ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES
folder
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
210
Views:
10,386
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
BtVS AU/AR › Het - Male/Female › Buffy/Spike(William)
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
210
Views:
10,386
Reviews:
182
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer (BtVS), nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES
This sequel to ONE NORMAL DAY resumes at the end of the series. With the death and sacrifice of Spike. Please forgive the extra wordiness in the reissue of a slightly revised canon, but it had to be, in order for ‘the’ story, to fit as a sequel. It took me 5 days of trying and retrying to get the words to this end. Even though (mostly) they are Joss’ I had to watch the scene over and over and over and over again in order to find a way to read between the lines, and most importantly…a way to find hope in them. Thanks go out to Luminosity, whose Video:The Other Side, gave me the beautiful/heartbreaking scene right on my computer, so I could watch it 1000 times, without ruining my VHS tape!
DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS (except for those original ones I've created in the making of this story) belong to: JOSS WHEDON, FOX, MUTANT ENEMY, AND ANY SUBSIDIARIES, THEREOF.
Any likeness to any person living, dead, or undead, is purely coincidental.
RATED: NC/17 in some parts for sex and violence, but major portions would be closer to PG/13 and R.
M/F
WIP
ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES
CHAPTER ONE - GOODBYE TO YOU
May 20, 2003 - 8:00am
Spike had just thrown off, the latest attacking ubervamp, when all of a sudden he felt a tingling, heard a sizzling sound. Muttering, he began to realize just to what extent its power had in store for him.
"Oh bollocks!" Spike said, looking down suddenly at the amulet hanging on his chest.
"Buffy!" Spike cried, the first wave of pain hitting him, as the amulet's power tore his chest open, releasing an explosion of pure white energy, exploding like a thousand cannons, up through the floor of the principal’s office and forward into the walls of the Hellmouth.
"Spike!" Buffy screamed, running toward him.
Eyes wide, mouth moving, but making no sound, she stared at the vision that was Spike, rays of light pouring from his chest.
“Everybody out now!” Faith yelled, herding the girls under the rays emanating from his chest.
“I can feel it, Buffy,” Spike said, wonder in his voice.
“What?” she asked, confused, shocked.
“My soul, it’s really here. Kinda stings,” he quipped, through the pain.
“What?”
“Go on then!” he said to Buffy.
"No," she managed to get out, “you've done enough, you can still..."
He shook his head, his whole being concentrating on the energy, “No. You beat them back. It’s for me to do the cleanup.
“Come on!” Faith yelled to Buffy from the stairs.
“Gotta move lamb. Think it’s fair to say, school’s out for bloody summer.
“Spike,” she said, her voice pleading.
“I mean it. Gotta do this,” he said, putting his hand up to stop her.
Spike was staring straight ahead at something she couldn't fathom; his eyes fixed on a vision of their own.
The pain was greater than any other he’d ever felt. But it was more than pain. Mixed in, was a life-force that was joining with his very being.
Buffy looked up at his face, transfixed by it’s beauty, it’s light. Her eyes shone with tears seeing him so ennobled by this selflessness, even in the face of annihilation. And there was no mistaking; his choice meant certain death.
Her face wet with tears, Buffy entwined her fingers unto Spike’s outstretched ones, gently urging his to close on hers.
His brain seared within his head, his body on fire from the inside out, as her touch brought him back one last time.
As if awakening from his pain, his final purpose, he looked down at their hands and gripped hers tightly, in a last embrace. As he stared, they caught on fire.
She looked at their hands as she felt it. His soul. His soul joining with hers in this one last moment. Connected. Soul to soul. His beautiful, shining soul, awash in beauty.
Effulgent.
He looked at Buffy, in wonder and knew that she felt it, too.
“I love you,” Buffy said, her small voice choked with emotion.
“I know. I love you, too. You know that. Always. Forever. But you have to go,” Spike said, barely able to form words anymore.
“No! I’m staying,” Buffy cried, “I won’t leave you!”
“Nibblet,” he said, softly to her, “you have to live. For her. For me. For yourself, Buffy.”
