Coo Coo Ca-Choo

Spike had bid Buffy a goodnight to go back to the dorm after cleaning up from dinner. It was Sunday night and he needed to be up for class in the morning and she needed to be at work. They both decided if he stayed the night, neither would get any sleep so they reluctantly parted company with lingering kisses and hugs.

Spike walked into his room with a swagger in his step and was whistling a little diddy. From his place on his bed watching TV, Xander raised his eyebrow at him.
“Hi honey, I’m home” Spike said.
“You’ve been with another woman, haven’t you?” Xander stood with his hands on his hips, raising his voice to sound like a gi. “h. “how could you do this to me? I gave you the best years of my life...” Xander grinned.
“Shutup whelp” Spike threw a pillow at him.

“So..you make with the big makeup? She like the meal?” Xander asked in all seriousness.
“Yep and Yep” Spike replied. “I’m beat. Gonna crash, mate”
“She wear you out again, eh? You lucky dog you” Xander clicked the TV off and turned out the light.
“I set the alarm for 8, night Will” Xander told him but Spike was already snoring.

“Buffy...Buffy..BUFFY..wait up!” Riley yelled down the hall trying to catch up with a briskly walking Buffy.
“Oh, hi Riley. Sorry, I didn’t realize you were behind me” Buffy lied.
“I was shouting your name” Riley looked confused.
“Uhh..my ears...clogged up a bit..sinus infection..drainage and stuff...er...sorry” Buffy made up.
“No problem. Look...I was wondering when we were going to go out again...I have been trying to contact you since our trip to San Francisco and....”
“Yeah...my machine is broke at home..so haven’t been getting messages...” Buffy cut him off.
“Oh, alright. Well?” Riley asked.
“Well what?” Buffy asnwered.
“When are we going to go out again?”

This guy is as dumb as a box of rocks, Buffy thought. Can’t he take a hint? Damn, she was dreading this and had been avoiding him but she was caught now. She had to tell him about William. She had to tell him something at least. Buffy sighed.

“Riley” she started.
“Buffy” he replied.
“Riley, you’re a really nice guy and I’m sorry to do this but I can’t go out with you again.” Buffy informed him.
“Butttt....butttt why not? I thought we had a great time at your moms?” Riley said desperately.
“We did...it’s just...Riley...I wasn’t quite honest with you. See...I am involved with someone and we kinda had a little fight and that’s when I asked you and I know it was wrong to you and to him but we made up after I got back from Mom’s and I really can’t go out with you again.” Buffy rambled on.
“I see. What’s his name?” Riley questioned her.
“Huh? What does it matter what his name is?” Buffy stammered.
“Well, I think I at least deserve to know the name of the guy lucky enough to steal you away from me” Riley tried to be suave.
“Well, technically he didn’t steal me because he already had me...I mean..not as in the sexual way had me...but the other way..not that there isn’t sex between us..I mean..there has been having....” Buffy stumbled all over her words.
“His name, Buffy?” Riley repeated.
“Uhh..it’s Spike. Spike is his name” Buffy smiled.
“SPIKE? You’re dating a guy named SPIKE?” Riley raised his voice.
“Yeah, got a problem with that?” Buffy got defensive.
“Uh..no..it’s just...unexpected. Well, I think I’ll just go far away and be....away.” Riley turned and left.
Buffy took a deep breath and thought, “Yeah, you do that, schmuck”.

A few weeks passed with Buffy and Spike spending almost all their free time together. Xander and Riley were the only two who knew about her relationship, well that and Mrs. Jones and her friend down the way, but Riley didn’t know that Spike her boyfriend and William her cousin were one in the same. And William didn’t know that Riley didn’t know. Buffy had left that small detail out of her retelling of the brushing Riley off to Spike. It was only a matter of time before the proverbial shit hit the fan. And hit it did, in a big way.

It was a Saturday night and Spike and Buffy had decided to go see a movie. They usually rented in, movies and food, and Spike was itching to go out for a change. Buffy had tried to dissuade him from it at first but when he asked her if she was ashamed to be seen with him in public, she felt guilty and relented.

