Crimson Regret

Timeline: Set during 5th season BTVS
Rating: NC-17 for language and all the nasty and naughtiness
Pairing: B/F
Disclaimer: These characters don't belong to me, they belong to Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy
and all them
Feedback: Hells yes


[-- Chapter 1 --]

Jail sucks, I won't lie. I won't tell you that it's not so bad, that people don’t try to beat me and rape me and posses me, because they do. But I will tell you that it was the best decision I ever made. I still could walk out of here so easily, but I wont. I deserve to be here, I deserve what I get here. I'm too dangerous outside of these walls. I need a chance to try and reform, although how I'm gonna do that in jail is a mystery to me. I've tried to not fight the women who come to me and I nearly got beaten to death. I still try not to fight, even after that. But sometimes I snap and fight back, and I lose all sense of what's right and what's wrong, its just kill or be killed. And I killed, twice.

I wish I could be locked up in isolation for the rest of my life, then I won't have to deal with the stupid women who come to challenge me to make a name for themselves. But I can't be. I've also tried staying in my cell all day, but they made me come out and when I refused they beat me. Great, huh? Welcome to the life of Faith.

I got put in jail a couple months ago, I forget exactly when. I decided time isn't really important anymore since I'll be in here the rest of my life. I came here for Buffy, she's the one that wanted me here. God, Buffy. I haven't gone one day without thinking about her. I hate feeling this way, feeling so hopeless when it comes to her. She's my weak spot, I know it. Ever since I met her all I wanted was to be with her and make her happy. So far I've been doing a pretty shitty job. I betrayed her and drove her to try to kill me. As you can see she failed but I still have the long, jagged scar on my stomach where she stabbed me. I was put in a coma for eight months. I have so many reasons why I should hate her but I don’t… I'm in love with her. I probably always will be. And it's really pathetic.

I look in the mirror and see her face staring back at me. She's disappointed and angry. I don’t blame her, how could I? I did this shit to make her see me this way. I can't help but think that maybe if I didn’t go to the mayor so long ago we would have had a chance. She flirted with me, or should I say she flirted -back-. I was always the one who initiated it, I couldn’t help it! She's just so gorgeous and tempting. But I fucked up and there's nothing I can do about that now.

Ugh, Julie's snoring. Julie's my cellmate, she's in for murder one too. Why someone decided to put two murderers in the same cell is beyond me. We were at each other's throats at first, but now we're okay with each other. She's a pretty cool girl, minus the whole murder rep. She's blonde, and from the back she looks like B, but when she turns around to face me my fantasy shatters. She's too tainted to be Buffy, that’s what a taste of evil does to you.

I get a little taste of good every week though. Angel visits me every single week. I guess he doesn’t plan on giving up on me and I'm grateful. He gives me updates on B when they're available and I guess she's doing pretty good. There's the usual baddies but I don’t worry about her, I know she can take care of herself. Always can and always will.

"You thinking about her again?" Julie asked.

"Huh? Who?" *God when did she wake up?*

"Buffy. You talk in your sleep you know," she smirked and looked up at me from the bottom bunk.

I lean against the wall and sigh, "I don’t think I'll ever see her again."

"Was she your girlfriend?" Julie always surprised me with how mush she actually cared sometimes. She was so hard around everyone else and for me too for awhile, but she ended up being a cool friend.

"No, I never even told her how I felt. Not that it would have made a difference, she probably would have hated me still." I look down and start playing with the sheet.

"Why does she hate you?" Julie stood up her her bunk and leaned against the bed and looked at me questionably.

"Just all the crap that got me in this shithole in the first place. It all had to do with her, the murders I mean. I fucked up really bad and she hates me for it," I sigh and lay down. "I don’t want to talk about B anymore."

"Okay. Hey the guards are gonna be coming around to let us to the rec room and other shit if you wanna come," Julie said as she put up her hair with a rubber band.

"Uh, yeah I guess so. Actually I think I'm gonna work out, I haven't in awhile and my body needs to kick some ass, even if it is a punching bag," I roll my eyes and sit back up and dangle my legs over the side of the bunk.

"I can fight with you if you want," she offered.

"You means spar? No thanks, I've had enough of fighting with people."

"Alright, but if you ever want to then I will," she said and gave me a half smile.

The buzzer rang and the guard came around and opened out cell, "Alright come on, time for you bitches to get some social time." Julie gave the man a sarcastic smile and pushed past him and I followed.

We walked into the weight room and the new girl, I think her name is Karla, stood up. She looked me up and down, either sizing me up or checking me out. Maybe both, I don’t care. I chose to ignore her and went to wrap my hands.

"Hey," the girl said, "wanna have a little fun?" She winked at me and licked her bottom lip. Oh yay, she was checking me out. I mentally roll my eyes.

"I don’t think so Karla." I finish wrapping my hands and turn around to face her.

"First off, the names Kara and I don’t think you have a choice," she reached out and touched my face, but I didn’t flinch.

"Look, I don’t care what your name is. I don’t want to hurt you but I will if I have to because I am sick of getting walked all over. I deciding hurting convicts isn't cheating on the whole 'I'm redeeming myself' deal, alright? So back off cause I am not going to fuck you," I get right up in her face.

"Really? Tell me that after you've kissed me, sweet thing." She grinned and leaned in, pressing her lips to mine, trying to force my mouth open with her tongue.

"Ack!" I push her away, disgusted and punch her in the face once, knocking her out cold.

Julie clapped, "There's my girl!" I take a little bow and she laughs. "Girl, you have been taking shit for too long. We all know you can kick serious ass, I don’t know why you try and hide it."

I shrug, "I guess it didn’t fit in with my whole 'doing good' thing, you know?" I move over to the punching bag and work on my spinning kicks.

Julie moved behind the punching bag and held it still for me. "Yeah I guess I know what you mean. Not that I've tried it but hey, if it works for you…"

I spun around and did a back kick and then followed with a right hook, "See, that’s the thing, I don’t know if it works for me. But I want it so badly, I can't stand being so fucking psychotic and murderous anymore. Sure, I'll still kick ass when called apon but I am so done with the whole 'Faith likes to kill' thing."

"Faith? You have a visitor," One of the guards said as he walked in. I unwrapped my hands and pulled my hair back so it wouldn’t stick to my face with how sweaty I had gotten.

"Who is it?" I ask and walk over. It's either Angel or my lawyer.

"I don’t know, I don’t pay attention to the these things, its not my job! Just come on," he took my arm and pulled me out of there.

We walked into the visitor's room and I step behind the glass and look at the dark figure of Angel. I pick up the phone and watch him do the same.

"Hey," I look at his serious face, "What's up?"

He took a deep breath, "It's Buffy."