“Now go!” he commanded.
The cave was quickly imploding, as the floor shook under them. Knowing Spike was right; she quickly withdrew her hand from the flames, and taking one last look at him, quickly ducked under the light, and ran up the stairs.
All entries blocked by falling debris, she ran up onto the roof, just making it to the top of the bus, as the Hellmouth collapsed, taking along with it not only the school, but the whole town of Sunnydale.
“I wanna see how it ends,” Spike said, voice full of irony at the task that had been bestowed on him.
May 27, 2003 - 3:30pm
Buffy lay on the bed in the back bedroom of the motor home that Giles had procured a few days after all of Sunnydale had been destroyed. After they and the world had been saved.
“Spike,” she whispered, as she closed her eyes, the vision of when she’d last seen him, once again flashed behind her eyelids.
Turning her face into the pillow, she tried to muffle the sobs that were starting to come.
She hadn’t shed any tears for him in those first days. They were too busy trying to figure out how they were going to survive now, how and where they would live.
Giles and Xander had come up with the idea of a temporary home, one on wheels and it had been an acceptable choice, under the circumstances.
They had gone up north to Sequoia National Forest and that was where they were. For now. None had wanted to stay anywhere near Southern California at all.
Calls were made, to the girl’s families that were still with them, and they had dropped off about a dozen all over the state, before coming to rest here. The rest had been taken to airports, tickets sent by grateful parents. Grateful to have their slayer/daughters back with home with them. For now.
For those who went home, life would never quite be the same. The Chosen One’s calling was now all of theirs and they would be called again. But for now, being at home, in the bosom of their families would give them time to heal and to grow. They were still so young.
For those who had died, Amanda, Cho ‘an, and scores of others, their parents had been notified. All they had were words; there would be no bodies to bury.
Then there was the question of all those who had been called, but had nowhere to answer the call, no watcher to guide them, no idea what it meant, no idea that they weren’t alone in the world. They would have to be contacted. Somehow.
Now their home consisted of Buffy and Dawn, Willow, Xander, Giles, Kennedy, Andrew, Vi, and three other girls. One girl was an orphan, two other’s families didn’t have the resources to send for their daughters, and Vi, having just discovered some leadership abilities, decided she wanted to stay a while longer to learn from Buffy and the others.
Rona had been the first one they dropped off.
That left 11 of them. A far cry from the 30 or so that they’d started out with that morning, but still, quite crowded for a motor home. Luckily, they also got some tents, so all the girls and Andrew made their temporary sleeping arrangements under the tall trees and stars.
Still one bathroom!
Gratefully, the campground provided bathroom facilities.
Now that they were settled, more or less, shock had started to take hold over the past couple of days.
“Spike,” Buffy said in her mind, over and over again as she shook convulsively with sobs.
“Buffy?”
She looked up at Dawn, who had come into their bedroom, “Is there anything I can do?” she asked.
Buffy swallowed, trying to pull herself together for Dawn, she shook her head.
“Buffy,” Dawn began, “I know how much he loved you…and that you loved Spike, too.”
Buffy looked at Dawn gratefully. Spike had been a source of contention between them ever since Dawn had found out what he’d tried to do, before he went to Africa.
“I did,” Buffy said, “I do. I always will. He was the only one who loved me for me, not what I was, not because I was the slayer, but in spite of the fact. And it cost him his life.”
“But Buffy, he saved us all. He saved the world. He was…a hero,” Dawn said. “I miss him, too, Buffy. I wish I’d not been so hard on him, wish I’d forgiven him, like you had,” Dawn said, getting teary eyed herself.
“It’s okay, Dawnie. He knew you loved him. And he knew why you had to pull away from him. He always loved you, you know that.” Buffy said, “it was for me to forgive him, to understand that he had truly changed into a man who…”
A man who could truly love her.
Buffy gave up the facade, putting her head back on the pillow, and sobbed until her throat ached and her chest hurt even to take a breath.
Dawn stayed with her a while, patting her on the back and murmuring soothing words to her.
