably the main stuff.

Now, his reaction. First there's the seductor... No, first was the skittish sun-proof vamp, learning what he can and can't do. Then the big bad kid dragging me back and forth between roller coasters, not to mention that memorable trip to Wallyworld. Friend, confidant, then lover. Isn't that what couples are supposed to be to each other?

Never was with Ahn. She was never that secure in her humanity to reciprocate the comfort much. Heh, more big words, go me! But she tried, and might eventually have made it. Just not with me.

Gods, what a lover. *moan* Ok, so he's got over a hundred and thirty years experience, and that makes a huge difference, but it wasn't his technique that made it special. Every ounce of emotion, of gentle caring, went into his touches and kisses. Think I could happily spend eternity just kissing him.

Nope, not gonna hyperventilate over that. Say it again with feeling. Eternity. Forever. Til death or dust do us part. And look, still conscious and grinning like a fool. Yeah, I can give him that, happily. Think I could fall in love with you, Billy D. Bloody, William, Spike.


:: Flip side ::

Whelp's thinking awfully loud. Sure he knows I know he's still awake, not lihe she silence is deafening. He's not tense or worried, smells contented. At peace. Haven't smelt that on him in a very long time. That cus of me?

Yeh, feel close to there myself. Just keep my eyes closed, arms tight around his warm body, and let the rest of the world do its thing.

Only I can't. There's too many unanswered questions. Why am I back. What am I now. Why'd I get sent here, practically falling at Xander's feet. Not that I'm complaining, mind. Can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be, if I'm honest about it. All seems too tidy though.

He asked about shansu a few days ago, and that makes the most sense. Except the prophecy wasn't about me, was missing several pieces. So whatever's happening here won't ruin Peaches' chances for his humanity. *snort* Don't think he deserves it, less than he did two years ago. Letting that little snip of a chit bully him back to LA instead of taking his chance at redemption? Wasn't for me, knew I'd never find that.

So what game are the Powers playing now? 'M not a human, not a true vampire either. Still have my demon, but don't crave blood. Made me nauseus... cept Xan's. One mouthful and I'm addicted. *moan*

Seems I remember a story the Master used to tell about daywalking vampires. He'd snarl and scoff, voice full of scorn, cus they worked with the white hats. Used to tell me and Dru bedtime stories warning us away from them. Dunno how much shit that was though. Weren't they supposed to be 'free' or something? Hell Dru, wish you were here. You always did remember that crap better'en me.

So what's this leave... Xander. His response to me, all of me. So tender and loving, understand what Anya saw in him now. And he's mine whether he knows it or not. Bloody git, giving himself without questions or reservations to a demon. He should know better by now, right?

And what if he does, and wants it anyways. Was a time when I would've grabbed the prezzie and ran with it. Now, all I can think about is how he'll look at me when he hears what we did. Yeh, I bit him, my fault there. But he offered, more than once. Counts for something.


:: Changing channels ::

Enough soul-searching, for both of us. Bet he doesn't know that I can tell he's not asleep. Heh, he breathes in his sleep, purrs too. It's close enough to breakfast time now, think I'll drag him into the shower then down to the coffee shop.

"Hey blondie."

"Wha?"

"You smell."

" 'S'not like you're fresh as a daisy either, Harris."

"Yeah, let's go take a shower." With a little effort he gets the vamp's limbs untangled from his own, directing them to the tiny bath. The only response? A raised eyebrow. And when did that get so damned sexy...

He isn't much confused by his friend's cool demeanor. From what little Spike said earlier, their mating wasn't intentional -- which sends a pang of hurt deep inside his chest, but those kinds of thoughts can wait. So, claim marks of the evil undead, volume 12: pet, childe, minion, and mate. And yeah, coulda been the pet type, but he doesn't think so. Those second two are out for obvious reasons. Leaving only the fourth. Maybe he just has to show Spike that he's alright with it.

