The Scarlet Letter

Title: The Scarlet Letter - Part 1
Author: Saturn Girl
Email: saturngirl9@hotmail.com

Summary: Angelus and Drusilla make Xander's life a living hell.

Rating: NC-17
Pairings: Angelus/Xander, Drusilla/Xander, Cordelia/Xander

Warnings: And spoil the fun? Nuh uh. Take a chance. Read dangerously.

Note: Written from Xander's POV, and / / indicates his thoughts. This story takes place during BtVS Season 2, shortly after "Killed By Death."

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/am I flying?/

"...left him on her doorstep..."

/no...I'm not flying, I'm falling/

"...will he wake up?"

/at least it feels like falling/

"Xander?"

/calling...someone calling me...sorry, Xander can't come to the phone right now, he's too busy falling.../

Thud.

Xander moaned. He felt like he'd been catapulted from a great distance and had crashed into the ground, head first. There wasn't a part of his body that didn't ache, but his head was currently leading in the "source of greatest pain" contest. This was not a contest Xander ever wanted to enter again.

"Oh! Oh! He just made a noise and did the eyelid twitch thing! Xander? Can you hear me? Open your eyes, please, open your eyes now, okay?"

"Cordy?"

His lazy lashes shook off the haze, and he opened his eyes. "Unnnh...w-what? What are you doing...in my room? Please don't tell me...we finally had sex and I was...too drunk to remember," he groaned softly.

She let out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. "Yeah, right. Pervert! You should be so lucky. In the unlikely event that you could ever convince me to sleep over in that gigantic pile of dirty laundry you insist on calling a bedroom, I'm sure you'd find some way to preserve the moment on video so you'd never forget."

Cordelia took his hand and gently placed it up to her cheek, and Xander was surprised to feel a faint wetness there, and saw that her eyes were red and swollen from recently shed tears.

"Who died?" he mumbled, his tongue still fuzzy.

"You did, almost. Welcome back."

Xander jumped a little when Oz's deadpan voice piped up from the other side of the room. Oz walked into view, and peered down at the bed. His hair was partly blue today, so Xander figured it must be Thursday. "Hey, did you see Elvis?" asked Oz.

"Huh?" Xander surveyed his surroundings, and realized he wasn't home in bed. He was in a hospital room, and the strange itch he felt on his arm was from an IV needle. He saw a tube running into his forearm from the drip bottle suspended at the side of his bed. He looked down and frowned when he saw the ugly striped hospital gown, and felt gauzy bandages wrapped around various achy parts of his body.

"Uh, sorry, no King." Xander wracked his brain for memories of how he'd gotten hurt, but his thoughts were nothing but muddied waters. Disjointed images and feelings swam through his mind, but he couldn't make sense of them.

/...strong hands crushing my wrists...someone singing...blood on my chest...and falling...I felt like I was falling.../

Xander blinked and licked his dry lips, and began to wonder if his memories should be filed into the "Things Better Left Alone" category.

"I knew Elvis wasn't really dead." Oz grinned and gestured to the open doorway. "I'm going to grab Willow and Buffy. You kids behave." He popped out, leaving Xander and Cordelia alone in the room.

"I died?" he rasped. His throat felt tight and scratchy. Nervousness and confusion were familiar feelings for Xander, but this was a situation where he really hated being Clueless Guy. He gripped her hand tightly, searching her face for a sign that Oz had been joking. "Cordy? What happened?"

"Shhh. It's all right now." She leaned against the bed and stroked his hair, her lip trembling almost imperceptibly. "You didn't die. Buffy found you, and she got you to the hospital on time."

/Buffy? Hard to remember...I was falling...and I was sticky and wet. She kept yelling at me to stay awake, but I didn't want to listen to her. I wanted to keep falling./

"I...I think I may have bled all over her porch." Xander put his hand to his neck, and felt for the bandage he instinctively knew would be there. He'd been bitten. Xander couldn't remember the circumstances, but he knew with absolute certainty what, well, actually *who* was responsible for the near-fatal wound. Who else would take the trouble to deliver his lifeless body to the Slayer's doorstep?