Finally toward dinner, she fell asleep, exhausted.
A couple of hours later, Xander looked in on Buffy around 7pm, “Think we ought to wake her?” he asked Giles.
“No, just let her sleep. I haven’t seen her sleep this much since we left Sunnydale a week ago. Seems like she only sleeps about an hour at a time, so let’s just let he sleep as long as she wants. God knows, she’s earned it!” Giles answered.
Buffy awoke around 3:00am and lay in her bed trying to get her bearings. For a minute she thought she was still laying on the cot downstairs with Spike. She reached across her to find his arm, but her hand only hit the paneled wall of the small room. Then she heard Dawn’s breathing in the next bed over and remembered where she was.
Tears sprung to her eyes, as she sat up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. Silently she rose, and made her way through the motor home, until she got to the door. She quietly let herself out.
She walked a few dozen yards until she came to a picnic bench and sat down on the table, feet resting on the bench.
“I love you, Spike,” she whispered, looking up to the stars, “I only hope you realized how much, that I never stopped."
She lay back on the picnic table, her mind taking her back over the last few months.
They'd grown apart after they'd come back. The crush of responsibility had been too much for the relationship to bear, even after the weekend in Julian.
Spike had only stayed in her room for a little more than a week, when he'd returned to his cot in the basement. She hadn't told him to, he just had one night, and she hadn't said anything about it; hadn't gone to him like she should have. He'd gone because he knew it was what she wanted. It was all just too much. He'd almost predicted it, but she'd told him that even if she had to bust his chops that it would never mean that she still didn't love him, always.
But once back, with the weight of trying to work, training the Potentials, the Shadowmen fiasco, Giles trying to get to the root of Spike's trigger, and the thing with Wood...it had all just been too much.
But Spike was hers. For years now, she’d made him crazy with loving her, when all she’d ever done is take from him. Take his love, take his passion, his strength. Let him think that she was worth it. That was the biggest joke. Let him think he'd finally earned her love, let him take her away for the weekend, tell him she'd fallen in love with him, that she would always love him...and she had, she did...
But it hadn’t taken long to return to the 'old' her, the one who couldn't give and couldn't receive. The one who held herself aloof, apart from everyone, the one who 'slipped' away, the one who could pretend that what was real, wasn’t.
And when they, her friends and Potentials, even Dawn had enough of her, they'd cast her out, who had been the only one who came for her? Spike.
He was the only one who always had her back.
He'd told her she was a, “Hell of a woman,” that she was “The One.” Poured his heart out to her, without expecting anything in return.
She’d asked him to stay with her then, just hold her, and he had, without reservation.
The next day, after she was back home, she’d told him how he had given her the strength to go on, to do what was necessary, in order to fight Caleb, get the weapon that might help her win - the scythe.
Spike told her it had been the best night of his life.
Just holding her, comforting her, watching her sleep.
Buffy’s eyes filled with tears as she thought how simple and pure his needs had been. Just to be important in her eyes, to be needed, to be wanted.
Then Angel had been there, he’d come to her with information and the amulet, prepared to wear it himself to help Buffy do battle against The First. In a moment’s weakness, she’d hurt Spike by her kissing Angel. Stupid Buffy. She didn’t even know what possessed her to do so. She felt nothing when she kissed him, (not to mention, Spike was a far superior kisser!) just like she’d felt nothing when she’d seen the picture of him, Darla, and Dru that Spike had drawn. She just been so stunned and grateful that, momentarily, she’d reverted to an older behavior, almost automatically. It hadn't taken but a minute to come to her senses, soon realizing that it wasn’t Angel who she wanted to share this battle with, that Angel wasn't her champion any longer. It was Spike.
Spike.
He’d been gracious enough about the kiss, taking his anger out on the punching bag, with the silly little drawing of ‘the poof’ as he called him.
She’d given him the amulet. The amulet meant to be worn by someone more than human, a champion.