Grabbing a thin hotel washcloth, he soaps up and applies himself to scrubbing his new lover. And sometime over the past few hours, he's decided that he really wants Spike as his lover. A flicker of memory from one of his high school English Lit classes: lover in the truest sense of the word, alone and in public, committed intimacy between two people on every level. And maybe he's finally ready for that. Or maybe he's ready for that *with*Spike*.

Before he knows it, they're both clean and dried off, the blond having taken charge of towel duty. Good thing too, or Xander might have stayed dripping and chilled in the stall, lost in thought.

"So. What's next?" Bland tone, giving nothing away.

Xander isn't as withdrawn, gives him a grin. "Wanna have breakfast? Or we could stay here and abuse the lube some more." Putting a wicked glint in his eyes, he leers at his vampire. "Or, we could make love again, talk about what's bugging you, then head on down to New Orleans."

Deep sigh puffed out between drawn lips. "Xan, we're not going to get anywhere with jokes. Love that about you, always relieving the tension, but now's not the time for it."

"Always time for a smile, big bad cuddler. 'Sides, whatcha need to talk about? You claimed me, I'm willing, had the most amazing orgasm of my life and would love to practice some more of that tongue stuff." Heh, can a vamp go 'gah' and still look perturbed? He's so cute like that.

"Wait. You're... willing?"

Ah, so that's where he got stalled. "Happily claimed here, can we confirm this with another round?"

"Dammit Harris, put a leash on your libido. And don't bother sulking at me. I mastered that lip decades before your grandmum was in nappies."

"But Spikeeeeee!"

"Come on, Xan, we need to talk about this... "

Fine, he won't let me pout. Willow tactics deployed. "Alright dear, have a seat and we'll talk all you want. Should I fix you some tea? Cookies? Could probably call the office for some room service." Leading the perplexed blond over to the bed, Xander sat them down and took both cool hands in his own.

"Spike, we learned how to be friends before... Sunnydale came tumbling down. Learned how to at least live together, like each other some. I didn't realize how much I missed you till the day you dropped on your butt up in the mountains. My friend, but also someone I admired and enjoyed spending time with. Someone I could share the strangest and most embarassing things with. And yeah, you might spread my secrets out just to get a laugh, but never when they were really damaging.

"And maybe you missed what I said earlier, while you were freaking out so hard. I've read the watchers' journals about claim marks and stuff. I knew what was happening before I offered. That's just it though -- it was my choice to offer. And your choice to take, to accept. I'm not unhappy about this, far from it. Don't we both deserve some happiness these days?"

Only after he stopped ranting did he realize how loud he'd gotten. Spike won't meet his eyes either, sitting apathetically beside him.

With a gentle squeeze to his hand, Xander continues more softly, "That's it, huh. The soul tells you that you don't deserve anything good. Bet the demon says 'take it and run' though." He grins at the startled intake of air. Chuckling to himself, Xander does a mental snoopy dance. Yeah, he knows his vamp. "You told me, just after you moved out of... there and into my place, remember? Told me you were trying to merge your soul and demon into one spirit, like having a balanced conscience for either side."

"What're you on about, pet? Think you took a u-turn back there somewhere."

Snicker. "We talked about how hard it was for you, for the new soul and the old vamp spirit to get along. Don't remember whose idea it was, but it made sense at the time, still does too. Let them merge, puts you on an even keel with us poor mortals. Humans aren't born 'good' or 'evil'. We become, with help from environment and natural disposition. Nature versus nurture, remember?"

"Huh. Yeh, think that was the time we got so shitfaced that Red had to float us back home. She didn't even get chewed up by Ripper for unnecessary magic either."

"Right. So, your soul's got all this guilt and repression from the Victorian era, and your demon's got most of the aggression and passion. If you let them melt together, you'll be better balanced than most humans." And so what if he sounds way too pleased with his reasoning. It's dragging his lover out of the muck, and that was his main objective. "But really," the little twinkle comes back, "I think that's already happened, and you're just too stubborn to give over. You, William aka Spike, are at heart a softy, heart and soul and vamp."

Xander has just enough time to dodge before the blonde snaps out of his shock to thwap him.