Magic Moments

I do not claim to own any of the characters; I just like to play with them. I am but a poor office clerk without two pennies to rub together and I make NO money from writing any fanfic. So, suing me would be pretty pointless and I would cry.


It's time for another Suki, comedy mini-series!! YAY!

Title: Magic Moments
Rating: Always assume my stuff is NC-17
Summary: A naughty blue demon decides it would funny if Xander had Spike's baby.
Warnings: Mpreg, sillyness
Feedback: Impregnate me with it!

Thanks to my wonderful Kitty Poker for the sudden beta. Even I didn't see this one coming!

Xander folded his arms and aimed a nasty glare at a certain blond-haired irritation. “This is all your fault, you know.”

Spike removed the cigarette from his mouth and blew smoke directly into Xander’s face. “Fuck off.”

“Gods, Spike, you’re so original. Big bore, that’s what we call you.”

“Is that right? Who’s we? You and your two brain cells?”

“Oh, so you want to talk about intelligence? Who was it that decided to tell a Skuki demon that his daddy likes pink? I believe that was you.”

“Yeah, well, you didn’t hear what he said about your mother.”

“I don’t care what he said about my mother. It was probably true. I do care that you got us dragged off into some underground lair.”

Spike shrugged. “Think of it as a change, Xander. A holiday from the normal monotony of patrol.”

Xander stared with wide disbelieving eyes. “A holiday?!” he said with a squeal. “You have got to be kidding me! Some holiday! Do you have any idea how much TV we’re missing?”

“Don’t care.”

“Is that right, Mr Passions-obsessed? What if we’re stuck here for days, huh? What if *you* miss *days* of Passions?”

Spike faltered. “…Don’t care,” he said, finally.

Xander huffed and plopped himself down on the cold ground. There was just no way to talk to Spike when he was in one of his stubborn moods.

Spike growled and leant against the opposite wall.

Xander tried to wait out the silence but it was like asking a duck not to quack. “So, what are you going to do?”

“Me?!” Spike asked, completely aghast.

“Yeah, you! You got us into this mess. You can get us out of it.”

“I seem to remember saving your sorry arse and scraping it off the ground not too long ago.”

“I didn’t need you to save me,” Xander sulked.

“Really? Well, you sure as hell would have needed an ambulance if I hadn’t been there. I’ll just let you get garrotted next time, shall I?”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Blessed silence.

“And you know what else?”

“Oh, buggering hell. Here we go.”

“It really fucks me off when you make such a big deal about saving my *arse* You have to play the big bad hero, don’t you? Can’t just help me out and keep quiet about it, oh no. You have to go brag about it. Make me look like a total loser.”

“Well, you are a total loser.”

“Thanks very much!”

“You're welcome.”

More blessed silence.

“Well, I’ve had enough of you.”

Spike growled again and flicked his cigarette butt at Xander’s head, narrowly but deliberately missing. “Give it a rest, Harris. You’re doing my nut in.”

“Tough. I want you out, Spike.”

“Eh!?”

“Tonight…or whenever we get out of here. I want you to get out of my basement. I can’t live with you for another second.”

“And just where do you expect me to bloody go?”

“I could care less.”

“Right then. If that’s what you want…”

“It is.”

“Fine!”

“Fine!!”

A large blue demon stomped into the alcove and put its hands on its hips.

“Spot spis spoing spon spin spere?”

“It ain’t me, mate. It's jabber chops, here. He won’t bloody shut up!”

The demon cocked a confused head at the strange language and Spike repeated himself in Skuki.

The demon waggled a long-nailed finger. “Spo spar spay spery spirritating spampire spand spe spis spay spery spannoying spuman spith sparge speyes. (You are an irritating vampire and he is a very annoying human with large eyes.)"

Spike nodded. “You’re right about the last part, mate. The annoying thing, not the eyes.”

“Huh? What’s he saying?” Xander asked, nervously.

“Shh, hang on!”

“Spi spam spored. (I am bored.)”

“Right?” Spike said, suspiciously. Skuki demons were famous for being mischievous and Spike was wondering what the hell this one was up to.

“Spo sto sbobvisly spood sbe sbogether. Spi’ll splet spo spgo sput sper spuman spust spave spor sbaby. Spit spill sbe spun sand spi spill spaugh. (You two obviously should be together. I’ll let you go but the human must have your baby. It will be fun and I will laugh.)"

“What?! Eh?! Me an ‘im?! Baby?! You’re off your rocker, mate!!”

“Huh?! What?! I’m not liking the sound of this, Spike!”

“Spobably. Spake spare spof speach spother spand spow spe sper spild spen spit spis sporn. Sponly spen spill spi spomise spot sto spill spo. (Probably. Take care of each other and show me the child when it is born. Only then will I promise not to kill you.)”

“Sodding hell! You wouldn’t!”

“Sponna spet?”

The Skuki demon’s eyes glowed a fiery blue and Xander doubled over and fell to the floor.

Spike’s last thought before he joined the father of his unborn child was: Bloody magic!


Cont…