She’d been so relieved, when, after Spike at first told her that she couldn’t buy him off with shiny beads and sweet words, that he had his pride; that he'd quickly backpedaled, once again offering himself up to her as her comfort, her safety net. They held each other until Spike fell asleep. She stroked his arm that lay over her, trying to imprint on her memory the feel of him. Lying there, she wondered how she would fight this battle, until, later that night, unable to sleep, she rose, pacing the floors. It was only after The First came to her and opened its big mouth, that she got the idea of sharing the power that had always been hers (well, Faith’s too) and hers alone.
That last night she came to him in the basement. He rose from the cot where he’d been contemplating the amulet. She walked toward him slowly, putting her arms around his neck and kissed him. He had responded to her as he always had, with hunger and longing, and as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world. They’d made love one last time that night. Slowly and gently, as if it were their first time. And their last.
She heard throat clearing and sat up, wiping her eyes.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Giles asked her.
She shrugged, “Guess I had enough earlier.”
Giles sat down next to her on the picnic table.
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
Giles broke the silence, “Are you alright, Buffy?”
She turned to look at him, “I don’t think I know what that means anymore.”
She turned away once more, looking at the sky.
"Buffy, I've been wondering all this week, and I still don't understand what happened back there in the cavern. How the Hellmouth was closed? Why Sunnydale no longer exists?" Giles looked questioningly at Buffy.
"Spike," she answered, once again.
"But how, Buffy? How did he do this? Was it the amulet? Did it give him power? Did he activate it? How?"
"It was him, Giles. Spike," she repeated yet again, as she had from the first day.
Giles sighed, glancing at her sideways, as she looked up at the stars, "I would like to know one day, Buffy, when you're ready to tell me."
Buffy smiled to herself. It wasn't about when she would be ready; it was the fact that Giles never would. It was only academic interest, on his part, that made him want to know. He and the others had always doubted Spike, even when there was all the evidence to the contrary. Telling him would only seem like a way for her to say, "See, told you so!" and she would never, ever do that. To tell him what went on would be to dishonor and disrespect the memory of Spike. Her memories. Hers alone.
Her memories and knowledge that Spike was a good man and that he died a champion, a hero. They didn't see and so, they would never know.
Giles sat silent, then cleared his throat, "For what it's worth, Buffy, I'm sorry that he's gone," and with that he got up adding, "you should try to get some more rest, soon."
Buffy nodded.
Spike.
Giles didn't even use his name.
END CHAPTER 1
DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS (except for those original ones I've created in the making of this story) belong to: JOSS WHEDON, FOX, MUTANT ENEMY, AND ANY SUBSIDIARIES, THEREOF.
Any likeness to any person living, dead, or undead, is purely coincidental.
RATED: NC/17 in some parts for sex and violence, but major portions would be closer to PG/13 and R.
M/F
WIP
ONE NORMAL LIFE / TWO EXTRAORDINARY LIVES
CHAPTER ONE - GOODBYE TO YOU
May 20, 2003 - 8:00am
Spike had just thrown off, the latest attacking ubervamp, when all of a sudden he felt a tingling, heard a sizzling sound. Muttering, he began to realize just to what extent its power had in store for him.
"Oh bollocks!" Spike said, looking down suddenly at the amulet hanging on his chest.
"Buffy!" Spike cried, the first wave of pain hitting him, as the amulet's power tore his chest open, releasing an explosion of pure white energy, exploding like a thousand cannons, up through the floor of the principal’s office and forward into the walls of the Hellmouth.
"Spike!" Buffy screamed, running toward him.
Eyes wide, mouth moving, but making no sound, she stared at the vision that was Spike, rays of light pouring from his chest.
“Everybody out now!” Faith yelled, herding the girls under the rays emanating from his chest.
“I can feel it, Buffy,” Spike said, wonder in his voice.
“What?” she asked, confused, shocked.
“My soul, it’s really here. Kinda stings,” he quipped, through the pain.
“What?”
“Go on then!” he said to Buffy.
"No," she managed to get out, “you've done enough, you can still..."
He shook his head, his whole being concentrating on the energy, “No. You beat them back. It’s for me to do the cleanup.