"Dead Boy," he whispered. He let go of Cordelia's hand, and felt his whole body clench into a fist. Nobody could stir up that queasy mix of fear and hatred in his stomach like Angelus. Xander was almost relieved that he couldn't recall everything that had happened to him. He was sickened enough as it was.

"I guess I won the Sunnydale lottery. Odds of surviving: 10 million to one."

"He'll never hurt anyone else again. Buffy promised us she'd kill him," she said, tears sliding down her face. "After what he did to you and Ms. Calendar, I wish I could trap him in a tanning bed with the lamps turned up full blast. Nobody tries to take my boyfriend away from me, nobody!"

Xander let a small smile nudge through his tension as he marveled at the genuine concern in her eyes. "Death by beauty salon, huh? I guess I'd better stay on your good side for the next few weeks. I'd hate to have you punish me with a painful leg wax or a bad home perm."

"Too late, you're already in big trouble." Cordelia stood up and wagged her finger at Xander. "Your little trip to the hospital means I'm missing Aura's annual beach party, which is only the most significant social event of the season. You owe me big time, buster." She smiled and wiped at her damp eyes.

"Wow. Taking care of my life threatening injuries falls higher on your list of priorities than hanging out with a bunch of snobby, bulimic cheerleaders. I'm touched, really," he chuckled. "I'll make it up to you, I promise."

"I'm going to hold you to that. You know, I noticed there are lots of utility closets in this hospital." Cordelia leaned in and kissed Xander lightly on the lips. He winced and shrank away from her touch.

/dead leaves...her lips tasted like decay/

Surprised by his reaction, Cordelia stepped back. "What, did I hurt you?"

/What the heck was that? Since when am I scared of smootchies with Cordy?/

"Uh, sorry...I guess I'm still a little sore." Xander patted Cordelia's arm apologetically. "Give me a couple of Tylenols and another plasma injection, and I'll be back in the closet in no time. Err, with you. Back in the closet with my extremely kissable girlfriend is what I meant to say."

"Xander!"

Willow and Buffy rushed into the room. eliaelia struggled to remain supportive and non-threatened while the two girls swept her boyfriend up in a whirlwind of tears, hugs and kisses. Armfuls of balloons, flowers and chocolates were shoved in his general direction while his best friends recounted how scared they'd been after he'd been hurt, and how grateful they were that he was going to be okay.

Xander grinned at all the attention he was receiving. "Man, if getting bit by a vampire is going to make all the hot chicks in town happy to see me, I've gotta do this more often!"

/That's right...keep it light, man. Make with the jokes, and whatever you do, don't let any of them see how freaked out you are./

"Don't you dare!" shushed Willow. With Oz in tow, she hopped up on an empty hospital bed. They sat side by side, holding hands. "Once is enough, mister. We've seen way too much of this hospital. Hey, Buffy, isn't this the room you stayed in last week?"

Last week. Last night was fuzzy, but he couldn't forget his confrontation with Angelus last week. The vampire had scared the bejesus out of Xander, but he'd stood up to him and protected the fair maiden from harm.

Buffy grimaced and shrugged her shoulders as she arranged the gifts on Xander's bedside table. "Ech. Don't remind me, Will. Bed-ridden Buffy was not a good Buffy to be. At least we know we cleared out the Der Kinderstod before Xander showed up. Leave it to me to make your hospital stay demon-free, big guy. Consider me your very own personal bodyguard until you get out of this place." Translation: I'll make sure Angel can't waltz in here and finish the job.

As he looked at Buffy, hidden memories spilled out from under the black velvet curtain in his mind. Xander could sense Angel lurking in the shadows, hidden somewhere behind the veil. As the curtain rustled, he thought he could hear singing, and faint traces of laughter. He remembered calling out Buffy's name, and a burning sensation, a pain so intense it felt like swimming in molten lava.

/Were you there? Did you see, Buffy? No...you weren't. You couldn't help me. I was all alone./

He shuddered and tried to blink the scary thoughts away. Not going to go there just yet. Xander wanted some time alone to go over his mental home movies, because he was pretty sure they were not appropriate for the general viewing audience. The curtain was going to remain closed for the time being.

