Different Needs

Title: Different Needs

Author: Farah M

Characters: Xander and Giles

Rating: For all ages

Setting: Season Three of BtVS

Summary: Xander is fed up from being the Zeppo, can Giles help him become a-somebody? Will Giles ever see him as more than just an aggravating little boy?

Notes: This idea is from Murasaki (thanks hon!) But the ending is from a dream I had last year about Xander and Giles.

Disclaimer: They belong to Joss and co.

Distribution: Want it? Yay! Just let me know first.

Great thanks to Mera and Llywela for the great beta.


******




Different Needs


Part One:

Enough! No more!

His interaction with Cordelia this morning had finally pushed him to find a solution to his suffering. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't be the 'useless' member in this team. Yesterday was bad enough with Buffy trying to find the nicest way to send him home without hurting his precious feelings. But having Cordelia confront him about his worthlessness in front of his friends was just too much for him to handle, especially with his friends trying to tell him otherwise without denying Cordelia's accusations.

Okay, he was done with this. This time he had to take this issue more seriously. It wasn't like Cordelia was wrong. He knew he was the least useful member in the group. Everyone had a specialty of their own. Buffy was the slayer, Giles was the one with the source of knowledge, Angel was the muscles, and Willow was the hacker and the wanna-be-witch. Oz, even though he matched his normalness when he wasn't a werewolf, was much smarter and a better fighter than him.

He had to do something about this.

Now.

Xander pushed the library's doors open. "Giles!" he called.

Giles jumped, startled, the book in his hand almost fell to the floor. He clutched the book tightly preventing any chance of it falling. After all, it was very old and rare. Fixing his glasses, he turned his angry eyes to the boy standing in the middle of the library.

"Do be careful, Xander! This is not …"

"I want you to train me," Xander interrupted.

"I beg your pardon?"

"I want you to train me. Teach me how to fight, like you do with Buffy." Xander held the other man's eyes with a strong look that he hoped made him appear older and far more confident than he was. Because on the inside he was nothing but the anxious little boy who was afraid his request would be rejected.

Giles didn't give Xander's unusually hard gaze any consideration. He shook his head, opening his book again. "I don't think I can help you with that."

Xander's eyes had a devastated look for a brief moment before they regained their strength. "Why?" he asked.

"Because I don't think you should be trained." There was no time for this now. Giles had to work harder on more important matters like the Mayor, Faith's betrayal and Wesley's annoying presence.

"And why is that?" Xander asked again, this time his voice rose in irritation.

"Because it's ridiculous!" Giles snapped, exasperated. A pang of guilt slapped him when he noticed Xander's shocked, wounded expression that lasted a second. He took a deep breath to cool himself a little, and then looked at Xander and said gently, "I train Buffy because she is the slayer. It's her destiny to fight the forces of evil. You should be worrying more about your grades …"

"What grades?" Xander exclaimed. "You mean for college? Giles, I was rejected from every college I've applied to. It's too late."

"It is never too late, you could …"

"Giles," Xander caught him off for the third time, firmly. "I don't care about grades or college right now. I just want you to train me."

Giles sighed in annoyance and looked back at his books, pretending not to listen. He couldn't risk bringing the boy into this road when he could have a normal life away from dangers he shouldn't have been subjected to in the first place.

Xander stared at him for a long time, wanting to hit something. Why was it so hard for Giles to take him seriously? Why was it so hard for him to see how important this was to Xander?

"Giles, please."

Giles was disturbed by the desperate tone. He had never heard such a tone coming from Xander before. He looked back at the boy to find what he had picked up from his voice showing on his expressive face.

"This is important. I want to help Buffy. I want to become something more than what I am. I want to make myself better. Please." The itching pleading and helpless need that reflected Xander as whole had gotten into Giles. Perhaps, he should consent to his request. It was the first time he had ever seen the boy like this.