“Come on!” Faith yelled to Buffy from the stairs.
“Gotta move lamb. Think it’s fair to say, school’s out for bloody summer.
“Spike,” she said, her voice pleading.
“I mean it. Gotta do this,” he said, putting his hand up to stop her.
Spike was staring straight ahead at something she couldn't fathom; his eyes fixed on a vision of their own.
The pain was greater than any other he’d ever felt. But it was more than pain. Mixed in, was a life-force that was joining with his very being.
Buffy looked up at his face, transfixed by it’s beauty, it’s light. Her eyes shone with tears seeing him so ennobled by this selflessness, even in the face of annihilation. And there was no mistaking; his choice meant certain death.
Her face wet with tears, Buffy entwined her fingers unto Spike’s outstretched ones, gently urging his to close on hers.
His brain seared within his head, his body on fire from the inside out, as her touch brought him back one last time.
As if awakening from his pain, his final purpose, he looked down at their hands and gripped hers tightly, in a last embrace. As he stared, they caught on fire.
She looked at their hands as she felt it. His soul. His soul joining with hers in this one last moment. Connected. Soul to soul. His beautiful, shining soul, awash in beauty.
Effulgent.
He looked at Buffy, in wonder and knew that she felt it, too.
“I love you,” Buffy said, her small voice choked with emotion.
“I know. I love you, too. You know that. Always. Forever. But you have to go,” Spike said, barely able to form words anymore.
“No! I’m staying,” Buffy cried, “I won’t leave you!”
“Nibblet,” he said, softly to her, “you have to live. For her. For me. For yourself, Buffy.”
“Now go!” he commanded.
The cave was quickly imploding, as the floor shook under them. Knowing Spike was right; she quickly withdrew her hand from the flames, and taking one last look at him, quickly ducked under the light, and ran up the stairs.
All entries blocked by falling debris, she ran up onto the roof, just making it to the top of the bus, as the Hellmouth collapsed, taking along with it not only the school, but the whole town of Sunnydale.
“I wanna see how it ends,” Spike said, voice full of irony at the task that had been bestowed on him.
May 27, 2003 - 3:30pm
Buffy lay on the bed in the back bedroom of the motor home that Giles had procured a few days after all of Sunnydale had been destroyed. After they and the world had been saved.
“Spike,” she whispered, as she closed her eyes, the vision of when she’d last seen him, once again flashed behind her eyelids.
Turning her face into the pillow, she tried to muffle the sobs that were starting to come.
She hadn’t shed any tears for him in those first days. They were too busy trying to figure out how they were going to survive now, how and where they would live.
Giles and Xander had come up with the idea of a temporary home, one on wheels and it had been an acceptable choice, under the circumstances.
They had gone up north to Sequoia National Forest and that was where they were. For now. None had wanted to stay anywhere near Southern California at all.
Calls were made, to the girl’s families that were still with them, and they had dropped off about a dozen all over the state, before coming to rest here. The rest had been taken to airports, tickets sent by grateful parents. Grateful to have their slayer/daughters back with home with them. For now.
For those who went home, life would never quite be the same. The Chosen One’s calling was now all of theirs and they would be called again. But for now, being at home, in the bosom of their families would give them time to heal and to grow. They were still so young.
For those who had died, Amanda, Cho ‘an, and scores of others, their parents had been notified. All they had were words; there would be no bodies to bury.
Then there was the question of all those who had been called, but had nowhere to answer the call, no watcher to guide them, no idea what it meant, no idea that they weren’t alone in the world. They would have to be contacted. Somehow.
Now their home consisted of Buffy and Dawn, Willow, Xander, Giles, Kennedy, Andrew, Vi, and three other girls. One girl was an orphan, two other’s families didn’t have the resources to send for their daughters, and Vi, having just discovered some leadership abilities, decided she wanted to stay a while longer to learn from Buffy and the others.
Rona had been the first one they dropped off.
