Baby It's Cold Outside

(Co-authored with Nashmaveric)

"Took you long enough to get all those clothes off, I'm on my third one, yeah?" Spike said, lifting his beer bottle and smirking at the three rosy cheeked humans who'd finally peeled off layers and layers of clothing protecting them from the bitter cold of Inverness and finally were getting settled next to him at the bar. "Look a lot better now, too. Was about to ask you which teletubbies you are... not you Harris. You're the purple one, no doubt about it." He ignored the glares from Willow and Buffy. The boy had come out so all Spike was doing was getting him comfortable in his skin.

"I should say that while I'm gay, I'm not a girl and I won't ever," Xander paused and looked at each and every one of them, making sure they got the point, "ever hold a purse. Speaking of girls, Buffy, wanna use your blonde charms and get me a beer? The bartender here always ignores me."

"I've got plenty of blond charms," Spike snapped his finger and gave a triumphant grin as the bar tender approached. It was short lived. Once Buffy flashed her smile at him, it was a lost cause. "Right... you order then."

"Three ales... whatever you recommend," Buffy said, grinning from ear to ear as Spike mock-mimicked her order. "Hey, I get service, you don't."

"Come on Red, surely you're ready to protect good old Spike."

"Sorry, Buffy wins this one," Willow said, "but I'm sure if the bartender was gay, you'd win!" she hastened to add.

"Hey! What about me!" Xander protested, pouting for all his was worth. He enjoyed Willow's panicked look for a moment before waving her off and reaching for his beer.
"Looks to me like the bent-folk are watching each others' backs."

"Oh yeah? What about me?" Buffy challenged.

"Living with them, you... well it rubs off, don't you know?" He barely winced when three sets of fists pummeled him. "The ladies doth protest too much, and all that..."

"Spike, be nice to the Slayer you're training with tomorrow," Xander cautioned, smirking into his beer. "She might sic the little slayers at you."

"Bring it on, yeah? She'll be all bundled up in layers and--"

"Training's indoors tomorrow," Buffy sweetly inserted.

"Right, nice to The Slayer." Lifting his bottle to his mouth, Spike started a new line of conversation. Several hours passed with the three of them talking old times, comparing their lives now to their lives in Sunnydale, and generally making fun of each other. Spike unbuttoned the blasted shirt they had him wearing at the watchers, and felt the weight of a stare. When he raised his gaze, he caught Xander watching him work his buttons and raised an eyebrow. Wasn't the first time, either.

Xander blushed at getting caught and went back to looking everywhere but at Spike. Noticing how hot Spike was wasn't too bad, he was after all gay and had eyes. Eye. Whatever. He could see the hotness, that was okay. But staring and thinking all sorts of evil thoughts which mostly involved naked Spike and chocolate was most decidedly not okay. Especially seeing as Spike kept flirting with women.

Speak of the devil, a pretty blonde chose that moment to approach Spike. All she had to do was wear a low-cut top and smile and Spike's attention was immediately drawn to her. Xander could be completely shirtless and Spike wouldn't even notice.

Spike's amused gaze flicked to Xander, then to Willow. "Not going to have to fight over this one, are we?" From the way she was making a bee line toward him, it was bloody clear who she was interested in. Naturally his smile grew just that little bit smugger. "Hello pet, need a drink, do you? Go on, have a seat." Without even looking at Xander, Spike managed to push him off his stool. "There you go... he wasn't using it anyway."

"Thank you," Fiona smiled and daintily perched on the stool. She managed to ignore the offended muttering of the brunet and focused on the handsome blond. "I'm Fiona."

"I'm Fiona," mimicked Xander, quietly enough not to be heard. He glared at the back of the woman's head. He stopped once he saw Buffy and Willow look at him curiously. "She took my seat," he muttered as an excuse.

"Lovely name, that. Drink?" When she nodded, he had her drink of choice placed in front of her and smoothly snagged Xander's wallet, still on the bar top, and generously took care of the bill. As he chatted the blonde up, he noticed the way she looked at him so wide eyed, the way her pupils appeared quite dilated, and he could hear her pulse race every time he moved close, or put his hand across her body to reach for the peanuts.

