Three Sheets

Disclaimers: I don’t own any of the characters depicted herein. Wish I did but it’s all Joss.
Spoilers: Up to and including Season 7 of Buffy and 4 of Angel
Summary: Wesley, Xander, and Andrew help Gunn celebrate his birthday.
Pairing: Xander/Andrew
Ratings Note: NC-17
Author’s Note: Thanks to Katie for the beta.
Feedback: Yes, please. scarletsfiction@yahoo.com
URL: www.geocities.com/karenmnick
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Part 1- Party Animals

“Why isn’t Gunn bald?” Andrew slurred. “Didn’t he used to be bald? I heard he used to be bald. Oh! He should have, like, an afro...or maybe a mullett. He could be like Lando…” The blond boy hiccuped and sloshed more amber liquid into his glass tumbler.

“I was not bald! It was shaved. And I know you’re not talking about my head,” Gunn growled, his pose made somewhat less threatening by the fact that he was crowned by a gold foil birthday hat.

“Leave him alone, Gunn,” Wesley cut in jovially. “It’s his first time...drinking,” Wes giggled lecherously.

“Is not!” Andrew protested, gulping down more alcohol. “I’ve even had some of Giles’ beer before. Twice! So…so there!”

“Slow down, Skywalker. You’ve had way too much to drink.” Xander placed a hand on the young man’s arm in a show of steadying the youth, but it was apparent that he was three sheets to the wind himself. “I, on the other hand, am fully capable of consg lag large quantities of alcohol with little or no effect. Willow promised. See? She gave me pretty green pills!” Xander held up his small baggie of herbal supplements. He tried to set his glass on the table, but he missed and it tumbled to the ground. “Oops!”

Wes and Gunn chuckled appreciatively, pleased to have weeded the true party animals out of the crowd. Gunn’s birthday celebration had started hours earlier with a full house. Guests had trailed off one by one until now, at nearly midnight, only the four young men remained. Though “remained” could only be loosely used since all were on the verge of succumbing to full-scale inebriation.

“I get the ‘Chee’ part of Cheetos because of their cheesy deliciousness,” Andrew began, excited by another tangent, “but I don’t get the ‘tos.’ Are they made of toes? That would be so gross! Have you ever seen a Dictur demon’s toes? They have this sort of clawed, puss oozing—”

“—Andrew! I beg you not to finish what you were about to say,” Gunn pleaded, his face contorting in nausea.

“Misha demons have lovely feet!” Wesley suddenly offered. “Lovely, lovely…round, full…well, not just their feet, but…lovely….” Wes trailed off wistfully.

“Where did you meet a Misha demon?” Andrew asked. He appeared surprised. “Lust demons rarely interacted with humans and you shouldn’t ask them to, because they get mad and will try to break your pan flute,” Andrew explained sagely.

“David Nabbit,” Wes said by way of explanation. He poured himself another drink and settled in to an armchair.

“So, you saw a Misha on the internet?”

“No, we *know* David Nabbit.”

Andrew’s eyes widened in surprise and envy until it looked as though they might pop from his head. “You. Know. David. Nabbit?” he asked breathlessly. “He’s…he’s…”

“He’s a complete computer nerd,” Gunn finished, “but he keeps us in the latest software and knows all the best, uh, places.” Gunn chuckled and exchanged a knowing glance with Wesley and then they dissolved into nervous giggles.

“What kind of places?” Xander asked, intrigued. Even though he’d only been living in LA for a few months, he’d heard more than a few rumors about underground clubs and demon sex shops.

“Oh, just—“ Wesley tried to settle his empty glass on the table, but he missed and it tumbled to the ground where Xander’s had been only moments earlier. “Damn. Perhaps this table is crooked…” The fallen glass distracted Wes so Gunn finished his thought.

“David knows all the best places,” he explained. “High class, you know? And exotic...”

“Gunn?” Wesley asked, trying once again to place his glass on the table and succeeding. “It *is* your birthday. Perhaps this special occasion calls for a trip to Splendor?” Gunn’s eyes widened happily in his drunken haze.

“Yeah…”

“What’s Splendor?”

“Splendor is a demon establishment, Andrew. A club catering to the very rich.”

“Which we are not,” Xander pointed out. He had an idea where this conversation was heading and he wasn’t pleased with the destination.