That left 11 of them. A far cry from the 30 or so that they’d started out with that morning, but still, quite crowded for a motor home. Luckily, they also got some tents, so all the girls and Andrew made their temporary sleeping arrangements under the tall trees and stars.
Still one bathroom!
Gratefully, the campground provided bathroom facilities.
Now that they were settled, more or less, shock had started to take hold over the past couple of days.
“Spike,” Buffy said in her mind, over and over again as she shook convulsively with sobs.
“Buffy?”
She looked up at Dawn, who had come into their bedroom, “Is there anything I can do?” she asked.
Buffy swallowed, trying to pull herself together for Dawn, she shook her head.
“Buffy,” Dawn began, “I know how much he loved you…and that you loved Spike, too.”
Buffy looked at Dawn gratefully. Spike had been a source of contention between them ever since Dawn had found out what he’d tried to do, before he went to Africa.
“I did,” Buffy said, “I do. I always will. He was the only one who loved me for me, not what I was, not because I was the slayer, but in spite of the fact. And it cost him his life.”
“But Buffy, he saved us all. He saved the world. He was…a hero,” Dawn said. “I miss him, too, Buffy. I wish I’d not been so hard on him, wish I’d forgiven him, like you had,” Dawn said, getting teary eyed herself.
“It’s okay, Dawnie. He knew you loved him. And he knew why you had to pull away from him. He always loved you, you know that.” Buffy said, “it was for me to forgive him, to understand that he had truly changed into a man who…”
A man who could truly love her.
Buffy gave up the facade, putting her head back on the pillow, and sobbed until her throat ached and her chest hurt even to take a breath.
Dawn stayed with her a while, patting her on the back and murmuring soothing words to her.
Finally toward dinner, she fell asleep, exhausted.
A couple of hours later, Xander looked in on Buffy around 7pm, “Think we ought to wake her?” he asked Giles.
“No, just let her sleep. I haven’t seen her sleep this much since we left Sunnydale a week ago. Seems like she only sleeps about an hour at a time, so let’s just let he sleep as long as she wants. God knows, she’s earned it!” Giles answered.
Buffy awoke around 3:00am and lay in her bed trying to get her bearings. For a minute she thought she was still laying on the cot downstairs with Spike. She reached across her to find his arm, but her hand only hit the paneled wall of the small room. Then she heard Dawn’s breathing in the next bed over and remembered where she was.
Tears sprung to her eyes, as she sat up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. Silently she rose, and made her way through the motor home, until she got to the door. She quietly let herself out.
She walked a few dozen yards until she came to a picnic bench and sat down on the table, feet resting on the bench.
“I love you, Spike,” she whispered, looking up to the stars, “I only hope you realized how much, that I never stopped."
She lay back on the picnic table, her mind taking her back over the last few months.
They'd grown apart after they'd come back. The crush of responsibility had been too much for the relationship to bear, even after the weekend in Julian.
Spike had only stayed in her room for a little more than a week, when he'd returned to his cot in the basement. She hadn't told him to, he just had one night, and she hadn't said anything about it; hadn't gone to him like she should have. He'd gone because he knew it was what she wanted. It was all just too much. He'd almost predicted it, but she'd told him that even if she had to bust his chops that it would never mean that she still didn't love him, always.
But once back, with the weight of trying to work, training the Potentials, the Shadowmen fiasco, Giles trying to get to the root of Spike's trigger, and the thing with Wood...it had all just been too much.
But Spike was hers. For years now, she’d made him crazy with loving her, when all she’d ever done is take from him. Take his love, take his passion, his strength. Let him think that she was worth it. That was the biggest joke. Let him think he'd finally earned her love, let him take her away for the weekend, tell him she'd fallen in love with him, that she would always love him...and she had, she did...
But it hadn’t taken long to return to the 'old' her, the one who couldn't give and couldn't receive. The one who held herself aloof, apart from everyone, the one who 'slipped' away, the one who could pretend that what was real, wasn’t.
And when they, her friends and Potentials, even Dawn had enough of her, they'd cast her out, who had been the only one who came for her? Spike.
He was the only one who always had her back.