Fiona enjoyed being the sole focus of Spike's attention. The man was nothing if not charismatic and he had a way about him that would make any woman give in. She leaned closer to him and touched his shoulder lightly.

"Another drink?" she asked, leaning close to whisper it right next to his ear.

"Sure luv. How about sex on the beach?" he asked, rubbing his palm up her back.

"You're not in London... Beer, wine..." Said the bar tender.

"Another beer," Spike said, silkily adding, "We'll have to have sex on the beach some other time, yeah?"

"Some other country," Buffy muttered.

"Oh I bet he could convince her to get naked even in Scotland," Xander said.

Fiona managed to ignore the peanut gallery and concentrate on Spike instead. His friends might be irritating but they wouldn't be with them all night.

"Too much sand at the beach," she replied with a coy little smile, "perhaps somewhere more comfortable."

"Somewhere... nice and warm?" he asked, tucking her hair behind her ear and staring into her eyes as if he couldn't get enough of her. She was pretty enough...

"Sure," she said huskily and leaned into his touch.

"With a nice cozy sofa... fire burning," he put his hand behind her back, and whispered against her ear, "music..."

She hummed a little in agreement, tilting her head to give him access to her neck.

He skimmed his mouth over her throat, very aware that the others were watching. "A bit of kissing and heavy petting... and we'll see where it goes..."

Xander grimaced at the blatant display of sexed up shenanigans. It was bad enough that Spike was straight, he didn't have to flaunt it so much. He turned his back to the necking couple and faced the dance floor instead.

"Another beer?" Xander asked the girls. "Buffy could flutter her eyelashes and get it for us."

Spike moved in and slanted his mouth over the blonde's, kissing her until she swayed toward him, then pulling away. "So, you're in the mood then?"

"For anything you have in mind," she whispered.

"Mmm," he gave her one more kiss, then sat up straight. "Sorry luv, not in the mood for it tonight. Better luck next time, yeah?" He snapped his fingers for the bar tender and told him to line up beers for the three of them. Ignoring Fiona’s huffing and puffing... and bit of cursing, he grinned when she abandoned the stool. Patting it, he leaned across the bar. "Come on Harris, you can have your place back now. Don't worry, won't be kissing you."

Xander settled back on his stool, glaring at Spike while he did it.

"Why did you do that anyway? What's the point of flirting like that if you just send them off at the end of it."

"Because I can. Why are you looking so shocked?" he played with the bottle in his hand. "Think I should go and get her back?"

Buffy and Willow exchanged looks, but mostly decided not to encourage him.

"Harris? Should I... you feeling sorry for the bird?"

"Who? Me? No!" Xander immediately protested. "Why should I? I just don't get it, that's all."

He went back to looking around the place, anywhere but at Spike. Because, if the girl hadn't been good enough to merit an invitation back to Spike's place, then Xander would never be, even if Spike magically turned gay.

* * *

(3 Weeks later, Christmas Eve)

He'd gotten into an argument with Buffy and Willow about celebrating Christmas. What did they have to celebrate anyway? Losing Sunnydale? The destruction of Xander's eye? Getting sent to this frozen part of the world... a bit more north and they'd be at the bloody north pole! The girls had taken offense and maybe he'd gone a bit too far, but here he was, alone on Christmas eve.

The fire was roaring. Course he didn't need it, but it made his place feel more like a home. So did the stupid little blinking lights the girls had put around his windows. Then there was the sound of carols from next door. He found himself alternately cursing about bloody Christmas, and singing under his breath. Right about now, he'd bet the girls and Xander were sitting under a blanket in front of their fire and roasting marshmallows. No he wasn't missing anything... this was just foolishness, just another night.

But the merry laughter from the other side of his wall did make him feel lonely. Maybe he should have gone over....

A loud knock surprised him. He got off the couch and headed for the door, dragging it open to find a big bundled teletubby standing there in the bitter cold. "Stop standing there like a fool, Harris, you'll freeze your arse off," he said, dragging the boy inside and closing the door against the frosty air and tendrils of snow.