"I think a day of this won't hurt after all. Tomorrow, once you finish with your classes, we shall begin. But it will only be for tomorrow," Giles stressed on the last sentence.

A child-like gleam spread over Xander's youthful face. He bounced towards the table, grabbed a book and pretended to research with a huge silly grin. Giles shook his head at him amused.


*****


"Giles!"

The Englishman turned his attention from the book in his hands to Xander, who had just dashed into the library. "Classes are over! C'mon, let's start!" Enthusiastically, he headed to the weapons' hiding place.

Giles stared at him, befuddled. "Start what?"

Xander came out holding a broad sword clumsily. "Training," he answered.

"Oh." Giles remembered. He had forgotten his little conversation with Xander yesterday. He hadn't been expecting the boy to bring the subject up once more. Nevertheless, Giles wasn't much in the mood to train him. Recalling the gleam in Xander's eyes yesterday when he promised him, Giles pulled himself up reluctantly and placed the book on the table. With a bored sigh, he turned to face Xander who was having extreme difficulty with holding the sword.

Shaking his head, Giles approached him and took the heavy sword with a steady hand, managing to lift it up easily.

Wide eyed, Xander gazed in disbelief at him. "How are you doing that? I mean you're old!"

At Giles' annoyed look, he continued, "-er than me. A LOT older than me. I'm supposed to be physically stronger here!"

"You have a strange idea about age and physical strength," Giles muttered sarcastically. He held the sword in front of Xander. "Confidence," he stated firmly.

"What?" Xander asked confused.

"You lacked balance when you held the sword and that's due to your lack of confidence. Be sure of your strength before you engage in a battle with the enemy." Xander looked at him in amusement as if he hadn't expected that Giles would take training him *this* seriously.

"Why did you choose this weapon?" Giles asked exasperated.

"Uh … huh?"

Giles swung the sword harshly in front of Xander causing the boy to stumble backwards with a yelp. "I want a straight answer!" he commanded. Xander's eyes stopped gazing fearfully at the sword and looked up at Giles warily. "Now, why did you choose this sword? Why not a crossbow, for instance?"

"B-because it's cooler?" At Giles' frown of disapproval, Xander stammered, "Because it's the hardest to use! I mean I can practice using a crossbow on my own, but a sword? It needs a teacher."

Giles nodded. "Alright then, let's work on the basics first." He walked towards the table one which he placed the board sword.

"I don't want to work on any basics," Xander dissented, standing up. "I want you to show me some secret techniques."

Giles turned around facing the high school student. "You need to learn certain basic concepts in order to develop to your highest potential," he reasoned. "You can't learn all the secrets to sword fighting on the first day."

"But there won't be time to learn some secret shots! I mean this is our only session," the last words were spoken in a grumpy murmur.

Of course, they couldn't learn everything in one session. However, Giles didn't have time to waste on teaching Xander how to fight when there were more serious matters at hand. He chose to ignore the soft mumble. "Without good grounding in the basics you will not be able to perform these shots effectively, especially against more experienced fighters. Now, shall we begin?"

Xander nodded quietly.

Giles assumed Xander had thought he would sympathize with him and agree on more sessions, but Giles had no time for that. Also, Xander could go to one of those sword-fighting classes if he really wanted to learn.


*****


It was almost seven o'clock at night. Giles watched as Xander still practiced swinging and thrusting the sword from the different angles he had taught him. The sweat covered the boy's forehead and collar, his breath turned into pants, but he still kept on performing.

Giles was impressed. Xander was actually quite skilled in some areas yet completely incompetent in others. Still, he tried his hardest, and, even though Giles had spent a great deal of the day rolling his eyes, he had gained a newfound respect for the boy.

Since he appeared to be very serious about learning, Giles considered training him with Buffy. There was no harm in that especially if it meant more of that delightful gleam he noticed in Xander's eyes whenever Giles complemented him on doing a good job. He smiled at the memory for a second.

