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May 8, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Sweet wish fulfilment. Fics don't get more satisfying than this.
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May 21, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I thought this fic was really sweet and sexy. Really enjoyed it..off to read more of your fics :)
schedule
May 10, 2003 at 12:00 AM
"Bedtime for B" is an entertaining, sweet, sexy (in CH 5),& occasionally funny story. The writing is a bit awkward in places. E.g., "She regarded with awe" seems a bit off to me, though I'm not exactly Joe Grammar. "She watched with awe" or "She regarded him with awe" seem better to me. These lapses are a small thing though b/c you seem to have a genuine gift for stories & real fondness for your characters. I enjoyed reading this one.
I have 2 very minor suggestions. 1st I think it is helpful if you are chapter-specific when you rate your work. Some people want to be reassured that a little smut is coming, & others want to be warned & want to know what chapter(s) to avoid--though presumably people in the latter category wouldn't be browsing AFF.Net. 2nd I thought the reference to her friends hearing B's "screams" as they left should maybe be rephrased. Given the group's past experiences with & their dislike for & suspicion of vampires in general & Spike specifically, they might well do a 180 & head up to B's room. The reader, too, may find that "screams" dilutes the humor & lustful of of your conclusion with a nasty little chill. I can understand why you didn't use "moans'--sexy to the reader & revolting to the gang, yes, but probably hard for them to hear clearly, even with that window open. It seems to me that something more reassuring makes your point just as well while keeping the moment purely humorous, focussed entirely on Buffy's very vocal pleasure & the gang's discomfort--something like "B's ecstatic cries" or "her sceams of delight." Anyway, congratulations on an entertaining story.
I have 2 very minor suggestions. 1st I think it is helpful if you are chapter-specific when you rate your work. Some people want to be reassured that a little smut is coming, & others want to be warned & want to know what chapter(s) to avoid--though presumably people in the latter category wouldn't be browsing AFF.Net. 2nd I thought the reference to her friends hearing B's "screams" as they left should maybe be rephrased. Given the group's past experiences with & their dislike for & suspicion of vampires in general & Spike specifically, they might well do a 180 & head up to B's room. The reader, too, may find that "screams" dilutes the humor & lustful of of your conclusion with a nasty little chill. I can understand why you didn't use "moans'--sexy to the reader & revolting to the gang, yes, but probably hard for them to hear clearly, even with that window open. It seems to me that something more reassuring makes your point just as well while keeping the moment purely humorous, focussed entirely on Buffy's very vocal pleasure & the gang's discomfort--something like "B's ecstatic cries" or "her sceams of delight." Anyway, congratulations on an entertaining story.
schedule
May 9, 2003 at 12:00 AM
The only thing wrong with this was the triple spacing. It is hard to download this story onto a PDA because all the extra blank spaces take up too much memory.
Next time PLEASE do not triple space every line when you write a story.
Next time PLEASE do not triple space every line when you write a story.