"Nice to see you too," Xander replied, amused by Spike's usual way of taking care of people. He would call you names and manhandle you but in the end you were just a little bit safer than before. Or in this case, a little bit less frozen than before. "I brought you dinner. Buffy said that just because you're an idiot doesn't mean you don't get to marvel at her cooking and Willow said if you don't show your ass tomorrow she'll turn you into a toad and tell the bitty slayers you're possessed and they should stomp on you."

"Bah humbug," he said the very phrase that had started the fight in the first place. At the same time, he started unraveling the long scarf around the boy's neck. "Come on, don't plan to eat alone. Let's get this off... and the jacket... you're nice and warm under," he said, almost in wonder.

"Yeah, I'm one of those warm-blooded people," Xander explained. "Still, I have to head back. The girls are waiting for me," he continued, grabbing hold of his jacket before Spike could drag it off.

"No, it's cold out. Have to warm yourself up first. Come on, be a sport. Wouldn't want to leave me alone with just a meal, would you? It's Christmas." He fought Xander's hands for the zipper along his jacket and tugged it down. The distinct sound had their eyes meeting. Spike didn't look away, though the boy's flush told him what he wanted to know.

"Technically it's Christmas Eve," Xander muttered and batted Spike's hands away. The stupid crush was bad enough without any encouragement, having Spike's hands on him, lowering zippers no less, would only make it worse. "Fine, I'll stay for dinner but then I have to go."

"Right... dinner. Stop fighting me, not trying to rape you, yeah?" The vampire managed to drag the jacket of Xander's shoulders, and standing in front of him, leaned in to pull it the rest of the way off. "Having a good Christmas Eve so far, then?" he asked silkily, near his ear.

Xander jumped in surprise, nearly hitting Spike's head in the process.

"Erm...sure, yeah. We invited Giles over and Buffy finally managed to make a holiday feast worth eating." As he talked Xander moved towards the kitchen, grabbing hold of the bags of food as he went. "I brought dessert too. It's English pudding. Buffy decided to go local. Plus she got to prepare it weeks ago so no hassle on the day," he grinned.

"So... uneventful and boring then? Means things can only get better." Giving an enigmatic smile, he brushed Xander's hand as he took one of the bags and started opening them up to warm. "Gravy... turkey... and what's this? Some sort of chocolate spread... gives me all sorts of ideas not for polite company." He didn't look up from under his lashes but noted every one of Xander's reactions.

Xander nearly choked on nothing but air as Spike's words conjured up all sorts of images that should not be shared with any company, polite or not.

"I should go then," he managed to say, lighthearted and teasing, "Leave you to invite one of your conquests around."

"Don't be git, who else is going to fight the weather to get here. Besides, got you, don't I? Pass me the bread rolls?"

"Yeah, I'm one of a kind, me. Neither hail nor snow nor whatever it says after that will stop me from bringing food to a starving vampire," Xander declared pompously. "Got anything to drink? Might as well have something while you're stuffing your face."

"Wine? Let's make it nice and romantic-like, since you insist it's a special night. Who am I to argue?" he asked, selecting a wine and slowly turning the handle of the cork screw. "Harris, why are you alone?" he lifted piercing blue eyes to stare at the boy. "Not half bad looking for a bloke, and you're quite funny even when you don't mean to be."

"Thanks," Xander said dryly, "Good to hear that I amuse you." He went to get glasses, ignoring Spike's question in the vain hope that it would go away.

"Do much more than amuse me," he drawled, following behind him and pouring into the glasses. "Right, hold on... no drinking until you make your Christmas wish. Repeat after me, ‘for Christmas, I want a boyfriend’. Easy right... go on and say it."

Xander couldn't suppress a shiver at Spike's low voice. He scrambled to control himself again and sighed loudly in fake exasperation. The trick to being alone with Spike and all the reactions he got Xander's body to perform was to sink deep in denial and pretend everything was normal.

"I already made a wish. It involved Playstation 3 and some new games."

"You made the wish with someone else, I'm asking you to make it with me and drink to it. Besides, I'm what you call a lucky vampire. In Ireland, they have leprechauns... here..." Closing his hand over Xander's over the stem of the glass, he lifted it close to the boy's mouth. "’I want a boyfriend’, say it. Or lover... if you prefer. Blue eyes?"

