Shot in the Dark

My response to the following challenge from SStar posted on Crumbling Walls:
“Somethin' Cupid

Cupid intervenes in Buffy and Spike’s love life in any way, any season or even AU. Causing them to eventually end up together. Could be a stand alone or a series.

Must include either :
1)Spike having chocolate licked from his gorgeous body
2) A vampire animal or demonic animal of some kind (preferably a small, tabby cat)
Happy writing!
SStar”

Title: Shot in the Dark
Author: Tiana
Reviews: Would you? Really? That would be so nice. If you want to email me:
Disclaimer: I don’t own the rights to Spike, Buffy or any other BTVS characters. Damn it.
Distribution: Just ask at .
Summary: Set Season 4, Post-Doomed/A New Man, except there is NO RILEY. Cupid, on a bet from his mortal love, Psyche, decides to play matchmaker with our two favorite mortal enemies: Buffy and Spike.
Rating: R for sexual situations. No peeking if you’re not old enough.

“It is easy to dodge a spear in the daylight, but it is difficult to avoid an arrow in the dark.”
-Chinese Proverb

Chapter 1: Place Your Bets

Somewhere not of Earth

“Psyche, love. I’m bored.” Cupid flips onto his back, sprawling on the satin-covered bed. Psyche strolls by, dragging her fingers up his arm.

“Sweetie, what do you mean? Bored with what?” Her voice is gently inquisitive.

“It’s just too easy. I shoot the arrows, boy loves girl, girl loves boy, blah blah blah. I need...I need a challenge.”

Psyche perches on the edge of the bed, her luxurious blonde curls trailing down her back, her shimmering robes catching the moonlight streaming through the window as her delicate brow furrows in thought. Finally, her deep brown eyes light up. “Darling, I have just the thing. Let me go to Earth and find a challenge for you! I will seek out the two most difficult people to match and let you try. We can wager on it, even. You make them fall in love and...I’ll do whatever you want.” Her eyebrows lift in suggestion and a wide grin cracks Cupid’s handsome face.

“Well, that leaves me with some very good ideas. And if I fail?” His green eyes twinkle at his mortal love. “What will be the price of my failure?”

“I’ll make you dress up in that diaper everyone thinks you wear when you shoot the arrows of love.” Her laughter warms the room. Cupid can’t help but laugh along.

“It’s a deal, darling. Are you ready, then?”

“No, wait. I need to put on something more mortal-looking. I mean, I am human, after all.” Cupid gestures at her, his powers as the god of love making the change effortless. Pysche looks down at her new revealing outfit and shakes her head. “Love, more fabric, please? I’m not going down there to pick up men, after all.”

“Oh, right, sorry. I just love you in that outfit. How about...” He waves his hand again and Psyche is revealed in jeans and a button-up white shirt. “Boring, but appropriate, right?” He sighs.
She smiles at him. “Yes, sweetie. This will do. Now, if you will? I’ll even let you pick the location.”
His smirk reveals the inner workings of Cupid’s mind. With a snap of his fingers, his lady love disappears.

Sunnydale Cemetery, 1 a.m.

“Spike, that’s it. I’m going home.” Buffy shakes her head, tucks her stake in her waistband and starts toward Revello Drive. Spike bounces around her, shadow-boxing the air.
“Oh, c’mon, Slayer! Just gettin’ the juices flowin’! Let’s find more demons and vamps to take down. Evil is seriously afoot, I can tell.” He gives a half-grin. Buffy is more than a little annoyed about spending time with the blond vampire. Giles’ stupid idea.

“Spike, the only evil afoot here is you. Now, get going before I regret bringing you with me any more than I already do. I’m tired. Go home.” Spike frowns at the tiny and angry Slayer.

“ ‘Ey! That’s gratitude for ya. I came to help you patrol! Turn back the tide of hell, rescue kittens from trees and so on.”

Buffy rolls her eyes, hands on hips. “Please. You only came because you missed the violence. Don’t pretend it’s anything else. You’re a blood-sucking killer, plain and simple. You like to kill. That’s the only reason I didn’t have to pay you to help me.”

“What’s your point, blondie?” He smirks at her.

Buffy sighs in frustration, throws her hands up in the air. She opens her mouth to say something else to Spike, but thinks better of it and walks away, muttering under her breath. “I don’t have time for this. I don’t WANT to have time for this.”

He calls after her rapidly retreating form, “Slayer, you’re wound so bloody tight, I don’t know how you can walk straight!” She only accelerates her pace, shaking her head. Spike watches her stalk towards home while fumbling through his pockets. Finally locating the pack, he pulls out a cigarette and lights up. “Irritating little chit. I can do better on my own, anyway.” He strolls off, smoke wafting behind him, duster swinging.

