Why Not?

Title: Why Not?
Author: ME!
Contact: oc_emogal@yahoo.com
Pairing: Spander
Feedback: I thrive on it!
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or I wouldn't be wasting my time writing this. I'd be doing...better things.
Note: This is my FIRST slash fic. Please me easy on me.

Chapter One - Caught in the rain

"Because I hate him." It was a simple statement, yet it held so much meaning. Xander had become all too familiar with the phrase lately. It was what he used to answer his lifetime friend, Buffy's protests about why he doesn't get along with her current boy toy, who just happened to be none other than William the Bloody himself. Just with a soul now. Did she love him? No. Anyone with two eyes and a functioning brain could see that. But did he love her? That was a whole other story. One that Xander didn't really want to hear.

No, he wasn't in denial. He was well aware of his feeling for Spike. The truth was, Xander didn't hate Spike at all. He loved him. And the fact that Spike was so obsessed with gaining Buffy's affection made him so jealous he yearned to have the will to hate the blonde vampire more than anything. But he couldn't hate Spike. Not now. Not ever. Not with that gorgeous body, those peircing blue eyes, perfectly chiseled cheeks... Just thinking about it made him shiver with pleasure. But the worst part of it all was that he knew he'd never get the man he wanted so badly. Not only did Spike not swing that way, but he was with Buffy of all people. Buffy was Xander's friend. He shouldn't be lusting of one of his best friends' lovers. Especially not when this particular friend is a woman with violent tendancies. Women. They were something Xander had given up on trying to understand a long time ago. He couldn't believe he at one time had the desire to be with one. Of course, every once in a while he'd see an attractive female and take a second glance. But then he'd picture Spike and how remarkably flawless he is, and forget he ever even saw the woman.

Xander never really thought of himself as gay. He'd never allow himself to agree to the title. It just wasn't him. He liked sucking breasts, not dicks. But he was even beginning to second guess himself on that. Everytime Spike would wear his tight fitting leather pants it made him wanna see the parts inside those very pants even more. And today just happened to be one of those times.

When Spike showed up at the Scooby meeting that night in his tight shirt and forementioned leather pants Xander wasn't sure he'd be able to contain himself through another full night of slayage. "Fuck..." he muttered under his breathe as the blonde vampire stood by the staircase giving Xander a full view of his lean, muscular body. He couldn't take this much longer. It was almost as the soulled vampire was doing it on purpose. Teasing him just to see his pathetic reaction. But that couldn't be it. Spike barely even talked to the brunette, much less take the time to tease him.

Xander's thoughts were interrupted with the sound of an annoyed, yet still amused British voice. "What the bloody hell are you looking at, whelp?" Shit. Oh, fuck. He hadn't realized he'd been staring. He knows. He definately knows. He's gonna go tell Buffy and she's gonna tell everyone and the whole town is gonna think I'm a perverted gay freak. I am a perverted gay freak. I shouldn't have-"Bloody git," the blonde muttered, "you gonna speak or not, whelp?"

"I...didn't-wasn't...I...uh...sorry," was all Xander could manage to sputter out. Spike simply rolled his eyes. It was a sign that he was dismissing the event. Xander let out a sigh of relief. Life could go on. Until, that is, five minutes later when Buffy finally came down the stairs only to be pulled into a passionate kiss by Spike. It was then that Xander lost all happy thoughts and began wanting to hate the undead hunk the all over again. How can he kiss her like that in front of me? Xander was always the type who would take anything as an insult or offence towards himself. He was sensitive like that.

The night was pretty much all just a blur after that. They'd slayed their quota of vampires and other nocternal creatures for the night and made their way back to Buffy's house so they could discuss any unusual happenings before heading home for the night. Spike clearly had only one thing on his mind the whole night. Sex. With Buffy. Xander didn't know whether he should be turned on by the thought of Spike fucking someone, or angered that it was Buffy he wanted to fuck. He chose to go with being turned on because it would come in more handy when he was alone later.

Xander awoke the next morning sweating and a bit out of breathe. He'd had one of the dreams he'd been having more and more often lately. These dreams were, of course, sex dreams starring Spike. In those dreams Spike wanted him back. He wanted him, and took him without a second thought. But the dreams weren't real and Xander's blissful world came crashing back to reality once he took a look around his un-Spike-full room. He sighed before showering and getting dressed. He prepared himself for the long day to come. This has to stop. I've gotta do something.

Once he was all ready, Xander called Buffy to ask if they had any plans for the gang today. She said no, and he could tell by the tone in her voice that she'd probably spend the day with Spike. Damn. But he didn't want to focus on that right now. No, he had more important things to think about right now, for once. Like how he was going to tell Willow, his best friend of forever, that he is attracted to men...specifically a certain one that Buffy is fond of. He'd already made the call. Told her that he had to tell her something important. There was no way out. Once she knew he was hiding something, she'd find a way to figure out that something. Nothing would stop her. He was going to have to tell her he was in love with Spike. There was no way around it. "Why the hell am I doing this?" he asked himself aloud as he pulled his pickup truck into the familiar driveway of none other than Willow Rosenburg.

...Spike's POV...