Xander had a hard time keeping his emotions in check when their eyes locked. Buffy wasn't just his friend, she was his hero. He loved this wonderful, amazing girl who had saved his life on more than one occasion. Yet he was embarrassed to feel a trickle of resentment towards her, too.

Xander wouldn't be lying in this hospital bed if she hadn't released Angelus into the world. Buffy couldn't bring herself to kill her ex-lover, and now Xander and all his other victims were paying the price for her folly. He tried his best to suppress that bitter thought.

"Buffy...um, I can't remember much of anything, but Cordy told me that you saved my life." He chuckled. "Hey, what else is new, right? Anyway...thank you."

Her eyes rimmed with tears, Buffy pushed a stray lock of hair out of Xander's face, and he knew her affection for him was strong. Not the love he'd always hoped for...but he supposed it was enough. "Just returning the favor," she said, keeping the mood light. "You know, we really need to find new ways to hang, 'cause giving CPR and bringing each other to the hospital just doesn't spell fun like it used to."

"Know what spells fun in my book? Naked Twister. Less potential for fatalities," offered Xander, generating disgusted looks from the three girls in the room.

"Yet plenty of potential for bodily injury," drawled Oz. "Just ask Devon about the "right foot blue" incident. He still has scars, both emotional and physical."

"Hey, he said he got that..." Cordelia, keying off Xander's jealous look, trailed off without finishing her sentence.

A matronly nurse dressed in soft, peachy scrubs floated into the room, checking his chart and the IV drip with practiced ease. "Alexander, it's nice to see you awake and smiling. You gave all your friends here quite a scare...they haven't left the hospital all night. They also helped us track down your parents. Don't worry, they're driving home from your Aunt's place in Eureka, and they'll be here in a couple of hours." She smiled warmly and wrote a few things on his chart.

"Oh, yeah. Mom and Dad. They're going to be really excited to see me once they get the hospital bill. Think you can give me a shot or something so I can clear out of here before they show up?" he asked.

The nurse indulged him by giggling at his joke, and explained that although he was progressing nicely, she still needed to examine him. "Would you kids mind stepping outside for a moment?" Cordelia and Willow hugged him on their way out the door, but Buffy paused at Xander's bedside.

"He's going down, Xander," she whispered so the nurse couldn't hear. "No more Ms. Nice Slayer, he won't ever lay a canine on any of my friends again." She squeezed his hand.

/I wish I could believe her, but despite what he's done, she'll always love him. And that...that hurts more than anything I feel right now./

He nodded, but couldn't say anything in response. She backed out of the room. "I'll be right out here, okay? I'm not going anywhere."

The nurse drew the privacy curtains around the bed. "I'm going to check your dressings now. You have several serious incisions, and I want to make sure there's no sign of infection." She pulled the thin, white hospital blanket and sheet to his waist, and gently unfastened his hospital gown at the shoulder. He cringed a little as the adhesive tugged his skin when she pulled back the bandage at his throat. The nurse gasped.

"What? What? Gangrene? Oh god, please tell me you don't have to amputate my head!" Xander looked to the nurse for reassurance, his nervousness increasing when he saw her shocked face.

"No...I...it's gone. I don't understand. Your neck...there was a deep gash. How could it have healed so quickly?" She smoothed her fingers along his neck trying to find a wound that wasn't there.

"What?" Xander pulled one of the Mylar "Get Well Soon" balloons closer and peered at himself in the reflective surface. There was no scar. The old bandage had absorbed some of his blood, but the wound itself was now completely healed.

"Please, may I see the other one?" asked the nurse.

/Other one? Jeez, how many places did I get bit? Yuck. I don't think I want to know the answer to that question. Fangs in new places...gyah!/

The nurse seemed almost scared to look at the other bandage. Xander seconded that emotion. She pushed his hospital gown down further, and he noticed for the first time the large bandage covering his chest. It was Xander's turn to gasp when the nurse removed the dressing.

Crudely tattooed above his heart was a large, crimson "A."

=== Continued in Chapter 2 ===