rate_review Reviews

This was a fun chapter. You gave us a look at what Willow, Giles and Wesley are doing. Then you present what Cordy is going through. I especially liked how you went inside her head and showed us her suffering from her perspective. The final part with Buffy I thought was a problem initially because the football teem should have blabbed everything all over school but then I realized that this is probably a Friday night game. Willow, Giles and Wesley will not find out until Monday but by then it will be too late. It did seem odd that Faith would put her sex slave at risk of being arrested for public indecency by going across town naked however.
On another note I think I caught Faith's meaning in her anagram of Willow's name.

Are you going to write the Willow/Buffy school striptease chapter, or should I do it from your awesome and detailed synopsis'?
Unfortunately, I'm still attempting to finish a chapter of one of my own stories, so it'll probably be several weeks before I would finally get around to writing this Willow/Buffy school striptease chapter (and several more weeks to finish writing it).
Considering that would really hold up this series, it's probably best if you write it.

Heh. Faith sure put a lot of effort in humiliating poor Dawnie - the youngest Summers got it worse than the others!
Although Buffy and Joyce got their own share of public humiliation along with Dawn.
Making Buffy Dawn's wet nurse, and letting lil baby Dawn go on a ponyride on her own freakin' mother (in front of the whole neighbourhood!), was some really inspired stuff.
Not a big fan of scat myself, but it did make the whole thing even more twisted.

And then... lo and behold: some actual plot peeking around the corner! ;)
I'm really happy to hear that you're gonna take some time to properly plot this series 'cause I do enjoy a bit of plot with my smut.
I also liked that at least Giles was smart enough to figure out that something is very much amiss in Scooby-land.
I'm curious to see where you're taking this.

Well done.

Wow. You went further than I thought you were going to. I was not expecting to see you take it into Mental Age Regression territory. I though would just make Dawn sexual aroused by and take pleasure in being treated that way. Most people with a fetish still have a regular life outside of it after all and it could have made Dawn more useful later. Still it worked out well. It just seems to contradict the fact that Faith wanted Dawn to have to feel the compulsion to to be treated that way yet at the end she might as well have made her an infant. I guess I was sort of hoping to see AB Dawn at home and DL Dawn at school. Oh well, it is still the most well thought out chapter yet. I hope you put good detail work like this in the rest of it.

A little historical problem I noticed however. Facebook and Youtube do not exist yet, nor do cellphone cameras. This is 1999 after all.

Thanks Oric13, yeah I don't like the scat either but I thought it would make it even more disturbing, which I guess it did. The plot is being a tricky wee bugger, but I got to try haven't I.

Are you going to write the Willow/Buffy school striptease chapter, or should I do it from your awesome and detailed synopsis'? Either way is cool with me, but your plan was way better than mine so I think this is the way it is meant to be.

As for where I'm taking this? Ain't got a clue, but it's gonna be a fun ride finding out ;D

Ah, Dawnie's fate was sick and fun.

Looking forward to whatever you've got planned for the neglectful Watcher.

Just noticed to re-edited chapter. It fits together much better now. Still looking forward to the Dawn chapter.

I was not expecting that. Interesting. I can see how Xander would go along without a mental fight. I wonder how he will think when he sees Willow or Cordy though. Looking forward to the real chapter 4. I hope you have sufficient knowledge of the fetish to do it justice. It seemed like the perfect idea for Dawn. Your comment about having something delicious in mind for Tara makes me wonder if it is deliciously good or deliciously evil.

Two comment I want to make are that I think you made a mistake in this latest chapter. You have Faith pull everyone into the picture yet she never uses the "Yagsigicam" to have them all leave it. They should have all returned to the alley where this chapter started at the end of it then sent Rosie off and take Xander back to the former Summers home for his rewarded. The other thing is the bringing in of people from outside the season 3 setting. If you are not careful you could ruin the story. No mater how crazy it is the story should have some kind of internal logic to hold it together. I might be a good idea to plan out how you are going to bring other characters into the story so that in makes some sort of sense. For example Lila Morgan could be sent by Wolfram & Hart to investigate what happened to the Slayer on the Hellmouth rather than just have Faith pick her for no apparent reason.

I have a request for you. Would you post a thread for this story on the site forum to make it easier to discuss ideas.

No mater how crazy it is the story should have some kind of internal logic to hold it together. I might be a good idea to plan out how you are going to bring other characters into the story so that in makes some sort of sense. For example Lila Morgan could be sent by Wolfram & Hart to investigate what happened to the Slayer on the Hellmouth rather than just have Faith pick her for no apparent reason.
I wholeheartedly agree with this.
I know that it might seem fun to just go wild and throw Faith together with any kind of character and situation that people come up with, but if a story ceases to make any kind of sense (even a kinky smutfest such as this) then I for one quickly loose interest.

Sorry to hear about that you lost that Dawn chapter, by the way. If something like that would've happened to me, I'd be REALLY demotivated.
Not that long ago, when I was writing you a review, I wanted to look something up with GoogleSearch bar but unfortunately the Google search results appeared on the same tab where I writing the review, and when I clicked on the back button, everything I'd written was gone :(
That alone was already a huge downer.
So I don't know what I would do if I lost an entire chapter of a story... probably run around the room screaming my head off before weeping in despair :P

Ok, I've got my bud No Refund to put up a thread on the forum to discuss things.
I hadn't actually thought about the long term plot of this fic, it was meant to be a short dumb and fun thing without boundaries, but seeing as people are actually liking it (which I really am shoocked by) maybe I should actually try and put a storyline in it.
Thanks for all your encouragement, it really means alot to me guys.
xx

The thread is here --- http://www2.adultfanfiction.net/forum/index.php?showtopic=13730

((And yes, I'm fecking gutted at losing chapter 4. It may take a few days to try again.))