“But we *are* connected. Angel and I did some work for the proprietor a few years ago as a favor to David and as a result, well, let’s just say we don’t have to check in with the bouncer like the ‘common’ demons.”

“So…what’s so cool about this place?” Andrew asked, obviously interested; he began bouncing on the couch.

“Splendor? Where to start? Splendor is Nirvana. Bliss. It’s a club that makes all your wishes come true-for thirty minutes. And at the same cost as a small import car, if you’re not connected…whichARE!ARE!” Wes seemed excited when he remembered that part again. “We’re connected…we can get in…for FREE! Get your coats!” Deciding for all of them, Wesley flipped out his cell phone and began to dial as Gunn searched the room for his jacket.

“We can’t go anywhere,” Xander tried to reason. “None of us can drive. We’re a walking public service announcement.” We’rWe’re not gonna drive. Wes is calling us a limo,” Gunn explained, as if he were telling the two young out-of-towners that his best friend was ordering a pizza.

“Uh-huh…does he do that often?” Xander asked.

“You can’t get to Splendor on your own. You have to take a car they send. The place is always moving cause it’s not dimensionally fixed,” Gunn said, then paused. “That last part I quoted from Wes. I have no idea what it means, but…WE’RE GOIN’ TO SPLENDOR!” The birthday boy was nearly giddy with excitement. Xander wasn’t sure what was more disturbing, the thought of going to a demon club without ammunition, or the childlike glee on Gunn’s face.

“Well it’s all set. Transportation will be here in a little while. Oh! I think you should try the Fuy-Lar, Gunn. It *is* your birthday after all.”

“What’s a Fuy-Lar?” Andrew asked, suddenly jumping into the conversation. He’d finished off his drink and now stood near Xander, leaning heavily on a wingback chair. “I’ve never heard of one. Of that. Wait, is it a food or a demon? Cause I don’t think I’ve tried either one.”

Wes and Gunn exchanged knowing giggles. “The Fuy-Lar is a Fellatiating demon, Andrew. And I think it’s best if that’s all you know.”

Andrew’s eyes widened comically and Xander thought he might have to slap the blond boy to keep him from passing out.

“Don’t worry, Andrew. You won’t be asked to do anything you don’t want to do. It’s your first time at Splendor…What do you think, Gunn? A Pelurack? Or maybe a Misha? For a couple of first-timers?” The ex-Watcher gestured toward the two Sunnydale transplants.

“Naw, man. You wanna freak ‘em out on their first trip? I say it’s a Rushmah kinda night. Yep.” Gunn helped Wes don his coat awkwardly and then tossed Andrew’s to him. The boy caught it by a sleeve and began pulling it on inside out.

“You’re doing it wrong,” Xander said, helping him to turn the coat the right way and slipping it nervously over slim shoulders.

“Thanks,” Andrew whispered to the back of Xander’s head as the one-eyed man bent to collect his own coat. In minutes the four drunken crime fighters were wrapped warmly and standing under the Hyperion’s awning, watching the rain run down the street gutters in muddy waves.

A limousine swept to the curb and a very-much-human driver emerged. The man opened an enormous umbrella and ushered them into the waiting vehicle. Wes and Gunn climbed in, stumbling as they did so. Andrew followed them eagerly. Only Xander hesitated. What the hell was he getting himself into? His track record with demons and sex was pretty shitty. And here he was *willingly* putting himself in a compromising situation with demons?

“Are you getting in?” Wesley asked from the luxurious depths of the limousine.

“Yeah, Xander.” Andrew’s head emerged, rain spattering his smooth face with fat, wet drops. “Are you getting in? I don’t want to go alone.” Xander resisted the urge to tell him he wouldn’t be alone, that Wes and Gunn would be there. Instead, he smiled at the young man he had only recently begun calling his best friend, and climbed in.

*****

The limousine sped through the wet streets of Los Angeles, oblivious to the nearly torrential status the rainstorm outside had become. Xander huddled nervously on the plush seat, staring at Gunn and Wesley who sat across from him.

“Look! A bar!” Andrew excitedly began pulling bottles from the side of the vehicle.

“You can’t take that, Andrew. They’ll charge you for it. And you don’t have the ten bucks you owe me from lunch at Chili’s so I think you better just put that back.”