"So what are the plans for today, luv?" Spike asked Buffy, putting his arms around her from behind. He was still naked. She was fully dressed. "I don't know...I told Xander I was taking a day of relaxation..."she answered. Xander. "Uhuh..." was his only response. She removed his arms from her waist and turned around so she was facing him. "And actually, I was thinking that I'm gonna have just that, a day of relaxation," she continued, "and I'm thinking...it'd be...without you." The realization hit him hard, and it hit him fast. "Oh..." he said, "I see." He took a moment to look at Buffy's almost glowing face. He could see no love in her eyes. He never did. He had thought at one time he loved her too. He'd even gotten a bloody soul for the slayer. But that feeling of love and lust he once had for her was gone. It was instead replaced with the need to be with someone intimately. Besides, if he were to end his relationship with Buffy, he'd most likely be kicked out of the Scooby Gang he had grown so fond of. He didn't want that. For once he felt like he belonged somewhere...like he was needed. He wasn't about to loose that just because he didn't really want to shag Buffy anymore. But he could always try another of the Scoobies..."Spike...I want to spend time with you, really," she explained falsely. Yeah, right. "It's just...I think I need a day away from others...especially vampires." So she still thinks of me as a vampire first, despite the sodding soul. He nodded in response, although his mind was screaming for him to do something. Anything. He couldn't take much more of this facade. He needed something real. True love.

Once the vampire left the slayer's home he took some time to think about things. Luckily it was still dark out. Spike thought about many things on his walk. Buffy. Slaying. Sex. But mostly, he thought about Xander. The poor whelp seemed to really like him. While Spike definately thought Xander to be attractive; he was his exact type when it came to men- tall, dark, handsome, and sarcastic, Spike wasn't really sure whether he was ready to start something with his girlfriend's best friend. But since when did Spike ever wait till he was ready to do something? In the midst of all this thoughts, Spike was paying no attention to where he was walking, and to his surprise, when he stopped he found himself in front of none other than Xander Harris' home. Bloody Hell. I can't even take a walk without wanting to see the damn sexy whelp. He rang the doorbell, knocked on the door, slammed on the door, and finally came to the conclusion that either the brown eyed beauty wasn't home, or he was dead or unconcious. He chose to ignore the second option. "Bugger that. I came all this way. I'm not going to go back now. He's gotta come home sometime," he said aloud to reassure himself. After a while of sitting on his doorstep, Spike began to get wary. Partly because he knew it'd be getting light out soon, but mostly because he wanted to know where the hell Xander could be at a time like this for so long. He found a spot in the shade, where he would be safe from the sun, and put his coat over his body just as an extra procaution; he wouldn't want Xander to come home to a pile of ash outside his house. Spike soon fell asleep in that vary position.

...Meanwhile...

"Hey Xand! Come in," Willow greeted, "So...what is this important thing you have to tell me?" Xander still could not believe the situation he was in. But Willow would understand, right? I mean, she is a lesbian. Xander had kept his love secret for nearly two years now. He still wasn't ready to share the secret. "Uh...well, you better sit down," he said and she took a seat on the couch. He sat across from her. "So...I'm having a hard time figuring out how to say this the correct way, so I think I'm just gonna have to tell you bluntly." Willow nodded in encouragement, before giving him that winning smile of hers. That was just what he needed. Fuck. Here it goes. "I'm in love with Spike." The statement took Xander himself by surprise. He'd never said it aloud before. However, this wasn't the true surprising action in this moment. That action was Willow's response to the confession. The redhead smiled, giggled slightly, before responding with the words, "I know."

"Excuse me, what?" Xander was dumbfounded. How can she know? I never told anyone. Am I that obvious? If I am than Spike most likely knows. Oh god, he knows. "Yeah...Tara's so quiet she notices things no one else does. And she tells me everything." Willow smiled gleefully now, at the mention of her long time lover. "And to answer the question I know you're thinking...yes, I do believe he knows as well." Shit. The two childhood friends talked a long time. They talked about anything and everything going on in each of their lives. Xander vowed never to hide something from Willow again. He'd forgotten how much of a good friend she was. It was raining when Xander was ready to leave, so he was glad he decided to take his truck rather that walk to her house.

He arrived home in a rather good mood. Until he walked up to his house, that is. It was then that he was able to lay his eyes on what was his idea of perfection, sleeping in front of his house. "Uh...S-Spike?" he whispered, unsure if he was actually trying to wake the vampire up or not. He was well aware that Spike was soaked and that he himself was getting more soaked by the second, but he was determined to find out why the man he loved more than anything was asleep outside his own house when it was daytime and raining. Spike awoke suddenly, just as a clap of thunder struck the skies. It made Xander jump. Great, now thunder too. "Hello whelp," Spike spoke in his deep, yet soft yet strong at the same time voice that he knew would make Xander melt into a pile of goo.

"Spike, what the hell are you doing here?" Xander exclaimed, trying as hard as he could to sound annoyed at the object of his desire's presence outside his home. Judging by Spike's reaction, it didn't work. The blonde was suddenly standing again, his body mere inches from Xander's. Not that he noticed, of course. "What reason would you like for me to be here for?" he blue eyed immortal asked, an unusual glint in his eye. "Uh...I...shouldn't you be with Buffy?" Xander blurted out as a last resort. He regretted it almost immediately after, because the blone then backed away and took a long unecessary breathe. "The slayer says she wants some time away...from me," he paused, as if trying to decide if he should continue, "sides, it's not like she ever loved me anyways, she more into the sex. And that's probably just because I'm so good at it." Xander never knew how Spike could always talk about things like love and sex so casually. What he did know, however, was that he was beginning to like the way the day was headed. "Oh," Xander replied weakly, successfully attempting not to say anything about Spike's sex skills. The brunnette hadn't actually seen Spike this close, and alone, in...ever. And it was beginning to make him weak in the knees. "So..." Xander began as another clap of thunder could be heard. He jumped again. "...I'm going to, uh, go inside before I get struck with lightning or something," he faultered a moment, thinking he saw a slight wince in Spike's face at those words. He could care less if something were to happen to me, though, right? "Do you, um, wanna come in the house?" Xander asked.

To be continued!!!