"I believe we should stop now, Xander."

Xander kept on swinging his sword from the elbow, which was something he needed to work on more. "But I'm still not good enough," he complained.

"And you will never be if you keep on practicing when you're worn out."

"I'm not tired. I can't stop, this is our only session."

With the emphasis on this information, Giles couldn't resist asking, "Why don't you take some sword-fighting classes if you really want to learn?"

"Classes require money."

Giles narrowed his eyes. "You don't have enough money?"

"I do," Xander answered. One thrust forward and then he stopped and turned looking at Giles. "But I've saved all the money I have for my road trip after high school."

"You're going to take a road trip?" Giles asked bemused.

Xander grinned. "Yep, doing what cool graduate kids do these days." The grin lessened as he added, "If I survive graduation, anyway." He looked down at the broad sword in his hands. "And I want to be more practical when that time comes."

"You will. I might consider training you with Buffy from now on, that's if you keep on improving."

Xander's eyes widened. "Really?"

"Again, I repeat the words 'might' and 'improving'. However, I think now you should head home …" A low grumble coming from Xander's stomach made Giles trail off. He smiled. "Are you hungry?" Of course, he was. All that training must have given him an appetite.

Xander sheepishly looked at his stomach. "Yeah, I was kinda excited about the training that I forgot to eat at lunch period."

"You haven't eaten?" Giles gasped.

Xander nodded, embarrassed.

Giles looked at him in astonishment. The fact that Xander had overlooked food for this session showed how desperate he was for this.

Xander coughed to break the awkward silence. "I think I should get back home before it gets too late. Thanks for everything." He placed the sword on the table and grabbed his backpack from the floor.

"You know," Giles started when Xander was about to exit. "Why shouldn't we visit a restaurant? I'm quite exhausted by our training myself."

Xander half turned to look at him. "A restaurant? Isn't that a little fancy?"

"If you'd rather go home to see what your mother made for dinner then it's alright."

Xander burst out laughing. However, at Giles' confused look, he stopped quickly. "You know, a coffee shop is just fine."

"But you haven't eaten all day."

"It's fine, I can catch my mother's … cooking at home, anyway."

Giles noticed the pause but didn't pay much attention to it. "Alright, if that's what you want."


*****


"You know when I said restaurants are fancy? This coffee shop is even fancier," Xander commented as he looked around the best rate coffee shop a person could find in Sunnydale. He wondered if it was a British thing to choose the classy places only.

The nice looking waitress brought them their coffees and asked if they wanted anything else. Giles looked at him and he shook his head. The waitress explained that the sandwiches they had ordered were coming soon and left with a polite smile. Xander was about to take a sip of his coffee when he noticed Giles 'spiking' his own.

"What are you doing?" Xander hissed looking around afraid that someone must have noticed. He stared at the librarian's coffee in shock. "Can you do that here?"

"Yes," Giles answered simply.

Xander shook his head. "For a stuffy librarian like you, this is very impressive."

Giles smiled, drinking his coffee.

"What's that for anyway?" Xander asked.

"Well, living in the Hellmouth and dealing with a slayer like Buffy, a person must relax now and then."

Xander nodded understanding. "I guess training Buffy can be a little tiring with her not following your instructions and …"

"Buffy is a special girl," Giles interrupted softly. He wore a proud expression on his face, seeming to think of the blonde slayer.

"Totally!" Xander exclaimed watching as Giles drank his coffee. He knew how affectionate Giles felt about Buffy. She was more than just his charge. Or not. Now that Giles was fired, Buffy was not his responsibility anymore. He wasn't sure she was Wesley's either.

Xander wondered if someone ever said that he was special in this fond way. He frowned, why was he having these thoughts, anyway?

He cleared his throat to draw Giles' attention. "So when did you start thinking about being a watcher?"

Giles raised his eyebrows. "You're interested about that?"

Xander shrugged. "Just making conversation."