Quiet finally falls on the cemetery. From behind a nearby crypt, Psyche steps out. She turns left and peers after the petite blonde Slayer, striding purposefully for home. Then, she looks right after the swaggering blond vampire, heading towards unknown quarters for more mayhem. She smiles and says quietly, “Well, that was easy.” She touches the amber amulet around her neck and suddenly vanishes as quickly and unnoticed as she had arrived.

Psyche claps her hands, bouncing giddily around the chamber. Cupid reclines on his luxuriant chaise, watching her dance, a small smile playing on his lips.

“That was quick, my love. You had some success?”

“You didn’t watch? I thought you would watch!”

“I wanted to build some suspense. What did you think of Sunnydale? Interesting place, hmm?” He raises his eyebrows at her questioningly.

“Oh, you mean all the demons and vampires and such? Very interesting, indeed. I stumbled upon the perfect pair almost immediately. I followed them around for a little while and they fought endlessly! Both with demons AND each other. It was fabulous fun. I think they would both rather die than fall in love with each other!” She flops victoriously on to the end of Cupid’s lounge, cheeks flushed with excitement. “Shall we start? I can hardly wait to see the sparks fly. Because, I can guarantee you, there will be sparks!” Psyche giggles, tucking a long golden curl behind her ear.

Cupid sits up, leaning close to her angelic face. “Of course. Let the fun begin.” He stands up and strides to a large pool of water set into the stone floor at the end of their silken bed. “Their names, darling?”

“One was called Buffy and the other Spike. Oh, and here’s the best part. I almost forgot. She’s the Vampire Slayer! And he...” Her grin threatens to crack her face wide open. “He is a Vampire!”
Cupid runs his hands through his short hair, making it stick up every which way. “Oh, you are good. This will be very tricky, my dear. Ah, but a deal is a deal. I made no qualifications on the identity of the pair. We‘ll just have to hope she doesn‘t stake him before the bet is won.” He winks at Psyche and waves his hand over the pool and an image begins to form. It is Buffy, sprawled on her bed, still fully dressed and already fast asleep.

Cupid smiles. “Excellent. Humans are so much more susceptible to suggestion when they are sleeping. Now, based on what you‘ve said, I‘m thinking I‘ll start with an arrow of lust, rather than love. If I can make them simply want each other, love will be my next step. Besides, a bit of unbridled lust, always fun to watch.” He grins wickedly, as he reaches for his gilt bow and his quiver of golden arrows. Cupid pulls out one with a fiery red tip. With aim grown true from years of practice, he looses an arrow into the pool and straight to Buffy’s heart. She starts up, her hand to her chest, where there is...nothing. She winces, writes it off to Slaying aches and pains, and relaxes back into sleep.

Before too long, she begins to dream. Psyche comes over to watch over Cupid’s shoulder at the Slayer. Buffy’s breathing begins to accelerate, her hands running over her breasts, pulling her shirt open, one hand trailing down to her pants. Suddenly, she starts up again into full alertness, panting. She shakes her head, mutters under her breath. “Okay, that was disturbing. I mean, Spike? Yech. I’ve got to cut back on the caffeine.” Rattled, she gets up, changing out of her slaying clothes and into cream silk pajamas. “Should talk to Willow about after-effects of that do-thy-will spell. I can’t have images like that in my head. UNacceptable.” Buffy turns the covers back and crawls into bed. Eventually, she finds a fitful sleep as the curious pair observes her from somewhere in the heavens.

Cupid waves away the scene of Buffy sleeping and turns to Psyche. “This is going to be harder than I thought. And what spell is she talking about?” Psyche shrugs. “Hmm. Well, I better start on the other half.” He gestures to the pool and finds a fully awake Spike, pacing his crypt. His duster is tossed aside on a sarcophagus. A few scattered pieces of furniture are in the crypt. “Figures. Vampires don’t sleep at this time of night...” Cupid is interrupted by Spike’s sudden outburst.

“Can’t bloody believe I’m reduced to helping the Slayer and her pathetic sidekicks. If I ever get this chip out...” Spike punches the nearest wall. He licks the blood off his knuckles, a tight grimace on his face. “Will be my soddin’ pleasure to tear the Slayer into tiny Buffy bits.” His grimace stretches into a devilish smile at the thought.

Cupid swallows. “Psyche! You weren’t kidding. These two don’t just not like each other, they HATE each other. This is going to be...great!” His eyes light up. “Not boring in the least, and isn’t that the point?” She kisses him on the cheek.

“Have fun, lover. I’ll be turning in.” Psyche snuggles in the bed as Cupid leans over the pool, reaching for a fresh arrow for his bow.

To Be Continued...