The third installment of Lord of the Rings was playing and neither had seen it yet so they decided on that. Buffy was slightly tense and nervous at first, fearing they would run into someone while they were out but she warmed up as the night went on. The movie was fabulous and her and Spike shared a big tub of buttered popcorn and a supersized Cherry Coke.

They were leaving the theatre, hand in hand. Spike leaned over and kissed Buffy passionately and that’s when she heard the screech.
“BUFFY? BUFFY??”
She felt like she was moving in slow motion as she turned and there stood Anya with Wes, Fred, Gunn and....oh god..Riley in tow.
Buffy pulled away from Spike as Anya walked over to them.
“Well, fancy meeting you out here!” Anya said cheerily.
“We had no idea you’d be on a date, the group decided to do movie night tonight. I left you a message on your voice mail but you must have not checked it yet” Anya told her.
“Guess you had the same idea” Anya turned her gaze to Spike, not recognizing him with the new hair and leather coat at first glance.
“So, who is this hot stud you have with you?” she asked bluntly. “Is this the Spike that I heard about. Riley said you were dating a guy named Spike, didn’t realize he was so...young” she eyed Spike up and down. “Wonder why they call you that?” her eyes fixed on his groin making Spike blush and want to cover himself with his hands.

“Yes, this is Spike. Umm..great seeing you Anya, but we have to be going...” Buffy tried to get away.
Anya kept looking at Spike, “Do I know you? You look familar” she asked him.

Riley took that opportunity to come closer then wanting to eye up his “competition”. She tossed me over for this young teenage punk? He thought to himself.
“You must be Spike” Riley said and raised his hand out to shake, trying to gage the other man.
Spike took it and shaked it with a much more firm than needed grip.
“Wait a minute!” it finally dawned on Riley who this Spike looked just like, save the different color hair. “You look just like Buffy’s cousin William” he blurted out.

Spike swung his eyes to Buffy who was fidgeting nervously. She had told him that she had told Riley and her friends about him. He had assumed that meant her coming clean that he wasn’t really her cousin but it was apparent now that she had lied to him once again and had just told them she was dating a guy named Spike and pretended like he was someone completely different than William. He was livid. Buffy watched his eyes narrow in anger at her.

Spike turned his eyes back to Riley as Anya looked at him again, “Oh my God! You do look just like him..except the bleached hair...”
Fred, Wes and Gunn shuffled their feet behind the scenes rather uncomfortably. They already knew where this was going. It was obvious that this WAS William. Wes had a feeling there was something more to Buffy and her cousin from the night they had met in the pizza parlor but he never said anything. Evidently Fred and Gunn had had similar thoughts.

William gritted his teeth and looked at Anya, then Riley, “That’s because I AM him. William is my real name. Spike is just a nickname.” He explained to them.
“But...if you’re her cousin...why were you two kissing like that?” Anya grilled him.
Spike spared a glance at Buffy who had full blown panic mode written all over her face.
He let his temper flare and anger rip into her.
“Because I’m ‘er boytoy, that’s why, innit Buffy? See, she likes to fuck her cousins. I’m just the latest one, started on me when I was just a young lad....but she sure taught me well...she’s very good at what she does....” he began.

Anya gasped and Riley’s eyes opened wide in shock.
Spike continued, “Best bloody fuck you’ll ever ‘ave, mate, I don’t mind if you take ‘er for a test drive....though she might not go for you...you’re way older than ‘ow she likes them” he looked at Riley.