He'd told her she was a, “Hell of a woman,” that she was “The One.” Poured his heart out to her, without expecting anything in return.
She’d asked him to stay with her then, just hold her, and he had, without reservation.
The next day, after she was back home, she’d told him how he had given her the strength to go on, to do what was necessary, in order to fight Caleb, get the weapon that might help her win - the scythe.
Spike told her it had been the best night of his life.
Just holding her, comforting her, watching her sleep.
Buffy’s eyes filled with tears as she thought how simple and pure his needs had been. Just to be important in her eyes, to be needed, to be wanted.
Then Angel had been there, he’d come to her with information and the amulet, prepared to wear it himself to help Buffy do battle against The First. In a moment’s weakness, she’d hurt Spike by her kissing Angel. Stupid Buffy. She didn’t even know what possessed her to do so. She felt nothing when she kissed him, (not to mention, Spike was a far superior kisser!) just like she’d felt nothing when she’d seen the picture of him, Darla, and Dru that Spike had drawn. She just been so stunned and grateful that, momentarily, she’d reverted to an older behavior, almost automatically. It hadn't taken but a minute to come to her senses, soon realizing that it wasn’t Angel who she wanted to share this battle with, that Angel wasn't her champion any longer. It was Spike.
Spike.
He’d been gracious enough about the kiss, taking his anger out on the punching bag, with the silly little drawing of ‘the poof’ as he called him.
She’d given him the amulet. The amulet meant to be worn by someone more than human, a champion.
She’d been so relieved, when, after Spike at first told her that she couldn’t buy him off with shiny beads and sweet words, that he had his pride; that he'd quickly backpedaled, once again offering himself up to her as her comfort, her safety net. They held each other until Spike fell asleep. She stroked his arm that lay over her, trying to imprint on her memory the feel of him. Lying there, she wondered how she would fight this battle, until, later that night, unable to sleep, she rose, pacing the floors. It was only after The First came to her and opened its big mouth, that she got the idea of sharing the power that had always been hers (well, Faith’s too) and hers alone.
That last night she came to him in the basement. He rose from the cot where he’d been contemplating the amulet. She walked toward him slowly, putting her arms around his neck and kissed him. He had responded to her as he always had, with hunger and longing, and as if she were the most beautiful woman in the world. They’d made love one last time that night. Slowly and gently, as if it were their first time. And their last.
She heard throat clearing and sat up, wiping her eyes.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Giles asked her.
She shrugged, “Guess I had enough earlier.”
Giles sat down next to her on the picnic table.
They sat in silence for a few minutes.
Giles broke the silence, “Are you alright, Buffy?”
She turned to look at him, “I don’t think I know what that means anymore.”
She turned away once more, looking at the sky.
"Buffy, I've been wondering all this week, and I still don't understand what happened back there in the cavern. How the Hellmouth was closed? Why Sunnydale no longer exists?" Giles looked questioningly at Buffy.
"Spike," she answered, once again.
"But how, Buffy? How did he do this? Was it the amulet? Did it give him power? Did he activate it? How?"
"It was him, Giles. Spike," she repeated yet again, as she had from the first day.
Giles sighed, glancing at her sideways, as she looked up at the stars, "I would like to know one day, Buffy, when you're ready to tell me."
Buffy smiled to herself. It wasn't about when she would be ready; it was the fact that Giles never would. It was only academic interest, on his part, that made him want to know. He and the others had always doubted Spike, even when there was all the evidence to the contrary. Telling him would only seem like a way for her to say, "See, told you so!" and she would never, ever do that. To tell him what went on would be to dishonor and disrespect the memory of Spike. Her memories. Hers alone.
Her memories and knowledge that Spike was a good man and that he died a champion, a hero. They didn't see and so, they would never know.
Giles sat silent, then cleared his throat, "For what it's worth, Buffy, I'm sorry that he's gone," and with that he got up adding, "you should try to get some more rest, soon."
Buffy nodded.
Spike.
Giles didn't even use his name.
END CHAPTER 1