Giles placed his empty cup on the table. "My father always wanted me to be one actually. He was a Head Watcher back at the Council."

Xander choked on his coffee and coughed a little. Once he composed himself, he stared at the English man in shock. "Your father was a watcher?!"

"Yes." Giles looked at him amused. "Don't tell me you never thought of it before."

"Well, I don't do much thinking if you haven't noticed. I just wait for people to tell me what's the what." He pulled on his infamous goofy grin.

The waitress came back with their sandwiches. While Xander ate, he listened to Giles talking about his life in England. He talked about the guys who badly influenced him in university, how Giles' differences with his father led him to follow Ethan and the others' dark path.

It made Xander wonder about fathers in general. Would there ever be a perfect father? It wasn't like Giles' was a jerk like Xander's father or a neglecting father like Buffy's and Willow's, but he had demanded his son become someone he didn't want to be. That alone had driven Giles to the wrong path. Well, the old dude had got what he wanted in the end. Giles had become a watcher.

It appeared that Giles had had a hard time adjusting to the whole watcher thing. Even though Giles didn't say anything, Xander guessed that it had taken him years to get the hang of the basics. If Giles was the same street kid after the candy incident, Xander could perfectly picture his first years at the Council. Those watcher trainers must have had a hard time teaching badass Rupert Giles.

They had finished eating for sometime now but neither had noticed the time passing by. Giles kept talking and Xander was excitedly listening. It was the first time he had talked with the older man like that. It was the first time Xander heard about Giles' life from him personally. He came to a realization that he and Giles had never really talked with each other about personal stuff before.

Eventually, Giles had chuckled. "I have been talking about myself for a while. Why don't you tell me about what's happening with you lately?"

"There's nothing happening with me lately. My life is as boring as, well … apparently not yours." Giles smiled and looked at his empty plate.

It was not really true. Xander had many issues he should have talked about with someone, like his break up with Cordelia, his shaky friendship with Willow, the horrible incident with Faith, but he never really talked about his problems with anyone. He was not used to talking about his problems, which was one of the reasons no one really knew what went on in his home.

Home!

Xander fretfully glanced at his watch. Oh shit! He was supposed to be in his room, with his door locked, before the folks were back from whatever place they boozed in. Why else would he turn down an opportunity to eat in a big restaurant for a coffee shop? He thought an hour or less in a coffee shop would not hurt and he would still have time to get back before they returned. Unfortunately, being the screw up he was, he had spent a whole two hours. Now his parents were probably home fully drunk and yelling at each other, and if he showed up, he would completely get in the middle. No matter how he would try to avoid them. What should he do?

Giles noticed how tense he was. "What's the matter?"

"I'm … I …" what should he say? He had never talked about this with anyone. Jesse, Willow and Cordelia had figured it out on their own. Not that they knew how a life with drunken parents could be like, hence them not doing anything about it. He sighed. It wasn't fair talking about them like that. *He* didn't give them a chance to help him, anyway.

Did he just use the word 'hence'?

"My dad … he has this rule about coming home before 9 o'clock, and now it's passed that." Someone's pants were on fire. Man, it wasn't like he never lied before! But for some reason he felt uncomfortable lying to Giles. The whole thing felt like a burden. A must. Something he vowed to do for the rest of his life. So far he had no problems with hiding. Except this time, deep down, he had this compelling urge to tell this man about it all.

Giles nodded understanding. "And if you didn't return before that time, you would sleep outside."

Xander forced a smile. "Exactly."

"Well, since it is my fault you are late, why don't you come to my flat? You can sleep on my couch," Giles suggested.

Xander blinked at him. "You want me to crash over?"

"Yes."

"But I thought you liked your privacy."

"Well, it's either that or looking for a motel room. Assuming you have any money." Giles' cynical tone held some kind of warning that had Xander's instincts jumping at once.

"Couch is good." He grinned nervously.

Giles smiled. "Alright then."


*****