“Don’t worry, Xander. David takes care of our tab when we come to Splendor. If I may say so, you seem terribly uncomfortable. Is it all right that we’re going to this club? This is a very high-class establishment with employees that work voluntarily and are paid quite well. If it bothers you, we could, perhaps, go to a regular club. I’m sure the driver wouldn’t mind.” Xander envisioned the four of them trying to get jiggy with it on the dance floor of some uip Lip LA club and cringed.

“I’m fine! I’m down with the demon sex stuff. I mean, sure…” He eagerly took the glass that Andrew held out to hnd dnd downed it’s contents in one pull. Then he turned the glass back to Andrew and let him fill it again.

When all four men had four huge glasses of alcohol, Andrew sat back in the seat next to Xander. “So…you said Xander and I should try a Rushmah. What’s that?”

Xander marveled at the calm way Andrew was taking in the whole situation. Maybe it was his demon-conjuring skills that made him more confident with demons in general. Even Lorne seemed to get along better with Andrew than with Xander,houghough that could be attributed to their mutual love of show tunes.

“Oh, the Rushmah is very old. Egyptian in heritage, their ancestors were warriors, although not from our dimension. It’s quite hard to explain, really. The Rushmah is a mind reader and shape changer.” As if sensing Xander’s disquiet, Wesley added, “I can assure you they are very benevolent. You’ll be perfectly safe in its care.”

“Its?” Xander asked.

“Its. Well, they’re shapechangers. Gender is hard to pinpoint when the demon can be male or female. Or any of a number of demon genders. I told you, it’s hard to explain.”

“So…why should we try this Rushmore demon?” Xander asked with a slur as Andrew topped of his glass before he even had to ask. Yep, he thought. Come dawn, they’d all be paying homage to the porcelain god.

“The Rushmah can read minds; it can create your greatest fantasy.” Wesley poured himself another drink, unhappily noting that they had consumed all of the alcohol in the first bottle.

“Yeah. Like, say your fantasy involves Julia Roberts and a tub of Fat Free Cool Whip—”

“That’s it, Gunn! I’ll never tell you another thing as long as—“

“It’s not ME who’s got the whipped cream kink. I leave that entirely up to you.”

“Well, at least my fantasies involve real people and not superhero—“

“Halle Berry is a damn attractive woman. Don’t you dare—“

“It’s a comic book character!”

“She won an Academy Award!”

“It’s just a black leather suit!”

“She saves the world!”

“You’re not an X-Person!”

“Who the hell says that? X-Person? We need to worry about politically correct superheroes?”

Wesley and Gunn’s battle raged on while Xander and Andrew turned their attention to filling their glasses. How many drinks had he had tonight, Xander thought to himself? He was feeling mighty drunk and Willow’s herbal pills didn’t seem to be having any effect.

“Who do you want the Rushmah to be?” Andrew suddenly asked.

Xander thought deeply for a moment and then said, “If I had the choice, I think…Lara Croft.”

“Oooh! The Tomb Raider. Excellent choice.”

“What about you?”

“Me? Oh, I was thinking about that. I think maybe T’Pol.”

“Really? T’Pol? I would have thought you were more of a Seven of Nine kinda guy.”

“Naw…I like brunettes.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Andrew began coughing. When he started swaying, Xander grasped his arm. It only seemed to make it worse, so he settled for rubbing small circles across the younger man’s neck. That seemed to soothe him and his breathing returned to normal.

Xander let his fingertips trace over the ridges of the corduroy jacket Andrew wore. He could feel the heat radiating out of the slender body next to him. While Gunn and Wesley continued to argue good-naturedly about the comparative benefits of tub whipped cream versus aerosol whipped cream, Xander studied his friend closely. There was little light in the limousine and the rain obscured the light that did make it in the vehicle, effectively creating strange patterns on Andrew’s face. Tiny ripples of blue-gray light played over his heaving face as he caught his breath.

“Sorry about that. I guess I just swallowed wrong.” Xander reluctantly removed his hand from Andrew’s back and placed it around his drink to join his other.

“So…I guess we’re ready, then. Tomb Raiders and Vulcan it is.” The two friends exchanged nervous grins before settling into the plush seats for the last few minutes of their journey. Whatever the night had in store for them, Xander and Andrew were both glad that they didn’t have to go alone.

TBC...