Finally Buffy found her voice, “William...don’t...please...” she grabbed his arm and he spun around on her.
“Why the bloody ‘ell, not? You lied to me, Buffy, AGAIN” he pointed at her.
“I thought we were making this work? I trusted you, Buffy! Why, I don’t rightly know after all the other crap.” He shouted.
“I didn’t lie...I just didn’t tell you everything...I did tell them I was dating you” Buffy tried to save herself.
“Yeah..dating SPIKE..you failed to mention that you ‘adn’t told them I was William and NOT your bleeding cousin.” He swung back to the group of co-workers.
“No, it gets better, folks. Yeah, I’m not ‘er bloody cousin but you wanna know ‘ow we really met?” He looked back to Buffy. “Come onffy.ffy..let’s tell them ‘ow we met, pet”

“Please, don’t...I’m sorry...I’m so sorry.” Buffy started to cry.
“Right then, I’ll tell them. You see, Buffy likes to pick up young boys in porn shops then take them back to ‘er ‘otel and fuck their brains out...innat right, Buffy?” he fumed.
“Then makes them ‘er boytoy, ‘iding them from all her friends and family telling them e’s ‘er cousin. Bloody brilliant, eh?” he ranted on.
“William, STOP!” Buffy raised her voice.

Spike turned to Buffy one last time, “Fuck off, bitch. Go find yourself another toy. I’m not going to be your walking, talking dildo anymore. Go ahead and go out with Captain Cardboard over ‘ere” he jutted his thumb at Riley. Gunn snickered in the background.
“I’m sure you’ll be very ‘appy...that is..if ‘e likes being with a lying, cheating slut like you!” Spike turned and stomped away, coat billowing out behind him.

“Wait..William...please...I’m sorry..let me explain...” Buffy ran after him, tears streaming down her cheek.
He stopped and turned around, “I’m through with your sorrys, Buffy. I love you so fucking much but I can’t do this anymore. You just keep ‘urting me.” He teared up.
“Just let me go” he said softly and turned away again.

Buffy watched him walk down the partially lit parking lot to his car, then watched him get in and drive away. She watched until she couldn’t see him anymore in the distance and then she collapsed to the ground in tears.

Fred ran over to her and leaned down to hug her.
“Buffy...ssshhh..it’s O.K. I’m so sorry. Let Wes and I take you home, alright?” she said with warmth and concern in her voice.
“You all must hate me now. God, what you must think of me” Buffy sobbed.
“We don’t hate you, Buffy. Come on..let’s go” Fred helped her to her feet and walked her to Wesley’s car.

Riley still stood there looking on, his mouth hanging wide open.
“Guess the show is over. Come on guys, let’s bail” Gunn said to Anya and Riley and they went to pile into Gunn’s car after saying quick goodbyes to Wes and Fred.

20 minutes later, Wes and Fred were helping Buffy into her apartment.
“Will you be alright if we leave you alone? Do you want us to call anyone for you?” Wes said concerned.
“No...uhh.uhh..I’ll call my friend Willow...but I can do it myself” Buffy responded.
“O.K. but if you need anything, call one of us.” Fred made her promise.
They went to leave and Fred stopped, “And Buffy...you could’ve told us the truth about William. I don’t understand why you lied...” she trailed off.
“I thought everyone would think bad of me..like I was some kind of pedophile if they knew I was with him, he’s only 18” Buffy sniffled.
“I know Fred and I would have never thought that” Wes told her. “You get some rest, Buffy. We’ll check in tomorrow to see how you’re doing. Call your friend, Willow.”
“I will..thank you...both of you.” Buffy said before they let themselves out quietly shutting the door.

Spike drove. And drove. And drove. For hours. He stopped only when he needed to fill up his gas tank, then he drove some more. He listened to every sad song as they came on the radio and wiped his tears away with one hand as he cried to them cursing himself for being a nancy boy the entire time. He thought to himself, “How can I live without her?” then to think “How can I live WITH her?” He wasn’t sure if he should forgive her this time. He wasn’t sure if he even could. Him and his stupid dreams of happily ever after. He should have known that Buffy would do this to him again. I’m so tired of crying useless buckets of salt over her, he thought.

Finally too tired to drive anymore and not wanting to go home and face Xander with yet another “Buffy done me wrong song”, Spike pulled over into a rest area on the highway he was on. He parked the Desoto and stretched out along the bench seat, falling into an exhausted but restless sleep.

Buffy lay on her couch, holding onto one of Spike’s t-shirts he had left at her place, sobbing softly into the soft material. She knew she had really done it this time and she had no one else to blame but herself.

Continued in Chapter 11- Trying to Get Over You