"W-what? Okay, fine, you win," Xander said quickly accepting the wish if only to stop the interrogation. The next thing Spike would ask would be if Xander wanted his boyfriend short and blond and his nice little wall of denial would crumble down. "I wish for a boyfriend. There, you happy?"

"Hold on... I'm making my wish." Gazes locked, he made his and touched his glass to Xander's. "Now it's official, blue eyed boyfriend for you and something... special for me. Drink up, plenty more where that came from." Lifting his glass he drank a sip. "Your heart's hammering. Thinking of any bloke in particular?"

Xander stared at Spike for a moment then jumped up off his seat.

"I should really get going. The girls will be waiting for him and you know how Willow worries."

"No... you just got here, and the wind's kicking up. You'll catch a cold and your wish won't come true." Putting one arm behind Xander's back, and resting his palm on the boy's hip, Spike started to walk him to the dining room table. "I've got a fire going... don't want to waste it on a vampire, do we?"

"No," Xander muttered. He quickly stepped forward and away from Spike's touch. His hip was burning where Spike's hand had been and it was a struggle to breathe normally. What was the blond playing at anyway, he'd never touched Xander like that before. "We could roast chestnuts, I guess. I never got to do that back home."

"Right... bloody good idea."

Spike behaved while he ate, and occasionally managed to get Xander to take a bite of something. He did make sure the wine was flowing, and cut off Xander's protests that he was eating too slow and that he might have to leave before they roasted the chestnuts. Eventually, they sat on the ground, in front of the fireplace, doing just that.

Spike had brought the pillows off the sofa, and they rested against it. Even as Xander steadfastly stared into the flames, Spike's heated gaze rested on the boy's profile. "Harris. Is there something wrong with me?"

"Wrong with you how? You're an undead guy with a soul. That's pretty wrong all by itself in some circles," Xander laughed.

Spike shrugged. "That's all true, but... did I grow horns? A snout? Something hideous?" Moving closer, he leaned over partly in front of Xander. "Monster vampire jokes aside."

Xander leaned back, surprised to find Spike so close to him suddenly.

"Erm...no?"

"Then why won't you look at me? I'm feeling like a bloody pariah here." His gaze dropped to Xander's mouth for a moment, but he resisted the temptation to steal a kiss. "I may not be your dream boyfriend, but I'm not that bad to look upon, yeah?"

"I'm not not looking at you," Xander leaned even further back at Spike's hungry look. "I'm just looking at the fire. I like looking at the fire. It's pretty!"

"I've been told I'm pretty. Right... you watch the pretty fire," he all but pouted, looking behind them to pour a new round of drinks. "And don't let the chestnuts burn..." which was exactly what they were doing, if his keen sense of smell was right.

Xander was startled out of his Spike-induced daze and yelped as he realized the chestnuts were burning. He hastened to pull them out, only just managing to get them before they were inedible.

"What's up with you tonight?" he demanded, "You're acting strange."

"Your the one who said it's a special night, not me. Mind you fingers!" Seeing Xander wince and pull his hand back from the hot foil, Spike automatically took his hand and caught Xander's index finger lengthwise with his mouth, then swept his tongue neatly across it. Once, then a second time, giving his shocked friend an unapologetic look.

"Right...right, I should go. Buffy will get mad if I'm late," Xander stammered and made to get up. "You know how she gets when she's angry, all fire-spitting and demony. Scares the beejesus out of me," he babbled.

Spike bodily barred his way under the guise of reaching for the chestnuts. "Buffy, will be fine... hardly even notice you're gone. She'll be glad you didn't brave the ice and sleet just yet..."

Xander looked outside where the weather had gotten worse if possible. By the time he turned back, Spike's lips were mere centimeters away from his. He immediately stood up, inadvertently pushing Spike back in the process.

"Pudding!" he exclaimed, near maniacally, "English pudding. I'll go get it. From the kitchen." He looked around, dazed and panicking. "Which is over there. And where I will be, in the kitchen, for the pudding. Yes."

With those immortal words he nearly ran into the kitchen, intent on putting as much space as he could between himself and Spike.