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September 12, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Really enjoyed this first chapter. Seems well thought out and the writing is pretty good.
I don't think you have to worry about the meta gaming sections to be too boring. The kind of people who like to read these game-type stories are probably pretty into the whole gaming thing. At least that's the way it is for me. As long as you keep the rules consistent - and don't just start adding random bits of mechanics every other paragraph - dealing with the game-aspect of this universe adds to the story, it doesn't detract.
I don't think you have to worry about the meta gaming sections to be too boring. The kind of people who like to read these game-type stories are probably pretty into the whole gaming thing. At least that's the way it is for me. As long as you keep the rules consistent - and don't just start adding random bits of mechanics every other paragraph - dealing with the game-aspect of this universe adds to the story, it doesn't detract.
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September 12, 2015 at 12:00 AM
So, I really like the idea of this. I think having it be a text-based game is an interesting wrinkle, and I'm looking forward to where you take it. (obv, the more perversion, the better, right?)
My only criticism is re: the scene with willow and xander talking about buffy. I love willow's facial line, but it doesn't seem to fit with the shy-around-xander bit she seems to have in the other scenes. It's... jarring? to have her not want to tell X that she wants him, but to have no issues talking about him glazing buffy's face.
Not a really major issue, just something that struck me.
Anyway, much love, and good luck with the story :)
My only criticism is re: the scene with willow and xander talking about buffy. I love willow's facial line, but it doesn't seem to fit with the shy-around-xander bit she seems to have in the other scenes. It's... jarring? to have her not want to tell X that she wants him, but to have no issues talking about him glazing buffy's face.
Not a really major issue, just something that struck me.
Anyway, much love, and good luck with the story :)
schedule
September 7, 2015 at 12:00 AM
An interesting idea. I'm enjoying it so far. Haven't seen how Xander will interact with anyone other then Willow yet. And how long it'll take for Xander to gain exp, so that he can upgrade and up things.
One thing about Btvs, they didn't lack for female characters. Ms. Calendar, Joyce, Harmony, Cordettes, Marcy, Darla, Amy, those are just a few that were introduced in s1. Which was only what, 12 eps long?
Hope to read more soon. See how things turns out.
): )
One thing about Btvs, they didn't lack for female characters. Ms. Calendar, Joyce, Harmony, Cordettes, Marcy, Darla, Amy, those are just a few that were introduced in s1. Which was only what, 12 eps long?
Hope to read more soon. See how things turns out.
): )
schedule
September 7, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Good start. I'm quite enjoying this adult fan fiction video game concept, although naturally it would work better as an actual adult BtVS RPG/Novel game.
But that would also take a lot more effort to create.
Anyhow, I liked this first chapter and are looking forward to the next part.
But that would also take a lot more effort to create.
Anyhow, I liked this first chapter and are looking forward to the next part.
schedule
September 7, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Promising. I like it.
The detail is spot on, easy to picture without bogging down.
The meta-gaming is... taking some getting used to but it is working itself out.
The last line however, was evil.
I look forward to seeing what develops.
The detail is spot on, easy to picture without bogging down.
The meta-gaming is... taking some getting used to but it is working itself out.
The last line however, was evil.
I look forward to seeing what develops.
schedule
September 7, 2015 at 12:00 AM
Interesting beginning of a erotic story. I liked how Xander has no idea how to play the game and is learning as he goes.